Anne_470 Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 I met my husband back in 2011 online ..we met and started hanging out ..He said he was disabled from an accident he had years ago (chemicals shut his liver down) diagnosed with rare muscle disease (myosits) and has a tumor behind his eye and some brain damage .which that wasnt noticeable to me as he seemed really intelligent... since I really liked him and was super attracted to him I said it didnt matter ..He promised me he would help me with the bills and that we had his money to help ..The arguments started early in our relationship (jealously,money ,kids you name it) but we married anyways because of the pressure I was getting from him about living in sin .. His sons lived outta state ( about 7 hrs away) at the time ..and my youngest was still at home with me ..He soon talked his oldest to into coming down to stay with us and find a job ..well he didnt come alone ..brought a buddy .. Well anyways all the time we had been together he hadnt commited to helping me financially in any way .. He smokes weed to help control his anxiety so he had to spend it on that ..child support came out of it also ..so he didnt have much to help and money was tight with my income being the only one supporting us .. Now I had two more grown men to take care of!! the stress was mounting on me ..I told him ..look ..these boys are gonna have to help ..give some money or something cause I cant do it all ..its just too much stress on me.. well he acted like that was the worst thing in the world for me to say such a thing ..but after my persistence he told them we needed 40 a week from both of them to help with the bills ..they reluctantly agreed .. they stayed 6 months .!! I thought I was gonna pull my hair out ..There was no privacy..messes constantly and our arguing only got worse ..cause we hadnt been married 2 months when he moved them in !! When my youngest turned 18 she moved out immediately ..you could tell the stress of us arguing all the time was getting to her ..and of course he always blamed it on me for her leaving .. saying it was my mouth of course and that i didnt know when to shut up .. we broke up briefly in 2014 for about a month ..I was so heartbroken because whether he helped me financially or not I was so deeply in love with him and the good things about him ..I begged him to come back home (he was staying with his mom and brother) and after a while he did ... I noticed he was being protective over his phone ..never leaving in the same room with me and sleeping with it and all the other signs that something wasnt right ..Well I decided to put a spy app on his phone one night while he was asleep ..Oh and I am so glad I did ! I caught him sexting and sending pics of his private parts to other women and all the while texting me telling me how much he loves me ..Can you imagine what I was going through at that time while at work?? I was enraged and hurt and just broken.. How could he do that to me after all I had done for him? I came home and confronted him about it and he begged me to forgive him ...I told him to get the H**** out of my house and that I could no longer trust him ..but as time went by I forgave him ..but that night he crushed his phone ..He was always secretive with his phone anyways .If he was just talking to his family he would go in another room and just say he couldnt hear or something ..I know this is long ..sorry ..He has never really taken responsibility for any of the arguments in our relationship ..I only snap when I cannot take anymore ..I have tried talking to him peacefully about the stuff that bothers me but he will just look at me and say " why you gotta start running your mouth again " or " I am going to bed so I dont have to listen to this "." or "Is there something wrong with you ". I have caught him watching porn and I so hate that he does this because he tries to make me do what he sees ..He has never made love to me ..its only about sex and has been rough with me one more than one occasion ..He makes stuff up in his head ..scenerios that are ridiculous and not true ..He has acccused me of doing things that I have not done ..therefore another argument ..He has badmouthed me to his family to the point they probably think I am some pshyco or something ..He has spent all of his money pretty much on a race car ..motor parts and the never ending stuff that comes along with it while I am bustin my butt working a swingshift job to pay all the bills so (I feel like ) he can play with his boy toys ..I pay for everything ..I am the provider ..He does mow the grass and would load a dishwasher ..occasionally clean out a tub and only a load of laundry when it got piled up too high ...some of the fights we have had have gotten physical because he just wouldnt shut up yelling and screaming ..He has tried to choke me..threw me out of a building 3ft down which hurt my back and I was outta work for a week..he has punched holes through my wall from one side to the other ..busted two laptops ..xbox controller ..2 phones ..1 home phone ..busted my tanning door ..busted door and tore the frame off ..He has hurt me so much ..he is so mean with his words .cussing me and calling me names.But somehow I still love him ..When he was sweet he was super sweet and told me things I really needed to hear ..I adored him and admired him for many things .. but I lost all respect for him when he started telling me he was gonna do this or that and then never backing up his word..and of course all the things that have happened along the way.. when his other son comes down to visit he ignores me to the point that I feel really neglected and of course thats another fight ..I have always wanted to work on my marraige ..get counseling but he never sees there is a problem with us only me..We can argue one day..go to bed mad and the next day he acts like nothing ever happened ..while I am still hurt and upset so nothing ever gets resolved ..In 2015 we one of our fights ended up with us getting physical..I called 911 because I didnt know what he would do next ..he threw me into the weight bench..He lied and I am the one who went to jail ! never have I been in trouble for anything in my life ..fast forward to this year 2017 and just 2 days ago ..we got into it again ..and he threatened to knock me out ..so I called 911 again ..when he knew I was on the phone with them then he called too . lies again .cops came out talked to us both ..he fed em more lies ..told them he just got out of the shower and I started in on him ..when all I was trying to do was talk to him ..he pitched a fit and started yelling at me which I yelled back and it went on from there .. they made him leave..they even took him to his sons house .. because I refused to let him take off in my vehicle ..I have had enough of his antics but at the same time I still love him and if he would be willing to try I would go to counseling with him ... He has not returned home at this point but I am expecting him to come home tomorrow night when I head out to work ..He told me that they said if I didnt give him a door key that I would go to jail ..But I do plan on consulting a lawyer tomorrow and see if I can go ahead and change the locks because I am afraid he will come in my house of 24 yrs and bust something else up .. My heart is aching right now ..I have cried off an on since he left me ..I havent ate much at all in the past two days and its killing me not knowing whats going on in his head .. but I refuse to get in contact with him this time and caving on begging him to come back to me because I think he is bad for me and doesnt really deserve me ..I feel used and abused and its going to take me a while to recover from this.I feel like I was his victim..his way out of his brothers ..I think he had narccissitic tendencies ..He was always bragging about himself..how good he was at this or that ..how much weight he can lift and just random stuff .. He has bad character in my opinion .. always making me look bad and him look like the good person.. I have never been treated like this in my life and its really got me down ...thanks for reading and I am sorry I had to write a book here ..believe me ..I could write more Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Look this guy is not a good guy. He is a liar, a cheat, an abusive husband whom you should RUN from as fast as possible. You will not go to jail. Change the locks and call the police if he tries to break in. He will go to jail. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 He can't use you if you stop allowing it. File for divorce and an order from the judge to formally remove him from your home. Then change the locks. Don't speak to him - a fight will only result from any interaction. Get out while you're alive. Get counseling to help you become strong. No one should settle for this abuse. Be free asap. Filing and following through should be your biggest priority tomorrow! Get busy...and good luck. Keep us posted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
middy Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Damn. So sorry you're going through this. I've learned you only have a few years on this planet and you better make the most of them. Get out any way you can. #stressfree Link to post Share on other sites
ahhope4u Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 IT is hard to get through a messy relationship and that is what these site can do-give us room and acknowledgement. Now you can be a bit more calm in decisions, and if he has been violent once he can and most likely will be again- there are good information sites for spousal violence and if you can get a lawyers advice do it. you have to decide for your own safety and beleive that God doesn't want us to struggle with abuse. focus on family -national domestic vilolence hotlines- community and church organizations all have somegreat info. Many prayers and blessings. Link to post Share on other sites
testmeasure Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 With someone narcissistic, it can be hard to reconcile the ups with the downs. When you fit the narrative, you're on the pedestal with them. When you don't fit the narrative, it gets too negative to understand. It's difficult for a normal person to reconcile. From experience and reading, they will do the negative stuff under two conditions, first when they can get away with it, and second when they sense there is something to be gained by it. It's cold and calculated. If he crossed a line, he'll stay away just long enough for your guard to be down. This is not a good dynamic. Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Theres lots of fish in the sea. you dont need him, can do so much better Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts