Author Uncle Boogie Posted July 8, 2017 Author Share Posted July 8, 2017 UB It's kind a hard to believe but you had not one thing to do with her cheating. In all reality you weren't even on her mind when she was doing it. cheaters cheat and she's just following the script like it was written out directly for her first thing they do is blame it on you. she would've cheated on who ever she was married to, remember cheaters are cheaters and cheaters lie whole lot. I believe I put a lot of effort in the relationship only to be proven a fool. She was even supportive of our relationship by acknowledging my effort as caring and intimate. I was being played and I hate being played. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 She is seriously not wanting to lose her cushy lifestyle with you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 I was being played and I hate being played. I was in a serious relationship for two years with someone like her. Thank God my friends talked me out of marrying her, or I would have been through the same hell. Only later did I realize she likely had a psychological condition called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The only solution was to get the hell away from her, even then it took a few years for my head to clear. You might want to read up on it and see if her overall behavior falls into the NPD spectrum, my guess is that it would. Hopefully the D goes smoothly. It may take a little longer because it sounds like she isn't going to cooperate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 I posted this question earlier, you came back from Rugby tournament after 6 months and was introduced to new boyfriend (surprise!). How was it handled? Secondly your sister works in the same hospital. Any feed back from her? Has WW been after her to make a case for staying? Finally what happened to overseas job for several months? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 Originally Posted by Uncle Boogie I was being played and I hate being played.There is one way that is absolutely certain that she will never play you again…Get the D and get the D in your favor as much as possible. You are now going to be in a war with her and you need to use all your weapons. She will use all of her weapons such as her hold on you, her tears and great emotional demonstrations, tons of promises, and affections and sex to name just a few. In other words her actions will be a way to play you again. The video and information that you have give you the absolute truth on how you have been played for a fool and been betrayed. I cannot think of anything that is such a relationship killer as those two daggers that were stuck in your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uncle Boogie Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 Man, you are so right. Because of all the phone calls and refusal to leave my residence, I was able to get a restraining order on her. When I texted her, she blew up calling me all sorts of derogatory names that I have never heard out of her mouth. My attorney is getting all the paper work together and I will file the end of the week. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uncle Boogie Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 Update: Things are moving really fast. I received a call from the OM wife who told me that the Dr. stated that I am lying and I have no proof of any affair between him and my wife. Again, I told her what I have and she wants to look at the video. I told her that I had to think about it and would call her back. After thinking, I came to the conclusion that she has every right to see evidence regarding her husbands actions and what she does with this knowledge is up to her. I am going to meet her in the morning and let her see what a shark her husband is. My sister told me that my wife is constantly bugging her for information on what I might be thinking and what I might do. My sis berated her in front several other nurses and doctors not holding anything back on her feelings for my wife and what she did to me. You can only imagine the rumors that spread throughout the hospital on information that came from my sister (I learned a long time ago not to screw the my sister, she is brutal when you mess with her or her family). So...this is where this nightmare is now. I can see the stress that my wife is having regarding seeing her life change forever and her the possibility of losing her job. It is going to be interesting to see if she goes over the deep end and does something stupid or not. Time will tell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uncle Boogie Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 I posted this question earlier, you came back from Rugby tournament after 6 months and was introduced to new boyfriend (surprise!). How was it handled? Secondly your sister works in the same hospital. Any feed back from her? Has WW been after her to make a case for staying? Finally what happened to overseas job for several months? When I visited my wife (girlfriend then) after I got back to the States and she introduced me to her new boyfriend, I remember I just stood there dumbfounded and asked to talk to her alone. This is when the new boyfriend stood in front of her and told me to leave. I am not proud of it but I remember an upper cut to his jaw and he dropped to the ground...out like a light. She went to take care of him and I just walked away. Over the years, she kept in contact with me and eventually we got back together. There are regrets in my life and this is the biggest one. I don't know why it happened, she has always had this pull on me and against my better judgement I went back to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Update: After thinking, I came to the conclusion that she has every right to see evidence regarding her husbands actions and what she does with this knowledge is up to her. I am going to meet her in the morning and let her see what a shark her husband is. She has every right to know that her husband is a lying sack of garbage. Shame about the mind movies she will have from watching the video. Perhaps you could suggest to her that the sound of their voices would be enough? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Update: Things are moving really fast. I received a call from the OM wife who told me that the Dr. stated that I am lying and I have no proof of any affair between him and my wife. Again, I told her what I have and she wants to look at the video. I told her that I had to think about it and would call her back. After thinking, I came to the conclusion that she has every right to see evidence regarding her husbands actions and what she does with this knowledge is up to her. I am going to meet her in the morning and let her see what a shark her husband is. My sister told me that my wife is constantly bugging her for information on what I might be thinking and what I might do. My sis berated her in front several other nurses and doctors not holding anything back on her feelings for my wife and what she did to me. You can only imagine the rumors that spread throughout the hospital on information that came from my sister (I learned a long time ago not to screw the my sister, she is brutal when you mess with her or her family). So...this is where this nightmare is now. I can see the stress that my wife is having regarding seeing her life change forever and her the possibility of losing her job. It is going to be interesting to see if she goes over the deep end and does something stupid or not. Time will tell. Uncle B, you didn't do this to them, these are consequences of the behaviour they chose. You can't win regardless of the path you take, you, your family and the other betrayed family are all victims of their selfish choices. She expects you to accept her betrayals and just move on with her promise not to do it again. You can't make 3 years of cuckolding go away, she didn't give you a choice when she put you in that situation, don't give her a choice. Really, what's the best that you can come out of this with, being a husband by default with some other guys seconds? I would rather be alone. I think she knows you won't be alone long if she looses you. Don't settle. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Thanks for your answer. I think you have always had an element of limerence towards your soon to be exWW. I've read it usually passes anywhere from 3 to 9 months but can last several years. In your case perhaps the constant travel extend the limerence. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 I don't know why it happened, she has always had this pull on me and against my better judgement I went back to her. Well when you know better you do better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Be careful of the circumstances in which you show the video to OBS. Do not post it anywhere or mail it, lest you get accused of "revenge porn" and end up in jail. Your safest bet is to show it to no-one and never confirm that you even have it. You've already done your duty with respect to informing OBS. She can choose to hide her head in the sand, and it's not your job to convince her of the truth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uncle Boogie Posted July 12, 2017 Author Share Posted July 12, 2017 Well...this is interesting. Guess who finally figured out that their jobs are at risk for their infidelity...that's right, my wife and the good Doctor. I don't know if anyone has had this happen to them, but my sister called me and wanted to pass off a question from my wife. Usually my sister wouldn't give her the time of day, but my wife was extremely persistent. So I called my WW to find out what is so important. She stated that she needed to talk to me face to face and it was extremely important. Since I had the divorce petition ready to serve her and was looking for the opportune time to serve her, I said yes and told her to meet at a near my coffee shop. This is where is gets interesting. I saw her drive up and go in but she was not alone in the car. Also in the car was the good Doctor. So I was sitting on the horns of a dilemma. Do I call her and bail or do I see where this goes. I thought about safety, but knew the Doctor was not violent and in fact was intimidated by me. I am 6'4 and 245 with a very good understanding of firearms while he is around 5'6 and 200 and is not. So I decided I just had to see where this meeting was going to go. While I entered the shop, I saw the Doctor sitting low in the passenger seat of her car (actually my car since I paid for it and it is in my name). So I sat next to WW and asked why she wants to meet. She was extremely worried about what I might do regarding reporting her and the Doctor's affair to the Hospital management. Truthfully, I told her it depends on her. I reminded her what I wanted from the divorce and if she would agree to those terms, I would let it go. My marriage was done, I was done with her and I just want to move on leaving her to her own devices. She started to cry again and said that she wants to work on our marriage and she would promise never to stray again. I mentioned to her that I thought that was what our marriage vows were for and that those didn't stop her so ... NO. I then gave her the divorce petition and told her or her attorney to call mine because I was done with everything that had to do with her. She totally had the "big drama" in the coffee shop and ran off into the bathroom. I left out the side door and came up behind her car and banged my hand on the passenger window where the good doctor was hunkered down scaring the life out of him. I flipped him off and kept walking to my car. For those who have gone through this, any ideas on what my WW might cook up next. I think she liked the idea of me not interfering with her job, but she stills wants to work this out. How many times can I say no. She has not done the requirements for a restraining order and I am starting to look over my shoulder for any sneak attacks. This is starting to get weird. Will it ever end... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uncle Boogie Posted July 12, 2017 Author Share Posted July 12, 2017 Be careful of the circumstances in which you show the video to OBS. Do not post it anywhere or mail it, lest you get accused of "revenge porn" and end up in jail. Your safest bet is to show it to no-one and never confirm that you even have it. You've already done your duty with respect to informing OBS. She can choose to hide her head in the sand, and it's not your job to convince her of the truth. You are so right. I have not shown the Doctor's wife the video and I am still on the fence. Does she have the right to have all the information available for her to make a decisive decision such as divorce. She is an adult and is affected by his actions. I did mentioned that it is graphic and she could trust me how incriminating it is. I think she will rest on the knowledge that there is a tape, it is incriminating and leave it at that. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Strange way to try to convince you she still wants to work it out, showing up to talk to you with the other man in the same vehicle. It sounds like she didn't realize you saw she wasn't alone in the car. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Does she have the right to have all the information available for her to make a decisive decision such as divorce. Yes, of course she does. To not share this with her would be both immoral and evil. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Yes, of course she does. To not share this with her would be both immoral and evil. I don't know about evil but I do know what craziness it can create in a person to not know for sure. I lost my fool mind trying to find the truth. I can't see how showing the OBS (and no one else) the video would constitute as revenge porn. It seems it could reasonably argued that sharing the tape served a completely different purpose. Ask your attorney if you must but I'd really be leaning towards giving this woman the information about her marriage that she needs to make an informed decision. Most people would believe their spouse before some anonymous stranger that claims to have a tape, especially if the tape isn't produced. She doesn't deserve to be left in a position where she is being duped anymore than you would have deserved it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Your STBXW is unbelievable, showing up with her AP to try to convince you she wants to reconcile! Appears she is more concerned with protecting him by continuing the charade. Glad you have the resolve to put an end to this madness by divorcing her. The POSOM's wife should know the truth. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 I left out the side door and came up behind her car and banged my hand on the passenger window where the good doctor was hunkered down scaring the life out of him. I flipped him off and kept walking to my car. Now that is funny! Wonder why he was even there? So, she's inside crying to get you back and he's hiding in the car...affairs make no sense to me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Aside from causing the good dr. to sh@t himself.....laughing loudly, I thought she had agreed not to be in contact with him. Curious as to what her reason was to drive to your meeting with him....very odd maybe ballsy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 You are so right. I have not shown the Doctor's wife the video and I am still on the fence. Does she have the right to have all the information available for her to make a decisive decision such as divorce. She is an adult and is affected by his actions. I did mentioned that it is graphic and she could trust me how incriminating it is. I think she will rest on the knowledge that there is a tape, it is incriminating and leave it at that. Time will tell. Dr's BW has the right to the truth and evidence to support it. She also may report them to the work place and your hands would be clean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Uncle B, that was awesome. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 I have to say... having your lover wait in the car while you try to convince your husband to reconcile... that's a new one. It's kind of like bringing a gin and tonic to your AA meeting. She's not the sharpest tool in the shed, is she? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 I don't think I would be alone with her again in the future. She will now look for other ways to protect her job and make you out to be the bad guy. Its nothing for a woman to call up and state they have been assaulted even when its not true. If you have to go around her again I would have a var and at least one witness with you. I doubt she was really trying to reconcile if her lover was in the car. I bet that she is just trying to stop you from causing her grief at her job. The best way to do that is to string you along. I would keep my distance but I would also make it clear your prepared to contact her work if she drags this divorce out. The quicker she will sign the better off you will be in the long run. Good for you for taking action. C 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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