Wife left me after 12 years

[Iamyoungjuan]

Been married to my wife for 9 years been with her for 12 we have 5 kids together I try my best to give her in the kids the world I buy her in the kids anything that they want that I can afford

 

My wife left me 10 days ago I have been trying to call and talk to her and ask her why are she doing this to our family her reason is because she's tired and I say stupid things to her I don't support her which I do support her and when we argue we both say things we dont mean but one thing we do not do is physically fight

 

She say she don't want to be with me anymore but she don't want a divorce she just want me to take care of the kids when I try to call her she doesn't answer but she reply to my texts I'm just so lost and confused I don't know what to do

 

I know that her mom and Friends and sisters do not want to see her with me I don't know why because I barely go around them

Edited June 9, 2017 by Iamyoungjuan

[mikeylo]

Been married to my wife for 9 years been with her for 12 we have 5 kids together I try my best to give her in the kids the world I buy her in the kids anything that they want that I can afford

 

My wife left me 10 days ago I have been trying to call and talk to her and ask her why are she doing this to our family her reason is because she's tired and I say stupid things to her I don't support her which I do support her and when we argue we both say things we dont mean but one thing we do not do is physically fight

 

She say she don't want to be with me anymore but she don't want a divorce she just want me to take care of the kids when I try to call her she doesn't answer but she reply to my texts I'm just so lost and confused I don't know what to do

 

I know that her mom and Friends and sisters do not want to see her with me I don't know why because I barely go around them

 

So she left the kids with you ? Where is she living , with whom? No one just ups and leaves though !

[Iamyoungjuan]

Yes she took the kids with her and I believe she's staying at her mom's house throughout our marriage every time we disagree on something or get into a huge argument she ups and leaves. She doesn't know how to communicate very well I tried talking our problems out but she never wants to talk she waits until she leaves to tell me things that goes wrong

[Iamyoungjuan]

Yes she took the kids with her and I believe she's staying at her mom's house throughout our marriage every time we disagree on something or get into a huge argument she ups and leaves. She doesn't know how to communicate very well I tried talking our problems out but she never wants to talk she waits until she leaves to tell me things that goes wrong

 

I tried calling and talking to her last night but every time I reach out to her she said she's irritated and not in a good mood and if it's not about the kids don't call or text her phone

[djoner]

Has she always been like that?

 

Communication is one of the building blocks to a successful relationship, let alone marriage. If she can't do that, then I don't see how you guys even made it to marriage in the first place.

[BaileyB]

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I hope that you are able to reach some kind of settlement/agreement with your wife such that you can at least see your kids.

 

A few questions because I just feel like there is more to the story...

 

First, five kids will make any woman tired.

 

Second, you can't please your wife and kids buy spending money and buying them things. What they want is your time, and attention, and love. Do you spend time with your family, do things together as a family, and have fun with your family?

 

Third, it sounds like there is a lot of conflict in your marriage and you are quick to point the finger at your wife and "her poor communication skill." perception is the only reality - and based on what you have written she doesn't perceive that you listen to her or support her. Why would she feel that way - what do you own for the problems in your marriage?

 

And, something is up if her family and friends do not want to see you or spend time with you. That is a huge red flag!

 

Perhaps she will agree to marriage counseling. It sounds like it would be needed if you have any hope of getting back together. It must take a lot for woman to be so tired and so done with a marriage to pack up five kids and leave.

 

Best wishes.

[lolablue17]

I think that taking the kids from their father is called kidnapping in the eyes of the law, isn't it?

[middy]

Damn. That sounds weird. Maybe it has just ran it's course. What sucks are the five kids. Hopefully they're older which it doesn't sound like. Damn, hope everything gets better.

[Rouik]

That's terrible, I am sorry. Keep fighting for your marriage and your children, I know it is hard on you and I will be praying for you and I hope you get some of the answers your looking for. Remember that its going to be hard on the children as well and since she left you have to be strong for them all. I will specifically pray that as a loving father you can find a way to do it all, and have the strength to handle this situation. Find some support in your local area, maybe a close friend or relative can help you out when needed. Good luck and I hope you get some answers and better news soon.

[MJJean]

I think that taking the kids from their father is called kidnapping in the eyes of the law, isn't it?

 

Depends on local law. Here in MI, married couples have equal custody of shared children unless there is a court order. Either parent can basically take the kids across town to their friends house or half across the world and there isn't a damn thing that can be done about it without a judge signing an order stating otherwise.

 

IAmYoungJuan, if your wife isn't coming home you need to think long and hard about securing your parental rights and access to your children. Speak to a lawyer.

Edited June 14, 2017 by MJJean

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, something does'nt sound right here. If his wife's family and friends are stacked up against him then there has to be something major that is wrong with our man to be in this situation. I wonder if he has any major vices like drinking or drugs or has women friends. As I said something is fishy about the whole affair. His wife was with him for three years before marriage. She must have assessed him as husband material depending on the front that he put up at the time. Her family and friends must have been accepting of him for the marriage to have even taken place. This indicates that there was goodwill all around and somehow the OP has managed to fritter it away in 9 years.

 

OP have you tried marriage counselling? How old are you and how old is your wife? Do you have an adequate income to support your large family comfortably? It seems you have kept your wife busy producing babies one after the other and in the mean time you were off amusing yourself. No wonder your wife is fed up of you. As they say "Your chickens have come home to roost"! Introspect and be honest with yourself about why you drove your wife away. Warm wishes.

[central]

There may be something more here, but unless OP shares it, we have little else to go on.

 

 

Anyway, OP, I suggest you break off all contact with her unless it has to do with the kids, and ensuring you get to see them and have them stay with you some of the time. Tell her nothing else, ask her nothing else.

 

 

Basically treat your wife as if she doesn't exist, otherwise. Focus on making your life great for you and your kids. She'll wonder what changed, and I think she'll reach out to you - and if she doesn't, you'll know for sure that she is out and done for real.

[Chilli]

Means nothing that the family doesn't like you, that's like every second marriage.

but it does put a lot of pressure on the son or daughter and eventually their husband or wife too for sure.

Or is it necessarily his fault when she leaves, some men just leave some women just leave and they often just leave a loving partner , and often a partner the family think is perfect too.

Tired's not much of an excuse , wish l could just up and leave something let alone a marriage every, time l'm tired.

And it takes two to have 5kids , not like it;s all his fault.

 

Please make sure that you can still always be your childrens dad and always see them as much as you can and always be there for them and don't let her take that away from them or from you she has no right to try to do that.

 

On the wife , oh man , don't think l'd wanna try and give any advice even though l have been through it though but if you did wanna save the marriage hopefully when she's had a bit of space you two can not fight but talk more about everything and get a better understating first of all. hopefully even work on things.

 

Good luck.