Author sickoflove11 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 Eh, you kind of did the same thing. You were waiting for her to confirm plans the day before like she said she would, but when she didn't do that, why couldn't you have taken the initiative and at like 7 or 8 pm and been like, "Are we still hanging out tomorrow?" Bringing it up is a better option than waiting around not knowing. You have to take things into your own hands sometimes. Or if someone doesn't confirm plans when they say they will, you can just assume the plans are no longer on and make other plans for yourself. You cannot let someone else dictate how your day goes. It's only up to you. You're right, and that's what I did. I just assumed they were no longer on and I did my own thing. I am tired of always being the one who confirms. I wasn't so upset until later when she tried to make other plans and I brought up this concern of mine. She said she wouldn't ditch these new plans because it's something different that we don't get to do often. That's when I was upset. She intentionally ignored the first plan because she wasn't interested. The second plan would require me driving far, because she doesn't like to, and taking her places she likes, rather than something I want to do. I thought this was completely rude and when I addressed it she read the messages and never responded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickoflove11 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 Also with her I have to take things into my own hands ALL THE TIME. So if it were sometimes, sure I can handle that. It's shared. But it makes me feel like I'm forcing her to hang out because she clearly doesn't mind just hanging around her house all day. So when I'm constantly saying are we still on for tomorrow? I feel I am forcing (obviously not literally) her to say yes because by her not saying anything and not getting back to me, that was her way of saying she wasn't interested. She can't just say it flat out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Here's me question: if you already made the plans, why do you have to wait to see if the plans you already made are going to happen? That's what I was talking about earlier. If the plans are already made, why do you assume they are OFF when you don't hear from someone? If I don't hear from someone, I assume the plans have NOT changed and are still ON. I hear this a lot: "He asked me out on Monday for Thursday at 7:00 at Olive Garden. But it's lunchtime on Thursday and he still hasn't called. Do we have plan or not????" Um....yes. You have plans to go to Olive Garden at 7:00. Why is this hard? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickoflove11 Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 She told me she would get back to me and let me know if she was free the following day. The plans were not set because she never got back to me. The night of said "plans", she told me she was expecting me to text her again about it. So she tells me she'll let me know if she's available, but in reality, expects me to check up on her and text her about it again. If only I was a mind reader... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
InvisiBlonde Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 She told me she would get back to me and let me know if she was free the following day. The plans were not set because she never got back to me. The night of said "plans", she told me she was expecting me to text her again about it. So she tells me she'll let me know if she's available, but in reality, expects me to check up on her and text her about it again. If only I was a mind reader... Oh, my GOD! DO YOU WANT TO GET TOGETHER, OR NOT?! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickoflove11 Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 Oh, my GOD! DO YOU WANT TO GET TOGETHER, OR NOT?! I was just clarifying the situation to knabe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Thanks. In your case, things were kind of vague, so the confusion makes sense. In so many cases I read about, the plans really are set, but "I'm going to go do something else because he didn't text me the day of and I don't know if we're still on!" If he didn't text to cancel or change, the plans are still on. It's not rocket science! LOL I'm glad I'm old. People 30 and under make the dating/plans process this multi-layered web of intrigue and confusion. Us old people just used the rotary phone and set a time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
InvisiBlonde Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I was just clarifying the situation to knabe. Didn't mean to sound like I was yelling at you I was yelling at the person who can't OMG Just Make Plans! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickoflove11 Posted June 20, 2017 Author Share Posted June 20, 2017 Thanks. In your case, things were kind of vague, so the confusion makes sense. In so many cases I read about, the plans really are set, but "I'm going to go do something else because he didn't text me the day of and I don't know if we're still on!" If he didn't text to cancel or change, the plans are still on. It's not rocket science! LOL I'm glad I'm old. People 30 and under make the dating/plans process this multi-layered web of intrigue and confusion. Us old people just used the rotary phone and set a time. I think that's why I have such a hard time. I feel like I am part of the 30 and over crowd because I like to make plans and stick to them! But many of my friends have to "get back to me" or confirm the day of, to see if we're not busy or something else didn't come up. Or maybe if we're still even interested in the plans... It's way too much to think about! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickoflove11 Posted June 20, 2017 Author Share Posted June 20, 2017 Didn't mean to sound like I was yelling at you I was yelling at the person who can't OMG Just Make Plans! Ohhh! Yes I agree in that case! I'd love if everyone could just make plans and stick with them! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 If someone says to me, "wanna grab lunch next week?" I say, "Sure, what day? Tuesday or Wednesday works for me." They usually pick one. If neither of us can pick one right then, I usually say, "I'll call you Friday afternoon." Most of my friends do the same thing. Part of it is because we don't really have the flexibility to play it by ear. Full-time jobs, kids of varying ages, spouses, aging parents, etc. If you don't nail it down right then it's not gonna happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
InvisiBlonde Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 I think that's why I have such a hard time. I feel like I am part of the 30 and over crowd because I like to make plans and stick to them! It's way too much to think about! You sound like a very nice person, so I will spare you my soapbox about this (You probably have your own, anyway!) I simply just don't engage in this idiocy. Either we have plans or we don't. This practice of calling to confirm irritates me: At what point is it safe for me to sit back and really OMG look forward to spending time with you? (And please -- Somebody Stop Me -- do not mention a "Save-The-Date"!) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 This friend doesn't sound that interested in being your friend or she wouldn't put off letting you know and then not let you know. THIS! Your friend more than likely didn't want to be bothered and was hoping you wouldn't call and confirm. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickoflove11 Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 You sound like a very nice person, so I will spare you my soapbox about this (You probably have your own, anyway!) I simply just don't engage in this idiocy. Either we have plans or we don't. This practice of calling to confirm irritates me: At what point is it safe for me to sit back and really OMG look forward to spending time with you? (And please -- Somebody Stop Me -- do not mention a "Save-The-Date"!) I agree, it irritates me as well! I guess I should have just not told her how I feel about the situation, but I didn't stop to think. Now she is snapchatting me, and has shown up to my work 3 times since she ignored my text (I work at a coffee shop). I have been at different locations and she has gone to both while I'm there. We don't really talk because I'm working.. So I'm not understanding what "message" if any, she is trying to send. I do not want to reach out because I am tired of putting effort into the friendship when I don't feel its mutual. I feel that if she can't text, or call me, there is no real effort being put forth by her, therefore there is nothing for me to respond to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickoflove11 Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 THIS! Your friend more than likely didn't want to be bothered and was hoping you wouldn't call and confirm. While I do agree with this, we were texting much of the day. And I know she was home doing nothing. Neither one of us brought up the intended "plans" until later in the night when she tried to plan something else. That's when I just decided to address the elephant in the room. To be clear, I know is it equally my fault that I didn't bring up the plans. But I had expected her to get back to me about her being busy or not that day. We texted all day and she still never said anything so I just did my own thing. I am not so upset about her bailing on the plans, it is mostly the reaction when I brought up how this all made me feel. Which was no reaction. No response. My therapist basically tells me there is a great difference in our communication skills. I cannot expect her to react in any certain way if she does not have the skills to do so. This is not to belittle her, but my major is communication and she is 19 and not in college, so I guess that makes some sense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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