question mainly for men about dating??

[chumly]

You have already had phone sex with this guy and if you have now decided to be "just friends" then that is a backward step. I know you want to emphasise the "just friends" but i also noted the "for now", so I guess you do not really want to be "just friends" at all...

 

If you show up with a beautiful friend then as he is on a dating site looking for dates, he is going to be sizing her up as a potential date, else why is she there?

Are you trying to self sabotage or is this a test for him? Wave the beautiful friend under his nose and see if he takes the bait...

 

I guess it will end up being a rather awkward meeting all round.

 

I am not sure why you would think your value to him will go up, as all he needs to do is get her contact details and ask her out if that is his intention, he doesn't NEED you as a middle man. You are all adults here.

 

I think having beautiful people in a group can raise the perceived "value" of all its members but when there are only two people involved then I guess it invites comparison and as you are the "plainer" one, then it will likely devalue you more than had you showed up alone.

Of course beauty in in the eye of the beholder and if she is not his "type", then it doesn't matter how beautiful or nice YOU or anyone else thinks she may be.

They may in fact hate each other on sight... who knows????

 

i was not going to respond to this since you brought up info from other posts of mine that were not meant to be brought up in this thread..this was just a general question that I was trying to ask...but you did say some things that I found interesting and worth responding to..

 

I realize that having the beautiful friend is going to make the original woman look less attractive but if it is a meeting as "friends" ..wouldnt it have the adverse affect and make the original woman look better? and make her more valued as someone he might be more interested in getting to know as opposed to having no friends or an unattractive friend??

 

By the way, in the scenario...he already likes the original person to begin with..he already likes her personality and sees her as a friend but my thinking is that her having this hot friend would increase her worthiness in his eyes?? am I not correct?? thanks:)

[chumly]

I just have to say this..

 

I cant believe how great I feel that I said my piece here!! I should have done this a long time ago!! ;)

 

I feel great that I met someone from the dating site this past weekend and conquered my fear and I feel great that I am speaking up for myself more now too!!

 

My being a mouse to everyone days are over!!

 

Thanks universe!!

[S_A]

interesting..can you elaborate on what you mean?? and are you a man or woman responding to this?? if you dont mind my asking..thanks:)

 

I'm a man. What I mean is women tend to measure themselves against others. Men will compete, but not necesarily "measure." This is a crappy example, but It's sort of like the feeling that some women get when other women around them get married or are get into relationships. But it doesn't stop there. Women will often compare their relationships with the relationships of other couples, which can doom a relationship. I think women's behaviors on social media sites like instagram and facebook are better testaments to this wiring a lot of women have to measure themselves, or what they have, against others. It is partly why I think femenists should shift some of the blame away from men and towards women (assuming there is even any blame to begin with ).

[chumly]

I'm a man. What I mean is women tend to measure themselves against others. Men will compete, but not necesarily "measure." This is a crappy example, but It's sort of like the feeling that some women get when other women around them get married or are get into relationships. But it doesn't stop there. Women will often compare their relationships with the relationships of other couples, which can doom a relationship. I think women's behaviors on social media sites like instagram and facebook are better testaments to this wiring a lot of women have to measure themselves, or what they have, against others. It is partly why I think femenists should shift some of the blame away from men and towards women (assuming there is even any blame to begin with ).

 

thanks!! interesting response..I really appreciate it and you make some good points. I think you might be right when you say that maybe it depends on the gender as to how this would go over!! tks again;):D

[Bastile]

lol are you up to mischief? I would think so.

 

I personally see a woman's friends as an obstacle that gets in the way of early interactions (or a "c*ckblock). I want them to myself. I'm not really interested in her friends for the first few months even.

 

I would think that you are trying to create some obtacles on purpose. Perhaps trying to slow down the relationship, or you are trying to test me in front of your friends to get their opinion of me.

 

Generally, I wouldn't be too happy about it. Especially if I was put on the spot, and it was done without telling me prior to the date.

 

When I've been given these friend type dates, I usually just change it or decline.

 

When It's been sprung on me, I typically bite my tongue and work over the friend/s, giving them my attention instead.

 

There was actually a time before when I left due to a woman dragging me further and further into her social circle on a night out. Eventually you just get the feeling your a mouse running through her maze.

[Redhead14]

If you are on a dating site, you need to be "dating", not looking for buddies. And, yeah, it should kinda start out with a "friends" mindset so as to manage expectations and not get too far ahead of yourself, but you should be dating people who have the same overall, long-term dating goals.

 

If someone brought a friend to a "date", I'd be thinking they weren't too serious about dating. And, if you're bringing a friend as a matter of safety, I'd lose that too. A grown woman will meet a date in public with her own car and demonstrate that she is a secure woman who can take care of herself. Use common sense even when leaving a public place, etc. But, don't be a "girl", be a woman.

 

would you have more of an interest in her as a friend after seeing that she had a gorgeous and nice friend or less? -- There's no way to know what that guy will think about or do . . . so err on the side of caution and not serve it up on a silver platter.

[preraph]

well you are wrong..in the particular case it did work out with that person and my question was very general and basic so there is NO need to bring up my other threads...i find it annoying and NON helpful!! i do not find you helpful and wish that you would not respond to my posts..i find you judgemental and do not care to hear from you anymore. can u please stop responding to my threads?? tks

 

That's not your call. You don't get to limit your responses to only the ones that agree with what you want the answer to be.

[basil67]

I'm completely lost. What is the point of bringing a stranger (attractive or not) to a meetup with someone?

 

I've had new friends who've brought another along in the early days and I was so disappointed because I wanted to get to know the new friend better - not be all awkward with a spare wheel hanging around.

 

Three's a crowd after all.

[JuneL]

I would ask what the purpose of bringing another woman along is. Is the guy allowed to bring along, say, another 3 guys and 2 women, some ugly and some good looking?

[BaileyB]

this is a very general question that I would like to get answer by mainly men please, thanks..

 

if you met a lady for the first time from a dating site but you were meeting as friends for now and you both agreed on meeting as friends and she brought a gorgeous female friend with her ...would having that beautiful friend along make her look better to you as a friend or worse? in other words would you have more of an interest in her as a friend after seeing that she had a gorgeous and nice friend or less? tks in advance for honesty:)

 

No. I feel like I've answered this question before and my answer is the same as it has always been.

 

You don't bring along a friend when you date - unless you are 13 years old and passing notes to the boys in school.

 

And, you don't meet as friends when you are connecting with men on dating sites.

[salparadise]

No. I feel like I've answered this question before and my answer is the same as it has always been.

 

You don't bring along a friend when you date - unless you are 13 years old and passing notes to the boys in school.

 

And, you don't meet as friends when you are connecting with men on dating sites.

 

Exactly. The whole notion is whacky. Both notions. But it does sort of make for an amusing thread. One question I keep asking is, how old is Ms. Chumly? Adults inherently know what's done and not done in a given context; why is Chumly asking such questions? This isn't just a nuance of normal, expected behavior, it's a complete reversal.

 

No, the hotness doesn't rub off on you, and you don't acquire any of it by association. You just look a lot less interesting comparatively. I'd be wondering if this was a setup for something really kinky.

 

If a woman starts with the friends crap with me, next. If a woman brought a smokin' hot friend along on a date, besides thinking it was highly irregular, I'd probably be preoccupied with the hot friend and it would likely be apparent. I'd just be hoping that fate was smiling on me that day.

[SammySammy]

Bringing a friend on a date - especially the first date - is lame, weak, and an instant turnoff to me.

 

Read Donnivain's response. Then read it two more times. She hit the nail on the head as far as I'm concerned.

 

I'm a grown man and don't have time to play little girl games. Wouldn't participate in this scenario at all.

[spiderowl]

If he fancied your friend, it is not going to make him more attracted to you. It might make him wonder whether your friend was attached or not. I cannot see a good reason to bring a female friend along on a (semi) date.

 

There is a good reason to meet in a safe public place and to make sure you are not followed back to your transport home, but other than that why complicate matters by bringing a friend?

[preraph]

Exactly. The whole notion is whacky. Both notions. But it does sort of make for an amusing thread. One question I keep asking is, how old is Ms. Chumly? Adults inherently know what's done and not done in a given context; why is Chumly asking such questions? This isn't just a nuance of normal, expected behavior, it's a complete reversal.

 

No, the hotness doesn't rub off on you, and you don't acquire any of it by association. You just look a lot less interesting comparatively. I'd be wondering if this was a setup for something really kinky.

 

If a woman starts with the friends crap with me, next. If a woman brought a smokin' hot friend along on a date, besides thinking it was highly irregular, I'd probably be preoccupied with the hot friend and it would likely be apparent. I'd just be hoping that fate was smiling on me that day.

 

I think Ms. Chumly has learned all she knows from online only if I had to guess and therefore thinks this "out there" thing is normal because it's online.