Searching for Love

[Mysterio]

Do you all think that Searching for love is futile? Do you think that searching has been better than letting love come to you.

 

For me. Anytime a woman that has come to me romantically. Although short lived. Its always been better. Than When I actually went on the search/hunt for a relationship.

 

Perhaps some of us are spinning our wheels too much in this area. When I look at my buddies that are in LTR. Men and Women. It feels like their Partners came to them and they were way more happy. Than when they went out looking for love.

 

I am not saying to just sit around your home. Prayer and mindfulness and being sociable go a long way.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Great discussion, and I don't have an answer....yet. Gotta think about that more.

 

One thing I will say is that the two most fulfilling relationships in my life were born out of a genuine friendship first. And neither ended due to cheating, hurt feelings, etc. I'm still friends with both of them (well, Facebook friends only; they're both happily married ) . I'd really like my next relationship to come out of a great friendship, but that's hard to do in your forties.

[mightycpa]

What I've always felt about people who are looking for love is that they are more interested in developing a relationship with someone than they are in first learning whether the person they've chosen are worthy of a relationship with them. That always rubbed me the wrong way, and I would soon run.

 

So if that's what you're talking about, then I vote for spontaneity. The loves that really counted for me were always the ones who seemed to come into my life out of nowhere. It's like one day, that person arrived, and I was almost immediately swept up into their orbit, and they into mine. It's as if they were placed into my life for that purpose. I think of that as love finding me.

 

I've never fallen in love with someone that I've known as a friend first. It's always been a stranger, always unexpected.

[mikeylo]

In the olden times, people met or were introduced by friends and family. So we all knew that wherever we go, someone will introduce someone for romantic purposes.

Today the scene is different in the sense that apart from the above, people bump into others at odd places or you go looking. When you are looking, you have a specific type in your mind. When you find that type , it may or may not work out. But when you are not looking , you bump into someone who may not be your type but you like them. That can develop into more.

 

What I see around is that the more you look around, less are the chances of finding someone. When something develops on its own, is the sweetest

[Mysterio]

Here is my pattern.

 

Situation #1. I see a woman. I am physically attracted to her. I then make her aquintance. Then here is what I get. She is either married/Still wrapped up with her ex and it goes nowhere.

 

Situation #2. We are already aquinted and she likes me and makes and effort with me and sort term wise. It goes well.

 

Situation #3. Strangers. Does not work out well. Nothing romantic springs from that.

 

Seems to me based on my pattern. The better women are from the group where I am slightly aquinted with them. The Women I go for. It never works out. There is some sort of blockage on their end. Its almost like the Universe is telling me. Don't bother being the driving force for love. Just wait for it to happen. I guess for me. My thing is that I fear that it will be a long time.

 

Starting from 2000. I have had physical affection from women in the following years.

 

2000-TM. 2003-JO/NF. 2006-J. 2012-DD. 2013-AK. So to me those 6 women were potential LTR. Although TM was very Toxic for me. I have gone out with other women inbetween those women, but nothing romantic sprung out of it.

[Chilli]

l'm fascinated with this stuff and since my divorce have thought a lot about it.

l bother with other gf's and stuff , just the two big ones.

ex wife, we were both in this singles club old style, one of the news paper ones, pre inter damn net haha.

We were just in it for fun didn't expect to meet anyone but , came across ex and knew the first day l'd marry her.

Sounds bad no bc yep we're divorced but what we always were was still in there, it was other things in life that we handled all wrong that took their toll on us,

Since , 4 yrs, only one gf , l just stumbled over her in a forum l was in , love at first site again.

sadly,15mths, there's big problems though and it hasn't worked out.

 

But it seems the whole world now is all out there trying so hard , dating dating dating, but getting no where.

me , l dunno if it works like that, never did for me, l've never dated in my life but never had a problem finding women so l dunno.

however, l think l'll just do my thing from here and see what pops up.

l've really never believed you can go looking, not for the real thing but hey, l might be wrong, who knows.

Edited June 10, 2017 by Chilli

[babysacay]

I don't think it's futile because it helps in keeping your mind open to love but I think searching for it so hard is futile and can be hurtful. I've come to realize that my happiness is more important than finding love because many die without being romantically involved at the time of their death.

Sounds morbid but that's just reality and I've accepted it.

[carnelian]

I have discovered that sometimes love finds you...you don't find love.

 

I relate to what you say Msterio...you have mentioned this on another thread I think.

 

I divide acquantances into bare, clothed, fully clothed. The ladies you meet

are bare acquaintances since you hardly know them...you cannot expect them to become "clothed" acquaintances, crossing over to a real date.

 

Do singles still go to all singles events? Events for the sole purpose of meeting and dating? (Even there, as I recall, women would say they aren't into dating now!)

[babysacay]

 

Do singles still go to all singles events? Events for the sole purpose of meeting and dating? (Even there, as I recall, women would say they aren't into dating now!)

 

I've only been to one and it wasn't that great because many were way older than me. But if the opportunity arises again I probably would. I'm happier being single right now than in a relationship though.

[Mysterio]

I think that some of us will go in and out of relationships. Its not like all of us are ding something wrong.

 

I think that some of us may be destined to go in and out of relationship. When I contrast to my parents. Both of them were married to each other. They still are today and around mid 40's in the 80's. They were raising kids. My brother and I are working and both of us have no GF as the moment or kids at all.

 

The world has changed. I feel like Men and Women are harder on each other. I don't know why. It feels like Men are way more weary about getting married. Women when it comes to dating. Its like they need sparks right away instead of building. I also feel like women fall into the single mother trap a bit to easy. If they get prgnant. Its no big deal to them. Then the couple is not rock solid.

 

I have seen too many situations around me like that. Guys don't want that for the most part. The kids never really thrive coming out of that situation.

[Chilli]

l came across someone in a store last wkend. Really busy lotta people around while we were looking at the stuff l wanted we were standing very close and brushing a bit on purpose l. l'd been eyeing her off before she came over,couldn't help it , she picked it up and didn't seem to mind one bit.

l wanted to ask for her number that bad but it hasn't been long since gf and l split and that was a very heavy relationship and kept flashing through my mind and messing me up a bit though but,,,, it was also saying woooo, now you are someone l could really be with, could kick myself for letting it go.. These things are never going to happen at he perfect time, are they.

later she came out with another customer while l was loading my car and we looking across at each other some more, hope l wasn't drooling haha.

That's a volunteer shop and the people in there change all the time but l decided later damn , l'm going back next wkend and hopefully she's on again and l can ask for her number.

And then she'll probably tell me she's married or something, noooooo.

Edited June 20, 2017 by Chilli

[central]

I think you have to seek out someone, look for what you want. Perhaps if you have a large, active social circle, you'll just happen to encounter someone, but many people do not have that advantage. ALL of my dates and prospects were initially total strangers, but we met and got along (the others I met where this did NOT happen aren't worth mentioning, but there were a lot of those!).

[todreaminblue]

i feel really quite strongly that love comes when you arent looking....no expectations no plan ...it happens.....its organic it cant be explained away and can often be not the type of attraction you have had before....in my opinion as you age you tastes and attractions...also mature....to morph into closer to whom you should be with......

 

not saying young love doesnt work....but could very well be why young love ...often ends..i do believe when you are looking for love, you often look in places you have looked before ....and most often than not...you arent meant to go backwards.or find love where it once was....its not there anymore........moving forward i feel...is knowing that love will come ....when its meant to come...no amount of time given to searching will make that day any closer....and only god knows when the time is right...for both people involved to be ready to share that love........deb

[Mysterio]

If Love comes to you and you don't go looking forHow do you keep it going when you get it. I think that Love is better when your older. When your in your 20's. I think there is way too much competition and emotions are always up and down.

 

There are also big things you have to do to keep and nurture your relationships.

Once you have one. You really can't be good buddies with the opposite sex, unless there is some sort of Brother/Sister vibe between you.

[SammySammy]

I do think searching for love is futile. You receive love. But, you receive it in proportion to what you give. Karma.

 

I think it's better to search for compatibility. While giving maximum love. If it's not returned to you, then they are not the person for you. Move on until you find that one who is compatible with you and will return the love you give.

 

Too many people look for what they can get out of a relationship. I think this selfish mindset is why so many fail. Couples would be better off if they focused on giving to each other. Uplifting and supporting each other.

 

Just have to find the person worthy of doing that with.