Investigation: The begining of the end?

[Uncle Boogie]

You deserve to be happy. You've taken steps to eliminate negative impact people from your life. Good work!

 

Now get busy living and moving forward.

 

Set up several appointments with a therapist. It's therapeutic to talk to someone about the feelings that will likely come up... and have a plan about how to work through those feelings as they surface - so you can get to the other side of those thoughts safely when they do surface. In other words - be prepared - be ready.

 

Do some things you enjoy in the coming months - it will help you to refocus on some good living.

S2B

 

Thank you for the kind words. I believe you are right on point with your thoughts. I believe I will have some delayed reaction after I ruminate over all this stuff in the coming months. I have relied on a lot of my friends over the months and I feel I might be over extending their compassion for me. Probably not true, but it is how I feel. Finding a therapist to talk about how deceived I have been is something that will be new for me. I feel an outsiders opinion is really the only route I can go. However, the country I am currently working and living in have strong cultural opinions between men and women and the roles each play. Finding someone may be more difficult than I thought.

[Uncle Boogie]

All the best to you going forward. You Rock!

Thanks. Once for into the breech, right.

[S2B]

S2B

 

Thank you for the kind words. I believe you are right on point with your thoughts. I believe I will have some delayed reaction after I ruminate over all this stuff in the coming months. I have relied on a lot of my friends over the months and I feel I might be over extending their compassion for me. Probably not true, but it is how I feel. Finding a therapist to talk about how deceived I have been is something that will be new for me. I feel an outsiders opinion is really the only route I can go. However, the country I am currently working and living in have strong cultural opinions between men and women and the roles each play. Finding someone may be more difficult than I thought.

 

If you find a good therapist now you can continue your sessions by phone when it's needed.

[harrybrown]

Glad that you are free.

 

Hope you find peace and happiness.

 

I really doubt that the Dr. and you ex will have such a wonderful relationship, because how do you trust someone that you know without a doubt is a cheater?

[Uncle Boogie]

Update:

 

Just heard from my sister who works in the same hospital as my new ex and Dr. Dick, that both were terminated from their positions in the hospital. Apparently the hospital has a Conduct of Standards that all employees must follow, which includes fornicating with employees that are not your spouse while on hospital time and premises. My sis relayed to me that my ex constantly approaches her as the intermediate to send messages to me. The messages are what you expect..."I love you...I am soooooo sorry...I want to work this out...why won't you call me...etc." I told her that she can deal with her anyway she wants to...she stated that she told my ex "...since you don't work here anymore I will never see, hear or talk to you anymore. Don't go away mad...just go away." My sis is a stud.

 

As for me, I am settled in my new job in my new country and am adjusting the best I can. I still have moments of pure hate for my ex which is lasting less and less as time goes by. Sometimes I wish I just went nuclear with her and the good Dr. and brought out their true colors to everyone. In the long run, I feel that it is best just to drop and roll and do the best for my mental and physical health and let the two fornicators deal with their deception.

 

One of the thoughts I hold true from all this B.S. is that if you are a spouse that feels their marriage or relationship is not going the way you wish, instead of finding comfort in the arms of another, tell your significant other your feelings and try to work on it. If it cannot be done, then divorce with everything above board. Be an adult and act like an adult.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Uncle Boogie, you can now do the boogie woogie with a free mind. You have got rid of your baggage. A new day dawns with new possibilities and new hopes. All the best going forward.

[merrmeade]

Hi Uncle Boogie, you can now do the boogie woogie with a free mind. You have got rid of your baggage. A new day dawns with new possibilities and new hopes. All the best going forward.

So cute.

 

And as for Dr. Boogie, you've earned a PhD from LS and a lot of admirers. Your wife really blew it losing you to that quack. This will forever be one of my favorite threads for the OP's strength of character and clarity that never wavered. Also it's like a textbook of behavior patterns, the ones we talk about on this forum anyway. Though I'm deeply sorry for your pain and suffering, you now have many well-wishers cheering you on.

[Bufo]

Both got fired? The rare case where justice was served and the BS learned

about it without having to bear first hand consequences too. WXW left cut off from emotional and financial support.

 

I loved your sister's messages.

 

One

Last thought. Your goal now is indifference to ex wife. The less you think about her the happier you will be.

[deadsoul]

Hi UB

 

I think you handled this all in a great way and I believe your story would help others.

 

I'm glad you didn't go "nuclear" on them as it would've had consequences for you and it sounds like life is delivering consequences to them just fine.

 

You didn't ask for advice, but make sure you allow yourself to grieve. It's okay to feel sad, miss her and think about her. It doesn't mean you want her back, you're human and trying to cope the best you can. Other than that, keep going!!

[Mr Blunt]

UB, your wife’s actions and thinking seem to be disconnected from normality (her actions and wanting you to be friends with Mr. Dick, etc.)……Was your wife always dingy or just in this episode with betrayal….

 

I understand the fog but what has been her thinking and characteristics during your years with her?

[road]

Both got fired? The rare case where justice was served and the BS learned

about it without having to bear first hand consequences too. WXW left cut off from emotional and financial support.

 

I loved your sister's messages.

 

One

Last thought. Your goal now is indifference to ex wife. The less you think about her the happier you will be.

 

How did I miss that?

 

Also did the OMW find out why her WH got fired?

[ladydesigner]

Uncle Boogie this was one of the best endings to a disaster that I have read on this site! You handled your situation with class, integrity, and strength. You did what I wish I would have done on D-day. I handled the entire thing the wrong way! You deserve a standing ovation for what you were put through. Best of luck to you and I hope your future is filled with peace love and happiness.

[harrybrown]

If she wanted her marriage so bad, why did she still have contact with Dr.

Dick?

 

she never stopped her A.

 

Crazy. I guess she did not want the marriage that bad to start behaving like a wife.

[Uncle Boogie]

So cute.

 

And as for Dr. Boogie, you've earned a PhD from LS and a lot of admirers. Your wife really blew it losing you to that quack. This will forever be one of my favorite threads for the OP's strength of character and clarity that never wavered. Also it's like a textbook of behavior patterns, the ones we talk about on this forum anyway. Though I'm deeply sorry for your pain and suffering, you now have many well-wishers cheering you on.

 

I appreciate your thoughts. Never having to go through such an ordeal, I just followed my gut feeling and stuck to me guns. The most important action I think helped me was to not react to such devastating events too quickly, step back and evaluate the situation the best you can. I think for most people it would be to talk to a friend or relative that they feel comfortable with to get a game plan together. This may mean reconciliation or divorce, but do not react too quickly. I feel quick confrontation allows the other person to use too many escape routes and try to blame the one cheated on that it is their fault. I have learned through out my life and career and the more information you have at your fingerprints, the more power or control you have over the situation. To all the psychologist's and therapists out there who are rolling their eyes calling me a neophyte...well...I am and I am just doing the best I can.

 

I have to admit, it was a lot harder to deal with than what I wrote. However, what I wrote was the course of action I followed after much thought and discussion with good friends. I will admit that when I felt the weakness creeping back, I just turned on the video tape and those feelings just went away...go figure. Since the divorce is done and I look back on the history of the deception, I feel no regrets to my actions. I feel I came out of it with my dignity and honor and gained a new perspective on who I am and where I want to go.

 

So to all who are going through this Hell, let me tell you to always think about yourself first...keep your dignity...and don't fall into trap that it is your fault. So...stay strong and years after your situation has been resolved, it is my hope that you will feel you stayed true to yourself and whatever the outcome, you feel peace in your sole.

 

Thanks to all and I am signing out.

 

Uncle Boogie.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Uncle Boogie well done sir. You really kept your nerve. Have a good life.

[Bufo]

Hold off on any decision. Hmmmm.... might that philosophy apply to a potential occasional return by you to share your methods and success with those who will be following in your footsteps? You have a lot to offer those poor unfortunates.

 

Think about it

[Mr Blunt]

By Uncle Boogie

Since the divorce is done and I look back on the history of the deception, I feel no regrets to my actions. I feel I came out of it with my dignity and honor and gained a new perspective on who I am and where I want to go.

 

So to all who are going through this Hell, let me tell you to always think about yourself first...keep your dignity...and don't fall into trap that it is your fault. So...stay strong and years after your situation has been resolved, it is my hope that you will feel you stayed true to yourself and whatever the outcome, you feel peace in your sole

 

Very good advice and very encourging for those that D is the best answer!

[merrmeade]

So to all who are going through this Hell, let me tell you to always think about yourself first...keep your dignity...and don't fall into trap that it is your fault. So...stay strong and years after your situation has been resolved, it is my hope that you will feel you stayed true to yourself and whatever the outcome, you feel peace in your sole.

 

Thanks to all and I am signing out.

 

Uncle Boogie.

Most wise. If there were ever a piece of advice that all by itself answers every question, decision, question, dilemma or indecisiveness for the BS, it's this

(In bold).

[painfullyobvious]

Question:

 

I have questions whether my wife is cheating on our marriage. In your opinion, is investigating if she is cheating on me the start of the end of the marriage? Does the fact that I have doubts about our relationship hold any hope of getting back to total trust? I feel that once the investigation starts, my marriage will never be the same, no matter if the investigation proves true or not. Am I way off base with my feelings? Anyway...I have enough doubt with her actions that I need to find out what is going on. Just a little perplexed on how my future reactions to her will be.

 

I remember when I was going through my "snooping phase" and I recall thinking as you are postulating, is this already the end? The trust is gone because I feel something is wrong and am looking for confirmation and was not getting it from her. I was considered paranoid for a few months until I found out what I was looking for.

 

I am not sure that the marriage is over but it is definitely in trouble as soon as a person goes looking for the truth as a result of not trusting their partner. Often, a suspicion or gut feeling leads to what a person is fearful of. The truth....

[Uncle Boogie]

Some what of an update:

 

My sis called me the other day and I thought I would pass along the information she gave me regarding Dr. Dick's dismissal from the hospital. Apparently he was writing scripts for oxycotin and other drugs in the morphine family for patients that were never patients in the hospital. Apparently, the increase overdoses on these types of medications causes the hospital to perform continuous inventories. This is what caught him. She also mentioned that there were most likely several other personnel incidents in the past that pushed management over the edge and cut him loose.

 

Now...I did not see any change in my wife's behavior during the time she was messing around with him, and being in law enforcement I have been trained in narcotic behavior identification. I don't believe that she was using, but I don't really know. I thought she was fired as well, but she just received some time off for the her indiscretion with the drug pedaling doctor. I don't know if they are together or not, but she still tries to get a hold of me from time to time.

 

A question for the group: Do I call her to find out her involvement with the drugs or not? Do you think it should make a difference if she was on them during the affair and off them now? My thinking is the act of having sex with this guy in my bed outweighs anything she might have done while incapacitated. I am chilling in my new job in a great country and have been dating quite a lot, however, I get this visceral feeling that a relationship might evolve which sends me running. I get angry with myself feeling this way, but if I feel this way it must be for a reason.

 

This just continues on and on and on....

[Marc878]

Stay completely dark. She's not your circus now.

 

Time will fix the rest.

[Uncle Boogie]

Stay completely dark. She's not your circus now.

 

Time will fix the rest.

 

Right on Marc. Sound advice that I will follow. Thanks.

[aliveagain]

Remember her words, "no one ever made her feel this way," said in your bed during one of her porn star sessions with doctor dick. She lost everyone's respect and the only thing that will nullify such despicable behavior is you taking her back. The hard work is done, don't bring drama back into your world, enjoy your new unburdened life. Your free, so many are too afraid to pull the plug on a bad situation and stay in relationships that suck the souls out of them. You can write your own future, embrace this opportunity. Don't respond to her.

[harrybrown]

Glad that you got yourself out of infidelity!

 

Hope you find some happiness.

 

Your sister can tell you anything you want to know, and allow you to stay dark.

 

But NC helps you so much more than continued contact with someone with no morals..

[road]

Some what of an update:

 

My sis called me the other day and I thought I would pass along the information she gave me regarding Dr. Dick's dismissal from the hospital. Apparently he was writing scripts for oxycotin and other drugs in the morphine family for patients that were never patients in the hospital. Apparently, the increase overdoses on these types of medications causes the hospital to perform continuous inventories. This is what caught him. She also mentioned that there were most likely several other personnel incidents in the past that pushed management over the edge and cut him loose.

 

Now...I did not see any change in my wife's behavior during the time she was messing around with him, and being in law enforcement I have been trained in narcotic behavior identification. I don't believe that she was using, but I don't really know. I thought she was fired as well, but she just received some time off for the her indiscretion with the drug pedaling doctor. I don't know if they are together or not, but she still tries to get a hold of me from time to time.

 

A question for the group: Do I call her to find out her involvement with the drugs or not? Do you think it should make a difference if she was on them during the affair and off them now? My thinking is the act of having sex with this guy in my bed outweighs anything she might have done while incapacitated. I am chilling in my new job in a great country and have been dating quite a lot, however, I get this visceral feeling that a relationship might evolve which sends me running. I get angry with myself feeling this way, but if I feel this way it must be for a reason.

 

This just continues on and on and on....

 

On June 12th you had your D day.

On October 12th, 4 months later, here you are divorced.

 

It is always advised after a traumatic event to wait 6

months before making any life changing decisions.

For one's mind needs to process what has happened.

 

Combine that with usual to doubt the decisions that

were made.

 

Maybe your ex WW's behavior was due in part to the Dr

getting her on drugs combined with his skill as a

predatory OM that constantly seeks MW to conquer.

 

Though your ex WW's behavior has shown that she can

not work any job that has night shifts or travel that

requires her to spend nights away from the house.