How can I grow up and stop getting offended so easily?

[NLNJ6200]

I am 17 and I get offended/hurt very easily. Not so much by strangers or family but by my boyfriend and my friends. Sometimes they will say things that aren't meant to hurt me or are meant as a joke and I get all offended over it.

 

Like my boyfriend sometimes jokingly makes fun of me but he doesn't mean to hurt me, he is just joking. I get all dramatic and tell him I'm hurt and get all offended then he gets really upset, sometimes even cries. My friends tend to do the same thing often and I again, get all offended and triggered.

 

The reasoning is I was made fun of a lot in my younger years so I have gotten very sensitive and hair-triggered. I can't help it. It's just my inner reaction. I'm just so disgusted by it because I feel like I could be ruining my relationship with my boyfriend and my friends by being all dramatic when they're only bantering.

 

The weird thing is I never get offended when family jokes with me. They jokingly laugh at me all the time and I laugh right back at them and smile. With family, it's different. But with my bf and friends I just get all dramatic when they do this.

 

I try my hardest to not react badly and call them out. Lately I've been doing good with this and I go along with them so they think I'm not offended, same with my boyfriend. But inside I feel all insulted, I keep it in. I get offended over the littlest things and it is taking over my life!

 

Please help me on how I can grow thicker skin and not let crap like this bother me. It is so annoying and taking a toll on my social life. Thanks for your help!!

[Bastile]

Own your own flaws, and be more understanding of other people's.

 

Also, refine how you enforce your boundaries.

[Arieswoman]

Maybe you aren't "oversensitive", maybe your friends/boyfriend are just ****holes?

 

I don't think that making fun of someone is a nice way to behave, so your boyfriend is out of order here. You need to set him straight.

 

Maybe you could try this book?

 

"A Woman in Your Own Right: Assertiveness and You – by Anne Dickson"

[basil67]

I think that with your family, you know you have pretty much unconditional love. That they they will continue to love you no matter what. It's different with a boyfriend and friends because they can be more transient.

 

That said, I'm in much the same mind as Arieswoman. What are your mates saying to you? Can you give some examples? Perhaps they are pushing the line too far.

 

I know your boyfriend gets upset when he hurts you with his "jokes", but he doesn't stop doing it, does he. If he was truly upset about hurting you, he'd pull his head in and stop teasing you.

[GemmaUK]

I think that with your family, you know you have pretty much unconditional love. That they they will continue to love you no matter what. It's different with a boyfriend and friends because they can be more transient.

 

This is what I am thinking also.

 

Childhood can be a totally different matter when kids tease/bully etc but right now at the age you are is when you come to read people more - for your own benefit - as to whether they are friends/good partners who tease/banter but are also supportive of you or whether they are people you want or need in your life or not.

 

I was bullied to some extent as a kid - not terribly badly but when I grew up a bit more I learned to stop and think - observe people's behaviour around me much more.

I may well feel offense at the time but then I would think whether that person had ever been supportive of me, or would they likely be should I have a problem.

 

I too would be interested to know what your BF and friends are saying to you which offends - it'll give those replying a level to work on and by whom the things were said. Each interaction with each person and who they are to you is important.

 

You do know you can banter and you enjoy it with your family - it could be that all you need to do right now is give a bit of banter back and relax and observe more when feeling that twinge of offence and snapping right away.

Even going so far as abusers there is not ever one thing/one action which bubbles up to make a person abusive. It's a big combination of things.

EG: A guy for instance who hits a woman or a woman who hits a man - there will have been plenty of signs and signals building up over time prior to that to watch out for.

 

Give us some examples, what was said, who these folk are to you etc. Plus a lot can be read by facial expressions and what the whole situation was around what was said which upset you.

 

Something else to remember is that - well for me anyway - I banter only with people I like a lot (or love a lot) and never with those I don't like or have no real friendship with. I wholeheartedly expect (and want!) that banter right back at me too from the people I like/love.