Rianne878 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 Hi everybody! I'm a 29 year old woman, married for 4 years (dated 2 years before). Me and my husband have a 20 month old boy. Our relationship has always been rocky, but the past year it has gotten so so bad! He's very Greek ( proud the only good country it's Greece) he moved from Greece over here and it has been hard on him, I've tried everything in my power to make him feel comfortable here. He found his way, but not with me. I'm the only one taking care of our son.. I put him for sleep, I wake up every morning (very early) i feed him, I play with him really everything. I cook I clean I work i take care of our son.... My husband thinks working is enough he doesn't have to make any other effort because he is the one working full time. We fight about everything he leaves the house dirty, when he knows I'm totally exhausted from not sleeping he will never ask me should I wake up so you can sleep. Now when we fight he tells me the most nasty stuff I'm a bad mom, I can't handle my job I'm weak I'm a bad person im useless.. He never acknowledged how much I've done for him and our family. My parents can't stand him anymore because they caught him yelling at me like a wild animal. And he was verbally aggressive to me balling his fist my way, breaking his phone throwing stuff towards me. I'm so confused if i should get a divorce I'm only 29 years old do I need this for the rest of my life. We hardly go out he doesn't make any effort for anything, My parents gave us a lot when he came here a home, a car but he doesn't seem to appreciate anything. He's happy as long as things go how he wants if not he's like a little kid and offcourse it's my fault again. I could really use some helpful advice Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 I'm not sure what being Greek has to do with it. Was he , as a person , always like this or after the birth of the baby ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 He sounds very much like my EX wife. Notice the bolded part... I'm a big believer in keeping marriages together if at all possible, but life is short, way too short to be this unhappy. Without a lot of therapy he's unlikely to ever be different, and will probably just get worse as he gets older. Would he be willing to seek some help, and if not how much of your life do you want to waste? p.s. He'll probably treat your child the same way eventually. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 I'm so confused if i should get a divorce I'm only 29 years old do I need this for the rest of my life. No, you don't need this for the rest of your life. I can't imagine a more miserable way to live. And, what kind of home is this to be raising your son. If you have options, and the support of your family, I would encourage you to consider leaving. Your husband's behavior is emotionally abusive and totally unacceptable. Take care of yourself, and your child. Link to post Share on other sites
Fdb Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 It is a slight different version of my life. I did work full time all the time. He only worked his job, almost nothing else. Biggest achievement is he came to this country with me, he gave up SO MUCH. You deserve someone appreciate who you are, put you in front of himself at least from time to time. Your son will grow up with or without him. You never know which way is better. If I knew what I know today back the , I would walked away long time ago. He can go back to his great Greek, you can stay in this not so great America (compare to Greek) Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 That's funny cause I'm Greek and I can understand where he is coming from (I'm not justifying him! just reading the signs). Most people from greek villages and islands are like this. Men are raised to make a family, work to provide and being the boss in their home. The wife's life should be raising the kids and looking pretty for her husband. Things have started to change during the last years at least in big cities but in villages and small towns things remain the same. To answer your question, no, this should not be your life till you die. You have an option, to divorce. How come are you asking us for something that self-evident? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hecan Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 I am so sorry you are here. I gently ask you this: Is this how you would like to see your son treat women??? Without a desire to change and outside help it won't be different and this is what your sweet innocent baby will believe is ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 This marriage is doomed unless your husband changes. I see no evidence he even wants to change, let alone is able. Perhaps it was just not a good decision to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 You should get a divorce. I guess you thought he'd change once the baby came, but usually that just makes things worse. He's not a partner. But worst of all, he has no empathy for you and how exhausted you are. Do NOT let him tell you what he does is even more exhausting. Unless he's working something super physical, it's not, plus he gets off at night, while your job is never done and no off time. Divorce and he will have to pay support. You could insist her take joint custody if you want to go back to work, but I'm sure he doesn't want it since he won't lift a finger, but it would be good for him, though he might just palm off his time onto his mother or a new girlfriend or something. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 I come from a Mediterranean culture where people tend to be louder and blunter than in most English speaking countries. That doesn't mean they don't understand that putting somebody down all the time or scaring them isn't problematic. If he's not going to watch out for your well-being, the you need to do so. Not only is the situation bad for you, but it's also not good for your son to grow up in a house with so much anger and tension. Having divorced parents is the better option here. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 Thing with greek men is, their mothers and grandmothers raised dozens of kids each also having to work in the fields and in the house, clean without the technology we have today, cook in the oven, carry wood, walk great distances to take kids to school or shop etc, that's why he is expecting his wife to do half of those things without complaining. This is the only way I can explain his behavior. Also our mothers and grandmothers were surely at least abused by men so that's normal for him. A woman should just be there to raise kids, be a good housewife and good in bed. I'm not saying all greek men are like this, but this mentality sure exists in Greece. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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