Investigation: The begining of the end?

[merrmeade]

I too question their reason to conspire to get you to attend. If her reason was to attempt to get back together with you she wouldn't have invited O/M to the wedding, she would have come alone. The only thing that makes any kind of sense to me is they intentionally wanted to rub your ex's new life in your face in a spectacular way. Their intent was to cause you embarrassment and hurt, my guess is they didn't give you the option to bring a date on your invitation. Like I said, get rid of them all, they are the ones that look like fools.

My god, this just makes my heart lose all hope again. What reason do they have for wanting to hurt again someone they already tried but failed to destroy?

 

I never understood why my husband's OW treated me so badly either and was very messed up by it. Is that what they're trying to do? Is it that the BS found them out and exposed them that they feel justified in wreaking more havoc. It defies understanding and decency. I really don't get it.

[Cephalopod]

Kgcolonel

 

You made a very good point. I don't know if they got their collective minds together to set some sort of trap for some revenge. I guess I wouldn't put it past them. I don't know what the ex's relationship to Dr. Dick is, but if they are together then they deserve each other. Good riddance to the the whole lot of them. It appears my social circle of friends back home is drifting away from me, but if that is the price I have to pay to get myself right, so be it. I just can't get out of my head what a total idiot I was for going to that nightmare. I guess hindsight is always 20/20.

 

My parents anniversary is coming up at the end of December and my ex was always a big part of their celebration. I would not surprise me if the ex tries to weasel in again. I threw this concern to my sister who stated that she would love to get her hands on the B###h and rearrange parts of her anatomy. My sis is the best.

 

UB

 

 

Let me tell ya something: friends are replaceable. Wives are replaceable. When you have a person or people in your life who are liabilities rather than assets to you and your peace of mind, it is time to disassociate yourself from them...forever.

 

 

I cleaned house on my life after I split from my former WW. I immediately dumped every common friend we shared, and you know what? It didn't affect my life one iota. I made new friends and reestablished friendships that I had allowed to languish due to wanting to appease my ex. I will never make that mistake again. I had to go cap-in-hand to many an old friend who I had shunned because my exWW didn't like him. The reason she didn't like them, I realized later, was because they were honest, decent, moral people like myself.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Hey man, coming from one guy who's wife had an affair with a doctor to another - enjoy starting your life over and having a fantastic time doing so. No kids = clean break city. It's a **** sandwich at the beginning, but trust me, the sooner you begin moving forward you'll be too busy living your life to worry about hers. If she's still with the Doc, that's a road that's going to lead to a dead end. They might be all smiles on the outside, but in my opinion a person in that kind of position that has an affair with a married woman - they don't change and have no morals. They're very good at rotating different women in and out of their lives.

 

Best of luck with everything! Put the right people around you, have a good support system and you'll be all good.

[Uncle Boogie]

Update:

 

So...throughout this whole ordeal with the ex, I believed I always took the higher ground...you know...be the better man. Well, last week my ex sent me a letter approximately 11 pages long, front and back. It was the usual tripe regarding you are the love of my life...I made a huge mistake...I want you back, the basic "I screwed up, take me back B.S." I read it all and just got pissed off. So I took the low road and responded back to her. Actually, what I did was correct her spelling and sentence structure with a red pen and sent it back as is. Well...the ex was somewhat homicidal over this and expressed her outrage to my sis while at work. My sis looked at the letter and stated..."I see what you mean...you misspelled this word as well". Did I mention I love my sis. So as my sis was relating this shenanigans to me over the phone she also mentioned several weeks ago there was a rumor that Dr. Dick was spreading his love to another nurse at a neighboring hospital. She said that there must me some validity to the rumor because the good Dr. came to work one day like he pissed off Mike Tyson. Black eyes, red checks the whole nine yards. He stated that he was in a accident over the weekend which I guess his face accidentally got in the way of someones fist, repeatedly. My sis stated that the ex looks like she just lost her will to live. What a shame. Anyway, my ex has been on leave from her job. I wonder if this prompted the voluminous letter writing.

 

I also had my sis relay to my ex regarding our personal property. I took everything that reminded my of her, put them into several boxes and threw them into a storage unit. Items like my wedding ring, pictures, letters and the 1964 Triumph TR 4 which her father gave to me as a wedding present. I spent several years restoring the car, but after she cheated, I could no longer look at it and especially drive it. My sis gave her the keys and location of the locker and told her that she needed to get everything out by the end of the month. My sis told her that everything in the locker is hers to do with what she wanted, and when the ex asked what was in the locker, my sis stated everything above. When she mentioned the TR 4 she said it looked like my ex's spirit completely broke.

 

Now...I can't lie and say that I did not enjoy hearing this, but after several hours of thinking about what she has and is going through, I felt sorry for her. I mean, we were a very close couple who had dreams and goals for a lot of years, unfortunately she threw that future away. Maybe this is the first step of forgiving her for what she did to us. Who knows. My sis did mention that she overheard my ex talking about flying over to surprise me with the hopes of a one on one meet up. Unfortunately she knows where I live. My sis said she will try to give me a heads up if she hears anything. I could call her but I am steadfastly NC with her, and I will remain so.

 

Anyway...I guess this S##t show is not done yet.

 

UB

[Cullenbohannon]

You are certifiably insane.

 

GO GET THAT CAR BACK!!

 

I understand why, but jeez, that's a big give.

Edited December 15, 2017 by Cullenbohannon

[usa1ah]

So Dr Dick found someone else and has dropped the ex?

 

This happens most of the time. Poor little ex has seen the light only because she has been dumped.

 

I agree with you on the forgiveness part, that is always a good thing. Just never forget what she did.

[Jdoublenn]

You are certifiably insane.

 

GO GET THAT CAR BACK!!

 

I understand why, but jeez, that's a big give.

Or sell it? heh

[BetrayedH]

Remember that the opposite of love is not hate. If you hate her enough to do spiteful things, you’re still emotionally connected. It’s understandable (trust me, I still have anger with my ex from time to time) but the goal should probably look something more like indifference.

 

You‘ve done great at taking actions to move on with your life. See if you can get your head there, too.

[WilyWill]

The car is marital property. Let her have it, but she must pay you for half of it in the divorce settlement.

[stillafool]

It sounds like your ex wife can't be without a man. Now that the doc is interested in another woman your wife is chafing to get back with you. She just cannot be without a man. Good you're forgiving her as that will help with your healing.

[kgcolonel]

I only have one thing here...It appears as your ex is learning the meaning of Karma....

 

How are you and your new endeavors going?

[S2B]

Move immediately so she can't find you.

[Cullenbohannon]

Or sell it? heh

 

I will buy it. Google the car. Very nice.

 

Giving the car back, (a gift to the marriage) is like giving the entire marriage back. Erasing the good with the bad. Now she has nothing. Expect the knock on the door. Plan B is looking pretty good right now.

 

So seems to be the story of the WS who pays a heavy price for thinking fantasy is real life.

Edited December 15, 2017 by Cullenbohannon

[aliveagain]

She has a lifetime to think about her actions. She can start the process of fixing herself at anytime, my guess is she won't, she'll rely on others for relief. You have the video's with full sound of them defiling and polluting your sanctuary that can easily be replayed if you feel weak. You decide how you want the rest of your life to play out. You decide if she's part of it or not. Peace.

[Ruby Slippers]

Real justice is so rare. It's great to see.

[BetrayedH]

She has a lifetime to think about her actions. She can start the process of fixing herself at anytime, my guess is she won't, she'll rely on others for relief. You have the video's with full sound of them defiling and polluting your sanctuary that can easily be replayed if you feel weak. You decide how you want the rest of your life to play out. You decide if she's part of it or not. Peace.

 

Just to add...She apparently hasn’t started fixing herself if she was at the wedding with the good doctor.

[Uncle Boogie]

The wedding. This is what I found out regarding the whole wedding situation. I told my friend months before the date that I thought it was a bad idea to attend since the ex was in the wedding party. Over time, he and I conversed over friend stuff topics with him trying to change my mind always a underlying topic. Eventually I came to the conclusion that..."why should I not attend, I can't let this woman dictate how I live my life". So I went and the rest is history.

 

However, I now have more information. This was a complete set-up for my ex to speak to me, and I fell for it hook-line-sinker. I just don't understand how those you think are friends or lovers will just throw you under the bus for their own selfish reasons. Christ...who can you really trust. Why even put yourself out there. Why are people for F'n cruel. You think you are acting in good faith, only to find you have been used and discarded with the rest of their trash. Why bother at all? What really pisses me off is that I am now questioning all my other relationships...thinking "why do they want me as a

friend?"

 

So now I am finding myself distancing most of my relationships except from immediate family. Any suggestions?

 

UB

[Timshel]

You have experienced a major life change.....change. Not many things will be the same, including friends and yourself.

 

My suggestion, go to the mountain for a bit, leave things alone. The other side is better, but you have to get there first.

 

Of course it was a set up, those fake gasps... Your wife and the bride are best friends. When I was 18 I played such shenanigans with my bff and her broken up boyfriend at a party.

 

NC, let the lawyers handle it. Any woman who will have sex with another man in your bed does not love you.

I'm a woman, btw.

[DKT3]

The wedding. This is what I found out regarding the whole wedding situation. I told my friend months before the date that I thought it was a bad idea to attend since the ex was in the wedding party. Over time, he and I conversed over friend stuff topics with him trying to change my mind always a underlying topic. Eventually I came to the conclusion that..."why should I not attend, I can't let this woman dictate how I live my life". So I went and the rest is history.

 

However, I now have more information. This was a complete set-up for my ex to speak to me, and I fell for it hook-line-sinker. I just don't understand how those you think are friends or lovers will just throw you under the bus for their own selfish reasons. Christ...who can you really trust. Why even put yourself out there. Why are people for F'n cruel. You think you are acting in good faith, only to find you have been used and discarded with the rest of their trash. Why bother at all? What really pisses me off is that I am now questioning all my other relationships...thinking "why do they want me as a

friend?"

 

So now I am finding myself distancing most of my relationships except from immediate family. Any suggestions?

 

UB

At what point do you say F it, she isn't a person I want in my life. Believe it or not it's a powerful statement to make to yourself. Trying to figure out small details of who did what and what were Thier intention only serve to keep you stuck.

[Mr Blunt]

So now I am finding myself distancing most of my relationships except from immediate family. Any suggestions?

 

My suggestion would be to stick with immediate family only. Also, check out each immediate family member to make sure they are trustworthy. Most of mine are trustworthy but not all!

[Origin]

What she is displaying is regret. Not remorse. Its completely different. Regret is tied to what she is loosing. Money, Stability, A committed loving husband. Who really knows maybe some time in the future OP might see real remorse from her but I doubt it. I could be wrong. I am ok with that. I just think the best way to look at this is who cares what she does from her on out. Its now his future and only his is what is important. Finding indifference is the goal.

 

C

 

I agree 100%. It’s my first comment(still on Paige 19) and I wanted to add that’s its really difficult to reconcile when she went to such brutal lengths. It’s like it wasn’t enough to cheat, but to cheat in their BED!! OMG imagine you sleeping in the same sheets on the same bed where somebody was ****ing what you thought was your loving spouse.

 

The amount of disrespect is unreal.

 

Also, like I said I’m still on pg.19, but this chick was falling apart. She is all over the place wanting to reconcile while still being with Dr. Dick, trying to talk to UB and then calling him and ******* and saying “WE will get you”(or something along those lines) only to fall apart at the b-day party.

 

As somebody said, her brain couldn’t compute how fast her life was falling apart.

[kgcolonel]

Bogie...I'll take a different tact...

 

You don't cut down an apple tree because one apple has a worm....every friendship must stand on its own. It is normal to begin to question everything after all you've been through however, question them / evaluate them individually. If you find all but one or two friends need to be pruned, you now have certainty of those one or two friends. Don't lose your true friends because one has a "worm", (pun intended).

 

He showed very poor judgement and it will cost him but don't make everyone else pay for what he did.

 

JMHO.

 

KGColonel

[kgcolonel]

BTW, I am still interested as to why, if she just wanted to speak with you, Dr. D!ck was present....that to me is a really interesting question.

[bigman1]

BTW, I am still interested as to why, if she just wanted to speak with you, Dr. D!ck was present....that to me is a really interesting question.

 

THAT struck me as very odd, too. It actually makes zero sense. I am trying to figure out how the friend figured it'd be a good to set it up. How his bride worked that into her wedding when that's her day, why the ex... Just the whole thing.

[Colin Grant]

First, let's not dignify dick by acknowledging his professional certification. It's inconsequential and hides the fact that he's a certified dick. He's just TD the dick to me. Just had to get that out.

 

Mr. Boogie:

 

Love the way you handled matters. I read stories on here and can't even finish reading them sometimes, as I read guys on their hands and knees asking for a CHANCE of reconciliation when it should be the other way around. I understand being in love, but one should love themselves first and foremost, and regaining dignity and respect for one's self is the first step for doing so. This is a non-negotiable reality.

 

Anyway, you may or may not have an answer concerning this, but I'm puzzled why your x wife hadn't kicked the dick to the curb. The FIRST order of business for a WS when seeking to reconcile is the immediate and complete removal of the AP. She hasn't demonstrated one meaningful step towards achieving her goal aside from begging and pleading. Remorse entails among other things, complete ownership of the betrayal and communicating a complete understanding of the damage she has caused from your perspective.

 

She hasn't taken any steps to complete remove the dick from her life. In fact, he seems to be present nearly every time you see her, even if social events. Every time he's even in the same location that she is, she's supposed to not be there. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

When he hid in the car and another time when she expressed (we, will come after your legally), I'm thinking, she's still on his side. We?????? WTF are you saying? Do you hear yourself? Stupid!!!

 

It was all about her, as she never sought independent counseling if I read this thread correctly. If sincere, she would have spent time seeking legitimate ways of reclaiming your trust in her. Regardless of the fact that would't be possible, for her sake she still should have fixed herself first and foremost.

 

Unrelated question: She knew you were a former cop and in the security business. Her intellect was either turned off, or she didn't have it in the first place. I'm just surprised she wasn't smart enough to contemplate the fact that your background and resources would require her to take smarter, more deceptive strategies to pull of her clandestine activities. To me, it subconsciously revealed the significance of her waywardness and respect for you. It's one thing to love a person, but that doesn't mean you respect them necessarily. The respect HAS to come with the love in a marital relationship. It's a prerequisite IMO.