Transitions12 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 So background im MW hes OM, with live in girlfriend. Although when we started he was single. Its been 2 years of on and off. I had no contact recently, then jumped back in with sex 2 more times. He sucks me back in every time with breadcrumbs. We have sex in my car. I hate it. I hate it. It happened last night and I felt sick all night. He doesnt care about me, or love me, its about sex with him. He talks to me bare minimal to keep me hooked. I just want free of it. Im tired of it, but I keep going back. I need some support please. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 The heart wants what the heart wants, but you know you deserve better, it's obvious from your post. Try to get mad. He's a POS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Transitions12 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 I have definitely gotten mad, hes said some POS things to me in the past. But ONE sweet thing, sweeps me back in. Even the smallest. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 People here will tell you to just get over it, but when you really love someone that's just so hard to do. I envy people that can just turn off those feelings. That said, you know you have to figure out a way. He's just making you miserable and life is way too short to be miserable all the time. And no matter how much support you get here, none of us can do it for you. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 I never posted on your original thread because in reading it I don't feel you really wanted it to end. You are full of justifications, and compartmentalizing big time. One comment stuck out when you stated your husband doesn't are about you because he doesn't question you coming and going, that you could stay out all night and he would never notice....that is called trust. I think in order to get to a place where you want this over I think you need to understand why you want to degrade yourself, why you are punishing yourself. Usually I go into the what about your husband routine....this isn't about your husband, something in you feels this is all you deserve....like you're trying to get him to love you while knowing it will never happen. It's yelling serious family issues growing up. Not willing to seek and accept love where it's available, but trying to force it where it's impossible. I will ask this, do you honestly think your husband would shrug and say oh well if he finds out? Or would he be hurt? I know the answer, if you felt he didn't care you wouldn't be hiding it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Transitions12 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 I never posted on your original thread because in reading it I don't feel you really wanted it to end. You are full of justifications, and compartmentalizing big time. One comment stuck out when you stated your husband doesn't are about you because he doesn't question you coming and going, that you could stay out all night and he would never notice....that is called trust. I think in order to get to a place where you want this over I think you need to understand why you want to degrade yourself, why you are punishing yourself. Usually I go into the what about your husband routine....this isn't about your husband, something in you feels this is all you deserve....like you're trying to get him to love you while knowing it will never happen. It's yelling serious family issues growing up. Not willing to seek and accept love where it's available, but trying to force it where it's impossible. I will ask this, do you honestly think your husband would shrug and say oh well if he finds out? Or would he be hurt? I know the answer, if you felt he didn't care you wouldn't be hiding it. Sure hed be hurt , most people would be, pride or ego would be the culprit there. Justifications, no. My husband is wrapped up in his own world, trust me. I do want it to end. You are right I do feel like I want to be loved, no matter what. I do have family issues growing up, you are right. But my husbnad doensnt love me either. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Sure hed be hurt , most people would be, pride or ego would be the culprit there. Justifications, no. My husband is wrapped up in his own world, trust me. I do want it to end. You are right I do feel like I want to be loved, no matter what. I do have family issues growing up, you are right. But my husbnad doensnt love me either. Then the bigger issue is why you stay with two men who don't love you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Sure hed be hurt , most people would be, pride or ego would be the culprit there. Justifications, no. My husband is wrapped up in his own world, trust me. I do want it to end. You are right I do feel like I want to be loved, no matter what. I do have family issues growing up, you are right. But my husbnad doensnt love me either. My wife thought the same..we all communicate our love differently, loving you the way you think he should doesn't mean he doesn't. You have been having sex with someone else coming up on three years what in that says you love him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 People here will tell you to just get over it, but when you really love someone that's just so hard to do. I envy people that can just turn off those feelings. That said, you know you have to figure out a way. He's just making you miserable and life is way too short to be miserable all the time. And no matter how much support you get here, none of us can do it for you. Good luck. There are LOADS of men and women who can do it. When I told about my story to one of my friend, I was stunned when she answered with ' Dont be sensitive darling, things like this and worse happen all the time, we will have to move on and not let them effect us, we have a life to make and a career to drive'... just like that... OP, on your question... you have written everything yourself on how he treats you... he has thrown you reasons, its your turn to catch them... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 (edited) Then the bigger issue is why you stay with two men who don't love you. This is it. At this point, you are willing to sacrifice your dignity and self respect, not to mention betray your husband, for a man who by your own admission, uses you for sex. I hope someday you will find the strength and self respect to stop. Edited June 14, 2017 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Transitions12 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 This is it. At this point, you are willing to sacrifice your dignity and self respect, not to mention betray your husband, for a man who by your own admission, uses you for sex. I hope someday you will find the strength and self respect to stop. Im very co dependent. I need to work on all of this. THis man does use me for sex, but in my head I keep thinking he will realise Im so awesome and love me. Plus honestly if I was single i would not want to be with him!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 Im very co dependent. I need to work on all of this. THis man does use me for sex, but in my head I keep thinking he will realise Im so awesome and love me. Plus honestly if I was single i would not want to be with him!!!! Sorry but this is like a use triangle, you using your husband for living and he using you... is there a time frame to any of the sides?... one needs to be serious enough or these things will go around until eternity... just like that... round and round and round... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 (edited) Im very co dependent. I need to work on all of this. THis man does use me for sex, but in my head I keep thinking he will realise Im so awesome and love me. Plus honestly if I was single i would not want to be with him!!!! You must realize how this kind of thinking is illogical. Why would you continue to have cheap sex in a car when you know that you are hurting yourself and your husband, especially if you don't even actually love or want to be with this man? What is it you are looking for - validation, attention, love? I still think that the question is still, why do you stay with two men who don't love you? I would think that your journey will begin by loving yourself enough to say "This is not healthy for me, and I won't do it any more." If you haven't already found a counsellor, I would suggest that this would be the best, first decision you could make. Edited June 14, 2017 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 block him or tell your hubby b4 he does Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Im very co dependent. I need to work on all of this. THis man does use me for sex, but in my head I keep thinking he will realise Im so awesome and love me. Plus honestly if I was single i would not want to be with him!!!! So what are you going to do about this? You can't continue to stick your head in the sand and lie to yourself when you DO know the truth. It's giving yourself a fake false sense of security. End it and if you feel unloved by your husband and you're not happy being married, end your marriage and be on your own. Fix yourself and grow. Get counseling and learn about yourself with no man to lean on or rely on. Might be the best thing for you so you can be content and happy without having to rely on others to complete you. Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Just want to say, I'm in the same situation, although not married. He's a narcissist and I'm codependent. It's really hard to extract yourself from this situation. But I agree with DTK3 that it has something to do with FOO. It sucks because it's so easy for them. One snap of the fingers and suddenly you're right back in the whirlpool. Needing to please so much that you disregard your own well-being. Sometimes it feels easier to just succumb. I'll give you the advice someone gave me. Fall off the wagon, and then keep getting back on. Keep doing this until it sticks. Another thing that's been helping me is that I'm keeping a journal, writing in it every night. I do it so that I can remind myself how badly he treats me, and how he doesn't care about me, even though he uses kindness and flattery to reel me back in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Transitions12 Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 Just want to say, I'm in the same situation, although not married. He's a narcissist and I'm codependent. It's really hard to extract yourself from this situation. But I agree with DTK3 that it has something to do with FOO. It sucks because it's so easy for them. One snap of the fingers and suddenly you're right back in the whirlpool. Needing to please so much that you disregard your own well-being. Sometimes it feels easier to just succumb. I'll give you the advice someone gave me. Fall off the wagon, and then keep getting back on. Keep doing this until it sticks. Another thing that's been helping me is that I'm keeping a journal, writing in it every night. I do it so that I can remind myself how badly he treats me, and how he doesn't care about me, even though he uses kindness and flattery to reel me back in. Sorry to hear you are going through it. I dont want to fall off the wagon..we will see. I plan on being strong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ms millie Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Someplace in you there's a spot that thinks this is better than nothing from this guy. Tell that unworthy-feeling part, NOTHING would be better. I've been in situations when I spent the night with a person just not to be alone and on the way home I felt like I had left every ounce of my integrity behind. What man turns down sex? Damn few I'm afraid.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Transitions12 Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 Someplace in you there's a spot that thinks this is better than nothing from this guy. Tell that unworthy-feeling part, NOTHING would be better. I've been in situations when I spent the night with a person just not to be alone and on the way home I felt like I had left every ounce of my integrity behind. What man turns down sex? Damn few I'm afraid.. You are right...sadly. 5 days NC so far...i think the worst part is I know he just doesnt care about me. I WANT HIM to. But he doesnt. Im trying to take one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
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