Did we hit our friendship limit?

[nc87whf]

I have a very close friend who I met through work 2 years ago. She is quite a few years younger than me (I'm in my late 20s) but I was impressed by her maturity (seemingly) beyond her age. My time at the company was tumultuous, with me ended up being laid off on top of a lot of other dramas, which I won't go into the details of. We both ended up leaving the company and finding new jobs. She miraculously joined my new company for a few months, and we ended up working together again, until she decided to leave a few months ago for a better opportunity.

 

In terms of personality, we're polar opposites. We kept tasking each other why we became friends in the first place as we pretty much have nothing in common. I'm still amazed by the bond we were able to create as we talked about everything (almost) in our personal lives. She has ADHD, which means her thoughts are scattered everywhere and she changes every few minutes when making plans, which is quite hard to deal with for someone like me, who loves planning, organizing and keeping a routine. She supported me through the hardest time I went through this past year, including my very painful breakup, and my 2 months of unemployment. I really appreciated her being my sounding board during difficult times and offered suggestions/advice when I needed someone who has a cooler head outside of my relationships. I even confided in her something I have done which I'm not proud of. She was sympathetic at first, but later she became more disapproving and told me she believed in karma will come back to me some day. I understood why she doesn't approve, as I regretted my decision as well, which lead me to rectify what I did eventually. However, I was hoping for more support rather than her reminding me how karma will bite me in the ass later.

 

As time passed, I got used to her constant-changing nature, her fiery temperament and that we have little in common to talk about other than work, relationships and family issues. After my painful breakup, I was feeling very lonely and hoping that at least spending more time with my friend would help heal the pain. However, I was feeling more and more distanced from her as she began to be more critical of everything I do. She is a big drinker and I do not drink. I have no problem with her drinking as long as I can keep enjoying the conversation without her forcing me to drink. However, she has never stopped trying to get me to drink and kept saying that I'm boring and that no guy likes girls who do not drink. This has happened for as long as I remember. At first, I didn't think much of it and just brushed it off, but as it became more often, I got annoyed over the fact that she feels the need to force something on me and it is not even a good thing.

 

She forgets a lot what she said to me as she texts with over 15 people non-stop on a daily basis (she has a lot of friends), which I was okay with at first because I just repeated what I said or what she said to remind her. But this gets exhausting as it became more often as well.

 

She also disclosed that she steals from supermarkets (big chain stores that she thinks are abusing workers) and told me how proud she was to not pay and indirectly helping to punish these big corporate chains. I was baffled and alarmed when I first found out. She also rides the bus "for free" as she realized that most drivers don't check who gets on from the back door during rush hours. I was again baffled. She makes okay money, and is in no need of free rides or free groceries. She criticized my disapproval as being unable to do what she does and doesn't have the gut to do take advantage of loopholes. I didn't say too much to express my disapproval further as I know that nothing good come out of arguing with her. For now, I just made peace with that she is making her choices and I didn't encourage her in any way.

 

She also gets free drinks at bars all the time, as many other attractive girls do. I have no problem with her doing that, but I don't do that myself as I don't like leading on guys who I'm not interested in. Again, she said I need to learn how to do that and the reason I don't approval of this behavior is because I can't pull it off myself.

 

None of these I mentioned started recently. They have been there since the very beginning but I just ignored them and focused on the more positive sides of her, such as being there for me when I'm going through something difficult, having a sense of humor and our conversation always flows so smoothly. She also has great ambitions for her career, which I like. She cares a great deal about humanitarian issues and donates regularly to charities. She has a difficult upbringing and not the most supportive family, but she didn't let that get in the way of her finding success in life.

 

I'm just torn in between both sides of her. I haven't stopped talking to her as we have been incredibly close for the past year and there's no reason to stop all of a sudden, but I did feel less motivated to see her as I have been feeling this "limit" or exhaustion for a while now. I was wondering what you guys think?

[LastAcorn99]

I can relate. I’d suggest that you keep your friendship with her, but maintain a healthy boundary to protect yourself from unnecessary emotional pain. And, never allow anyone to coerce you into doing something you don’t like. You’re doing great -- stay strong, okay?

[O'Malley]

I'd downgrade the friendship to an acquaintanceship. Some people are great for chitchat but aren't a good fit as a confidante. Discuss the topics that you share a rapport on and avoid the big subjects. While the age difference isn't big, people in their twenties tend to mature incompatibly and there's probably a bit of that going on here as well.