question mainly for men about OLD

[Gaeta]

okay..i am done now..bye!

 

What was wrong with my type of questions?? lol

 

It was exactly the type of general questions you wanted.

 

Why do you want to make friends with men?

 

Why do you want to make friends with men you had a failed romance?

 

You can't have more general questions than this! It's not about your past threads at all.

[GorillaTheater]

What was wrong with my type of questions?? lol

 

It was exactly the type of general questions you wanted.

 

Why do you want to make friends with men?

 

Why do you want to make friends with men you had a failed romance?

 

You can't have more general question than this! It's not about your past threads at all.

 

 

And kind of what I was getting at: it seems important to you to make a friend out of a date that didn't work out, and I don't understand why. Sure, it might happen, but like we've said repeatedly, it probably won't, and you don't seem to want to accept that.

[kendahke]

this is getting tiring now...if u are not going to read my entire post and come back with a question that I already asked you not to ask..please please dont respond.

 

once again..for the 3rd time..this post is not about anybody in particular..it is a general question and requires a general answer.

 

I would prefer to get no responses then annoying ones!! thanks

 

Could be he doesn't want your friendship.

 

And that's a general answer.

[Jj66]

I'd think it was exceedingly weird and wouldn't have any interest in exploring such a friendship.

[jessiesgurl]

this is a GENERAL question is mainly for men..

 

if you were chatting with a female from a dating site that said to you that if after meeting the two of you dont hit it off she would like to remain friends and you would be free to pursue any of her friends instead...would this make you more interested in her or less or would it make no difference in your feelings about her??

Thanks in advance

 

 

I'm not a man chumly but I am capable of flipping the script and imagining a man announcing something like that to me prior to meeting, and my answer is:

 

It would have no bearing on my interest at all, except to say, as another poster mentioned, I would deem him to be quite a strange person in general.

 

I don't do OLD but when I did, I tried to not become all that attached to men prior to meeting anyway, so yeah, it would make no difference.

 

Re deeming him strange, I could sort of understand him telling me this AFTER meeting and realizing we don't click, but not BEFORE meeting.

 

Why would you, PRIOR to meeting, spin a negative and assume or just toss out that you may not click?

 

And then offer alternatives like "but we can be friends and hey, while we're at it, I'll even introduce you to some of my friends! Maybe you'll click with them!"

 

chumly, with respect, you are on a dating site. You are there to meet men and date them. They're there to date you.

 

Stick with that. If, AFTER you meet, you realize there is no chemistry or whatevs, propose a friendship then if you want.

 

But not prior to the date, again that's just spinning a negative before you've even had a chance to meet.

 

If you are actually there to meet and date men, think positively! Assume you'll click and well, if you don't, so be it. Propose a friendship if you want.

 

Not assume/toss out you may not click and then offer a friendship prior to meeting. I'm sorry this just makes no sense to me.

Edited June 8, 2017 by jessiesgurl

[antonio1149]

I have no problem with meeting someone through OLD and being open to friendship if the dating thing didn't work out. Why would someone say this before you meet? Maybe to lay the groundwork so that if they say it again AFTER meeting, it doesn't come across as an insincere attempt to lighten the rejection.

 

It doesn't surprise me that some women say things like "Why would you WANT to become friends with someone you meet online?" Frankly, I think most women are not that interested in putting much energy in male friendship in general--they say men primarily in romantic/relationship terms.

 

Some OLD sites let you say you're looking for multiple things: "Long term or short term dating, or new friends." When a woman includes the "new friends" label, I give the benefit of the doubt and assume that's a possibility, although in actuality I'm skeptical that they're really interested in anything besides a long-term romantic partner. I've never had a long-term, substantive friendship with a woman who didn't have a hidden romantic agenda with me.

[mightycpa]

this is a GENERAL question is mainly for men..

 

if you were chatting with a female from a dating site that said to you that if after meeting the two of you dont hit it off she would like to remain friends and you would be free to pursue any of her friends instead...would this make you more interested in her or less or would it make no difference in your feelings about her??

 

Thanks in advance

 

PS..for anybody that is thinking of doing so...please please please dont bring up any of my other threads into this one or repeat the same advice that has been given to me about 200 times now. This has nothing to do with anything in particular ..it is just a general and simple question that i would like a general and simple response too. Thanks in advance for respecting my wishes on this!

I would think she's a real find, and I would hope she had cute friends. I do not think it would make me any more interested in her, and an upfront "NO THANKS" would do a lot to dampen my interest.

 

If you don't win, there's nothing wrong with checking out the consolation prizes!

[BaileyB]

I don't think men go on DATING sites to make friends. They are usually looking for someone to date and/or find someone who wants a sexual relationship.

[umirano]

if you were chatting with a female from a dating site that said to you that if after meeting the two of you dont hit it off she would like to remain friends and you would be free to pursue any of her friends instead...would this make you more interested in her or less or would it make no difference in your feelings about her?

 

It wouldn't depend on whether I'd "be free" to pursue her friends. That's a given. We're all free people. My feelings towards that hypothetical date would not depend on anything else but her. I'd remain friends if that's how I saw her as well. Otherwise I'd pursue other dates. Probably not her friends primarily though.

[smackie9]

So OP you are asking if it's weird or not to off or accept friendship if you get along with someone that doesn't see things in a romantic light.....some are OK with it and yes you or whomever might get a friendship out of OLD, but most know it's just a empty handed gesture and would rather just move on.

 

An offer to be set up with friends? To me it sounds like a setup....like setting you up with ladies for hire if you know what I mean. Something like that is unusual, and should be approached with caution.

[Kamille]

General comment: no one can mentally manipulate anyone else into a relationship or friendship.

 

As such, it doesn't matter how the intended object of manipulation would respond.

 

What matters is what the person who wants something wants: is it friendship or romance?

 

If romance, than that means the man in the scenario said he is not interested and the woman in the scenario is hoping to foster romance through manipulation.

 

If friendship, than the woman in the scenario can offer friendship and let the man decide for himself to accept or reject this offer of friendship. Certainly, she would be best advised not to hope he would keep a romantic interest in her - as that would just be a cruel way to lead the man on.

[BaileyB]

So, let's say that he agrees to be "friends" with you, but continues to date. Eventually, he will meet another woman who wants to "date," in which case... He's probably not going to be friends with you anymore. He won't have the time, and his new woman likely won't appreciate his "friendship" with another woman.

 

I say this because I once dated a man who wanted to be "friends" because he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I said no - not because I didn't like him or want to be his friend - but because I wanted to invest my time in dating and be available to meet someone who wanted what I wanted - a romantic relationship.

Edited June 8, 2017 by BaileyB