My fiancé threatened to leave me while on vacation over a comment on karaoke!

[loserwinnernone]

I am engaged to a man who loves vacations. My daughter and I are currently on a 7 day cruise with him. We have been having a good time.

 

However, we hit a major bump last night. He loves karaoke. And he does it a lot. Always the same song. 2 nights ago he went up and my daughter and I screamed for him. We were cheering him on all day. But he told the lady introducing him and flirting with him on stage ...basically nothing about traveling with us. I didn't say anything.

 

About a year ago (when we were probably happier) he pointed me out in the crowd and dedicated his song to me. Cheesey I know. But it was sweeet.

 

Well last night the lady asked if he was dedicating his song to anyone. (I was instructed by him to stand in the back and record him on his iPad.

 

He said no. She said who are you here with? He said "family". She said where are they? He said somewhere in the crowd. And they "forced me to do this".

 

She said "wow!" Well good luck then.

 

He sang. He did good. I recorded it as he asked. When he came back he said what did you think? I said you did great. But I didn't realize we forced you to do this. And I guess you didn't know where I was in the crowd? Since you told me where to stand and record you?

 

He got mad and said "stop attacking me. I'm sick of you and your attitude." He then said a little louder "stop abusing me!"

 

My daughter heard this and she started getting nervous. He said "you know I think I will never sing again because of you. And I think I should get my own room now."

 

I started to tear up. I had 2 drinks by now and I said fine than you do that! He said don't you dare me. In fact, I am going to get on a plane tomorrow and leave you both here and you will never see me again ...thanks to you and your attitude. Everything is all about you.

 

My daughter started crying. She said mom. Mom! Please just make him be nice. Please let everything be ok.

 

I whispered to him again and said "you need to cut this **** out and if you really want to leave you are an ass AND even worse threatening to do that in front of her!"

 

I said you know I love you. And you know that display up there hurt my feelings because I have done nothing but be supportive of you and even on this trip!

 

In 2 days of leaving, he has lost his ID for the cruise and his regular ID twice. AND he broke his iPhone and has spent hours trying to get it repaired or replaced. It's beeen non stop drama over these elements and his karaoke.

 

I said I just want you to treat me the way you used to. I said you used to call me out and talk about me as if you were proud to be with me. Now I don't feel this way. I just want to be loved and feel loved. Please! And I kissed him on the cheek (so my daughter could feel better too).

 

He did nothing. I said Cant you just put your arm around me? Act ok! Please!

 

He said "I'll do what I want. When I want. Be normal. And I will do the same. When I want. He eventually calmed down. Put his arm around me and acted like nothing happened.

 

This morning I woke up very anxious and he said Everything is fine. Just "stop abusing me and bothering me".

 

I said I was never "abusing you" I was just pointing out how I was hurt! He kisses me and said to just move on and all is fine. He just wants to go to the pool and go eat. As if nothing happened!

 

How do you respond to your partner who threatens to fly home while you are on vacation with your child and vow to never see you again?

[central]

When you get home, have him checked for a brain tumor. If nothing, then insist he seek therapy to figure out his attitude problem, or leave him ASAP. This isn't normal, and isn't acceptable under any circumstances other than an undiagnosed illness.

[alsudduth]

I read your other post too....you need to run far away from this man based on what you have said.

[central]

On second thought, I think it is possible that he's been cheating on you with someone else, and as a result is falling (or already has fallen) out of love with you. Rather than be a man about it, he is trying to provoke you into saying or doing something to justify him leaving, so he can feel blameless.

 

 

So, do some investigating, quietly, and see if you find anything to support this theory.

[GorillaTheater]

I read your other post too....you need to run far away from this man based on what you have said.

 

 

Read it just now. Dang.

 

 

OP, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain if you follow through with the marriage. This guy is a nut, and you need to value yourself more than you may be doing.

[SJS]

I have not read OP's other posts, but anyone who says I'm "abusing" them simply by asking questions would not get any more of my time.

[whichwayisup]

Leave this man! He is controlling and cruel. this isn't good for you or your daughter.

 

DO NOT MARRY HIM! I read your other thread, the red flags are everywhere.

[d0nnivain]

First thing you have to realize is that you & your interactions with this guy are teaching your daughter about love & relationships. How would you feel if a guy treated your daughter like this? Teach your daughter to stand up for herself.

 

 

Make sure you have your passport & plane ticket. Give them to the ship's purser if you have to. Let this guy do whatever. Don't rock the boat -- literally or figuratively.

 

 

Get home & break up with him.

[salparadise]

Is this the first time you've seen this type of abusive behavior from him? It's not okay for any reason, but I wonder if something else is stressing him. If you have seen other instances, then you have a pattern and you know what that means. If not, then it's either the first observed occurrence of an unfolding pattern, or something else is really upsetting him and it's being expressed in an unhealthy way. If you've been together long enough to be engaged, I'd be surprised if this is the first time.

 

It needs to be addressed. Don't ignore it in order to keep things stable in the short term. As much as I'm sure you don't want to face it, you need to be ready to walk away from this guy.

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Pulling this crap when you're on a cruise with your daughter is just wrong. I smell narcissism.

[d0nnivain]

Is this the first time you've seen this type of abusive behavior from him? .

It's not. Read her other thread. At one point he kicked her out of the house they shared but for some reason she came back.

[GunslingerRoland]

I was originally leaning towards giving him the benefit of the doubt if it was totally out of the blue, and he'd never behaved this way before, but like others said, I read the other thread, and a controlling manipulative person is who your fiancee appears to be.

[Davey L]

I read the other thread.

Why are you still with this man?

[Mrs. John Adams]

You ceratianly do not need this selfish self centered egotistical lying conniving embarrassment of a man in your life.

 

I am dead serious...get rid of him...yesterday

 

I am a professional soloist ... I absolutely understand the type you are talking about and it is very revealing.

 

You do not want or need this guy

[Cephalopod]

There is something definitely wrong with this guy. He's got a loose screw. You need to end it with him and move on.

[jenkins95]

Hi OP, I'm so sorry to hear about this horrible experience.

 

I'm sorry to say it, but he sounds like a bit of a prat to me, prone to being selfish, egotistical (I mean, getting you to film him doing kareoke? Please!), sulking when he doesn't get his own way and sadly, he doesn't sound like he treats you very nicely or cherishes you - what a difference in his behaviour from last year..... And this is before you've even married.

 

Think long and hard what life would look life for you and your daughter if you married this man. At least have a very serious talk to him and let him know that he has to buck his ideas up and that his behaviour was unacceptable - I mean upsetting your daughter? Not cool. Not cool at all. And you need to be able to talk to him without the fear that he will sulk, get angry, abusive (I laugh that he accused YOU of that!) or threaten to walk out - that's extremely childish and red flag-ish!

 

Personally, I kind of hope you kick him to the kerb - I think you can do much better. Of course, I don't know him. I only have this post to go on - I haven't even read your other thread yet. I almost great doing so after what the others have written. Good luck!

Edited June 12, 2017 by jenkins95

[loserwinnernone]

I appreciate the feedback. I know that you will probably say it's the cycle of abuse /emotional. But today he has been great.

 

I feel very alone when I think about leaving him. And now there's been a 7 day cruise (in the end) that will make us all closer and have so many amazing memories. I think my daughter will be heartbroken and I know I will.

 

It's interesting that someone mentioned his forgetfulness as a tool. It may be! I had never thouggg if that before. I say this because often he freaks out and scares everyone and then realizes he has the very thing he thought he lost.

 

He does lose or break things a lot. I think he has had 5 iPhones this year so far.

 

But most of the time his wallet is where he last left it. However I have bought him 3 pairs now of very expensive sunglasses. I bought him a pair 6 weeks ago. ALL are lost.

[loserwinnernone]

Thanks Jenkins. I will tell you that me asking for him to change his behavior will never work well. I've tried it even nicely and it ususally ends with "I'm so bad than why are you with me?"

 

Or "maybe you should realize you are unhappy miserable and want to find problems with everything".

 

He's told me he's not changing and he isn't sure why I want to be with him if I am so upset with xyz.

[d0nnivain]

No, 1 good day will not erase all the bad memories for your daughter. This is the cruise where she will learn that it's OK for a man to bully a woman when they are in a relationship.

 

 

The damage you are doing to your child is irreversible.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How drunk was he?

[loserwinnernone]

He only had 2 drinks at this point. And accused ME of being drunk and causing trouble. Said it was my alcohol screwing with me brain.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

He only had 2 drinks at this point. And accused ME of being drunk and causing trouble. Said it was my alcohol screwing with me brain.

 

Huh. Without knowing him, not sure I buy he only had 2 drinks, but I haven't read your other thread, either. You did nothing wrong except maybe harp on it after you made your first few comments, but that's personality thing. I'd have just been silent until we were alone.

[BettyDraper]

After seeing your other thread, I can't imagine why you would want to stay with this loser.

Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking that it's fine for men to mistreat her?

That is what she will learn if you marry this fool.

 

Everyone on LS is telling you to leave. You need individual counseling but not this guy.

Edited June 12, 2017 by BettyDraper

[BaileyB]

Why do you stay with this man?

 

I agree with the other posters. One good day means nothing when he treats you terribly.

 

Your daughter will absolutely remember this vacation as the holiday where she learned that a man can bully a woman and she will allow it. She will learn that her mother valued a man who treated her terribly more than her own happiness and self esteem.

[GoldenR]

I would never say these things to my wife that he said to you. Not even if I was super pissed off.

 

Him not acknowledging you in the crowd could only be for one reason: he has his eye on someone else on the cruise that he hopes to him up with.

 

This man does not deserve you and your daughter. And the both of you deserve better.

[anduina]

Get out. You owe an emotionally healthy environment to your child. This 'man' reads like a classic abuser.