Investigation: The begining of the end?

[BarbedFenceRider]

I'm going the other way on this..

 

Your divorced and she can't hurt you anymore. If you really want to have her in your life, you just have to accept that she will always hound you to take her back and make her a wifey yet again. You could try for the FWB thing. But I don't think that will take. She will try to trap you with a kid or otherwise. Just be careful. Actions always have consequences.

[Be_Strong]

BarbedFenceRider, he saw his ex in an HD video having sex on his bed with the OM. So, I think the FWB idea is a no-go. There’s no way to not have that memory play out the second he starts having sex with his ex.

[stillafool]

I think it is also a ego boost to have his wife chasing after him and hearing that she is struggling. There's no good reason to meet with her face to face.

[BTDT2012]

Tell your parents to send her a cease and desist letter, preferably from an attorney.

[Cephalopod]

Don't meet with your ex. Ignore mermeade... be as tough-guy as you want. It is refreshing to see a man stand up for himself and show self respect.

 

 

You owe your ex nothing. She's a creep and a user and deserves what she gets.

[GoldenR]

So I wrote a whole dissertation, including admonitions for not taking this up in therapy, on the two options here—write her a no-contact letter or get back together. Then it dawned on me. The new development with big, strong JR thrashing Dick in the yard. Have we been had?

 

:laugh:

[Grapesofwrath]

Boogie: I've read the entire thread to this point. You are getting a lot of good advice here, and I would add my voice to the chorus of going no contact and meaning it. Your family does not need to update you on anything, and they won't if you ask them not to. There is nothing to salvage here. You will not get "closure" by spending time with your abuser. You will only invite further pain.

 

One additional thought: Google PTSD. Being betrayed in such a brutal and vivid fashion can cause PTSD. Symptoms can be overwhelming. It would help to talk to a counselor, especially if you are struggling with intrusive thoughts, feeling that no one can be trusted, avoiding people or situations that trigger memories of the trauma.

[aliveagain]

Since you are now divorced from her and all her family she has no further claim or special friendship status with any of your family. If her continued attempts to contact them becomes too annoying simply have them file a restraining order against her. I can tell you first hand Uncle Boogie that as painful and stressful the whole experience was for me at the time(absolutely the worst thing I have ever gone through) years later I can't even attempt to try and recreate that pain. It is gone, she is gone and she has become just another face in the crowd. Time, independent counselling and more time made all the pain go away. I have never forgotten what she has put me through but I have to think about it first because it's no longer part of who I am. Has it made me more cautious about relationships, absolutely but it won't stop me from having one. It is hard to explain to someone just going through infidelity that they will be alright, but that is the truth, you still have to take steps to get yourself to the other side. It's up to each individual as to how long it takes them to get there.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Since you are now divorced from her and all her family she has no further claim or special friendship status with any of your family. If her continued attempts to contact them becomes too annoying simply have them file a restraining order against her. I can tell you first hand Uncle Boogie that as painful and stressful the whole experience was for me at the time(absolutely the worst thing I have ever gone through) years later I can't even attempt to try and recreate that pain. It is gone, she is gone and she has become just another face in the crowd. Time, independent counselling and more time made all the pain go away. I have never forgotten what she has put me through but I have to think about it first because it's no longer part of who I am. Has it made me more cautious about relationships, absolutely but it won't stop me from having one. It is hard to explain to someone just going through infidelity that they will be alright, but that is the truth, you still have to take steps to get yourself to the other side. It's up to each individual as to how long it takes them to get there.

 

 

yep...and how much drama and attention you need in your life

 

this saga was over long ago... What else is there to dissect?

 

If reconciliation was in the mix I could understand ...but this whole story was cut and dried

[DKT3]

yep...and how much drama and attention you need in your life

 

this saga was over long ago... What else is there to dissect?

 

If reconciliation was in the mix I could understand ...but this whole story was cut and dried

 

I read an article once that suggested that a small percentage of people (mostly females) actually thrive on drama created by infidelity. It seems to me that in a small part at least that UB is enjoying this. I mean, it's over and he keeps allowing her to creep back in.

 

I can understand wanting some answers, but she isn't being honest.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I read an article once that suggested that a small percentage of people (mostly females) actually thrive on drama created by infidelity. It seems to me that in a small part at least that UB is enjoying this. I mean, it's over and he keeps allowing her to creep back in.

 

I can understand wanting some answers, but she isn't being honest.

 

why does he care?

 

If you caught your wife....and proceeded to divorce...no matter what

 

why does anything else matter? It is over...done...kaput

 

so why would you continue the drama and saga?

 

The relationship is over...divorced...done

thread should also be done...no more drama...move on...happy life without cheating wife

 

Chump lady says....leave a cheater...gain a life

[Mr Blunt]

Uncle Boogie

You know how to keep your ex-wife out of your life if you really want to.

 

 

You are just 6 months out from D-Day so you wanting to talk to your ex-wife is somewhat understandable for some. However, you can do better for yourself if you want 2018 to be better than the last 6 months. You have been given great advice, with no charge, by experienced people, that have several years past D-Day. Stop all contact with your ex-wife and stop fooling yourself or do you think you are fooling us?

[Uncle Boogie]

To all that have recently replied to my last post. Let me just say that I hear you and you all make sense. The only reason I was going to talk to her is because she was getting my parents involved, which is the last thing I wanted to do. I called my dad to discuss the current situation and he volunteered to contact the ex father in law to discuss his daughter. My dad and FIL always got along well, so I believe this might end the whole mess.

 

I stressed to my dad that I was no contact with the ex and have no interest in dealing with her anymore. After I told him the whole story, he agreed thus the call to the FIL. I feel funny having my dad fight this battle for me, but moving on is the most important thing for me right now and he was glad to assist.

 

Again, I want to thank you all for opening my eyes again and keeping me on track.

 

Happy Holidays

 

UB

[road]

To all that have recently replied to my last post. Let me just say that I hear you and you all make sense. The only reason I was going to talk to her is because she was getting my parents involved, which is the last thing I wanted to do. I called my dad to discuss the current situation and he volunteered to contact the ex father in law to discuss his daughter. My dad and FIL always got along well, so I believe this might end the whole mess.

 

I stressed to my dad that I was no contact with the ex and have no interest in dealing with her anymore. After I told him the whole story, he agreed thus the call to the FIL. I feel funny having my dad fight this battle for me, but moving on is the most important thing for me right now and he was glad to assist.

 

Again, I want to thank you all for opening my eyes again and keeping me on track.

 

Happy Holidays

 

UB

 

I would not feel bad. exWW needs to hear it from her dad. FIL has

the only chance of reaching his daughter. For you just stay NC with

exWW.

[usa1ah]

Hey UB, enjoy the time with family.

 

Get a restraining order against your ex for your parents if you can.

 

The only thing I would say with a sit down would be “stop calling my parents and how was that beat down” with a big smile. Then get up and leave, the other questions you have she really has no answer to them.

[Be_Strong]

UB,

You made the right decision. Keep in mind that NC is good not only for you, but your ex as well. She will eventually hit the point of acceptance that you’re gone and will then be able to start picking up the pieces of her life and move on.

[deadsoul]

UB,

 

I think that's a great plan. NC means NC...Your dad can and should take care of this.

 

Now... another step I think you should consider...

 

Your sister means well. She really does. She's telling you that ExW is doing horrible to make you feel better, but that's not how this works. Ask your sister to stop telling you anything about ExW. If you keep getting this information, you are in a sense, "pain shopping," because as long as Ex is doing bad, you might feel better. This isn't going to heal you. True healing will come when you come to the point that you wish your Ex to sort her shiz and find her happiness wherever and whomever it should be with.

 

Really. I think this is going to be a tough next step for you, but it's time. NC means NC. It means you don't talk about her, talk to her, communicate with her, look her up on social media or anything that gives you some sort of connection to her.

 

Finally, let yourself hurt. I've said this before, but as things start to "even" out and stabilize, you might find the emotions of all this hitting you. Let it happen and it's okay.

 

You've got this!!

 

 

To all that have recently replied to my last post. Let me just say that I hear you and you all make sense. The only reason I was going to talk to her is because she was getting my parents involved, which is the last thing I wanted to do. I called my dad to discuss the current situation and he volunteered to contact the ex father in law to discuss his daughter. My dad and FIL always got along well, so I believe this might end the whole mess.

 

I stressed to my dad that I was no contact with the ex and have no interest in dealing with her anymore. After I told him the whole story, he agreed thus the call to the FIL. I feel funny having my dad fight this battle for me, but moving on is the most important thing for me right now and he was glad to assist.

 

Again, I want to thank you all for opening my eyes again and keeping me on track.

 

Happy Holidays

 

UB

[Uncle Boogie]

To all that were kind enough to reply:

 

The FIL talked to the ex and I believe it is over. I have stayed true to NC and have told my family that I don't need any more stories about what the ex is doing. This topic is dead and buried. I have clear skies ahead and a light heart, so with that I am closing this thread.

 

Chow baby,

 

Uncle Boogie