Him keeps coming back tears me apart

[somedaywe]

I know I should have cut him off completely the first time when he broke up with me. I'm a single mother with a 8 year old son, this guy I met about 2 years ago, we were friends and had a 6 month relationship. He was already divorced before we met, with no kids.

 

He pursued me, because, according to his words, that he thought that I was a wonderful mother and he wanted to build a family with me. He divorced because his wife didn't want kids.

 

I once thought he was the Mr. Right. I was really looking forward to a future with him.

 

During the 6 months, we had good times. I cherished the relationship. I'd been tired through all these years being a single mom. I hadn't really dated since I became a single mother, I spent a lot of time on my son.

 

As I thought our relationship was going very well, all a sudden, he told me he got scared and wanted a break. I always had the feeling that it was not fair for him to have to raise my son with me. Although he said he loved my son. I believed it and didn't worry about this too much, until he broke up with me for the first time, I realized that him and I might not be a match. He deserved better...

 

So I accepted his decision, I told him that I loved him but I understood that it might not be a good time. I let him free. It tore me apart, but I decided that I would have to move on.

 

However, it was only 1 week later, that he reached out. He said he made a big mistake by breaking up with me. That he loved me dearly.

 

I gave in quickly and we got back together.

 

But something was getting wrong. He became distant. He would cancel our dates. He would "forget" our date.

 

When I told him my hurtful feelings, he would apologize and make it up for me.

 

But he didn't change his behavior. He still cancelled dates. It's been couple months like this now.

 

So I finally break up with him. He got devastated. He came to my house and apologized for his behavior. He told me it was simply because he was busy with work.

 

I didn't give him any answer that night, I had been very serious about him. I don't understand what was in his mind. I still love him dearly, I would do anything to have a family with him. But he seems not sure about it, although it was him initially said we should be a family.

 

Whenever we were together, he keeps saying "Tell me you love me". I think he feel insecure, but he wouldn't talk to me much about his feelings.

 

Please help me, what shall I do ?

[trailwolf]

i personaly think u need to move on from this guy ! u can do better than him .

[Zahara]

He's likely avoidant and does the hot cold, push pull dance in relationships. He wants it when it's not there, then when he gets it, he rejects it.

 

The best thing you can do is walk away. It's not going to change. This is a toxic dance. He'll keep you at a distance but near enough where he can get the attention and benefits that he needs. These types don't attach emotionally on a healthy or genuine manner.

 

You mentioned 6 months in -- that's when it usually happens. The honeymoon period has ended.

 

He comes back only because you are letting him. It's your responsibility to place a boundary and keep him away.