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Still forced to live together while in midst of divorce; he wants sex!

beautymadness23

By beautymadness23,
in Separation and Divorce

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beautymadness23

beautymadness23

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My soon to be ex husband and I are moving forward with the the process of divorce. I am unable to move out as I have no job and am unable to get one until next school year when my son is in all day school. I was a stay at home mom before. We have agreed to continue to live together as single people and as independent as possible. I want to move on with my life, but he's dragging his feet as he's bitter about this divorce.

 

Anyways, he is talking as if I owe him sex since we're living together because of how much he's done for me. He has done a lot for me, yes, and is still fully supporting and taking care of both of us. I feel guilted into sex. He says he can't think straight or function living like this and me refusing to have sex with him. He talks as if he's going to die and says I should "compromise" to make this work. It is causing me to feel anxious, on edge, and trapped. I feel pressured and obligated. I am the kind of person who has sex when it feels right and I feel a strong connection. I am not like many people in the sense that I just have to have sex because I'm horny. If there's no connection, I don't feel moved to. When we were very much married, I was willing to compromise more, work at it more, and better our sex life. But that's over now.

 

But now, I don't think I'd have sex with him unless we had some special bonding moment, which we have not and probably will not have. I see sex as something enjoyable and to look forward to. I don't feel that way, so why would I? I don't care if it's been months, I can go awhile without it. If it's not there, I'm not interested in doing it. He does not operate like me and his primal needs and urges are in full force. He has been getting angry when I say no and makes it sound like it's my duty, as he said something along the lines of "doing what I can to help." He says he's still super physically attracted to me and can't take it. I honestly find it all kind of ridiculous that he's acting like he's suffering so bad.

 

Should I give in and "compromise" to keep the peace? Just have sex wth him even though I don't have a desire too? I don't think he means to make me feel his way, but he is a very sexual person and is sexually frustrated. I'm not that sexual, and that's why we're getting divorced. Thanks.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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Get a lawyer. You may be entitled to pendente lite support which will enable you to live apart from him. Don't you have parents who will take you in? Doesn't he?

 

While you are still living under the same roof your divorce process is delayed. In most states you have to be apart -- as in different addresses -- for a set period of time maybe as long as 1 year depending on your state before you can even file.

 

Do not have sex with him to keep the peace. You own him nothing. Sex should be reserved for reconciliation

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reboot

reboot

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You didn't say, but if he cheated on you and you have sex with him the courts will consider that is you forgiving him.

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sarahssarah

sarahssarah

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No you shouldn't have sex with him if you don't want to

You're getting a divorce and he's still trying to guilt trip you

Into stuff as if you owe him anything. You owe him absolutely nothing

Especially If he cheated

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Arieswoman

Arieswoman

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bm23

Do not give in to his demands

 

Do not let him guilt trip you into having sex.

 

I hope you now have separate bedrooms?

 

He talks as if he's going to die and says I should "compromise" to make this work.

 

He sounds like a f***ing drama queen - just ignore these pathetic ramblings.

 

It's all about control - not sex. He doesn't like it now he can't control you any more.

 

Stay strong.

 

Good luck x

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mikeylo

mikeylo

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Just get out of his house and you won't have that problem.

 

Attorneys actually advise to NOT leave the house.

 

OP, move into a separate bedroom and lock from inside.

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DKT3

DKT3

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bm23

Do not give in to his demands

 

Do not let him guilt trip you into having sex.

 

I hope you now have separate bedrooms?

 

 

 

He sounds like a f***ing drama queen - just ignore these pathetic ramblings.

 

It's all about control - not sex. He doesn't like it now he can't control you any more.

 

Stay strong.

 

Good luck x

 

Sometimes, but not here. Taking a brief look at the OP history, it appears she felt obligated to marry for what he could offer not so much for him. I couldn't imagine being married to someone as this second choice.

 

I agree, tell him he is welcome to find it elsewhere.

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reboot

reboot

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Just get out of his house and you won't have that problem.

 

What do you mean HIS house?

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GorillaTheater

GorillaTheater

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What do you mean HIS house?

 

We'll likely never find out who legally owns the house. As far as I can tell, the OP never comes back to the threads she posts.

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reboot

reboot

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We'll likely never find out who legally owns the house. As far as I can tell, the OP never comes back to the threads she posts.

 

In my state if they're married they both own the house 50-50. Believe me I know this for a fact.

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GorillaTheater

GorillaTheater

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In my state if they're married they both own the house 50-50. Believe me I know this for a fact.

 

 

I doubt that it's that absolute. Did one of the spouses own the home outright before marriage? Was it inherited or paid for with an inheritance without any comingling of funds? A lot of factors can come into play but for your jurisdiction, maybe you're right.

 

 

All I know is that it's unlikely that the OP will clarify.

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preraph

preraph

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Of course you should not have sex with him unless you want to. You need to get out from living with him. Go live with someone who cares about you or even who is neutral but at least isn't expecting sex in return for room and board.

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SammySammy

SammySammy

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What do you mean HIS house?

 

Okay. The house.

 

Either way, the demands and her feeling obligated go away if she lives somewhere else.

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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Ridiculous.

 

If he wants sex, he is more than welcome to GO OUT and find another woman to have sex. Your days of feeling the obligation to have sex with this man should be well past.

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