drifter777 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 This is what also would hurt me more too. She was my first (we lost our virginities together in HS) and only woman I've ever been with. It's still sad to think about it. :( Regarding being young as others mentioned...yes I'm 21 but I was really ready to start a family. Not sure what does age has to do with someone wanting commitment and being faithful? I never cheated, not even when we were dating in HS. Someone cheating and being immature because they want to. I still want a family and nope, I won't want to be the type of guy that moves from girl to girl quickly. Just that I don't want to date at this point. I need some time to get over this. Age doesn't have anything to do with any of this. The fact that people married young is often used as an excuse when they cheat. They say they didn't have the chance to sleep around before they were married so that now they are entitled to act like they are single. Disgusting! You will heal from all of this much faster if you shut her completely out of your life. No contact, no nothing. Thank God she showed you who she really is before you were married and had children. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Inafishbowl Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Honestly I'm impressed by how you are handling this so far. Yes it's painful, it's like a death of sorts. Read up on moving forward from a relationship. There are several periods and steps. Follow the advice here. No contact is the way to go. There are certain things you can't go back on. An affair is one of them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 (edited) yes I'm 21 but I was really ready to start a family. Not sure what does age has to do with someone wanting commitment and being faithful? 50 years ago it was common to marry at what is now called young, and they did not divorce as often as today. You are also 21 and not 18. Your issue is not your age, but who your fiancee is as a person. She had every right to break up with you prior to dating others if that is what she wanted, but she had no right to stay engaged with you as she slept with others. She cheated for the same reason most cheaters cheat. She wanted her cake and eat it too. She will probably cheat again no matter who she is with. Just be lucky that it was not on you after you had children with her. You should not do this, but here is something strange to think about. Odds are that if you contacted her 15 years from now, she would think about cheating with you if you asked, claiming to herself that you were her one true love in life. Of course if the guy that she is married to then, is the same guy that she cheated on you with now, and you are single at the time, then all bets are off LOL!!! Sorry, just a thought. Edited June 16, 2017 by Try Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 op...i was 16 when i met my husband at church. He was the only boy i EVER dated...we got married 8 months after i met him..I was a junior in high school. I understand the trauma you are suffering...I really do. I cheated on my husband 11 years after we married. It devastated him.... I just want to tell you...you will probaly always love her in some way... she will always be a part of your life..because we cannot erase the past... but you can certainly move forward..and you know deep within yourself what is right for you. It wont be easy....but i know you can succeed in doing what is right for you. Changes are difficult...especially when they have always been our confort zone... but you truly need to do what is best for you...for your future I wish you the very best of luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 op...i was 16 when i met my husband at church. He was the only boy i EVER dated...we got married 8 months after i met him..I was a junior in high school. I understand the trauma you are suffering...I really do. I cheated on my husband 11 years after we married. It devastated him.... I just want to tell you...you will probaly always love her in some way... she will always be a part of your life..because we cannot erase the past... but you can certainly move forward..and you know deep within yourself what is right for you. It wont be easy....but i know you can succeed in doing what is right for you. Changes are difficult...especially when they have always been our confort zone... but you truly need to do what is best for you...for your future I wish you the very best of luck Did the curiosity of sex with another man play any role in your ONS-like affair? Like maybe deep, deep down there was a part of you who wanted to find out if you were missing something? Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 This is what also would hurt me more too. She was my first (we lost our virginities together in HS) and only woman I've ever been with. It's still sad to think about it. :( Her friendship with you was real. You can remember back on those days with fondness and remember her for the person she WAS. But there was a dark side to her that she never let you see. And it is fortunate that you finally got to see it before you married her. Regarding being young as others mentioned...yes I'm 21 but I was really ready to start a family. Not sure what does age has to do with someone wanting commitment and being faithful? If this was 1986, I would agree with you, but it's not. This is 2017, and education, jobs and career paths are not what they were back thirty years ago. Jobs are not as steady and lifelong these days as they used to be. At this age you need to be getting yourself educated and settled into a career, because I can tell you little brother...you are not ready to be the father of a family. Kids are money vacuums. You cannot believe how expensive they are, and unless you are well established with a good job and salary, it will be tough maintaining a good marriage with someone even if you are both financially secure. I'm a single dad and even though I make a good salary, I barely get by. You need to wait a long time before you marry. Trust us on this one. I never cheated, not even when we were dating in HS. Something you should be proud of. Someone cheating and being immature because they want to. I still want a family and nope, I won't want to be the type of guy that moves from girl to girl quickly. Just that I don't want to date at this point. I need some time to get over this. Yep. Work on you. Get yourself settled and in a good profession or trade. You have lots of time to get ready for marriage. Brahms you will do fine. We have all been where you are and we all know the pain you are feeling. You WILL get over this, become stronger and wiser and better fit to be an even more awesome partner for a woman out there who really deserves you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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