Peace of Mind........

[middy]

I've been lurking for a while and read some of the threads and it just hurt me to my heart that I wasn't the only one feeling so bad. After 17 years, my wife and I decided to call it quits. Through the many red flags, I continued to push through and hope for the best and always got the worst. She worked on herself and made tremendous strides but all of a sudden, she's turned into a control freak flake.

 

We're just so different which I finally think has caught up to us. I'm somewhat reserved and conservative; she's a full fledged liberal. I'm old school, she's new school. I'm a Christian, she's a newly found atheist. Just crazy ****. She posts on a different relationship site and I didn't want to invade her space so I went and found my own. It's tough having to break up after 17 years but you just can't put a price on peace of mind and being stress free. I should be angry but I'm not. I'd rather live out of my truck and be at peace than live in a house with her and be at war. I'm glad this is happening while two of our three kids are in their early 20s.

 

My story is probably similar to most: lies, infidelity, betrayal. But through it all, I hope to find nothing but happiness. I don't want much. I'm a simple man. Meat, cheese, bread, Directv, a green lawn and a nice ass to rub. I watched my house get taken and sold by this woman who just became a homeowner three years ago while I've been one for fifteen years. Yes, we've been in the house I turned into a castle for fifteen years and it took twelve before she finally put any real money into it. And she did it just to sell it. And why? Her reasoning was to get something bigger and better. The real reason was to pay off the **** sandwich the IRS made for her because her dumb ass didn't file her taxes from 2009-2011.

 

Anyhoo, just thought I'd give you a look into my world. There's so much more but most of you have already been there. I wish nothing but the best for each and everyone of you.

Edited June 11, 2017 by middy

[LancasterAmos1966]

I wish nothing but the best for each and everyone of you.

 

 

And the same to you too Middy!!

 

It seems you are making good progress in letting go. For those times when you shake your head and can't believe she is gone, I'd suggest 3 things:

 

Google a phrase like "signs to know that I'm over my ex". These signs helped me know where I was at in the process.

 

Google "the 5 stages of grief" -- again, knowing this information really helped me.

 

And last, Google a book "Uncoupling: Turning points in intimate relationships" --- this old book really help me understand that my wife just wanted to be set free, and there was nothing that I could do to stop her desire for freedom. And instead of hating her, and wishing her a bad life, I was able to be thankful for the 20 years we shared, and go on to recover from losing her.

 

Your wife took enough from you, so don't let her take any more. Have a great summer!!

[middy]

Thanks champ ..... something I really needed to hear. Ya know I'm over the relationship. You can only take so much from a control freak with a horrible temper. I was over that when she said she should get more from the sell of the house because she finally put money into it after living there and nothing putting anything into it for twelve years ...... lol:rolleyes:

 

 

Just that house has me in it completely. It's the ugly duckling in 2002. Turned into the beautiful swan in 2017 and that mainly from my hands. My blood, sweat, tears, fingernails, skin and saliva are deep in the drywall and studs of that house but at then end of the day, stress free is always the way to go. I know my house will be in good hands once the new people come in because I plan on going back there once they move in and let them know they better take care of my baby.

[LeeBorden]

Hi Middy,

 

i think you're doing wonderfully under the circumstances. Please don't think you've put all the grieving behind you, because there's still hard work ahead of you, but you seem to be doing a great job managing all of this. So yay!

 

Do you have platonic friendships with women? If not, I hope you will do that. It's a great way to rediscover who you are separate from your wife.

 

Lee Borden - Divorceinfo

[middy]

Hi Middy,

 

i think you're doing wonderfully under the circumstances. Please don't think you've put all the grieving behind you, because there's still hard work ahead of you, but you seem to be doing a great job managing all of this. So yay!

 

Do you have platonic friendships with women? If not, I hope you will do that. It's a great way to rediscover who you are separate from your wife.

 

Lee Borden - Divorceinfo

 

 

Much appreciated. I do have some female friends and theyve been huge. Just because you have a female friend doesn't mean you're trying to bang.

[aileD]

I wish you the best

 

 

It's so sad to me how this happens all the time. You loved that woman enough once to propose and want nothing else for the rest of your life but her. To have kids with her--bring life into the world. And 17 years later, you're strangers...or worse, you hate each other. Or worse--you're indifferent to any feelings for eachother.

 

I'm not blaming or judging you or looking for you to explain.......It just is so sad that is the way things turned out....how it always seems to turn out for a lot of people.

 

It's such a shame

[middy]

I wish you the best

 

 

It's so sad to me how this happens all the time. You loved that woman enough once to propose and want nothing else for the rest of your life but her. To have kids with her--bring life into the world. And 17 years later, you're strangers...or worse, you hate each other. Or worse--you're indifferent to any feelings for eachother.

 

I'm not blaming or judging you or looking for you to explain.......It just is so sad that is the way things turned out....how it always seems to turn out for a lot of people.

 

It's such a shame

 

Yes it is. We are slowly communicating and talking but I'm just trying to teach that peace of mind finish line and I think I'm damn near there. I sleep better and just feel really good. Instead of looking at what broke us up, I try focusing on the good parts and times in our relationship.