reconnecting with an ex who cheated

[aaron19]

Me and my ex-boyfriend (/fiance) of a year broke up in April after weeks of arguments that started when his house got burgled. After the break up, he confessed that he had had sex with someone else over the previous Christmas break from university, hours before he proposed to me. He also confessed that he had also developed feelings for one of our mutual friends. Over the following weeks, we were on-and-off, trying to see if there was anything to salvage, until we decided to end it and he started to pursue a relationship with this mutual friend a few days later - yes, days. This destroyed my confidence and I found the break up very hard, so I confronted him and things got messy, resulting in us blocking each other on all social media. I haven't been able to open up to guys since, and have spent the last few months having casual sex with numerous people - but that is not how I want to live my life anymore.

 

A few weeks ago, after I thought I had moved on, he sent me a collection of letters he had been writing since we broke up, in which he described me as his soul mate and other similar declarations reminiscing about our time together and being apologetic about the ending and making it clear that he still loves me. I found this to be a pathetic attempt to try and win be back - who sends letters anymore? Anyway, since then we keep reconnecting over messages and bumping into each other, and we allow inappropriate 6 hour conversations to develop despite the fact that he is now with one of the guys he cheated with.

 

I often have sex dreams about him and am certain that there is still lust there, and I do still love him but the betrayal was overwhelming and I don't know if I could ever go back there. I am wondering how I should move forward from this, to see if there's actually anything still there, try to be friends or just cut him out all together? My friends are all advising me to forget about him, but its harder said than done, especially since he was my first love. Its particularly awkward since we're both uni students and will be separated by just two houses on the same street when the next academic year begins, so I'll be seeing him frequently and want to avoid any awkwardness. Any help would be greatly appreciated as I am quite confused haha

[Zahara]

Ugh. The guy treated you so disrespectfully. I can't imagine contemplating being friends with someone who treated you poorly. That makes zero sense.

 

Cut him off. Your friends are right. Regain your self-value and self-respect. You've lost both.

 

All you've taught him is that you will tolerate and accept poor behavior. Who cares of there is awkwardness. The mature thing to do is to live within healthy boundaries regardless of what a cheater thinks about you.

[d0nnivain]

You have history with this guy but that history includes him cheating on you. I suppose it's possible that he has grown up. You won't know unless you talk to him. That said, I could never trust him again. Do you think you can? If so why do you think you can trust him?

[Marco Valerio]

After what you have written, you would be making a big mistake if you continue pursuing a loving relationship with him. He has proven you the type of person he is, and you seem to choose to ignore it.

[Been]

You have to have standards. And cheating should be something you will not tolerate.

And from experience you will never fully trust him again. You will always be wondering if he will do it again. And then you'll want to know about the cheating. Where. When. Why.

Imagine if someone who supposedly loves you can do that to you.

Not only are they capable of looking you in the eye and lying but they have no respect for you.

Yo really want that?