Missing someone hurts

[hew]

Its been hard lately, really really hard.

 

Its been about 3 weeks now since I ended my relationship.

 

I keep trying to remind myself of all the reasons I ended it, how I wasnt happy, and neither was he, how I was doing this for both of us.

 

Why is that missing someone makes you forget all the reasons you felt you needed to let go in the first place? Even after it was over, I STILL tried to make it work. He didn't give me anything in return, he walked away as soon as I asked him to.

 

I try to stay busy when I can, but at the end of the day Im in my apartment. I see where he used to be, I lay in bed and still see him next to me. I feel broken and It hurts.

 

I know I loved him, and cared for him so much. We just didn't make each other happy the last couple months. Thats the easiest way to put it without going into crazy detail. Because regardless of anything that happened, it alls comes down to the same thing. I feel sad, because even though we didn't work out, he was my best friend. I still felt the love in my heart for him, and I still cared about him mor than anything.

 

Even though I ended it, he broke me off completely at the end. He said it was best if we didn't talk etc. I KNOW it's best that we don't talk. But there are times when I'm alone that I so badly want to call him, or message him. I don't though. This is why i came here to write instead of calling.

 

My eyes fill with tears a lot right now. I know time is going to heal me, but each day right now feels the same. My future is disorientated because for a long time he was supposed to be in my future. Does that make sense? Now I have to reclaim my life as my own again, and see only myself in the future, as of right now.

 

I have to focus on all the good still happening in my life. Like my new school program I am so excited for in September.

 

I have to let go of the thinking that we might one day get back together. I need to stop holding on to that for comfort. I need to understand that I ended it for a reason, and I need to hold on to that. Sometimes I feel strong, I listen to music that speaks to me and makes me feel empowered.

 

But at the end of the day, it hurts. Thats what it all comes down to. Missing someone who used to always be there.

 

Any advice?

[Hurtingguy]

I can understand why your upset but your the one who ended this. You felt like you couldn't try anymore you lost love for him and now he needs to heal don't contact him unless you want reconcile don't hurt him more then you have. Keep your mind busy go out with friends family go for walks read books don't do things that will remind you of him... and when you do think of him write here do not and I mean do not contact him by any means time to move on unless you have enough love for him to try again

[hew]

I think you read this wrong. I ended it, but I also made an effort to try and make things work. It was him who cut me off and said he didn't want to try anymore.

[Prometheushand]

I know how you feel, several years ago I got out of a long term relationship and I ended up suicidal, horribly depressed and developed a drinking problem that I still deal with today. At the time I just blamed her, but with time I realized it was the only thing that could have happened.

The BS platitude goes "time heals all wounds" and it does, what that cliche leaves out is that those wounds leave scars. They're always there, you're aware of them, after big events that leave you in some amount of turmoil, nothing is ever going to feel the same, you will have scars...but scars are f@$king sexy.

It's easier said than done but you should revel in your pain, laugh at it, make it your friend. That way, when the wound heals, the scars form, you can stand on top of the mountain and exclaim that you will never hurt like that again. You will hurt, but it will be different.

Life is pain and pain is purposive.

[mightycpa]

I think you read this wrong. I ended it, but I also made an effort to try and make things work. It was him who cut me off and said he didn't want to try anymore.

That's generally what happens when you end it with somebody. Surely that didn't surprise you?

 

I'll give you this advice. Your instinct is right, you have to shake things up when you find yourself in tough times. You have to find a way to see differently, and to be seen differently. Usually, the problems are about routine and adjusting to each other, and about taking and being taken for granted. Sometimes separation helps with that, but you'll never win anybody's heart by abandoning them. When you break up, that's what you do. Sometimes it's got to be done, but you must realize the gravity of what you're doing when you do it.