Young relationship to older, keeping it alive? help?

[Shana]

Ok another thought to ponder. My 1st post as Shana was about marriage, my great guy, and If I want to get married etc. but I have other questions and concerns of course!

 

Do you ever feel like your relationship is getting old? I don’t mean old as in the mutual love is dwindling just old as in the little things are never said or done anymore... they have been replaced with other more foundation-set meanings but you MISS those little things big time.

 

Remember when you were getting ready to go to your g/b friends house and you would take forever to prepare your self in nice clothes, make up, clean shaved face etc? Do you still do that? I do but we live together so he sees me pretty and not so pretty, I sometime feel like although I LOVE living with him maybe things would be different if some things that are yet to be seen so to say.

 

Remember the ohh, your skin is so soft or you smell so good?? I STILL make those comments his way, maybe not as often but I do, I do here some great compliments from him but these two I no longer hear. Why? Today I am wearing jeans and a loud rhinestone belt, we had lunch and he says, your hair is different today, wow look at that belt, no compliment though, I said ok .. Is there something wrong with my outfit today? See, I am one of those people who never follows style, I am my own me, so my outfits are conservative one day, crazy the next, maybe he was caught off guard with my appearance today, maybe because he was wearing a suit, like everyday>? Humm, I wonder once again.

 

Remember in the beginning when anything you said stupid or intelligent he would be there listening and ready to answer? Now sometimes I feel like I am talking to a wall, and yes, I represent the wall myself at times. It happens, but why? Are we both being taken for granted by each other? As you see I am not pushing the issues to be a “him” issue, it is both of us, I notice this, does he though ? ... I wonder.

 

I always feel appreciated, wanted, and pretty as we all want to feel, he is a wonderful, beautiful person in too many ways I just think he is comfortable with us as us. We travel, go out a lot, laugh and have awesome fun together, its not like we are sitting at home together doing and neither of us live a “single” lifestyle, we always include each other in everything. Which is cool.

 

I cannot seem to find out what is bothering me. I think that is why I asked for marriage should I, do I advice in an earlier post. With marriage I believe I will experience more of the little and then big things diminish, even so with them being replaced with other meaningful happy times..

I am just SO happy with him in my life, we were meant to be I feel. He does not complete me because I already am complete but he does make my world that much more special, I just want to make sure that it stays special..... I think a lot, show me a real problem because I do not have to deal with a cheating, lying spouse.. Heck, we never argue what so ever, life is good, but what’s my hang up then?? Thanks for listening to my junk here.

[RecordProducer]

It's not junk, it's actually a very important thing. Dating and being in love is the most wonderful thing and it hurts when the things that make it wonderful start vanishing. I don't know if it's a matter of comfort and why we take people for granted. If they seem to slip out of our hands we don't take them for granted, even after 10 years of marriage. Yet the love feels different.

 

I would say the infatuation disappears after a year or so. But in my opinion you can still feel great when you're together. I see that you do. If I were you I would just think about it deeper and try to figure out whether it's just nostalgia for the primary infatuation or real incompatibility. You said "I do not have to deal with a cheating, lying spouse." Sounds like you're persuading yourself. Are those all of his qualities?

 

Don't compare him to what you DON'T want, but what you DO want in a man. What do you like about him? What don't you like about him? If you would split, would you look for someone who is like him or not really?

It's a good sign that you never fight and feel good together. Hopefully the physical part (affection and sex) also fees great.

[Shana]

I do/we do feel great when we are together. Yes, I did say I don't have to deal with a lying cheating spouse, which is what I like about him amongst a zillion other things. I can honestly say there is nothing that I don't like about him, he is one in a million, a very special, different, caringg, funny, honest guy... if he was not in my life I think a huge part of my heart would go with him.

 

I think I am better now.. just was missing the little things in life, but if I can just have the love we share for a bunch of years, that will suffice just fine~

[bab]

I know what you mean, and you don't sound like you are complaining. I struggled with this concept for awhile. I LOVED the excitement in a new relationship. It's an adrenaline rush. I still miss it sometimes, but what I've got instead is something that I could never have anywhere else. The adrenaline heart pumping feeling comes from anticipation, the unknown, what will our relationship be like..., does he really like me? All of these things are fun. When we get more into a relationship, we answer these questions and the adrenaline starts to fade.

 

Even though I don't get butterflies every time I see my fiance, I know I have a love that is way deeper than butterflies. Now I get butterflies when I think about us being together for 50 years. Buying our first house. Moving to new cities together. Having our first child. Going to soccer games/ballet recitals/school plays as a family. Yes there is comfort there, but there is excitement in being able to truely share yourself with someone else. When you start to miss the butterflies, think of all the things that are still to come in your relationship. Think about being able to truely share them. This keeps the spark alive for me. I admit that I occassionaly let the spark dwindle, and when I do, there is less of the things that you mentioned. But once I realize it, it doesn't take me long to get it back. Actually now that I'm writing this, my heart is swelling with excitement for my fiance and I think I'll email my fiance and tell him how I feel.

[Shana]

You hit the nail directly on the head!!

 

It so is anticipation of whats to come. The feeling is like no other and I do get carried away with my thoughts sometimes. I know other people have so many issues within their relationship and here I am saying wow, I am so happy but I don't want it to change.

 

It is change for the better, deeper, call my own...

 

So, did you email the lucky guy and tell him how much you love him? Im sure you did!

[bab]

Thanks Shana. I did email him. I told him all the things I was excited about. He replied that I forgot about all the cool cars he was gonna buy, and that I was such a girl. He's fun.

 

Sounds like you've got a great guy and a great relationship yourself. Good luck with everything!!