Redhead14 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 No one who treats us poorly deserves to have that kind of emotional power over us. Yes, it's difficult to turn the other cheek, especially in the heat of a moment, but in the end we have to live with ourselves. If this guy was actually doing this "on purpose" to hurt her, she let him know that he accomplished his goal. And, since it appears he at least has narcissistic tendencies, he would be eating this up. Don't feed the bears . . . In my heart, I wanted to say "you go girl!", but with lots of years of experience and observation, I've learned that there are no winners in a war. The best we can hope for is to minimize damage for ourselves especially when the enemy is ruthless and has no conscience and our efforts to retaliate pale in comparison to the act that caused the war. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Right, I realize that it wasn't the best decision. But what about everything that he's done to me? The lies and the stringing along? Making out with someone right in front of me with no disregard for my feelings. I think that's pretty nasty as well Yes, it is nasty, but like others have said, acting like he is nobody and just getting on with your life is the best thing you could do. Don't flatter him with attention, negative or positive - nothing. He deserves nothing. He might be trying to get your attention by his appalling behaviour - in which case it worked in this case. He doesn't deserve your attention. Resolve to ignore him no matter how provocative he is. Provocation just shows his immaturity. Don't allow him to push you to lose your dignity again; it only feed his pathetic ego. Be proud and ignore him, enjoy yourself with your friends. If he was trying to provoke you, he will feel the pain when it doesn't work. Let him wonder what he has lost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Just an afterthought, it seems that all along you were nice to him and tried to understand his pretty awful behaviour. Making out in an obvious way with his new girlfriend was the last straw. It sounds like you needed a chance to have your say and express your anger. Spilling your drink provided that confrontational moment. You apologised (which was appropriate I guess) but really this guy should have been doing some apologising all the way along. In this context, there was a clear purpose behind spilling your drink - you wanted to upset them and also to provoke a confrontation so you could have your say. Maybe next time someone messes you around you could confront them before it gets to this point and call them out on their behaviour. It seems like you put up with too much. I guess you can look back now and maybe see at what point you should have walked out on this guy. We have probably all been there. If this guy is a player - and he sounds like it - he will almost certainly be trying to provoke ongoing drama so that he can claim to have a stream of 'crazy' exs who all wanted him so much. I bet he told you of a 'crazy' ex too and maybe even started a relationship with you while he was still in some kind of connection with another. Yes, he's a creep, but don't allow him to drag you into his little narcissistic, egotistical drama. The more you ignore him and treat him as irrelevant to you, the more his game will fail and he will suffer. Sounds like he deserves it too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mbell8970 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 Thank you everyone for your constructive feedback and support. It is truly helping me move forward and giving me a chance to take a good hard look at who my ex really was all along, through the breakup and during the relationship. The next time I see him out with our friends (which I'm sure will happen at some point) I will pay no mind to him. Just like you all have said, he does not deserve any more of my attention, negative or positive. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauradlou Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I am sorry about your situation. I think it is best if you part ways and don't speak or interact for awhile. He is with someone else now. I would suggest you find some hobbies and stay busy. Best of luck to you. I will be praying for you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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