Making a Relationship "LONG TERM"

[MidwestUSA]

Slow down!

 

Women get UTIs. They're miserable. Stop making this about you. Yes, you can get them from sex, or a whole host of other reasons.

 

It you're going to text her, make sure it's to ask how she's doing.

[DancerEngineer]

Slow down!

 

Women get UTIs. They're miserable. Stop making this about you. Yes, you can get them from sex, or a whole host of other reasons.

 

It you're going to text her, make sure it's to ask how she's doing.

 

Like I said, my friend was the one who accused her of having sex. I never accused her of it.

 

 

But to give an update.

---------------

Me:"hey just reading on stuff to prepare me for my interviews coming up. You?"

 

Her:" just met with some friends who were in town, and almost went for a swim, but I decided to come home."

Her:"i need to work on the patiooo hahahaha"

 

Me:" Yeah, we need to get that done. haha You excited for tomorrow?"

Tomorrow is the first day of her dance intensive.

 

Her: "i'm nervous. I need to go get gas and wash my car before."

 

her: " and I need lighting for the patio."

 

 

---------------

 

You know what? I think I might help her with her patio.

I will help her. I'll do an amazing job, so that every time whenever someone comes over, they will ask about it, and her parents will always say, "oh yeah her friend did that!"

Then she will have to live with me being a permanent reminder of the patio. lol And if she really IS using me to be her errand boy like some of you think, then maybe she might have some guilt. So w/e... yeah... it's just w/e now...

Believe it or not, my counselor thinks that acts of service is her love language and this is how she wants to spend time with me. My counselor thinks she actually does like me and this is her way of telling me she likes me. I'm starting to feel used. So idk.

Edited June 26, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[clia]

On Thursday we got dinner and pizza, and she looked super depressed and weird. And then she said she was going to go home, and I asked if she wanted to stop by, and she said, I need to take a nap, so I said, i can join you.

Then she said the average, "IDK." This was all said in person after we walked out of the restaurant.

 

So, (I gather) she flaked on you on Wednesday, so you rewarded her behavior by taking her out on Thursday.

 

You tried to invite yourself over and she gave you the totally ambivalent "IDK."

 

And you think she is interested in you?

 

Then all the sudden I get a text from her saying,

Her:"I got a UTI! :( :("

 

You are safely in the friend zone. (No woman would be randomly sharing this information with a man who she is really interested in unless it was absolutely necessary to share.)

 

I suspect she told you this to give her a ready excuse not to have sex with you. Out of curiosity, have you had sex with her again since the first time?

 

Allll the sudden her texting just randomly stopped. Completely. For no reason. What. The. Heck. I am trying to fight the urge to text her back, and I know I shouldn't. What are your guys's thoughts as to what happened?

 

She's not interested in you. Stop chasing.

 

You know what? I think I might help her with her patio.

 

Have fun with that, errand boy.

 

I will help her. I'll do an amazing job, so that every time whenever someone comes over, they will ask about it, and her parents will always say, "oh yeah her friend did that!"

Then she will have to live with me being a permanent reminder of the patio. lol And if she really IS using me to be her errand boy like some of you think, then maybe she might have some guilt. So w/e... yeah... it's just w/e now...

 

She won't have any guilt. She'll think about how smart she was to get you to do the patio for her.

 

Believe it or not, my counselor thinks that acts of service is her love language and this is how she wants to spend time with me. My counselor thinks she actually does like me and this is her way of telling me she likes me. I'm starting to feel used. So idk.

 

You ARE being used.

 

What experience does your counselor have with relationship counseling, or even relationships/dating in general?

[JuneL]

Then she text me Friday a random video of her gecko on her bed, and I ask her to do something on the weekend following the last min suggestion advice, and she said, well i have to prepare for my dance intensive workshop which is Monday and get to her stuff done but maybe. -Which was an excuse.

 

 

Talk about SSDD...

 

Just wanted to point out that if you are so adamant about making plans with her in advance despite our unanimous advice, please at least be honest with yourself and don't spin it as "following the last min suggestion advice"...

 

I have no comments about the UTI or about your dream of building her an amazing patio.

[DancerEngineer]

So basically yesterday, I just responded to her by simply saying

Me: "Don't be nervous. You have amazing work ethics and pick up dance fast! You will do well!

And yeah we will find cool lighting for the patio. Fun stuff."

 

Sent that yesterday night, and I still have no heard a word from her today. Ever since she went on that camping trip, she lost interest in me. I don't get it.

 

So it looks like basically she just randomly abruptly just decided to stop texting me and changed her mind on me all the sudden. I guess i know who she really is now. Someone who is using me as an errand boy and who doesn't give a **** about me. Yes, I got used. Yes, I wasted my virginity on a brat. Yes, she is a brat. Yes, I learned the hard way. Yes, I messed up big.

But on the bright side, I have a job interview coming up which includes the job paying for a full security clearance for me. They always say the best form of revenge is being successful, so I hope I get this new job.

I can't believe I spent very freaking weekend training her in ballroom, taking her out, treating her like a ****ing princess, and then it all ends this way. What a brat. Hopefully i'll get this new job and move out, and then find someone who really does like me for me.

 

So what do I do now? just flat out ignore her 100 percent if she every contacts me?

Edited June 27, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[DancerEngineer]

UPDATE!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Background for anyone who doesn't' want to read the entire thread.

--------------------------------------------------------

I am a Ballroom dancer and an Engineer who is 28. This girl is 26. This girl was assigned to me, to be my partner. I spent 3 months spending every weekend training her. Then I started to develop feelings for her. We ended up kissing and making out the weekend before our dance show.

After one of our shows, we went to the beach, and I ended up fingering her on the beach. And I ****ed up and asked for a relationship. She said, she was interested in a date, but not a relationship, so I BACKED OFF.

After the shows were over, she started blowing up my phone.

We went on a date, had two 5 hour sessions in bed fingering and making out, then I lost my virginity to her. She couldn’t believe I was a virgin because of how good I was.

Saw her on Friday that week, then next Monday we got dinner. So I decided to only contact her for dates, she would never set one or would flake out on me.

Next Friday we went to a party. After I dropped her off she was being very standoffish.

This past Friday night I helped her with her Gecko cage and took her to home depot and did a lot of work for her and took her out to sushi. She was ery very touched by it. Then that night we got into a talk and she told me “lets just be friends.”

She told me she wanted to take a step back and just be friends because it was because of two incidents where a game of telephone was played and by the time the stories got to her, they were completely fake story that made me look like a FOOL!

One of the stories was when I lost her at the party, and I was asking her friends where she was. So i panicked a little, but the story she gave me was soooo completely different and FAKE. This is what happens in a game of telephone. All bad communication.

 

AND she thought me asking her out and trying to set definite dates was me pressuring her. I NEVER double texted her or anything! She said, "you were always trying to tie me down to a date and that pressured me!"

All bad communication.

 

I told her those stories her friends told her about me were false and the setting up dates was not pressure. it was so I didn't have to drop everything I was doing and completely change my plans for her. She apologized and felt stupid and said sorry for bad communication.

Then I got out of her bed to leave told her I wasn’t interested in her new terms and I was done.

She freaked the heck out!!!! She got up and ripped my clothes off telling me don’t leave me don't leave me, pulled me on her bed and was hugging me sooo tightly telling me how much i meant to her and to not leave, Then I got up, and told her I can't do this just friends thing, and got out of her bed and started putting on my shoes. Then she jumped out of bed. Put on a candle, and pushed me to the ground and we had sex.

 

Then right before I got in my car to leave, I said “I’m not interested in just staying friends and ONLY CONTACT ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ME OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE.” She looked like she was about to CRY! I know she ran into her house and started balling her eyes out.

 

When I was driving home she was blowing up my phone and obviously crying. She said stuff like, "Thanks for being the sweetest guy on earth to me." sends me all these sad face emoji cons.

 

She kept texting me all day Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I didn’t reply back because it was so early that she was texting me back and I didn't feel replying to her non sense text was her taking me out of the friend zone. The text she was sending me were just random pics of her, what she was doing though out the day, telling me her gecko says hi, just non sense. That is why I didn't think I should have answered. I thought she was in denial and wanted to pressure me to stay as a friend. IDK!

 

Then Monday night she sent me a text that said,

”I'm deleteing your number, so if you want to talk, you will have to text me.” I sent her a follow up text saying "maybe I didn't make myself clear, you need to stop contacting me you want to friend zone me, and contact me if you want to go out, or talk it out, and told her I really do care about her and I would love to see her!.. She hasn’t contacted me since….....

------------------------------------

 

Maybe her reaching out right after she left was her way of telling me, I don't want to lose you so i will take out out of the friend zone. If that's true, i messed up ignoring her text. But it was so soon, I was thinking she was in denial and only wanted to be friends. But after the way she acted when i left her house and was blowing up my phone non stop, NO ONE DOES THAT STUFF UNLESS THEY HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE!

 

Or Maybe it was good I was staying firm and no contacting her, and good that I sent her a follow up text reminding her to not contact me unless she wanted to take me out of the friend zone, and maybe she might come around in a week or something. IDK

 

So I have two options. Wait till she reaches out to me, assuming she didn't delete my number, and make a date when she reaches out to me.

 

Or contact her next week and ask her to talk and ask her what she wants from me.

 

IDK WTF to do. But I can guarantee by the way she acted to me saying I'm done being friends, she freaked the **** out. One one acts that way and blows up my phone allll effing day 3 days after I walked off on her and told her I can't just be friends speech.

So idk what to do....

[Bastile]

She wasn't a girlfriend from the start. Nowhere near the required material. I told you that from page one.

 

And how many other women have you tried it on with since that time?

 

If the answer is zero, then the problem is actually you - not her.

 

Look inward to seek the answers. Women are our mirror, and reflect what you project.

[DancerEngineer]

She wasn't a girlfriend from the start. Nowhere near the required material. I told you that from page one.

 

And how many other women have you tried it on with since that time?

 

If the answer is zero, then the problem is actually you - not her.

 

Look inward to seek the answers. Women are our mirror, and reflect what you project.

I never said she was a girlfriend ever. We only dated.

Not sure what point you are trying to make?

 

How many women have I done no contact with? 3 they all came back after a month or so and wanted something but I got over all of them by the time they came back.

You mean my anxiety is the issue? hu?

[clia]

She's blowing up your phone because she doesn't want to lose her errand boy and doesn't want to lose the attention you give her.

 

She told you flat out she just wants to be friends.

 

Delete her number and move on.

[Kellens]

Hi DanceEngineer,

 

I've read your whole thread. I know the thought of letting this girl go is hard, you lost your virginity to her and she has acted like she was really into you at some points. I think she likes having you around as an option but if she met another guy that she really liked, she would drop you in a minute.

 

I know you said that she was crying and upset when you left her but I think she got attached to having someone to talk to every day who treated her very well. She's probably scared to let you go because she knows that you are a catch but she just isn't into you like that. I don't really understand why she would have sex with you if she didn't really want you but every woman is different.

 

I'm sorry, I know you have put a lot into her and you will remember her forever because she is the first person you had sex with, but there is definitely somebody much better out there for you. I get very anxious when I'm dating somebody and I'm not sure exactly where I stand so I can understand your emotions and responses to her. Try to get out and meet someone new when you're ready or just work on yourself for a while. Best of luck to you

[DancerEngineer]

Hi DanceEngineer,

 

I've read your whole thread. I know the thought of letting this girl go is hard, you lost your virginity to her and she has acted like she was really into you at some points. I think she likes having you around as an option but if she met another guy that she really liked, she would drop you in a minute.

 

I know you said that she was crying and upset when you left her but I think she got attached to having someone to talk to every day who treated her very well. She's probably scared to let you go because she knows that you are a catch but she just isn't into you like that. I don't really understand why she would have sex with you if she didn't really want you but every woman is different.

 

I'm sorry, I know you have put a lot into her and you will remember her forever because she is the first person you had sex with, but there is definitely somebody much better out there for you. I get very anxious when I'm dating somebody and I'm not sure exactly where I stand so I can understand your emotions and responses to her. Try to get out and meet someone new when you're ready or just work on yourself for a while. Best of luck to you

 

idk why she would have had sex with me either. I'm not convinced she didn't have love for me. I know she had romantic interest. She FLAT OUT told me after we had sex,"i love you", and she said she ONLY told 2 other guys that in her life. Then she stopped having sex after she got those false stories from her friends and miss communication happened. And on that night when we had the talk when i got out of her bed, she pulled me back in her bed and hugged me so tight telling me over and over, "don't leave please don't leave!"

Then i got out of her bed, and put my shoes on and put my shirt on and she panicked and was about to start crying, and she got out of her bed, put on a candle and turned off all the lights and stripped all my clothes off me, and pushed me on the floor and we had sex.

Then the next days were her BLOWING UP my phone RIGHT AFTER I told her to ONLY CONTACT ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ME OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE! I didn't try and make a date with her when she was reaching out to me because I was afraid her text were only telling me she just wanted to keep me in the friend zone, so after she sent that text telling me she was going to delete my number and i have to text her to talk, I sent her a text basically saying,"maybe i didn't make myself clear, but I only see you as a friend. I care about you blah blah blah. Contact me if you want to take me out of the friend zone only."

And I sent that text Monday night. I have yet to hear from her. No text. Nothing.

[DancerEngineer]

Hi DanceEngineer,

 

I'm sorry, I know you have put a lot into her and you will remember her forever because she is the first person you had sex with, but there is definitely somebody much better out there for you. I get very anxious when I'm dating somebody and I'm not sure exactly where I stand so I can understand your emotions and responses to her. Try to get out and meet someone new when you're ready or just work on yourself for a while. Best of luck to you

 

Actually after all the **** and errands I did for her, she will have a permanent reminder of me for a very long time. Every time she watches TV, she will remember I set up her TV stand. Every time she looks at her gecko cage, she will remember I installed and made the doors to the cage for her.

OMG, There is so much. And the funny thing is. I gave her flowers 2 months ago after our performance and wrote her a card thanking her for being my partner, she sill had those flowers all dried up in a vase that she wont touch. She wont throw them away for some reason. I don't get it.

 

And yeah, today was the hardest since. I cried A LOT today because I am coming to the realization that it is really over with her. I love and miss her. ****! :( :(

[DancerEngineer]

On the bright side, I had a telephone interview with a company called Raytheon last week. They left me a voice mail telling me they want an in person interview with me now. If I get the job offer, they will pay for my top security clearance, and it will be a HUGE JUMP FORWARD in my career. So maybe I need a change.

 

Thanks everyone for listening. You are all great.

[Bastile]

Not sure what point you are trying to make?

 

Become a better judge of character. Be more discriminating going forward.

[DancerEngineer]

Become a better judge of character. Be more discriminating going forward.

 

Its weird that you say that. Everyone around me was telling me she liked me long before I had deep feelings for her and realized that she probably did like me. But my anxiety and OCD ****ed everything up!

I'm just hoping she is on the same page as I am and my text and words were conveyed strong.

There are 4 possibilities here and only 1 of them involves she was using me....great....

 

1) If her contacting me right after I left her house after I told her I wasn't going to contact her anymore because I wasn't interested in the friend zone was because she ACTUALLY changed her mind and she wanted me to ask her out, Then I ****ed up and lost that opportunity.

 

2) She isn't on the same page as me and thinks I don't want to talk to her no matter what.

 

3) She will contact me down the road once she comes to see the light and realizes she does love me.

 

4) She will never contact me and that will tell me I was just her stupid errand boy the entire time.

 

 

idk if I should send her a text and ask her why she was contacting me after I flat out told her Friday night I wasn't interested in being in the friend zone and don't contact me unless you change your mind.

Because her contacting me after I told her not could have been because she realized right after I left she loves me, or she simply didn't want to lose her errand boy. idk....

[DancerEngineer]

Invite her to sit down and talk it over after some times has passed so she has had enough time to gather her thoughts? And then if she tells me she only wants friends, then never look back and delete her number?

 

I sure hope she didn't delete my number. My friends are telling me she didn't delete my number and she only said she was going to delete my number to play me.

[DancerEngineer]

I also sent this story to Coach Corey Wayne. I hope he answers it because this is a very unique case. normally after a girl gives the lets be friends speech and the guy says don't contact me unless you change your mind, the girl wont contact the guy until at LEAST 2 weeks or something has passed, but this was instantaneously. So I hope he reads it and makes a video on it. Because this entire relationship is one of a kind. i can't find any material on anything like this.

[DancerEngineer]

I am completely shocked.

 

After sending her that FIRM message to ONLY contacting me if she changed her mind on Monday night, SHE JUST TEXT ME!

 

Her: "the book you got me has been really great."

Me:"i'm glad i got the book for you then! I'll contact you tomorrow, its getting late and I'm a little tied up. Nite"

Her: "Thanks for getting it for me! Goodnight!"

 

I need time to go through Coach Corey Waynes book and videos before I decide what to say. But I will probably be asking her out on a date, and if she says no, then i'll say, "well then stop contacting me. i'm not interested in being in your friend zone."

 

I'm going through Coach Corey Waynes videos trying to think of all the possibilities of what she may say and how I should contact her back tomorrow.

Any thoughts?

Edited July 6, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[Sweetfish]

I am completely shocked.

 

After sending her that FIRM message to ONLY contacting me if she changed her mind on Monday night, SHE JUST TEXT ME!

 

Her: "the book you got me has been really great."

Me:"i'm glad i got the book for you then! I'll contact you tomorrow, its getting late and I'm a little tied up. Nite"

Her: "Thanks for getting it for me! Goodnight!"

 

I need time to go through Coach Corey Waynes book and videos before I decide what to say. But I will probably be asking her out on a date, and if she says no, then i'll say, "well then stop contacting me. i'm not interested in being in your friend zone."

 

I'm going through Coach Corey Waynes videos trying to think of all the possibilities of what she may say and how I should contact her back tomorrow.

Any thoughts?

 

Holy crap :lmao: You deserve what ever is coming your way. Keep blowing off your money on crap. How about being your true self and stop manipulating this girl into having feelings for you by mimicking what a book tells you. One thing is reading books to find flaws in one self and hammer out these flaws over time.. another is to use a book to filter out your true self and (cut and edit) just to obtain a relationship... that is just wrong.

 

You are not being genuine to her nor to your self. If someone cannot be with you without the aid of books and videos your relationship is doomed doomed doomed...

[DancerEngineer]

Holy crap :lmao: You deserve what ever is coming your way. Keep blowing off your money on crap. How about being your true self and stop manipulating this girl into having feelings for you by mimicking what a book tells you. One thing is reading books to find flaws in one self and hammer out these flaws over time.. another is to use a book to filter out your true self and (cut and edit) just to obtain a relationship... that is just wrong.

 

You are not being genuine to her nor to your self. If someone cannot be with you without the aid of books and videos your relationship is doomed doomed doomed...

 

That's really rude to accuse me of that. Coach Corey Wayne has really good advice on relationships. He isn't a master of pick up artist. I am reviewing his work to help prepare me so I don't **** up like always. I think it would be smart to review his work so I can avoid saying or doing something STUPID! This goes for ALL RELATIONSHIPS IN LIFE!

There is no manipulation here. If you have been reading this post, you would have seen where I said my biggest issue is my anxiety and OCD brain that messes everything up. Don't accuse me of stuff like that. That is very rude. I care very much about this girl.

And perhaps some people have different backgrounds and need books to help them with ALL relationships in life. Not everyone is an expert. That is why these books were written.

Edited July 6, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[Sweetfish]

That's really rude to accuse me of that. Coach Corey Wayne has really good advice on relationships. He isn't a master of pick up artist. I am reviewing his work to help prepare me so I don't **** up like always. I think it would be smart to review his work so I can avoid saying or doing something STUPID! This goes for ALL RELATIONSHIPS IN LIFE!

There is no manipulation here. If you have been reading this post, you would have seen where I said my biggest issue is my anxiety and OCD brain that messes everything up. Don't accuse me of stuff like that. That is very rude. I care very much about this girl.

And perhaps some people have different backgrounds and need books to help them with ALL relationships in life. Not everyone is an expert. That is why these books were written.

 

 

No one is an expert... but would you like it if you got on a plane and the pilot was reading how to land an airplane before you boarded. That's why you learn to fly little planes first and work your way up and than fly the big boys. Maybe if you tell her you have OCD and anxiety maybe things will go a lot easier for you or maybe she will dump you. But using a book to filter out your true self is manipulation. You cant hide anxiety so this is a case of the old bait and switch.

 

I have seen and watch Coach Corey and one thing I know for sure is he will not approve of you constantly telling this chick not to friend zone. You are showing no confidence... but more of a child that is not getting his way.

 

Have you even consider she may have a fear of getting close to you? that this is not the typical chase? She may have anxiety her self or prior relationship issues.

 

Get the sex.

Stop the errands.

Hang-out.

Close your mouth.

Have a good times.

 

never seen a guy getting laid and whine so much..

 

Doesn't take an expert. If she doesn't want to be your girlfriend tough.. it is you that gets bent outta shape when you get the vagina and she will not call you boyfriend. This is "don't bang a virgin 101" I would not feel in any way please that I had to use books, videos, torture tactics, play the slaughtering of animals over a loud speaker just to get this girl to say were bf and gf.

 

Its not being rude... its speaking the truth. If the truth hurts..public forums are not the place for you.. coach Corey will gladly take your money and tell you sweet nothings in your ears.

[DancerEngineer]

No one is an expert... but would you like it if you got on a plane and the pilot was reading how to land an airplane before you boarded. That's why you learn to fly little planes first and work your way up and than fly the big boys. Maybe if you tell her you have OCD and anxiety maybe things will go a lot easier for you or maybe she will dump you.

 

 

Ummm you rather me not read help books and just screw up more? That is like telling me to stop seeing this girl until I have mastered all skills. That's like someone who cant get a job because they don't have enough experience, infinite loop.

And you you are being rude. I did tell her I had OCD and anxiety the night we had the talk. Stop being rude, and Coach Corey Wayne flat out says you should tell a girl you are NOT interested in her new terms. I trust his judgement. You don't have to.

[DancerEngineer]

So I think the most important thing I need to figure out is how to avoid her asking me out on these errands. How do I turn her down for errands? I know when I ask her out she will give an excuse and then ask me out for some errands or dinner, and just walk off so she has all the control of all the dates. But what is a smart way to tell her no to errands because I am completely done with her errands till she proves to me she wants something serious with me.

[Bastile]

So I think the most important thing I need to figure out is how to avoid her asking me out on these errands. How do I turn her down for errands? I know when I ask her out she will give an excuse and then ask me out for some errands or dinner, and just walk off so she has all the control of all the dates. But what is a smart way to tell her no to errands because I am completely done with her errands till she proves to me she wants something serious with me.

 

Mate, it's getting frustrating to watch. I think that's why you are getting less replies than you were.

 

You haven't actually done a single thing differently than when you started the thread, something like 30 pages back. It's been more about you venting anxieties, than any sort of real pragmatism.

 

The whole point of dating is to treat it as a self-improvement process. Instead, you are clinging to this one woman, and clinging to "Coach Corey Wayne". Basically sticking to a comfort zone which clearly is extremely limiting.

 

Name some improvements that you've made since opening this thread. And if there haven't been any, why not?

 

Fact is that you are basing your entire game around this one daft girl. One silly girl who is typically fickle.

 

Your current frame is "how can I best please her?". Which is subservient.

 

You should be a man on his way to great things (if not, again, why not?). She comes along for the ride, or she gets left behind. Ultimately, that should be the basis of your frame.

 

This particular woman is not your girlfriend. She never should be, either.

 

Put that into your eyeballs.

 

You've got feels, because she is the only woman that you've ever put your pee-pee in. She is low-quality in everything else that you've said about her.

 

If you dated more women, you'd have the experience to know better. Use this girl as a platform to build off of. She's a laugh, and she's mental with her iguana and drug taking, or whatever else. But you keep plowing forward regardless.

[TheFinalWord]

Then I started using the rules of "Coach Corey Wayne" and then started walking away and giving her space. Then a miracle happened(3 weeks ago). She came running back like a maniac and blowing up my phone with text and ****.

 

Did you read his e-book 17847837 times?

 

You are a pupil of all knowing Wayne, but admitted to the girl you were a virgin?

 

Joking aside, from what I have read here, using these tactics to emotionally manipulate a woman into liking you (negging, ignoring, etc.), eventually backfires. I think even Wayne would say to get out of this mess.

Edited July 6, 2017 by TheFinalWord