BeatrixRuns Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 If you're in NC after being dumped, and the dumper reaches out to tell you they love you, know you want nothing to do with them, take full responsibility for ruining "a perfect thing", regret not expressing their full feelings toward you during the relationship, and say they wish things could be different, BUT do not specifically mention reconciliation, should you respond? Is this just a breadcrumb, guilt, or actually putting out feelers for a second chance? Or, should NC remain in effect for your own coping? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 If you're in NC after being dumped, and the dumper reaches out to tell you they love you, know you want nothing to do with them, take full responsibility for ruining "a perfect thing", regret not expressing their full feelings toward you during the relationship, and say they wish things could be different, BUT do not specifically mention reconciliation, should you respond? Is this just a breadcrumb, guilt, or actually putting out feelers for a second chance? Or, should NC remain in effect for your own coping? Thanks. It's putting out feelers for a second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Looks like an attempt to ease a guilty conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
Altair0770 Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Yeah... that's a bit more than just typical breadcrumbs. I'd say feelers for a second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Rivermind Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Do you want to have another go at it? Or do you want to move on? How much time has passed? I'd hear the person out if you want to have another go, but take it slow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeatrixRuns Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 Thank you all for the replies. Do you want to have another go at it? Or do you want to move on? How much time has passed? I'd hear the person out if you want to have another go, but take it slow. It's been a few weeks since the breakup. I had put my career on hold due to aspects of the relationship. Once that ended, I took some pretty significant, immediate steps to move on, at least, literally: I took a promotion that's moving me about 100 miles away (about 90 minutes drive). This move is something we had both been wanting to do at one time. That being said, I'd sincerely like to try again in the not too distant future once a little time has passed and I'm in less shock...if they're actually open to it. This is someone I was going to marry. Any suggestions on how I respond if I'm open to it, but just not right now? Is this an in-person thing, or email? Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 First question. Why did they ruin a perfect thing? Was there someone else involved?And before you say no be very sure. What is it to keep them from doing it again? If everything was great and they still left what's to keep them from doing it again? How did they break up with you? Was it sudden or drawn out? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Thank you all for the replies. It's been a few weeks since the breakup. I had put my career on hold due to aspects of the relationship. Once that ended, I took some pretty significant, immediate steps to move on, at least, literally: I took a promotion that's moving me about 100 miles away (about 90 minutes drive). This move is something we had both been wanting to do at one time. That being said, I'd sincerely like to try again in the not too distant future once a little time has passed and I'm in less shock...if they're actually open to it. This is someone I was going to marry. Any suggestions on how I respond if I'm open to it, but just not right now? Is this an in-person thing, or email? You need to really see if they are truly reaching out for possible reconciliation. Because some people are just trying to absolve their guilt. See if they're willing to have a conversation about it and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeatrixRuns Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 (edited) First question. Why did they ruin a perfect thing? Was there someone else involved?And before you say no be very sure. What is it to keep them from doing it again? If everything was great and they still left what's to keep them from doing it again? How did they break up with you? Was it sudden or drawn out? There's no one else. She has a child from a previous marriage. He still resents her for leaving his father years ago. He told her that he doesn't like me and that it was him or me. That caused a lot of strain on the relationship and she stuck it out for a few months until he forced the issue and she left with him. She wants her child with her as long as she can have him (about another year before he moves off): that I can understand. She wishes she'd treated me with more affection and appreciation during that period. Before that happened, she'd never been happier and she wishes there was a away we could be like that again. Me, too. Edited June 8, 2017 by BeatrixRuns Link to post Share on other sites
GianKal Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 This is your chance if you want your ex back! I wish I was as lucky as you.. It is for sure an attempt for second chance, but make it a little bit difficult for you ex to have you back otherwise they will leave again. Show some interest but play it a little hard to get. Make them work for it! And take it slowly. Make it look like as if you start from the beginning. Hope that helps! Please let us know how it went. p.s. how much time has passed since your breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 That was more then a breadcrumb. Even without the word reconciliation, it is clear that is what her goal is. Respond if you want her back & set up a meeting to talk about this in person. Do not attempt to fix what's wrong over the phone, or worse by text/email. If you are "open to it but not right now" that is the same as a "no". By you putting it off, she will move on. This is a strike while the iron is hot kind of opportunity. If you told your work that you were open to the promotion but not right now, do you think they would have held the spot open for you? There are 2 problems with you two getting back together: 1). You have now added distance into this. It will be very hard for a woman with a small child to maintain a relationship with somebody who his now 100 miles away. 2). The baby's father is still in the picture. He will continue to cause problems. She's not strong enough to enforce boundaries with him. That will probably never change. In essence what drove you apart hasn't been fixed so why go back? So, yes I think you can reconcile. My Q is, why would you want to? Link to post Share on other sites
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