Making a Relationship "LONG TERM"

[DancerEngineer]

how about when I talk to her next, i'll say this,

"ok lets make a time for me tot help you finish your studio, and then lets make a time to let me take you out."

 

i already told her I would help her with her studio, so i kinda have to now.

But I just need to get to the point where I tell her that. Not sure how to approach it.

[JuneL]

how about when I talk to her next, i'll say this,

"ok lets make a time for me tot help you finish your studio, and then lets make a time to let me take you out."

 

i already told her I would help her with her studio, so i kinda have to now.

But I just need to get to the point where I tell her that. Not sure how to approach it.

 

Didn't you just have this vague plan that you'll help her out when you go to her place next time? I wouldn't go to her place until she answers my text regarding the beach date.

[JuneL]

Didn't you just have this vague plan that you'll help her out when you go to her place next time? I wouldn't go to her place until she answers my text regarding the beach date.

 

Just do what she's been doing to you: act as if you haven't made that vague agreement.

[DancerEngineer]

Ok I need to say something to her as I am getting home from work soon.

 

"how about this. I'll help you get your stuff set up, and then after, lets make a date to celebrate your patio set up and my career change."

[JuneL]

Just do what she's been doing to you: act as if you haven't made that vague agreement.

 

Or, you can call her impulsively (again, do what she's been doing to you) after work, and say that you're heading to dinner with friends at 7.30pm, and have about 30 mins to spare and can swing by to help her out with the studio.

[JuneL]

Ok I need to say something to her as I am getting home from work soon.

 

"how about this. I'll help you get your stuff set up, and then after, lets make a date to celebrate your patio set up and my career change."

 

NO, SHE WILL IGNORE YOUR SECOND PART, AS USUAL.

 

There is no substance in her last text that warrants an answer!

[DancerEngineer]

NO, SHE WILL IGNORE YOUR SECOND PART, AS USUAL.

 

There is no substance in her last text that warrants an answer!

 

Then what do I say to her? I have no idea what on earth to do!

[DancerEngineer]

Or i could simply say, "That could work for the Gecko, but lets talk about it next time we hang. When are you free?"

[DancerEngineer]

So update. She called me from her house phone because I ignored her text and I think she called me because she wanted to see if i was ignoring her nor not. I just stepped in and got her missed calls and was like WTF.

 

Then she just randomly started talking to me about all her **** she has to do and stuff. And I heard her mom say in the back ground, "when are we going to go kayaking?"

Me:"yeah that sounds fun, we should go kayaking."

Then her mom said in the background, "doesn't he want to come over and see his niece?"

Me:"...why am I the geckos uncle? I'm not interested in being the geckos uncle. That's weird why am i being called the geckos uncle?"

Her:"idk.. I didn't say that, my mom said that."

She quickly changed the subject.

Me: "What are you doing this week? "

Her:"i'm hanging with my friend tonight and seeing my mentor tomorrow"

Me: "so are you coming to swing with me tomorrow?"

Her: "Yeah I should be able to come."

Me: "Ok great! i'll pick you up at 6! don't worry about the money if that is what you are worried about. I'm covering you."

 

Her:"Oh yeah, i wasn't thinking about money I knew you were going to cover me. it's cool. we will find out if I like swing or not."

me: "so then I guess you want to finish up the patio, i'll stop by Friday after work. Ok?"

She agreed.

Me: "ok so i have to go and I have things to do, but I'll see you tomorrow at 6. "

Her: "yeah..I don't see why I cant come but i'm pretty positive I can come. yeah. "

 

In conclusion: We got to the agreement that I am picking her up tomorrow at 6 to take her to swing and I am dropping by her place at Friday to help her with her stuff.

 

Only issue is that she said we will play Friday by ear since I get off late and she doesn't' want to be working in the dark. So i guess that is true. But I will not be a ****ing uncle. I am the dad or I am out.

I'll take it from there. And I told her in words, "I am no interested in being your gecko's uncle. That is weird." I hope that got to her head.

 

Sounds like good move in the right direction. Hope things work good from here.

Seems like the mom wanted me to stop by and see her.

 

Thanks guys!!!!!!!

 

Update: I just randomly get a random text from her that says,

"oh i was also really good at coding and stuff when I was young. i could have been a programmer. haha"

Then about 30 mins later she calls me. I never picked up or texted back yet because i am busy, WHICH IS THE TRUTH!

So I am assuming she just randomly text me that randomness to keep my attention. Which I have learned I shouldn't text her back till tonight because I am busy at the moment, and if she wants my time, she needs to plan dates with me.

I really hope she doesn't cancel on me tomorrow and she ends up coming to my swing class.

Edited June 15, 2017 by DancerEngineer

[clia]

I kinda brought this up with her a little in the car, and she kinda said, "well you don't have much going on after work?"

I don't remember the conversation. But i ended it and told her I was simply happy to spend time with her. I think she was PMSing. Yes, i am tracking her period on an android application.

 

This is so creepy.

 

Anyway, it's clear you are going to plow forward and do what you want to do, regardless of any advice offered here, so best of luck.

 

I think it's a mistake to help her with her studio on Friday night, but you do you. You can see in her comment I quoted above that she knows you have nothing else going on. The whole mystery/scarcity thing that Corey Wayne talks about? You are not doing it.

 

Also, just because someone sends you a text doesn't mean you have to respond. Stop responding when she sends you nonsense texts.

[JuneL]

This is so creepy.

 

Anyway, it's clear you are going to plow forward and do what you want to do, regardless of any advice offered here, so best of luck.

 

I think it's a mistake to help her with her studio on Friday night, but you do you. You can see in her comment I quoted above that she knows you have nothing else going on. The whole mystery/scarcity thing that Corey Wayne talks about? You are not doing it.

 

Also, just because someone sends you a text doesn't mean you have to respond. Stop responding when she sends you nonsense texts.

 

Clia: Omg, you beat me to it again!! I couldn't agree with EVERYTHING in this quote.

 

p.s. I'm trying to understand what tracking someone's period on an app even means.

[JuneL]

 

Update: I just randomly get a random text from her that says,

"oh i was also really good at coding and stuff when I was young. i could have been a programmer. haha"

Then about 30 mins later she calls me. I never picked up or texted back yet because i am busy, WHICH IS THE TRUTH!

So I am assuming she just randomly text me that randomness to keep my attention. Which I have learned I shouldn't text her back till tonight because I am busy at the moment, and if she wants my time, she needs to plan dates with me.

I really hope she doesn't cancel on me tomorrow and she ends up coming to my swing class.

 

If she cancels on you, then you just flake out on her studio thing — we have all strongly advised you against this studio thingy to begin with. She lives with her parents, right? Can't they help her??

 

I also don't understand why you're so serious about responding to her random texts that are without any substance. If you want to ask her out, pick up the phone and say assertively and confidently; if she's not sure about her schedule, then just make other plans (at least tell her so).

 

You know what, I think you should plan one last date with her (or you can do this after the swing class, assuming she doesn't flake). Tell her straight on the date that you've spent enough time getting to know each other already, and that you want to be official boyfriend and girlfriend. Tell her you'll be busy with your new job and you will start dating again if she declines to be your girlfriend. In other words, you won't have time to entertain her nonsense anymore and certainly won't have time to be her handyman, unless she's your girlfriend (in that case, she gets the priority). If she's giving you excuses or being vague, tell her you'll give her space and only contact you when she's ready to be your official girlfriend.

[JuneL]

Clia: Omg, you beat me to it again!! I couldn't agree with EVERYTHING in this quote.

 

p.s. I'm trying to understand what tracking someone's period on an app even means.

 

Oops, I meant: I couldn't agree MORE with everything you said, Clia.

[JuneL]

If she cancels on you, then you just flake out on her studio thing — we have all strongly advised you against this studio thingy to begin with. She lives with her parents, right? Can't they help her??

 

I also don't understand why you're so serious about responding to her random texts that are without any substance. If you want to ask her out, pick up the phone and say assertively and confidently; if she's not sure about her schedule, then just make other plans (at least tell her so).

 

You know what, I think you should plan one last date with her (or you can do this after the swing class, assuming she doesn't flake). Tell her straight on the date that you've spent enough time getting to know each other already, and that you want to be official boyfriend and girlfriend. Tell her you'll be busy with your new job and you will start dating again if she declines to be your girlfriend. In other words, you won't have time to entertain her nonsense anymore and certainly won't have time to be her handyman, unless she's your girlfriend (in that case, she gets the priority). If she's giving you excuses or being vague, tell her you'll give her space and only contact you when she's ready to be your official girlfriend.

 

Actually I think you should do this talk on Thur after the swing class, so you can avoid being a handyman when you're still her orbiter. In case she cancels on you on Thur, you can cancel back on her on Fri. Either way, you won't be her handyman while you're not the boyfriend.

[JuneL]

Actually I think you should do this talk on Thur after the swing class, so you can avoid being a handyman when you're still her orbiter. In case she cancels on you on Thur, you can cancel back on her on Fri. Either way, you won't be her handyman while you're not the boyfriend.

 

Let me preempt you again: You're going to say CW teaches that you should wait forever until the woman brings up exclusivity. What if she NEVER brings up? Are you happy being her handyman and orbiter FOREVER, or at least until she has a boyfriend and drops you like a hot potato?

[Versacehottie]

Actually I think you should do this talk on Thur after the swing class, so you can avoid being a handyman when you're still her orbiter. In case she cancels on you on Thur, you can cancel back on her on Fri. Either way, you won't be her handyman while you're not the boyfriend.

 

You mean IF he ends up going with her (on Thursday or seeing her Friday). Both of her answers for those requests were "maybes" not strong yea's. I know Dancer heard what he wanted to hear. But she is a crafty one. Each answer was a vague and conditional yes/maybe--there is an implied "if nothing else comes up". Was interesting that he recounted the conversation word for word because it finally backed up what we have all been saying. I don't think she is that into you under current conditions--mainly because OP jumps when she yelps. She doesn't seem excited about any of it and is definitely jerking him around. When you think that his offer to "help" her on Friday gets a "maybe" unless something better comes up it's an absolute joke.

[clia]

You mean IF he ends up going with her (on Thursday or seeing her Friday). Both of her answers for those requests were "maybes" not strong yea's. I know Dancer heard what he wanted to hear. But she is a crafty one. Each answer was a vague and conditional yes/maybe--there is an implied "if nothing else comes up". Was interesting that he recounted the conversation word for word because it finally backed up what we have all been saying. I don't think she is that into you under current conditions--mainly because OP jumps when she yelps. She doesn't seem excited about any of it and is definitely jerking him around. When you think that his offer to "help" her on Friday gets a "maybe" unless something better comes up it's an absolute joke.

 

I also enjoyed the part where she knew he would pay for her swing dancing, so the cost wasn't even a concern.

[JuneL]

I also have a hard time understanding why this woman ends up being a "loser" (the OP's word), considering how skillful she manages to manipulate the OP and use him to the greatest extent.

[JuneL]

Dancer heard what he wanted to hear.

 

Indeed, OP's first post has omitted some really important details. With more information being unraveled over the past few days, I think we've more or less reached the following dynamic consensus accordingly (though they are all related):

 

first, be less passive/more macho --> next, set firm boundaries/don't act desperate --> finally, THIS WOMAN IS NO PRIZE!!!

[Versacehottie]

I also enjoyed the part where she knew he would pay for her swing dancing, so the cost wasn't even a concern.

 

Yeah I forgot that one. User.

[Versacehottie]

I also have a hard time understanding why this woman ends up being a "loser" (the OP's word), considering how skillful she manages to manipulate the OP and use him to the greatest extent.

 

true, I missed that. She is definitely skilled. When I am looking how she is presenting HERSELF toward him, it's obvious she is lukewarm & manipulating, doesn't respect him, knows he will jump. When she runs into a guy she is really into, she wouldn't act as she has been and would present a much better version of herself.

 

Am I the only one who finds it weird that the spending the night happened in front of the parents? one out of the two nights. Or maybe I misunderstood. I think i didn't because then the mom started making gecko dad comments (which were promptly and rudely shut down by the girl he just spent the night with in front of her parents). Idk, maybe her mom (or both parents) have seen this behavior from her before. I kind of find it shocking that she would emerge from her bedroom with some guy in front of her parents as if it was no big deal. And then disrespect the guy in an already awkward situation by demoting him to uncle as way of explanation to who he was with the mom. Weird!

[JuneL]

true, I missed that. She is definitely skilled. When I am looking how she is presenting HERSELF toward him, it's obvious she is lukewarm & manipulating, doesn't respect him, knows he will jump. When she runs into a guy she is really into, she wouldn't act as she has been and would present a much better version of herself.

 

Am I the only one who finds it weird that the spending the night happened in front of the parents? one out of the two nights. Or maybe I misunderstood. I think i didn't because then the mom started making gecko dad comments (which were promptly and rudely shut down by the girl he just spent the night with in front of her parents). Idk, maybe her mom (or both parents) have seen this behavior from her before. I kind of find it shocking that she would emerge from her bedroom with some guy in front of her parents as if it was no big deal. And then disrespect the guy in an already awkward situation by demoting him to uncle as way of explanation to who he was with the mom. Weird!

 

I think he had to move to the guest room that night after cleaning his niece's cage. OP: Is it correct that the actual sex all took place in the hotel room? How about those two sessions of 5-hour cuddling/sexual touch (before that night in the hotel) you mentioned? Did those happen in her parents house?

[JuneL]

Yeah I forgot that one. User.

 

What kind if a person would "invite" someone to dinner knowing fully she can't even pay for herself? OP is not just a free handyman, but an ATM to her. OP: Does she ever express how bad she feels for you to cover her cost all the time?

[DancerEngineer]

This is so creepy.

 

Anyway, it's clear you are going to plow forward and do what you want to do, regardless of any advice offered here, so best of luck.

 

I think it's a mistake to help her with her studio on Friday night, but you do you. You can see in her comment I quoted above that she knows you have nothing else going on. The whole mystery/scarcity thing that Corey Wayne talks about? You are not doing it.

 

Also, just because someone sends you a text doesn't mean you have to respond. Stop responding when she sends you nonsense texts.

 

What? lol its smart. So I can see her emotions and it helps me unerstand why she acts due to emotions.

Like I said in my last text. I never responded to any of her text. I let it sit and didn't answer her call till i went to bed and simply said good night. Ignored everything she said after I made the date for today, and got off the phone. Then she sent me a bunch of hearts after my good night text. I haven't spoken to her since.

 

 

 

Clia: Omg, you beat me to it again!! I couldn't agree with EVERYTHING in this quote.

 

p.s. I'm trying to understand what tracking someone's period on an app even means.

 

See above.

[DancerEngineer]

I also have a hard time understanding why this woman ends up being a "loser" (the OP's word), considering how skillful she manages to manipulate the OP and use him to the greatest extent.

 

I don't consider herself a loser. I think I might have said I got that vibe from her when I very first met her.....