fieldoflavender Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Does anyone feel that morning and evenings are the worst? The anxiety is the worst and you feel like there is no hope. Maybe because you used to remember waking up and falling asleep with someone you used to think you would share a lifetime with. Link to post Share on other sites
Spartakooty Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Does anyone feel that morning and evenings are the worst? The anxiety is the worst and you feel like there is no hope. Maybe because you used to remember waking up and falling asleep with someone you used to think you would share a lifetime with. Mornings and evenings are def the worst. Those are the times of day I'm most alone. For me it wasn't about the repetition of waking up or falling asleep with someone as we didn't live together and if I stayed at her place I had to leave by 6 before she even got up. It's just quiet times of the day when all you have is your brain keeping you company! Link to post Share on other sites
Little-Wolf Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Does anyone feel that morning and evenings are the worst? The anxiety is the worst and you feel like there is no hope. Maybe because you used to remember waking up and falling asleep with someone you used to think you would share a lifetime with. I always find evenings the worst. When I'm winding down and we used to stay on the phone till late talking about our days. Now I'm haunted by silence and I don't sleep well anymore. I hope you're doing better than me. x Link to post Share on other sites
brokenshell Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 (edited) I broke NC today so it's back to square one. We broke up 3 months ago, and the most I've been able to manage is two weeks. I seem to cave everytime after 2 weeks. Hes only ever replied a couple of times. All of my most recent messages have been ignored. My message today was a photo of our favourite place which I was at wheb I sent him it... followed by 2 hours of silence... then I message again saying "I dont want to become strangers" You would think after 3 months I'd have learnt. I pretty much cut him off every means of social media/staying in touch after he broke up with me apart from text. He asked me early in the break up to not cut him off entirely. And I did. Mostly to heal but admittedly to hurt him back after he hurt me. I'm having a difficult day with depression. I know he wont reply, he may be even in another relationship for all I know. I miss him being a part of my life. I want us to be friends. But at the same time I know I'm not ready and he might not want to anymore. Struggling so much today. Edited June 26, 2017 by brokenshell 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Literally over 300 days NC. I come to the realization almost everyday that it's for the best and parting ways with the person of whom I loved so dearly is and will continue to be the most beneficial situation for the both of us. To see her succeed, motivates me and prompts me to become a better person than I initially was when I was with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Deleted User Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Day 603 for me. The hatred is still burning white hot just like on day 1. Have a good day, hopefully better than mine, everyone! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I really hope you can let go of that anger. I am not even at day 30 but I feel that I would like to get rid of the anger. It still comes in spurts, but I'm trying to manage on top of the other emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Sprince92 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I am on day 8. its been over a week since I last spoke to him...Although i looked at his facebook yesterday and saw a new post. He never used to post and I also saw he was searching for some girls. and this morning I saw my name. I dont have a facebook, but i know his password....i know i shouldnt go on but i cant fight the urge...its ither that or I text him..i dont know which is worse. I have so many things i want to say to him and up until yesterday I thought it would be jsut me letting my feelings out about how he treated me, but now that i saw him search for me, I m afraid if he says something sweet that ill fall right back in...i love him and i miss him but i kno he isnt good for me why couldnt things just be diferent Link to post Share on other sites
spoonsha Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 36 days. I am still sad and hurt, but I have no urge to reach out or anything. I just don't know when the hurt will be gone... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babysacay Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 Broke NC after finding out he is now in a relationship with a woman he claimed was a platonic friend. She was so upset when we got together. Like SUPER angry. Then ex wanted to see where things go to see if we could make it work after break up. But he just wanted his cake and eat it too...he went on a road trip with this "platonic" friend who he swore he hadn't had feelings for and who he had no intention of being intimate with and who he said he'd never date. but 2 weeks after the trip, they are FB official. He said they decided to try because they had been spending so much time together and people thought they were dating anyway. And he claimed he was too busy to see me. I can't believe how many times he lied to me. I broke NC to ask why he lied to me but of course that wasn't helpful. I blocked him everywhere I could, there's no way I can hear from him now. I wish I hadn't looked. Struggling so bad right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Tone Loc Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 I'm on day 2 at the moment. Feeling empty, but I think I can handle it. It's nothing new Hang in there people. Link to post Share on other sites
Liesbeth Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Broke NC after finding out he is now in a relationship with a woman he claimed was a platonic friend. She was so upset when we got together. Like SUPER angry. Then ex wanted to see where things go to see if we could make it work after break up. But he just wanted his cake and eat it too...he went on a road trip with this "platonic" friend who he swore he hadn't had feelings for and who he had no intention of being intimate with and who he said he'd never date. but 2 weeks after the trip, they are FB official. He said they decided to try because they had been spending so much time together and people thought they were dating anyway. And he claimed he was too busy to see me. I can't believe how many times he lied to me. I broke NC to ask why he lied to me but of course that wasn't helpful. I blocked him everywhere I could, there's no way I can hear from him now. I wish I hadn't looked. Struggling so bad right now. Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that! I think I know how you feel. I'm on day 14 of NC and I also recently found out that he is seeing someone else. Not even sure if it wasn't already going on while we were dating. I almost breached NC out of anger, I was ready to lash out! But instead I wrote it down. I guess he wouldn't have replied anyway and maybe even lied about it and I would have just felt even more stupid. Not reaching out now feels "good" (as good as I can feel right now), if he has that little respect for me, he does not deserve me worrying/caring that much about him. I would have been just another ego stroke for him. I guess, I am in the angry-phase today. I have so many questions and it hurts so much. I do have days that feel a bit 'lighter' but then they are followed by days I wake up and feel like I can barely breathe. Hang on, we are in this together! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babysacay Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that! I think I know how you feel. I'm on day 14 of NC and I also recently found out that he is seeing someone else. Not even sure if it wasn't already going on while we were dating. I almost breached NC out of anger, I was ready to lash out! But instead I wrote it down. I guess he wouldn't have replied anyway and maybe even lied about it and I would have just felt even more stupid. Not reaching out now feels "good" (as good as I can feel right now), if he has that little respect for me, he does not deserve me worrying/caring that much about him. I would have been just another ego stroke for him. I guess, I am in the angry-phase today. I have so many questions and it hurts so much. I do have days that feel a bit 'lighter' but then they are followed by days I wake up and feel like I can barely breathe. Hang on, we are in this together! I'm glad to know I'm not going through this alone! I wish I'd never reached out. Part of me thought he might finally be honest but he just fed me more crap. Now there's no way I can think of for him to try to be in my life. He doesn't exist to me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
jparmyguy Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 I'm glad to know I'm not going through this alone! I wish I'd never reached out. Part of me thought he might finally be honest but he just fed me more crap. Now there's no way I can think of for him to try to be in my life. He doesn't exist to me anymore. Made the mistake of letting my break up drag on way too long, my ex is crazy and just trying to hurt me as much as she can. She played with my emotions 3 times now each time I fell for it thinking she actually cared. Punched me in person, played the I would have got back together with you card if you did not do anything with that girl. Like ok that's why you were telling everyone you were trying to pursue a new serious relationship. One week later try moving on with my life again made friends with a new girl, she found out and threatened to beat the crap out of her. This girl dropped me as a friend because of it. Talked to my ex she started saying how she loves me and misses me and does not want me around that girl. Started saying she doesn't know what will happen between us. She tried asking me to fix her computer and I told her no. She says yeah I don't want a relationship right now anyways and wants to focus on herself. Meanwhile she is trying to pursue a relationship with some kid. Anyways, call her out on threatening the girl and she ignores me. Next night my friend shows me a snap chat of her sloppy drunk on some kid. So I am like whatever, I talk to her next morning try telling her to cut the crap. She apologizes and says the break up is hard on her and that she has territorial issues. Ask her whether or not she still doesn't know whether or not she wants me. She says she is not fighting with herself. I tell her that there is nothing more for me to hold on too and I need to move on with my life and this stuff needs to stop. She then backtracks again and says she doesn't know if she made right decision. So I just told her in a couple months maybe we can try again. She says Idk time will tell. I ended it with that and then said talk soon and just blocked her number and stuff and email. I am just trying to stay far away from this girl as possible, she is a loose cannon. She also threatened to send me pics of guys she was having sex with, so yeah at this point I don't want her back or care anymore. Just hurts now hearing all this crap and letting her play with my feelings. She is not the girl anymore that I fell in love with and whatever I was holding on to was long gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babysacay Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 Made the mistake of letting my break up drag on way too long, my ex is crazy and just trying to hurt me as much as she can. She played with my emotions 3 times now each time I fell for it thinking she actually cared. Punched me in person, played the I would have got back together with you card if you did not do anything with that girl. Like ok that's why you were telling everyone you were trying to pursue a new serious relationship. One week later try moving on with my life again made friends with a new girl, she found out and threatened to beat the crap out of her. This girl dropped me as a friend because of it. Talked to my ex she started saying how she loves me and misses me and does not want me around that girl. Started saying she doesn't know what will happen between us. She tried asking me to fix her computer and I told her no. She says yeah I don't want a relationship right now anyways and wants to focus on herself. Meanwhile she is trying to pursue a relationship with some kid. Anyways, call her out on threatening the girl and she ignores me. Next night my friend shows me a snap chat of her sloppy drunk on some kid. So I am like whatever, I talk to her next morning try telling her to cut the crap. She apologizes and says the break up is hard on her and that she has territorial issues. Ask her whether or not she still doesn't know whether or not she wants me. She says she is not fighting with herself. I tell her that there is nothing more for me to hold on too and I need to move on with my life and this stuff needs to stop. She then backtracks again and says she doesn't know if she made right decision. So I just told her in a couple months maybe we can try again. She says Idk time will tell. I ended it with that and then said talk soon and just blocked her number and stuff and email. I am just trying to stay far away from this girl as possible, she is a loose cannon. She also threatened to send me pics of guys she was having sex with, so yeah at this point I don't want her back or care anymore. Just hurts now hearing all this crap and letting her play with my feelings. She is not the girl anymore that I fell in love with and whatever I was holding on to was long gone. That all sounds very rough and I'm sorry you're going through that :/ That is definitely messed up, threatening to send pics of guys she's with...I also realized today that there were multiple signs of my ex gaslighting me...I wish I hadn't let this break-up drag out...no wonder why I felt like I was going crazy! Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 7 mths lol gets easier wth time but in now way healed yet still mourning. It's not as intense as say 3 mths ago and it seems im more able to accept things but still havenot completly let go definatly nother at that indifference stage. I know wen I love someone that can take 2 to 3 yrs to get to that altho it's a lot better than it was 7 mths ago. At the start i was hyperventilating. I remember walking up and down the beach in so much pain I cldnt breathe. I had to stop and see a pyschic just to cope. Now I can somewhat function normally. As u know my situation working wth her has really prolonged the healing but I believe its happening for a reason a cpl actually. 1 - to learn new ways of coping and make me stronger lol ....2 - to show me her true self and also to show me its now coming back to her what she did....3- to teach me there's no benefit whatsoever to knowing wat ur ex is up to accept pain. Lol I hope u can take something from my own learnings and healing. This site is a godsend it really has comforted me knowing there's others out there too who are sharing this horrible experience and pain. Not my 1st rodeo either this'll be my 5th heartache and pain experience. I've lost both my parents and not that that's easy but breakups are so much harder the rejection part is unbearable Link to post Share on other sites
maryquitecontrary Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Well it was day four but I sent a friendly text last night. I can't seem to make it past 4 or 5 days:( 30 days NC reset... Link to post Share on other sites
JJNY Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Day one. After hitting rock bottom last night and trying to call. Only direction to go is up, right? The indifference in her response is all I need to think about to never reach out again. Link to post Share on other sites
jparmyguy Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 That all sounds very rough and I'm sorry you're going through that :/ That is definitely messed up, threatening to send pics of guys she's with...I also realized today that there were multiple signs of my ex gaslighting me...I wish I hadn't let this break-up drag out...no wonder why I felt like I was going crazy! Yeah she is also calling me psychotic to her friends because she picks and chooses to tell them certain things. Her friend said she is just probably stringing you along because she is confused and wants to make sure that she doesnt want you. She just told me to ignore her because she is in her own little world and doesnt mention you at all anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
brokenshell Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 I'm back, 5 days no contact and going strong. I really don't feel like I will try and initiate contact again. Its been about 3 months... to the day I believe? Since we officially broke up. I've never been able to go more than 2 weeks without trying to contact him. I think he has only replied about 5 times. The last 6 messages I have sent (I think, I have deleted all message threads with him) have gone ignored. It would floor me for days after, crying, feeling depressed etc. My mood has been great the last week. I still miss him and think about him A LOT, but the sadness has definitley lifted and I can seem to go longer periods of time where he is not on my mind. Which has felt like a nice mental break. Mornings are definitley the worst for me. It's like it hits me as soon as I wake up with a wave of grief. I think about how we feel more like strangers than anything now and how I may never hear from him again. And it fills me with what I can only describe as a deep sadness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babysacay Posted July 1, 2017 Author Share Posted July 1, 2017 I'm back, 5 days no contact and going strong. I really don't feel like I will try and initiate contact again. Its been about 3 months... to the day I believe? Since we officially broke up. I've never been able to go more than 2 weeks without trying to contact him. I think he has only replied about 5 times. The last 6 messages I have sent (I think, I have deleted all message threads with him) have gone ignored. It would floor me for days after, crying, feeling depressed etc. My mood has been great the last week. I still miss him and think about him A LOT, but the sadness has definitley lifted and I can seem to go longer periods of time where he is not on my mind. Which has felt like a nice mental break. Mornings are definitley the worst for me. It's like it hits me as soon as I wake up with a wave of grief. I think about how we feel more like strangers than anything now and how I may never hear from him again. And it fills me with what I can only describe as a deep sadness. I'm happy to hear things are going better for you! Things are going much better for me too. I feel grateful to be able to focus on my own life and to not be in a relationship with someone who wanted more power in the relationship than he wanted understanding and togetherness. Sometimes that still bothers me - how our arguments felt like a power struggle when I was just trying to get both of us to understand each other because he was so rigid and insistent on being right and with me going along with whatever he thought or wanted. And sometimes it also still bothers me that he lied about a few things, especially being on Tinder and about never dating his female friend, who he is now in a relationship with. Other than remembering his lies and gaslighting behavior and refusal to share power in the relationship, I'm doing much better. I feel much healthier, I'm better able to focus on studying for a licensing exam and I'm surprisingly able to focus very well at work. I've lost 5 pounds and am working on losing the rest of the weight I gained in grad school! I also feel much happier now that I don't have anyone putting me down and emphasizing my weaknesses and discounting my strengths every day. I'm getting closer to being the person I was before I met him, plus improvements from the things I learned in that relationship Link to post Share on other sites
TheParadox7 Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 I couldn't even tell you. The last time I spoke to my ex, it was mid-December 2014. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts