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Question about being open.


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That_One_Guy

Hey everyone, my Fiancee and I are getting married soon and there is just one thing that we both think would help our relationship. Being open about stuff. I am an introvert and she is an extrovert. She wants me to be more open about things like what she does wrong or when I'm having a rough day or if something bothers me. This is particularly hard for me because I have always been this way and am a nice guy and haven't really had a serious relationship I am also military and was trained to be resilient and also just to "suck it up" which is all fine until one day you realize there are all these things you could have mentioned at the beginning of the relationship that were maybe a little annoying or whatever but now it's probably too late. When I finally do tell her something she takes it so hard and also I probably snap a little and just stay mad for no reason. Please help!

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You have answered in your post itself.

 

Talk when it happens or bothers otherwise it will blow up one day. If she is receptive , then all you need to do is to let her know.If she reacts in a bad way then obviously you will shut down but instead, take a different approach. All in all, do let her know. Take cues from her, the way she makes her problems known to you.

 

One introvert and other extrovert work well as you balance each other out.

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Being a bit of an introvert and years of training on not feeling will make it difficult, but what your fiancée is suggesting is an excellent way to keep up the lines of communication and will help keep things from getting explosive. If someone keeps things bottled up, eventually that can turn into resentment and they may start to feel like their feelings don't matter and are unimportant to the partner. The kind of validation a person receives from being able to express how they are feeling without fear of retribution or judgement is actually pretty amazing and goes a long way in developing the emotional intimacy that is so very important to a marriage and loving relationship.

Best wishes for you and your future wife!

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Tell her what you just told us -- you are hesitant to be more open with her because she takes it all so badly.

 

 

My husband was very introverted. Over the years he now talks more, more then his entire family thought possible because I was patient but asked Qs & gave him a safe space to express himself. Your new wife has to do the same for you.

 

 

Promise that if you agree to open up more, she will agree to stop over reacting.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just find a way to be open and honest. It's hard but it's worth it in the end. Nothing is saying you have to be quick. Take you're time and be sure you know where you are before you talk.

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