Difficulty leaving a cheating abusive husband

[Misa Misa]

I have been married with my husband for 7 years, two kids. For the past few years when we are married, he was not very nice to me.He was careless about the kids and me. We both work, he never helped with any housework, he likes to tease my look or the way I dress, and he bursts his anger whenever he wants to. When I have different opinions from him, he will scream at me and hit me if he can, to make me agree. I am too, always fight for myself in the argument. I was hurt many times, and he at the other end think my fighting back is a bitch reaction. He thinks good wives has the ability to calm husband down and helps him pass the anger.

 

Last month the beginning of June, he goes to China for work, and my friend in China saw him with a woman kissing in public. I confronted him, and he told me he was just flirting with her, and he didn't go to bed with her. He also said he was sorry, and he wants me to understand he is flirting outside because I didn't show enough love to me, and he felt not loved at home. We have been talk back and force with Email, I want him to take full responsibility on his action and promise not to do it again, and he says he will, only if I become nicer to him, even when he is having problem with his temper. He says I didn't do my job to baby him when he is having bad times, and I didn't show enough appreciation for him working so hard for the family. Two days ago, he finally said he is deeply sorry, he realizes his temper problem, and he will be back in states in few days, and he will work on our relationship again if I am willing to change with him.

 

Just this morning, I find a video he saved in his iCloud, he is with a woman in an apartment cooking, she only has bra and underwear on. There is a shot of her sitting on a living room sofa, and I recognize it is the living room of the rental apartment he stays in China.

 

I was blanked out and shocked. I started to realize maybe he has been having affairs for a long time, and he wasn't just flirting. After few hours of calming myself down, I know deeply in my heart that it is time to leave him. I shouldn't wasting my time and get myself hurt with him any more. But there is a voice in head tells me maybe I am responsible for his affairs and maybe I did not treat him good enough to make him feel happy.

 

My feeling is lost, and I don't know what to do. I am so trapped and hurt. Please, if any of you can see things clear headed, please give me some advices.

[d0nnivain]

You are not responsible for his actions. He chose to cheat. He also chose to hit you. What you have to do now is chose to protect yourself & your kids by divorcing him. There is no middle ground here He will not change.

[whichwayisup]

I have been married with my husband for 7 years, two kids. For the past few years when we are married, he was not very nice to me.He was careless about the kids and me. We both work, he never helped with any housework, he likes to tease my look or the way I dress, and he bursts his anger whenever he wants to. When I have different opinions from him, he will scream at me and hit me if he can, to make me agree. I am too, always fight for myself in the argument. I was hurt many times, and he at the other end think my fighting back is a bitch reaction. He thinks good wives has the ability to calm husband down and helps him pass the anger.

 

Last month the beginning of June, he goes to China for work, and my friend in China saw him with a woman kissing in public. I confronted him, and he told me he was just flirting with her, and he didn't go to bed with her. He also said he was sorry, and he wants me to understand he is flirting outside because I didn't show enough love to me, and he felt not loved at home. We have been talk back and force with Email, I want him to take full responsibility on his action and promise not to do it again, and he says he will, only if I become nicer to him, even when he is having problem with his temper. He says I didn't do my job to baby him when he is having bad times, and I didn't show enough appreciation for him working so hard for the family. Two days ago, he finally said he is deeply sorry, he realizes his temper problem, and he will be back in states in few days, and he will work on our relationship again if I am willing to change with him.

 

Just this morning, I find a video he saved in his iCloud, he is with a woman in an apartment cooking, she only has bra and underwear on. There is a shot of her sitting on a living room sofa, and I recognize it is the living room of the rental apartment he stays in China.

 

I was blanked out and shocked. I started to realize maybe he has been having affairs for a long time, and he wasn't just flirting. After few hours of calming myself down, I know deeply in my heart that it is time to leave him. I shouldn't wasting my time and get myself hurt with him any more. But there is a voice in head tells me maybe I am responsible for his affairs and maybe I did not treat him good enough to make him feel happy.

 

My feeling is lost, and I don't know what to do. I am so trapped and hurt. Please, if any of you can see things clear headed, please give me some advices.

 

File for divorce! Get a good lawyer! Make save all the evidence you have of your husband cheating on you (videos etc) so if need be it can be used against him.

 

You and your children deserve better.

[Sweet108]

Google Chump Lady. You'll be glad you did!

[preraph]

Remember if you stay with this cheating abuser, the message you are sending your daughter is "It is normal to put up with a cheater and a man who hits you." And them message to your son is "It is normal to bully your wife and cheat on her." So for your kids' sake, you need to take a stand and leave.