How do people find their girlfriends/boyfriends?

[RocktheCasbah]

I'm sorry. All of that is stuff I just simply cannot do. Lol... what I'm describing is the truth and not a distorted view of myself. I guess it's just not for me...oh well. Thanks anyway though guys.

 

I don't believe that dude. You want a girlfriend right? How do you think you get one? You got to talk to the chicks first. You don't just get one from the grocery store. I don't want to sound rude but man you got to try. You can do it. It is for you. Just talk to a lot of women until it is just nature (and I don't mean women you would date or anything, just all women)

[Miss Spider]

School/friends/work(though not directly together) seem like the common and ideal ones to me.

[GemmaUK]

I'm not quite sure what you question is to be honest.

 

Self growth (which requires attitude shifts and work on your part) would be the way towards a better prospect in dating but you appear to have shut the lid on anything like that.

 

I see guy after guy on here lacking social skills, knowing it, being given great advice but the only thing they seem willing to try differently is OLD.

OLD is only a tool to meet people. To chat with people on it and get dates and relationships out of it a person still needs social skills etc.

[Code123]

I don't believe that dude. You want a girlfriend right? How do you think you get one? You got to talk to the chicks first. You don't just get one from the grocery store. I don't want to sound rude but man you got to try. You can do it. It is for you. Just talk to a lot of women until it is just nature (and I don't mean women you would date or anything, just all women)

 

No, man lol. I promise I'm not trying to be contrary, but I can't do any of that. It just doesn't work that way for me. Women do not, and are not going to, be attracted to me, ever. It's just that simple. I was only here to vent. I'm working towards acceptance. I do appreciate your guy's kindness though.

Edited August 17, 2017 by Code123

[d0nnivain]

Yes, I think your refusal to seek professional help is you being contrary. If you have not tried it, you have no basis to conclude that it won't work that your problems are inherently unfixable. Human beings are remarkable. They can learn a lot of things so you can learn coping mechanisms to overcome your shortcomings. Social interaction is a learned skill not an innate talent.

 

OLD is a demoralizing process under the best of circumstances. The fact that you sent out a bunch of messages but got no reply, proves nothing.

[smackie9]

Ever thought of taking up the priesthood? You have purpose, you can help others, people will depend on you for guidance so you will have importance, and you don't have to worry about women because it will be off limits anyways. It's a win win. Or you can enjoy the solitude of being a monk, and spend your days studying and doing good deeds for the community.

[Code123]

Ever thought of taking up the priesthood? You have purpose, you can help others, people will depend on you for guidance so you will have importance, and you don't have to worry about women because it will be off limits anyways. It's a win win. Or you can enjoy the solitude of being a monk, and spend your days studying and doing good deeds for the community.

Nah, man. But funny enough, I've had several people suggest that to me. It turns out I'm a nonbeliever. I'm not knocking it, but its not for me.

[Code123]

I've had this thought in the back of my mind for a year or two now, but it hasn't truly hit me until now, and that's that I think it's time to give up the hope. It is time to give myself some relief and let go once and for all. So I've made the conscious decision to finally relax my soul, and just give it up. For some reason, I've encountered this feeling of peace with it that has just hit me in the past couple of days. I don't know why. I just kind of woke up this way and it's the strongest, most certain feeling I've ever had. That's how things usually work with me.

 

My mind is so clear now, it's crazy. It is so obvious now to see that I'm better off alone. Women seem like sort of like a special thing, meant for other guys, but not me. Trying to make things happen with women for me is like trying to make water flow uphill. It just doesn't work, it's not in the cards, it's not meant to be. I know that now, and I have this feeling that it's all okay. I'm actually very happy now. I have suffered in this pain and torment for so long. But now I can finally shed all of that worry, pain, and suffering once and for all! I truly think my life will improve now.

Edited August 29, 2017 by Code123

[Mysterio]

Code. I think you should let go of the burdon of trying to get a GF. Have peace of mind. I doubt you will go your whole life alone. What concerns me more is the lack of friendships.

 

I would join a recreational activity that you love. Hopefully mixed genders and have a ball. Let friendships and possible romantic connections just sprout from natural interactions.

 

I don't know anyone that has a constant barrage of love potentials coming towards them on a regular basis anyways. Unless your a movie/rock star. I don't have women throwing themselves at me. A lot of this love stuff is overhyped anyways.

 

I think its worse not to have friends than not having a Special Romantic Love.

[Code123]

Code. I think you should let go of the burdon of trying to get a GF. Have peace of mind. I doubt you will go your whole life alone. What concerns me more is the lack of friendships.

 

I would join a recreational activity that you love. Hopefully mixed genders and have a ball. Let friendships and possible romantic connections just sprout from natural interactions.

 

I don't know anyone that has a constant barrage of love potentials coming towards them on a regular basis anyways. Unless your a movie/rock star. I don't have women throwing themselves at me. A lot of this love stuff is overhyped anyways.

 

I think its worse not to have friends than not having a Special Romantic Love.

I can't. I'd love to. But I can't. Just too many problems. My mind is a dark and messed up place.

[Mysterio]

Tackle your problems one by one Whats the point in having a GF if your in a dark frame of mind.

 

Seek help for your soul. It will make things better for you.

[Code123]

No. I gave up. I gave up on life.

[Miss Spider]

You should prob see a therapist

[alphamale]

Plenty of women around me in my daily life. But none of them like me.

 

are you good looking?

[SammySammy]

Every point of advice here is given with the assumption that I'm a normal person. The typical advice doesn't apply to me because I'm below what constitutes a normal person. Things don't happen to me the way they happen to others. There is a whole different set of laws that govern me. I'll never attract women because I'm sub-standard. I'm not a real man. I'm well beneath that mark. That's why people inherently treat real men with better respect than they treat me. It stands to reason, and I want to make sure this world belongs to the best, the brightest, and the strongest. I'll do so by eliminating myself.

 

The only real difference between you and I is attitude. Confidence. Self-assurance. Positive belief in myself.

 

I'm far from normal in so many ways. My life has been fraught with difficulties and challenges. While I admit that I also have some significant advantages, I'm far from normal or average. And my greatest advantage is attitude.

 

I came across an interesting YouTube video today. It might be worth a listen.

Edited September 1, 2017 by MidKnightDreams

[Code123]

I really appreciate the kindness you guys are showing me, and I promise I'm not trying to be contrary, but you guys don't understand. I'm not a normal person, so normal advice you'd give to normal people does not apply to me. My problems are not even problems at all, they're just inherent parts of me. They can't be fixed. They are unalterable components of me. This is why I've moved in the direction of trying to change the course of my life, trying to move on without all of this stuff that I desire and forget about it, learn to live without it, and trying to rid myself of such desires, because it's never going to happen for me. It is impossible for women to like me, or for a woman to experience attraction or affection for me. My undesirable status in the eyes of women is unanymous among women. This is just a fact. My best bet is to build a life without it, and that is what I'm working toward every day now.

[normal person]

I'm not a normal person, so normal advice you'd give to normal people does not apply to me. My problems are not even problems at all, they're just inherent parts of me. They can't be fixed. They are unalterable components of me.

 

Why do you think you're so much different than everyone else with the same problems? There are plenty of them on this forum alone. Most people seek help and have some degree of success with some coaxing and shift in behavior, but the person has to be open to the possibility that they can change and that things can get better. You say they can't, but if you really think that, you wouldn't have started a thread saying, "Hello, everyone. Things are hopeless. Don't even try and discuss it with me because it won't be any use. Ok, now discuss." I'm willing to bet your problems aren't particularly different than most other people who struggle.

 

 

It is impossible for women to like me, or for a woman to experience attraction or affection for me. My undesirable status in the eyes of women is unanymous among women. This is just a fact. My best bet is to build a life without it, and that is what I'm working toward every day now.

 

What you don't realize is that 90% of what's holding you back is the belief that it's impossible for women to like you. No one will invest in someone who can't be bothered to invest in themselves, or is constantly shouting "I'm undesirable, woe is me!" What I think you're trying to do is elicit some kind of karmic sympathy, where if you go around complaining about your abject misery, some woman will feel bad enough to "like" you. I'm telling you, that will never work in a million years. That attitude is unattractive, and that's the first barrier to entry.

 

So you could walk around constantly complaining about how bad things are, or, you could just be like this girl: https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliareinstein/hands-down-the-best-catch-on-tinder?utm_term=.xcbGGYaz8#.faGKKQxGL

 

Someone in her position could easily spend her time complaining, but with a simple attitude adjustment she's got guys dying to go out with her.

 

If you just got over this whole idea that you're so hopelessly abnormal and undesirable, you'll have a chance of getting what you want if you work for it. If not, things won't change. Best of luck.

[Code123]

Oh, I'm waaay worse off than that woman. Geez, that's nothing. Losing a limb is waaay different than having staggeringly ugly qualities that are inherent and make up who/what you are, both physically and psychologically, that render you a total crap human being. Losing a limb does not change who you are or your overall essence and attractiveness. That woman is still attractive. It's like buying a corvette with a missing door, versus buying an AMC Gremlin with no issues. The corvette is still better because it's a corvette. You can't conflate damages to the body via accidents with inborn, inherent qualities that make up a person.

 

It's not my attitude, man. I promise. I'm not being whiney or hyperbolic when I say that women unanymously don't like me. That's what I can never get through people's heads. They always deflect back to their same old arguments that are derived from their understanding of normal people.

 

You can always see just how manifestly unattracted to me women are to me. You can see it in how they let their guards down about being pretty or attractive when they're around me. They'll say and do things around me they wouldn't do or say if they were around a guy they cared about attracting. It's like, "Oh, it's just an ugly, undesirable, loser. I can let my guard down." And they don't do it after they've had a chance to talk to me and get to know me and judge me based on my attitude, they do it out of hand automatically because there's nothing, whether on the surface or within, that is attractive about me.

 

I do appreciate your kindness and efforts to console, and I'm sorry for sounding like a 24/7 pity party, but ultimately this is how things are. This why I posted that comment the other day about learning to move on and accept a life as a lonely loser.

Edited September 1, 2017 by Code123

[Miss Spider]

The only real difference between you and I is attitude. Confidence. Self-assurance. Positive belief in myself.

 

I'm far from normal in so many ways. My life has been fraught with difficulties and challenges. While I admit that I also have some significant advantages, I'm far from normal or average. And my greatest advantage is attitude.

 

I came across an interesting YouTube video today. It might be worth a listen.

 

I'm non-religious, but this was good. Especially the latter half, when he suggests giving yourself 30 days to focus on one goal, believing you can have it, and putting in as much effort into as you can. And if you fail within that time you have to start over.

 

Developing goals and retraining your mind to think positively definitely works for people suffering from depression or ennui. The sad part is, people just don't do it. They think it's a waste of time or they try half heartedly for a bit and give up too soon.

Edited September 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Blanco]

I do appreciate your kindness and efforts to console, and I'm sorry for sounding like a 24/7 pity party, but ultimately this is how things are. This why I posted that comment the other day about learning to move on and accept a life as a lonely loser.

 

You should alert a mod to close this thread then.

 

You can keep saying you're not trying to be a contrarian or being a whiny, one-man pity party, but that doesn't mean you aren't being exactly that at this point. Marginalizing someone who lost a limb is so beyond the pale that I don't think anyone here can help you.

[Code123]

I don't feel I was marginalizing anyone.

[Blanco]

You literally said you were "way worse off" than a woman who had lost a limb.

 

Maybe I've missed what exactly is so repugnant about you, but from what I've seen, the only thing about you that is visibly off-putting is your crappy attitude.

[Miss Spider]

She's a beautiful woman, but more importantly, she seems to have an awesome personality and positive attitude towards life. Why wouldn't she be able to find men interested in her. So to echo what everyone has said, it's about the attitude

Edited September 2, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Bastile]

I keep telling these guys that never had a girlfriend and keep complaining that wait until you get one! You'll need time alone in a dark room with a cold flannel on your head

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llia7gdJd40

[Code123]

You literally said you were "way worse off" than a woman who had lost a limb.

 

Maybe I've missed what exactly is so repugnant about you, but from what I've seen, the only thing about you that is visibly off-putting is your crappy attitude.

 

What I meant was, a lost limb does not make one undatable, that I'm worse off when it comes to finding mates and dating. This girl still looks beautiful, and the lost limb did not change her overall essence. That is not the same as being born with staggeringly ugly traits like me, being an awkward and ugly person like me, and having an overall hideous essence about you like I do. I'm not saying this girl has no issues related to losing her limb.