Strange Complex Situation After Blackout...

[Ryli C]

I wasn't sure where to put this or where to turn for advise but I thought an online forum might be the place. I have read and seen many of you offering great support and advice.

 

A very strange situation happened over the weekend. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. We get along very well are both extremely laid back, there is great chemistry and we are literally inseparable. I love him dearly. I feel absolutely terrible and awful and disgusted by this incident. I honestly can't make sense of what I am feeling.

 

The problem arises when he has a visitor from out of town come stay with us. My boyfriend throws the visitor a "welcome back" bbq party on his rooftop and I cook and make food for everyone all night playing hostess. We all have a few beers and I have a couple glasses of wine. After my boyfriends rooftop closes many people opt to go out for one last night with my boyfriends friend. I was already and little tipsy and unsure but felt a bit of pressure to attend with them. We end up at an open bar and the bar tender is pouring everyone shots. Again feeling pressured but am having a good time and take a few shots with everyone. At 1am we all decide to go home. I don't remember how we got home which is usual for me. The visitor, my boyfriend and I get back to the apartment and apparently I slapped my boyfriend in the elevator over something. I don't know why. I am not a violent person. I adore him, I don't know why I would slap him. I feel absolutely embarrassed and awful. When we got into the apartment my boyfriend is understandably mad that I am being a angry drunk and he physically restrains me to the bed by the feet, hands, and then handcuffs both my hands to the bed post. I remember him saying he just wants to sleep and he's going to keep me there like that. I suffer from insomnia and take trazadone every night. He comes with my pill bottle and tries to forcibly give me my medication while I am restrained.

 

I wake up in his bed with these memories. I can't believe what has happened the night before. I feel absolutely awful I behaved like an animal, but I can't make sense of how I feel about being treated like an animal. In my logical mind, I feel I deserved it. I physically abused him. I can't even begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. I don't deserve to have a boyfriend after that.

 

I apologized to him and he accepted it, but I still feel absolutely disgusted by the way he handled the situation. I don't know if I can get the images out of my head. Conversely, I don't know how he can get the images of his head of me behaving like an absolute animal. He admitted he felt serious stress seeing me so out of character with his friend staying with us.

 

I just can't believe I am in this situation. I know it's up to us on what to do. I guess I just need to type out some of the thoughts going through my head. I don't know who I was in that moment and I don't know who he was.

[topher]

What you've described is deeply troubling. He falsely imprisoned you, then forced you to take a sedative. You need to consult a lawyer specializing in domestic violence. Please take stock before resuming any contact with your boyfriend.

[anika99]

First of all you say you have no idea how you got home and that is normal for you so I say you need to stop drinking immediately. You may not be an alcoholic but you are a problem drinker if not remembering how you got home is a usual occurrence when you drink.

 

Now your boyfriends behaviour was outrageous. More outrageous than yours. It's not like you were attacking him with a knife and threatening his life, and even if you were the normal response to that would be to call the police, not lock the person to the bed and medicate them. Yes slapping your bf is unexcusable and indefensible but I seriously doubt that your bf was in any real danger or felt afraid of you. On the other hand his behaviour was extremely threatening and scary. Handcuffing you and forcing you to take medication, medication that should probably not be combined with alcohol. That's crazy and if I were you I would never feel safe with him again. Another reason to stop drinking immediately as you can't trust him when you are not fully in your right mind.

 

I really think you need to consider if you want to continue this relationship. I definitely would not. A lot of people are really good at hiding a mean streak until opportunity strikes. When someone crosses a boundary like that and you allow it, it's like giving them the green light to escalate.

[Ryli C]

I apologize, I meant to type unusual for me to not remember. But yes you are correct, if I end up in situations like this I absolutely will stop drinking. I appreciate your advice. He and I often play with handcuffs and restraints, but that's not the same in my mind as using them forcibly against someone against their will. I guess that's why it seemed like grey area, that and I'm so jumbled with emotions over it, I have a hard time making sense of it all.

 

Thanks again for the perspective.

Edited June 14, 2017 by Ryli C

[basil67]

I apologize, I meant to type unusual for me to not remember. But yes you are correct, if I end up in situations like this I absolutely will stop drinking. I appreciate your advice. He and I often play with handcuffs and restraints, but that's not the same in my mind as using them forcibly against someone against their will. I guess that's why it seemed like grey area, that and I'm so jumbled with emotions over it, I have a hard time making sense of it all.

 

Thanks again for the perspective.

 

It's not a grey area. Anything done within the kink area must be done with prior discussion and consent.

 

If you were really that much out of control, his response should have been to call the police. Not take matters into his own hands.