Why must I have a bf? why people are always so presumptive?

[Springsummer]

This afternoon, was discussing some wacky technical issues with 2 rather new male colleague, and then the man said "your boyfriend...." (consulate me for what I am going through? forgot exactly what he said).

 

I wanted to say I don't have a bf. then I realize people may think I am very weird at my "senior"age? I feel so uncomfortable admitting this fact. so I can only utter "where?" I didn't even know if they heard it.

 

why people can just assume your status? I really hate that. of course he is not the only one, every now and then, people will say "your husband..."

 

why? is it abnormal to be single and alone? must I get someone no matter what in order to be normal?:sick:

[Springsummer]

If you were in my situation, what will you think and say? I feel pissed and feel I am an alien every time people say those word to me.

[amaysngrace]

He's testing you to see if you're taken, I'm pretty sure.

 

But maybe some men can chime in on that theory of mine.

[basil67]

It's fairly common for a guy to refer to your potential boyfriend if he wants to find out if you're single

 

FWIW, I know plenty of older, single women who are perfectly happy and not looking. I would never presume about boyfriend/marital status.

[thefooloftheyear]

Yeah...they are checking to see if you are game...

 

On that note...there's not that much good about getting older, but the one real plus is that you just don't give a shyt what anyone says or thinks anymore,....certainly not some idiots that work along side of you...

 

Let it go...

 

TFY

[d0nnivain]

Another vote for the men who mention your BF/DH as trying to ascertain if you're taken. These guys may be interested in filing the position. Did you ever think of that?

[Springsummer]

oh, your guys are so wrong...I should specify. The man who asked is much older than me and has a wife and daughter. The other guy is a university graduate.

 

on the other hand, there is university intern who is very fine looking and HOT...too bad, he way way too young for me, sigh...He very often say "my ex..." though...I feel it is immoral to even give any indication...too bad, life suck.

Edited June 12, 2017 by Springsummer

[preraph]

Speaking as a terminally single 64 year old, the correct answer to those "boyfriend" comments is "Which one?"

 

Also, it's possible someone is interested in you when they ask. But "which one" is still the correct answer.

[Daisydooks]

I have even had a guy ask me what was wrong with me. I played along and said, "well you see, I am shyt bat crazy. That's why I'm single!" Then I laughed. He probably believed me. Hahahaha. It does seem odd to some people when they aren't attached but I'm not exactly sure why. He was saying it as a compliment in my case, and was wondering why I would be single and why someone hadn't scooped me up already. Truth be told, I am not insane; I just didn't need scooping.

[risjurad]

He's testing you to see if you're taken, I'm pretty sure.

 

But maybe some men can chime in on that theory of mine.

Can't speak for other men, but this is something I would do. In some circles, men will introduce a lady as "John's wife" to their single guy friends just to get the point across from the start. (although, sometimes not to her face!)

Edited June 13, 2017 by risjurad

[PegNosePete]

Yes, it is a single-ness test for sure.

 

oh, your guys are so wrong...I should specify. The man who asked is much older than me and has a wife and daughter.

Since when did that stop anyone? You really need to read some more threads on here if you think being older, or having a wife and a daughter, stops people flirting or trying to start an affair with a younger woman at work.

 

I agree with the above suggested response of "which one?" - it turns it into a joke and deflects the topic of your real personal status from work colleagues, which generally is a good idea if you don't want to mix work with personal (otherwise known as, don't poop where you eat).

[Springsummer]

Yes, it is a single-ness test for sure.

 

 

Since when did that stop anyone? You really need to read some more threads on here if you think being older, or having a wife and a daughter, stops people flirting or trying to start an affair with a younger woman at work.

.

 

Seriously? that will be way too devilish. I don't believe so at all.

 

Today the old man (mid 50) called me kiddo and said he likes me (when I said I will get the thing done today) in front of the team.

 

on the other hand, this intern is so HOT(not the one who presented when the old man made the assumption), but way too young for me. It stops me even trying to be friendly.

[Springsummer]

deleted....

Edited June 14, 2017 by Springsummer

[teak]

I get the feeling that you a) look younger than you actually are, and b) are probably pretty darn attractive but don't really think about that too much. I hate to say that most of the commenters are probably right that they're gauging your singleness - whether for themselves or another colleague with a crush. But sometimes these things are being said in the workplace to be diminutive.

 

I do understand your broader question, though. I am also quite content to be single. I don't mind admitting that I look pretty nice still, and I regularly (but not frequently) have people comment on why am I single or say "what is wrong with you?" as if I must be running men away with some horrible part of my personality. Like being single is the worst thing for a woman. It's quite insulting, so I can understand why you feel pissed off at these guys using that same approach, whatever their goal is with it.

[The Urbanyst]

Yeah, I after a certain age people expect you to be coupled up and look at you funny if you are not. Its definitely annoying.

 

Here is the question you have to ask yourself: Do you care more about being happy or being normal?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I get the same thing. All the time. I even get "oh you must have a boyfriend, don't hide him from us". Women from HR regularly stop me on a corridor with questions "got a boyfriend yet?".....

 

Being in a relationship is completely optional. As if it's beyond the realm of possibility that a woman can be content being single.

[Popsicle]

Strange...I never get this.

 

The only people who have ever asked me this are men who are interested in me.

 

I am divorced though, but not everyone knows this, and I still never get this.

[No_Go]

Every time when I hire a contractor for my new house, I get 'How comes that you're not married yet?' WTH to answer to this??

 

Usually people assume if you are decent looking and single over 25-30, then there must be something really wrong with you. I think that's why they ask...

[PegNosePete]

Every time when I hire a contractor for my new house, I get 'How comes that you're not married yet?' WTH to answer to this??

"Oh is the job finished? If so I'd be happy to have a cup of tea and discuss personal matters."

 

Or if you prefer comedy to confrontation...

 

"I can't decide which of my boyfriends to marry"

Edited June 14, 2017 by PegNosePete

[GunslingerRoland]

I think the assumption is, that if you are a beautiful woman past a certain age who isn't in a relationship you must be crazy. So like a kid with a stick poking a wasps nest, they want to get keep poking you to see if they can find the crazy...