Investigation: The begining of the end?

[Uncle Boogie]

Uncle Boogie what I suggest you do is isolate yourself from the emotional drama of this situation as much as possible.

 

I think you should concentrate on doing everything you can to get the best financial settlement you can out of this. Hurt feelings and anger will fade after time, but watching your money being pulled out of your wallet and handed over to your cheat of an xWW will be demoralizing for years to come.

 

Stay tucked under your lawyer's wing. Listen to him and take his advice.

 

My feeling is, do not do anything to threaten your WW's employment, up to and including preserving the doctor's job. If you live in an alimony state where alimony is compulsory, you definitely DO NOT want her to lose her job.

Your advice is well heeded. Whenever she text's me I always give the following reply. It is the 7 digits to my attorney's office. And that is all she gets.

[anika99]

I thought you had a restraining order against her so why are you talking to her over the phone and meeting her in coffee shops?

[Uncle Boogie]

I get a phone call at 3:30 am on Tuesday morning from wife.

 

Wife: "...When are you coming home?"

Me: "I am home, asleep in my bed"

Wife: "Is anyone with you"

Me: "What do you want?"

Wife: "You have to forgive me and we can't work on our marriage when you are not home"

Me:"Our marriage is over"

Wife: "Do you still love me...?"

Me: "I will always love you but you decided to take everything we had and worked for together and gave it away by spreading your legs to someone else, who is also a cheating scum"

Wife: "Why cant I have a second chance, other men do it for their wives?"

Me: "Because you broke your promise to me to be faithful and I will always question whether you are telling me the truth or not. I am not going to spend the rest of my life always questioning your actions. It is better for me to cut bait and look for someone else"

Wife: "I will never give up trying to save us"

Me: "Just sign the mediation agreement"

Wife: "No"

Me: "Fine, we will go to court. Oh...by the way...the OM wife looked at the tape last night, along with her father"

Wife: "You are an A$$H***". Also, how did the hospital's personnel department find out about Dr. Dick's relationship with me?"

Me: I am sure I don't know what you mean"

Wife:"I know it was you. If you don't stop we will come after you"

Me: "First...you are in no position to even think of threatening me. Two...you know what I can do to both of you and three...I thought you wanted to get back together"

Wife: "Dr. Dick was right...you are childish"

Me: "We are done...go back to bed and if you contact me again I will get a restraining order"

Wife: " A$$H***"

 

How much longer does this hatred last? I feel she will never leave me alone, restraining order or not. My sister said that both have been suspended pending an internal investigation which means they have time to plot against me. This is getting so old and tiring.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Uncle Boogie

[Uncle Boogie]

Do not engage!

 

Do not even answer her phone calls... which means she isn't allowed to ask you all those personal questions.

 

Did you have the locks changed? The garage door opener reprogrammed so she can't come in? She may harm you if you don't protect yourself.

 

Don't hesitate on that restraining order.

 

 

No need to answer any of her questions - if you'd been working that night shift she may have had plans to enter your space/possibly take things you don't want her taking.

 

Take all valuables from the home (including tax returns and credit card/bank info) and put them someplace where she can't get them.

 

Make sure she's off your bank accounts and her credit cards are closed. If needed open new ones in your name only.

 

Make sure she can't do damage - be proactive!

You are right. She caught me off guard. Calls at that hour are usually work related so I just reacted. This is going to be a nightmare. This is almost psychotic behavior on her part.

[WilyWill]

She's absolutely bonkers. Begging you for reconciliation and then the next moment protecting her lover and calling you an asswhole. Block her number.

[BluesPower]

Yeah, they get like this...

 

Every time you post something I think that your STBXW cannot be anymore clueless, and every time you post something new, I am proven wrong.

 

Just block her number so you don't get caught off guard.

 

If it makes you feel better, and it probably won't, dig this...

 

My STBXW was talking with one of my Ex GF's and among other things was telling EGF how much she loved me with all her heart and that I just could not see it.

 

I wonder why I can not see that she loves me, maybe because she does not and never did love me?????

[BetrayedH]

She's projecting "childish" ness on you while she's actually the one that's acting like a petulant child. A remorseful wayward wouldn't hound you at 330am, or threaten you, or tell you what the OM said, or call you names. Like a child, she's been inconvenienced due to her own behavior and now she's going to throw a tantrum until she gets what she wants.

 

Sounds like you responded great, by the way. Let her go back to her OM and tell her story about how childish you are. The irony of that statement cracks me up.

 

Do what you need to do legally to get this crap to stop.

[Zona]

I get a phone call at 3:30 am on Tuesday morning from wife.

 

Me: "Fine, we will go to court. Oh...by the way...the OM wife looked at the tape last night, along with her father"

 

How did Dr. Dick's wife react to seeing the tape?

[Just a Guy]

Is he Dr. Dick or Dr. C...k?

[Uncle Boogie]

Is he Dr. Dick or Dr. C...k?

With this guy, the names are one and the same.

[Uncle Boogie]

How did Dr. Dick's wife react to seeing the tape?

She was devastated. I warned her before the nasty bits occurred. When she left, I believe she could have committed murder (not that she would). Her dad on the other hand would do so in a heartbeat (maybe). I found out that he is one of the top litigators on the West coast. I believe Dr. Dick is in for an unfortunate year regarding his career and his finances. It will be interesting to see if my wife will find him so attractive once he is borrowing money from her.

[Uncle Boogie]

Update:

 

Well...she signed off on the agreement. In 6 weeks we will be divorced. As I mentioned, she stated that she was not going to sign off on the agreement and wanted to work on our marriage. This was not going to happen, especially since Dr. Dick is still hanging in her shadow. I found out that she has not really told her family the truth and has not told her Grandmother anything. Now, her Grandmother is everything to her and she will do anything not to make her upset. So I went there. I told her via email that I was going to start talking to her family members one by one starting with Grandma. Bingo. Did I feel bad about stooping so low...No I didn't. She signed the next day with the promise I would not tell anyone what she did. No problem, I promised I would keep my mouth shut (she is the only person in her family that I liked anyway).

 

So all is signed and sent to the courts...now we wait. She emailed me to see if I would like to meet Dr. Dick and would like us to be friends. Good Lord Woman, what is the color sky in your world...ahhhh....Noooo. She also mentioned us dating again in the future. I wrote back that she can think anything she wants but I doubt we will have any reason to see each other after the divorce. What I did not mention is that I was head hunted by a large European organization to head their internal security operations which I am going to take. I will sell my percentage of my current business to my partners and quietly disappear. Part of the agreement is that she gives up all vested interest in the business in lieu of joint personal property. House - she can keep it, I always hated it; Car - she takes over the payments; bank accounts - it is all hers (I hope she chocks on every penny). It sounds like a lot but what is the price of freedom. Well worth the cost.

 

As of now, I feel free and relaxed. I have blocked her on my phone, but she has been to my condo several times wanting to talk. Usually she does this after she has been drinking.

 

And so it goes...

Edited July 25, 2017 by Uncle Boogie

[Zona]

Update:

I told her via email that I was going to start talking to her family members one by one starting with Grandma. Bingo.

 

And so it goes...

 

Congrats on the quick settlement. Lucky you didn't have kids with her.

[Marc878]

Waitll she finds out the OMW say the tape.

[Ocdude]

Update:

 

Well...she signed off on the agreement. In 6 weeks we will be divorced. As I mentioned, she stated that she was not going to sign off on the agreement and wanted to work on our marriage. This was not going to happen, especially since Dr. Dick is still hanging in her shadow. I found out that she has not really told her family the truth and has not told her Grandmother anything. Now, her Grandmother is everything to her and she will do anything not to make her upset. So I went there. I told her via email that I was going to start talking to her family members one by one starting with Grandma. Bingo. Did I feel bad about stooping so low...No I didn't. She signed the next day with the promise I would not tell anyone what she did. No problem, I promised I would keep my mouth shut (she is the only person in her family that I liked anyway).

 

So all is signed and sent to the courts...now we wait. She emailed me to see if I would like to meet Dr. Dick and would like us to be friends. Good Lord Woman, what is the color sky in your world...ahhhh....Noooo. She also mentioned us dating again in the future. I wrote back that she can think anything she wants but I doubt we will have any reason to see each other after the divorce. What I did not mention is that I was head hunted by a large European organization to head their internal security operations which I am going to take. I will sell my percentage of my current business to my partners and quietly disappear. Part of the agreement is that she gives up all vested interest in the business in lieu of joint personal property. House - she can keep it, I always hated it; Car - she takes over the payments; bank accounts - it is all hers (I hope she chocks on every penny). It sounds like a lot but what is the price of freedom. Well worth the cost.

 

As of now, I feel free and relaxed. I have blocked her on my phone, but she has been to my condo several times wanting to talk. Usually she does this after she has been drinking.

 

And so it goes...

 

Infidelity in the hospitals are quite common, news spreads quickly, people have their opinions, but however they are quite forgiving. Please expose her to everyone after the divorce is final. I still don't understand why she wants to reconcile with you, or not, And play all these games with you. If this doctor is everything that she thought that she wanted. I have heard of many physicians who have cheated on your wives, got divorced, had to pay alimony, child support and lose 50% of their assets, And still live quite comfortably for a single person. That's why I recommend exposure. They don't deserve to be that comfortable.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Uncle Boogie, well done! You have handled this whole sad business like a champ. Also, what a contrast between you and ZH. While both of you seem to have loved your wives equally and may have bent over backwards to accommodate them, you sir have your boundaries set in stone. ZH on the other hand seems to be tied to his wife's petticoat strings and cannot lift a little finger to chastise her for the tremendous harm she has done to their marriage or the deep wound that she has inflicted on him. She continues to live her merry life as before with no consequences or understanding of how she has harmed everyone dear to her including her own children. ZH has been sucking up his shame and will continue to do so till his dying day. A sad commentary on a man who otherwise deserves to live the good life free from the curse of the woman who is hitched to him.

 

I guess we would all like to wish you the very best on your new innings in a new job and environment. Sure you will flourish there. Warm wishes.

[Bufo]

Don't blow the whistle if you are almost divorced on terms satisfactory to you. It would look to the whole world as disgruntled ex seeking revenge. Besides I rather doubt the A is unknown in the hospital. Your disclosure to her workplace would serve only as confirmation. Ask the perpetual question of life: what's in it for me?

 

Disclosure may work great if the goal is ending an A but since your M is over why bother? You know the saying "let sleeping dogs lie" don't you ? Apply it's lesson here.

[Ocdude]

Don't blow the whistle if you are almost divorced on terms satisfactory to you. It would look to the whole world as disgruntled ex seeking revenge. Besides I rather doubt the A is unknown in the hospital. Your disclosure to her workplace would serve only as confirmation. Ask the perpetual question of life: what's in it for me?

 

Disclosure may work great if the goal is ending an A but since your M is over why bother? You know the saying "let sleeping dogs lie" don't you ? Apply it's lesson here.

 

Bufo,

 

your right!, Focus on yourself OP. wait until after the divorce is final....., ha ha.

[Uncle Boogie]

Hi Uncle Boogie, well done! You have handled this whole sad business like a champ. Also, what a contrast between you and ZH. While both of you seem to have loved your wives equally and may have bent over backwards to accommodate them, you sir have your boundaries set in stone. ZH on the other hand seems to be tied to his wife's petticoat strings and cannot lift a little finger to chastise her for the tremendous harm she has done to their marriage or the deep wound that she has inflicted on him. She continues to live her merry life as before with no consequences or understanding of how she has harmed everyone dear to her including her own children. ZH has been sucking up his shame and will continue to do so till his dying day. A sad commentary on a man who otherwise deserves to live the good life free from the curse of the woman who is hitched to him.

 

I guess we would all like to wish you the very best on your new innings in a new job and environment. Sure you will flourish there. Warm wishes.

Thanks. I handled my situation in the way I thought would best protect me. Maybe it was my investigative background, but I believe that you should only act once you have the information required to provide the outcome you want. Some other men whose wives cheat on them act differently, that's cool if that is their comfort zone.

 

P.S. My wife has found out about my new job and is totally loosing it. She showed up at my cousins birthday party (he always has one on the same date) and basically went totally psycho on me and my family. She was inconsolable, crying and trying to talk at the same time, no one could understand her. She was basically in the fetal position on the ground incapacitated with remorse. Dr. Dick could not stand the pressure and is trying to get back with his wife. I hope he has body armor cup because that is where she is going first. Anyway...to stop this embarrassment that is occurring on the ground in front of everyone, I picked up my shell of a ex wife and took her home. I had to carrier her into the house, dropped her on the couch and told her she needs to move on with her life. As I left, she continued to babble cry something, but I paid no attention. Anyway...I am taking advice from the wise members of this forum and I am keeping a low profile till the divorced is stamped. I will be out of the country when the final decree is to be signed, but my attorney said he will cover for me and fed ex them to me.

[Bufo]

Well played considering her award winning performance.

 

It's called consequences. She's got to learn that choices have consequences. Even if she doesn't like the consequences.

 

She fired you as husband for the sake of an affair. Don't reapply for the job just because she cant handle the consequences.

[Whodatdog]

How did she find out about the new job?

[Uncle Boogie]

How did she find out about the new job?

I really don't know how she found out. Maybe she learned some of my investigative techniques over the years, but I think my sister dropped the information without thinking about it. Doesn't matter anyway.

[Uncle Boogie]

I want the thank all those who responded with their kind words and advice. It really did help me keep on track throughout this whole process. With support from you guys and my friends,'ya all' took a difficult time in my life and made it bearable.

 

Some people asked me how I could be so coldhearted and not give her a second chance. Asking questions like "Don't you love her". My response is that I do love her and always will. However, when the one person who you trust the most blatantly and with malice does the one thing that they know would destroy you then love takes on a new meaning. It goes back to the question: Why do partners who feel their relationship has a problem tend to resolve the issue by physically cheating on the one they claim to love? I know this is not true in all cases, but since this is a infidelity site, I am using this reference. Why not state that they have an issue within the relationship and seek counseling together. If the other partner is non responsive, why not just divorce and live the life they desire. I don't get it.

 

Anyway, when my wife cheated in a very cinematographic way, I knew that I could never and would never trust her again. Without trust, what kind of marriage would that be? I am not afraid of being alone, almost one half of the population are the other sex, so that would not push me for reconciliation. I don't get why some partners will put aside their dignity and almost beg for the offending partner to come back. To me, life is way too short to live in that world. I understand that some people have the ability to put aside the cheating behavior and can see past the indiscretion and work on their marriage. That is cool if that is the way you roll, however, I am not one of those people. Not any better and not any worse.

 

Regarding my wife, she made her decision. I believe that a person makes only a small amount of life changing decisions in their lives and cheating is one of them. I made my decision by divorcing her. She may try to reconcile over the upcoming years, however it will not change the outcome. I wish her nothing but the best in her endeavors but she will do it without me.

 

Thanks to all. I will respond to others going through the maelstrom of a cheating spouse with the hope of giving some of the good advice that I received throughout my ordeal.

 

Chow.

[Zona]

Dr. Dick could not stand the pressure and is trying to get back with his wife. I hope he has body armor cup because that is where she is going first.

 

HAHAHA, wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall to see what happens when she gets her hands on him, or lets loose with her tongue and cuts him down to size!

[road]

Divorcing has nothing to do with being cold hearted.

Recovery and divorce are the choices two pick from.

The choice is based on what the BH wants. Some BH's

can't not recover. Not bad not good but just reflects

what a BH needs.