Girlfriend engaged in dirty conversations to another guy..

[WATPx]

My minds all over the place at the moment and i'm just wondering what you guys think..

Basically one night she smashed up her phone by accident and had to use my phone to log on to her Facebook to message her friends to tell them that her phone had broke. A few days later we had an arguement and she stormed out and went home. We didn't talk much for the next couple of days and that night notifcatons came up on my phone of a guy who she says was her friend that seemed to be flirting.

I forgot that she was still logged in on my phone and i know it was wrong but as i saw the flirting going so curiosity got the better of me and i had to look.

I saw all the dirty messages they sent eachother that night about how she wanted him to eat her you know what. Anyway i ended it the next day but dodnt tell her about the messages that i seen and she thought it was just about the arguement. We went no contact for over a month and she messaged me saying how lonely she was without me and that she'd like to meet up. I felt like a mug for doing it but i did.

 

Anyway i told her about the messages i saw and she apologised, she said they had history and said she done it because i was receiving snapchats from girls and because she was insecure and because of the argument. Anyway we've been back together for 2 months now and its been on my mind lately that she still has this guy on her facebook and he likes everything she posts. I asked her if he still talks to her and she just said just about her job etc. Is this right? Am i right to be annoyed about this? Is she disrespecting me my still talking with this dude?

[d0nnivain]

You didn't do anything wrong. She never logged off her account on your phone. It was your device. You got to look. Think of it like the "plain sight rule" for cops looking for evidence.

 

 

Her justification for her action was lame & immature. Tit for tat is no way to run a relationship. Especially if the snap chats you got were innocent; there was no reason for her to sext another guy.

 

 

Her unfriending him should have been a minimum requirement for reconciliation. This guy wants your GF & she isn't doing much to discourage him.

[somanymistakes]

You have a right to your feelings, whether she's actually trying to hook up with this guy or not.

 

It doesn't even sound like they are just friends who flirt as part of their banter, it seems pretty clear like she had more than that in mind. Coming up with a "well, you did this other thing!" excuse sounds like either she was deliberately coming onto someone else to hurt you, or was being really defensive and trying to twist it around to make it your fault because she knows she was cheating.

[oldlion]

Are you still receiving snap chats from other girls? If you are then remember the old adage: "He who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw rocks." I wish you well.

[Thegameoflife]

You should take a hard line on this and tell her that she removes him from her life, or you remove her from yours. Mean it too. Preemptively remove female snapchat friends, and anyone that she could use to justify keeping him as a friend.

 

If she messes up, leave her and all her stuff on the curb with the rest of the garbage. Life is way to short to stay with a dishonourable person who doesn't respect you.

[aileD]

Have You asked her to remove him?

[WATPx]

I haven't asked her to remove him as I didn't want to seem like im controlling her as i'm not a controlling person but it has been niggling away in my mind, but i just thought it was common courtesy. The snapchats i recieve are totally innocent pictures nothing bad! She told me she would never do something like this again and i'm having some trust issues which she knows about, but i told her that I'm working on them!

[JS84]

Sounds like you made a mistake taking her back. Sounds like an even bigger mistake that you're allowing her to have any type of connection with this guy through social media or otherwise.

 

If you are going to give the relationship another shot then you two need to discuss the concept of boundaries. A simple one should be, no contact with ex partners. Especially ones you've been talking dirty to while in a relationship. You're basically asking to get screwed over again by allowing that to continue.

 

You have every right to ask her to cut contact with that guy. There's a difference between being controlling and establishing healthy boundaries.

[lolablue17]

... and i'm having some trust issues which she knows about, but i told her that I'm working on them!

 

Of course you're having trust issues. You definitely should have trust issues with her, considering her behavior. Instead of you working on your trust issues, she should work on her boundaries. If she cares about you, She should have offered to cut him on her initiation.

 

She also thinks that to keep hiding it from you is a good moral thing, right? If she did that with some lame excuses (the argument, girls snapchatting you, her insecurities) I wonder what are the chances that this one flirting is all that happened... Very low chances. She probably did more with him, or\and with other guys... How can you tell she haven't? She already proved her nature to hide this side from you when it suites her.

[GorillaTheater]

I haven't asked her to remove him as I didn't want to seem like im controlling her as i'm not a controlling person but it has been niggling away in my mind, but i just thought it was common courtesy.

 

 

<facepalm>

 

 

Men have gotten to be so damn scared of having the "controlling" label slapped on them that they'll allow all kinds of unacceptable crap to slide.

 

 

Of COURSE to tell her that you want her to remove him. It's her choice not to, and then it becomes your choice whether you're going to respect yourself enough to walk, but for God's sake don't be willing to accept crap behavior just to avoid being "controlling".

[aileD]

<facepalm>

 

 

Men have gotten to be so damn scared of having the "controlling" label slapped on them that they'll allow all kinds of unacceptable crap to slide.

 

 

Of COURSE to tell her that you want her to remove him. It's her choice not to, and then it becomes your choice whether you're going to respect yourself enough to walk, but for God's sake don't be willing to accept crap behavior just to avoid being "controlling".

 

 

You can't complain about something you haven't asked her to change. Tell her how you feel, and that it makes you I comfortable that she still has him as a friend . What she says and does next will tell you a lot about her and your situation.

[GoldenR]

Let's just get this out there....

 

You know they had sex, right? And they probably still do have sex.

 

Drop her.

[usa1ah]

If you stopped receiving Snapchat from the girl she complained about. She should give this guy up.

[Overtaxed]

<facepalm>

 

 

Men have gotten to be so damn scared of having the "controlling" label slapped on them that they'll allow all kinds of unacceptable crap to slide.

 

 

Of COURSE to tell her that you want her to remove him. It's her choice not to, and then it becomes your choice whether you're going to respect yourself enough to walk, but for God's sake don't be willing to accept crap behavior just to avoid being "controlling".

 

Indeed. It's just one more small step from here to "My wife beats me every night, spends all the money, sleeps with other men in our bed and is emotionally abusive to our children, but I'm afraid to say anything for fear of being controlling". Listen, none of us want to control other people, we really don't. But sometimes situations require you to "put your foot down". This is one of them, for men and women, you cannot just "let this slide". You'll appear weak and women hate that. But, more importantly, a part of you dies inside when you let something that really bothers you just "go" like this. Is it controlling? Yeah, it probably is. But, unless anyone else has some better ideas, I'm not sure you have any other options.

 

Also, just an FYI, Snapchat has no place on any married person's phone. If your friends use it, introduce them to this thing called "txt messaging" and let them contact you that way. Snapchat is to share nude pics and setup/talk about things that are "hidden" from people who might pick up your phone (like your wife/GF). IMHO, it's one step away from having an AshleyMadison app (do they even have an app?) on your phone.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Indeed. It's just one more small step from here to "My wife beats me every night, spends all the money, sleeps with other men in our bed and is emotionally abusive to our children, but I'm afraid to say anything for fear of being controlling". Listen, none of us want to control other people, we really don't. But sometimes situations require you to "put your foot down". This is one of them, for men and women, you cannot just "let this slide". You'll appear weak and women hate that. But, more importantly, a part of you dies inside when you let something that really bothers you just "go" like this. Is it controlling? Yeah, it probably is. But, unless anyone else has some better ideas, I'm not sure you have any other options.

 

Also, just an FYI, Snapchat has no place on any married person's phone. If your friends use it, introduce them to this thing called "txt messaging" and let them contact you that way. Snapchat is to share nude pics and setup/talk about things that are "hidden" from people who might pick up your phone (like your wife/GF). IMHO, it's one step away from having an AshleyMadison app (do they even have an app?) on your phone.

 

I have snapchat on my phone...my friends are my grandchildren..I dont send them nude photos.

[todreaminblue]

yes she is disrespecting you...if she is serious about you she will cease to do so....dirty messaging someone isnt on while she is with you she isnt single.....its cheating..and for it to be right she needs to be with you...in every way.....that means no other guy can get a look in..not emotionally not physically............deb

Edited June 16, 2017 by todreaminblue

[Bufo]

Maybe it's a generational thing, but I cannot imagine expressing interest in oral sex with a woman who is only a friend. And I cannot imagine any woman's response should I have made such a request to her. Your gf, appears to have welcomed this "compliment" as it wasn't the last communication they ever had.

 

If you read the threads here you'll find out that the common mental status of WW who post is that they loved the attention and compliments offered by the OM. Some call it seeking validation from others.

 

You found out about this guy. Are you certain there haven't been others during your relationship with her? Are you certain this isn't a pattern that preexisted your relationship?

 

You need to be hyper alert without letting her know you're at DefCon 3 headed to DefCon4.

[Marc878]

Are you so hard up you have to have this crap in your life?

 

I would have never looked back on this.

[WATPx]

Thank you for your input people i really appreciate it honestly! I think it was just because this guys in her friends circle i was hesitant to say to her but i will need to man up and put my foot down. I'm too soft and I don't want her to walk all over me again.

[springy]

Are you so hard up you have to have this crap in your life?

 

I would have never looked back on this.

 

In a nutshell ...

[Poutrew]

If you want to start out a conversation softly, you could ask her how she would have reacted if she had seen a message from you to a mutual friend (girl she knows) telling her how turned on you were by her lady bump hiding in those sexy red pants she was wearing the other day, and how you would like to lick it until she screams.... and the giggly, flattery reply the woman sent back to you? If she admits she would be bothered by it then that is a point you and she can work from. IF, however, she says she wouldn't be bothered by it, then you are in a hopeless situation. People locked into affair mode often wish their significant other were doing what they were doing as a way to rationalize and excuse their own horrible behavior.

[sandylee1]

For me the issue would be whether I wanted a GF, who within a day or so of us arguing that engages in conversation about having oral sex with someone else.

 

Life is too short to waste on relationships that aren't heading anywhere.

 

What's your end game with her? If it is a lifetime partnership or marriage, then she's not trustworthy enough.

 

If it's to pass the time, until someone better comes along.. Then fine.

 

If she wasn't happy about you snapchatting, she should have told you.

 

I'm not sure how old you both are, but you come across youngish.

[WATPx]

I have asked her before how would it make her feel if the shoe was on the other foot and she did say that she may have forgiven me. She did say that she beats herself up about it every day.

I didn't in a million years think that she would have done something like that as in her previous relationships she was treated like crap and cheated on and I've genuinely treated her like a queen.

The paranoia now is crazy right now and I don't really know if it will get better. For example i've noticed she always has her phone face down which i know sounds dumb but it sends so many thoughts through my mind as i dont think she done that before we broke up.

I'm 23 and shes 21.

I guess i'll see how it goes.

[road]

I have asked her before how would it make her feel if the shoe was on the other foot and she did say that she may have forgiven me. She did say that she beats herself up about it every day.

I didn't in a million years think that she would have done something like that as in her previous relationships she was treated like crap and cheated on and I've genuinely treated her like a queen.

The paranoia now is crazy right now and I don't really know if it will get better. For example i've noticed she always has her phone face down which i know sounds dumb but it sends so many thoughts through my mind as i dont think she done that before we broke up.

I'm 23 and shes 21.

I guess i'll see how it goes.

 

Tell her you need to see her phone face up at all times. A tool to restore

the broken trust and keep it restored.

[GoldenR]

Let's see:

 

Sexting a male friend and phone is always down.

 

They are having sex. You need to wake up.