babysacay Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 I'm in the middle of Day 4 and woke up hurting :/ What day NC are you on and how are you feeling with it? Link to post Share on other sites
jparmyguy Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 It is day 3 of no contact for me. I got dumped about 1 month ago and began no contact but it got broken a few times. Got in contact with my ex Friday because she "wanted" to try again, but in reality she was just jealous of me talking to other girls. So she just wanted to mess with my head one last time. Probably the last time I will hear from her, told her off and said I would never want to be friends with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babysacay Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 It is day 3 of no contact for me. I got dumped about 1 month ago and began no contact but it got broken a few times. Got in contact with my ex Friday because she "wanted" to try again, but in reality she was just jealous of me talking to other girls. So she just wanted to mess with my head one last time. Probably the last time I will hear from her, told her off and said I would never want to be friends with her. That sounds very similar to my recent story. And we're about the same amount of NC! Broke up 2.5 months ago, ex said he was willing to work it out and said he wanted to take things slow and see where things go. Found out he was looking for other women on dating sites so I went off on him Friday. I don't want to be friends with him either. Link to post Share on other sites
GeekLover Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 7 months yesterday. Unfortunately I can't say I'm completely over him, but it doesn't hurt nearly as much anymore. I'm at least at a point where I know I'll be fine without him, and I'm so very proud of how far I've come. I'm proud of the changes I've started making for me: I've been teaching myself how to paint; I have taken up kickboxing 4hrs/week, along with yoga 1-2 times/week and running here and there as well (for a total of 5-6 days/week of activity); I make plans with friends; I started going to individual counselling; I've been drinking less and eating better, I've gone on dates and even had a few butterflies (though I'm not interested in anything serious right now-I'm focused on me and dumping my baggage before entering a new relationship); I've started to regain an interest in my kids again (something I struggled with for awhile). The depressive clouds have lifted and I'm starting to see the sun again. I am finally starting to have twinges of excitement for my future. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
doglover98 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Im on day 5. I feel like I'm doing okay so far, but at the same time there are definitely really tough days. I think I still hold a lot of hope for us, which is making me feel better, but also I don't want that to drag out the breakup . Hope things start getting easier for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author babysacay Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 Geeklover, it's great to know you've made so many positive improvements! I got back into a language app and am learning Spanish. It counts the days in a row that I use it, which is close to the days of NC. It's very motivating. Doglover, we're on the same day! We can go through this together! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BG1 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 To anyone starting NC, let you know you are not alone and its really hard but will get better if you do it right. In a few days, it's going to be 4 months since my ex-broke with me and its been 3 months and 2 weeks of NC. No checking social media profiles, no likes, not asking common friends about her, nothing. Remember that the only reason to do NC is to heal and be able to get perspective. After all, emotions need to settle down and our body chemicals need to go back to normal after the increase of cortisol in the body. You will have days, I still have them. It's tempting to jump into dating apps or rebounding, but give yourself time to be able to be happy alone (this is VERY important, not only in relation to future love relationships but also with yourself). To me, it's helping to allow yourself to feel sad if you want to feel that and write about it and talk about it with close friends. I haven't come to a conclusion yet if in the future I want to be friends or have a way of communicating with her or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeekLover Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 You will have days, I still have them. It's tempting to jump into dating apps or rebounding, but give yourself time to be able to be happy alone (this is VERY important, not only in relation to future love relationships but also with yourself). To me, it's helping to allow yourself to feel sad if you want to feel that and write about it and talk about it with close friends. I haven't come to a conclusion yet if in the future I want to be friends or have a way of communicating with her or not. Totally agree. I did the dating apps for the validation. I think this can be helpful with moving your life forward as long as you are able to recognize WHY you're doing it. I went into it knowing full well I wasn't over him and that I had nothing to offer anyone. My profile on the apps reflected this and I was able to be honest with anyone I spoke to/went out with that I wasn't actively looking for anything serious, but that I was still open to more IF it lead to that. I wasn't holding my breath though. It was nice to see what's out there. However, I have suspended those accounts for the past couple months because I have finally gotten to a point where I have enough strength to take it from here on my own. I have had one of the guys come sniffing around again after not hearing from him for 2 months. However this time I have enough confidence and respect for myself to shut down the childish games. I have grown significantly since my BU 7 months ago and I continue to make goals to keep the momentum going. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 The first couple of weeks are the hardest, and each day will feel like a lifetime. It's important, though, to eventually stop actively counting the days. If after a month or two you're still able to specifically name the number of days you've been in NC, it's time to re-evaluate your strategy. After those initial weeks, the focus needs to be less on them and more on you, and counting the days goes against that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GeekLover Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 The first couple of weeks are the hardest, and each day will feel like a lifetime. It's important, though, to eventually stop actively counting the days. If after a month or two you're still able to specifically name the number of days you've been in NC, it's time to re-evaluate your strategy. After those initial weeks, the focus needs to be less on them and more on you, and counting the days goes against that. I totally agree. I remember getting to day...60 something or 70 something? Eventually the "days" start turning into weeks. And then the weeks start turning into months. Then you start kind of forgetting about the months too. The date creeps up and you go, "oh! That's another month coming up...!" And you have to actually count backward to remember if it's 6, 7, or 8 months now. You don't need to completely forget, but it's important to get to a place where you aren't obsessed about it anymore. That takes some time. I'd say for me, I started going by months about 2-3 months in. Then around 5-6 months I started losing track of the actual months. I just passed 7 months and it doesn't really effect me like it used to. Bring it!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 (edited) This is my first day. Me and my ex are on a mutual no contact. We decided today after a long chat that we couldn't figure out how to keep in contact without either of the other meaning it as something more. Our break up was amicable, but there's a lot of feelings and emotions. He knows I care for him very much and he cares for me very much too. We really want to be friends but we realized that BOTH of us were still emotionally involved with each other and it just wasn't working out. So now we're taking time out to move on and grow. We said that by the end of the year or so we will try and catch up with each other and see how things have changed. I am open for reconciliation BUT I need to move on, I'm tired of being stuck in the same level of attachedment to him, so this is for the best. I'm focusing on myself, I've been working and focusing on school, work the gym, and a youtube/facebook side project. *sigh* this guy is a really great guy. It's just horrible that he really has a hard time handling emotional attachment. It scares him. I hope one day he can overcome that and we may be able to try again. Our break up was back in March so I have been able to distance myself quite a bit and have moved on ever so slowly with limited contact from him. Now the full contact feels like there's a hole, something missing. Edited June 16, 2017 by Ronnys93 Link to post Share on other sites
Altair0770 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 It's been over 4 months. I have PTSD because of the entire relationship and suffer anxiety attacks daily. I don't check her social media or anything. Haven't heard from her. Don't want to. The main thing that kills me is that PTSD doesn't have a cure, and she let the best thing walk out of her life. That makes it harder for me to get over, plus the PTSD that I have (granted much lower on the spectrum than her). I have some days where I feel like crap, but luckily thats only small moment in that day. It does get much better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Today is actually the 2nd full day of complete no contact as my no contact on the first day started mid way. I'm doing okay, I'm considering blocking his friends on social media so they can't see what I'm posting. I don't mind him being able to see as we are keeping ourselves away from each other but I don't like one of his friends and I don't think she should be able to peep into my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babysacay Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 Today is actually the 2nd full day of complete no contact as my no contact on the first day started mid way. I'm doing okay, I'm considering blocking his friends on social media so they can't see what I'm posting. I don't mind him being able to see as we are keeping ourselves away from each other but I don't like one of his friends and I don't think she should be able to peep into my life. I deleted all his friends and family so none of his network can see what's going on with me. But more so that i don't risk being set back by seeing what's going on with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I deleted all his friends and family so none of his network can see what's going on with me. But more so that i don't risk being set back by seeing what's going on with him. I may suck it up and do it. I think part of me just deep down wants to prove to them that I'm living well without him. It's a battle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Officially on day 3. This SUCKS. There's so much I still want to say to him and tell him. He IS my best friend, there's so many ways that I still want him to be a part of my life. I'm learning to cut the cord on my attachment to him. Instead of reaching out I'm going to journal and write the things I want to tell him. I can't reach out and I wont do it. I'm going to be okay and I'm going to get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Spartakooty Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Relationship ended mid-April. I sent a couple emails a few weeks after the fact to try and clear the air a bit, not really to reconcile, but maybe to get a few answers. Got one response, but since then it's been radio silence. After the last email she unfriended me on FB. It was an odd move as she dumped me and she doesn't even use it much...but for the best I guess. NC gets easier so keep it up y'all! Link to post Share on other sites
Spartakooty Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 It's been over 4 months. I have PTSD because of the entire relationship and suffer anxiety attacks daily. I don't check her social media or anything. Haven't heard from her. Don't want to. The main thing that kills me is that PTSD doesn't have a cure, and she let the best thing walk out of her life. That makes it harder for me to get over, plus the PTSD that I have (granted much lower on the spectrum than her). I have some days where I feel like crap, but luckily thats only small moment in that day. It does get much better. How bad was the relationship that you have PTSD? Is this diagnosed? Are you getting help? I find it humorous that us dumpees often tow the line that these people let the 'best thing walk out of their lives.' I too had that thought, mainly cuz she said I was the best thing to happen to her in a long time. CLEARLY WE ARE NOT. Lol. If we were the best thing they probably would have stayed. However, I do think it shows a healthy attitude towards yourself and that your self esteem is still intact! However, we need to reflect on our own contribution to the demise of the union. It's ain't one sided. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babysacay Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 How bad was the relationship that you have PTSD? Is this diagnosed? Are you getting help? I find it humorous that us dumpees often tow the line that these people let the 'best thing walk out of their lives.' I too had that thought, mainly cuz she said I was the best thing to happen to her in a long time. CLEARLY WE ARE NOT. Lol. If we were the best thing they probably would have stayed. However, I do think it shows a healthy attitude towards yourself and that your self esteem is still intact! However, we need to reflect on our own contribution to the demise of the union. It's ain't one sided. You are so right. Recognizing my contribution is making it more difficult to let go. But all I can do now is work on myself for myself and be better in my next relationship. Easier said than done. But I'm glad I'm not going through this alone we'll make it through together, y'all! Link to post Share on other sites
Little-Wolf Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Day one. The official break up was last night. I still feel numb... Like my best friend is missing. I still look at my phone at half 5, waiting for his call during his drive back from work where we'd tell each other about our days. I miss him. Lord knows I miss him. I can only hope this gets easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 How bad was the relationship that you have PTSD? Is this diagnosed? Are you getting help? I find it humorous that us dumpees often tow the line that these people let the 'best thing walk out of their lives.' I too had that thought, mainly cuz she said I was the best thing to happen to her in a long time. CLEARLY WE ARE NOT. Lol. If we were the best thing they probably would have stayed. However, I do think it shows a healthy attitude towards yourself and that your self esteem is still intact! However, we need to reflect on our own contribution to the demise of the union. It's ain't one sided. Good point, but I do want to also say that isn't always the case either. Some people have their own self inflicted issues that sabotage any relationship they step in and it doesn't have anything to do with the other person being the "best thing". You're absolutely right that we do need to keep our contribution in mind so that way we can grow and learn from the breakup. It happened for a reason and that reason we can use to gain more experience for the next time. Today is Day 5: I REALLY need to start realizing that this NC is for ME not for you! I understand that right now you probably feel like I've abandoned you and that I may never be coming back. Hell I don't even know that for sure, you may actually think that I'm about to reach out. I'm not though. I am STRONG, I am able to control myself. I can absolutely win this battle and move on. It's what I have to do. It's what is best for the both of us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sprince92 Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Day 3. I keep wanting to text him or hope he will text me. Even though I know the relationship is not good. We broke up 2 weeks ago and went a week with NC and then he texted me and apologized and said we should end on better terms and started fighting with me again about the same issues. Then we talked during the week, not liek we used to until wednesday when he said that we should go on a few dates to freshen us up and i said it wouldnt work but sure and he said it would. then on friday he asked what i was doing after work. I told him i was gonna get my nails done and he asked what im doing on the weekend. I said I was going to my cousins house for a fathers day get together. he said "as usual" and stopped replying. then at 4am he texted me "what upp" when i texted him back the next morning he didnt reply. i texted him 3 more times and asked him if he was out til 4 am and he said yes. and then i got annoyed and said for somone who wants to fix us you sure as hell moved on fast. and he said "youre not gonna change and always wanna do stupid things with your family and theres no time for me...etc etc.." and then i just said okay. and that was it. I want to talk to him so bad to explain how it wasnt my family or me that caused this. its his problem with me associating with my family or having a life at all. its his controllingness and how he always says hurtful things when hes mad or doesnt get what he wants. NC is so hard Link to post Share on other sites
Little-Wolf Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Day Two, and I feel like I'm withering away. Meeting with my module leader at uni to discuss my dissertation subject, so I guess I'll be rebounding with a hell of a lot of coursework haha. Maybe thats a good thing. Staying busy stops me from thinking about you. I still want to call you and text you and tell you about my day, I feel lost without you. But you want time and space... You want to sort your head out... I owe you that much and I will not contact you no matter what. x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babysacay Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 I just started a new job and staying busy definitely is helpful! Keep it up, friends! Link to post Share on other sites
Spartakooty Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Good point, but I do want to also say that isn't always the case either. Some people have their own self inflicted issues that sabotage any relationship they step in and it doesn't have anything to do with the other person being the "best thing". Yes very true...in fact more true than my comment. She definitely sabotaged us that's for sure. Anyhoo...not sure what day of NC I'm at...actually the last email correspondence was May 28th...but she only responded once...there was a text about a week before that with her telling me about a car accident that affected my commute home from work. I thought that was odd at the time...like 'thanks for the heads up??' Beyond those two instances it's been silence. I still wake up thinking about the relationship...I wish that would stop. Not doing too bad all around tho. Hang in their folks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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