I am incredibly upset with my sister

[4FINGERS]

This situation has been going on for more than a year already, and it is tearing my family inside out.

 

I am an elder brother to a younger sister in a family of 4. My sister is an incredibly self-centered brat whom she herself never realized, thus never reflected upon herself ever. I admit that compared to most families, we are incredibly spoiled brats. We never have to do chores around the house, and our parents would never aggressively say no to our demands as they would always eventually give in.

 

My sister has always taken things for granted. She would wake up in the afternoon and ask my parents to go out and get lunch for her. She doesn't aggressively demands it, but knowing my parents, they would do it as long as we asked. Which is why I tend to avoid asking my parents for stuff. I remember when our parents deemed her old enough to sleep alone, so my mother moved out of her room. She was more than happy to have her own privacy, and the very first thing she did was to shut the door. Now, this is kind of a big deal because my family doesn't have the habit of closing our doors unless we are changing. However, her door would always stay shut and locked, and she would ignore people knocking at her door unless she needs something. Heck, she would ignore you when you are talking to her unless she needs something.

 

I always hated her incredibly snobbish attitude, yet at times she would snuggle up to you acting like a good girl. Most of all, I hate how she keeps her problems a secret to the family, yet she expects her family to always be there for her. Despite all that, she was quite good in her studies, and I often see her studying in the house trying to get the best results she get. She would look for jobs during the holidays. So yeah, I thought she be fine.

 

I never really played the role of an elder brother to her in all my life. I was always more of a clown to her; telling her jokes to make her laugh and treating her more like a friend than a sister. I never felt that I had to set an example, or play the role of a mentor to guide her. She never listened to me anyway, in her heart I am just an idiot to the point she saved my contact number as Idiot in her phone.

 

When she turned 18, she started dolling herself up, and coming home late. I remember that there was once she came home with a tongue piercing. Seriously? Did she even ask your parents before you got that? She started going to clubs, and drinking alcohol. I understand that these are normal for teenagers, but as a teen I never got into all that... However, things started getting from bad to worst. At first she would come home late, then she would come home in the morning, eventually she didn't even bother to come home at all. This greatly bothered our family. I remember my mother cried when she caught her smoking, it was heartbreaking.

 

She turned 21 last year, and we caught her sneaking a guy home, a boyfriend to be exact. Now this guy is obviously bad influence, he is a drinker, and a smoker, and he is less educated than my sister. I have no idea what a snobbish princess like my sister could see in him. Our family, especially me aggressively objected to that relationship. I mean what did she expect? Ignoring his qualities, the first time we learned that this guy is her boyfriend is when we caught him sneaking around at home, and immediately after that she tells us that she is going overseas with him alone?

 

Eventually, she did went on the overseas trip with him despite me aggressively objecting, my parents reluctantly agreed. My parents kept telling me that even if they did objected, she would have went anyway. In my heart I was feeling extremely bitter, I mean how could she? From my investigations, she got together with this guy for barely 2 months. How could she brought his home to sleep? I mean they were probably snuggling together on her bed, and god damn I was in sleeping in the next room! And now she wants to go overseas with him alone? They didn't even booked 2 rooms, they are probably sharing a bed. How could she?

 

Eventually things got worst, and we fought. I told her everything she was doing was wrong and un-lady like. She can't just go to a guy's house to spent the night. It feels like she is violating herself. That guy also reminds of my father. My father is a drinker, and during his younger days, he would get drunk and start scolding my mother in the middle of the night. It was hell, and it was hell she and I had been through in the past. Why is she choosing the same path as our mother? It feels like history is repeating itself. Every time she would just silently weep as I lashed out the reasons why shouldn't be with him.

 

Things had taken a crap turn since the last time we fought. The guy's family now knows that we object, and guess what they did? They offered to let her stay with them! What kind of a scoundrel family does this? It has been a year, and she now spends her entire weekend at his house only coming home on Sunday night. This really made our family extremely upset.

 

I have no idea what to do now, or rather what can I do? I haven't spoken to my sister in more than a year now, and I doubt anything I say would change anything. Sometimes, I think that I rather abandon this sister than see her with this guy. Can't she see everything is wrong with this guy? There is nothing he can give her, and his family is downright rotten. The most heartbreaking of all is that my parents still treats her as a princess giving in to her every demand. Every time she is at home, she acts like some good innocent girl, and my parents still love her wholeheartedly deep down hoping she would leave that guy some day. Heck, my father was hospitalized 2 weeks ago, and today as I am typing this he is in her room painting while she is now having fun outside with that guy.

[SunnyWeather]

You sound obsessive; who are you to say what is and isn't "lady like" and try to stop her from taking an overseas trip? It's her life, she's an adult and can do what she wants--butt out.

 

Maybe you should find a hobby or something to focus on yourself.

 

good luck

[basil67]

Your sister is an adult. Her choices are none of your business.

 

The more you berate her for her decisions, the more she will dig her heels in and do the opposite. The fact you haven't spoken to her for a year is probably best for both of you.