preraph Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I think you need to sit down and think about the worst-case scenarios like, Okay, what if I never get married, what's the worst thing that can happen? I'll tell you what. I'm 64, never married and perfectly fine. But I can't have a baby. Yes you can. You don't need a husband for that, though it's preferable unless you make a lot of money. So use this time and get two jobs or one real good one and save money in case you want to have a kid alone sometime. Truth is all your fears are just what you've been taught to fear. There is really nothing that scary in this day and age about being unmarried or without children, for that matter. I think maybe your best road to security is for you to double down on working hard, getting solid in your career, so you know you can support yourself and don't have to marry for that reason. Remember there are always roommates, stinky as they usually are.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Majormisstep Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 How do you deal? With blind faith. I was/am terrified of being alone - short term and forever. Held shame and embarrassment for my new status (divorced middle aged woman - yay me). But, I started talking to others at work and elsewhere and found that there were so many people in the same situation. Luckily my kids were still around for a bit longer and I relished in their company. Cooked like a chef for them and loved every minute of it. Outside of that, kept busy with things, working out, latching on to family and friends that would tolerate my Debbie Downer existence for just one more Friday or Saturday night. It does get better. I read LS posts until the wee hours of the night. It helped me get through. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 When my mom passed away, I heard a quote and it has stayed with me... "Nobody ever told me that grief, felt so much like fear." It reminded me that fear, in times of major life transitions, is normal. And that calmed me. Hopefully it is some comfort to you too. Best wishes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Most everyone walks through times of fear. For me, my faith in and connection to God (kept alive by reading the Bible every day to know Him, and through prayer, also to connect with Him) has gotten me through some rough spots where I was very afraid. I've lived a totally different life than the one I feared would unfold. However, I haven't lived the life I hoped would unfold, either. It's been something very different than either . It has been the life I'd have chosen, had I had the wisdom to know what would be best for me, and how to make it happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) Can anyone relate? Typically I'm more inclined towards anger, disappointment, (hurt) pride, etc at that time than fear. What should i feel about this fear? I'm not so much of a spiritual person. But I do believe in visualization. A lot of bad things that I've visualized have happened, and I've been drawn to them happening as a result - the same with the good. I wouldn't be so focused on the fear of failure, as much as the desire to succeed. Edited June 24, 2017 by Bastile Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Yes, you did the right thing for you. He even told you you did the right thing so he knows he's never going to want the same things as you. I think you did well to cut it short rather than fall for his delaying words. He would have gone on putting you off for as long as you tolerated it. I am sorry you had to end it but he did not feel he wanted children and you did. There is no kind of compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amas5750 Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 Thank you @ cautiouslyoptimistic. Yes ive been to two counselling sessions Yes thank god i have 3 good IRL friends (but im scared to burden 1 if them) . I have been listening to gospel stories etc and that does help ne somewhat. I wish my faith was a bit stronger X Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amas5750 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Share Posted July 1, 2017 Thank you everyone. I have read your messages and feel a bit better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Amas, if you read the Bible each day praying to learn what God wants to share with you, you'll receive a lot of strength from it! That's the one thing that has kept me and a lot of other people strong through the years! You may already have places in scripture that you rely on but if not here are some places you may want to begin to read: The Psalms, Isaiah chapters 40-50, the book of John in the New Testament. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 I'm only 9 days post break up. I just wanted to express my main emotion: fear. How do you all deal with fear? I'm so scared. I'm terrified. I feel scared to live alone, scared that i will not trust another person, scared i now wont have kids, scared i will feel different to others, scared of every day and scared that this is endless and i wont feel better or secure again. I feel scared and terrified- like i had tge rug ripped out from under me. What should i feel about this fear? Can anyone relate? In addition to dealing with your fear through your religious beliefs, as well as ,with friends support. I would suggest to stay busy when you are alone, keeping occupied, in a way in which your mind and body will be tired when you attempt to sleep. I was lucky enough, to have a friend who went for long walks with me in the evenings. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Yes stay busy, stay active. If you aren't active get active. Exercise, go walking, take up bike riding or kickboxing, go dancing, or even all of the above. Not only will you distract yourself but you'll get in great shape, AND you'll meet lots of new people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amas5750 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 I feel so abandoned. I feel like i was ripped in half 3 weeks ago and am bleeding out. There is physical pain in my body Im losing weight and it seems my hair is falling out I feel like god is giving others the gift of marriage n children and i feel cruelly punished I have made my dad and my best friend cry Honsstly how will i live with the abandonment, fear of being alone and fear this cycle of being in relationship failures ongoing. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 You are in the acute stages of loss. In time you will heal. Hang on to that fact. Meanwhile surround yourself with supportive people, put away all reminders of the EX & keep yourself busy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amas5750 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 Thank you d0nnivain. I still live under the same roof. So reminders are everywhere. I need to prioritise moveing out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Little-Wolf Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 I am really sorry you're hurting so much. I too have felt this pain and it does get easier, I promise. Could you volunteer for a charity? A soup kitchen? Or even make a box of things for a homeless person? A small gesture of good will will make you feel satisfied. Keeing busy and turning this pain into something beautiful such as writing, art, photography, singing, music... Are you interested in something like that? I hope you find some peace tonight, OP! Keep drinking tons of water and get an early night. x Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 This is going to suck until you move. Do prioritize that. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amas5750 Posted July 8, 2017 Author Share Posted July 8, 2017 I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he will not have a baby with me. Im more than ready and we loved each other. I came to mums hoise for respite tonight and i saw her knitting a little sweater for my pregnant sister. I just burst into tears infront of her. Then i came upstairs and lost the plot. I broke up with a man i love b/c he wont give me a baby and both my sisters are pregnant. Honestly i was shaking and hysterically crying (as quietly as i could). Mum didmt follow me upstairs. I feel SO alone, SO isolated, SO despairing How Could some ppl be blessed and some not. Im confused and feel like im on the edge. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 That's tough . I'm so sorry for how you are feeling today. Link to post Share on other sites
Little-Wolf Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 I'm so sorry. I know the pain of being childless, even though I'm young. I wanted to be married with kids by 25, and I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. I always feel such a tinge of sadness when I see friends and old colleagues having babies. I have PCOS, so I really need to have a child before I'm 30, as I'm a lot less fertile than other women. How old is your ex-boyfriend, if you don't mind me asking? My father was adament he didn't want children, however as the years went on, he just naturally moved onto that stage. He was 29 when my brother was born and 31 when I was born and he's the best father I could ask for. My own brother now is determined to never have kids, but I know one day he will, he just isn't in that mind set at the moment. He and his fiance are saving for a house first, and that's what's important to them right now. Don't give up hope! Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 It's more important to have children with the right person or even if you want to be a single parent or something. Why subject the child to a person that you can not be with? That's more cruel to the child. As with women in this age group, you feel that way, but I learned the hard way that love has no timeline and neither does motherhood. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amas5750 Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 I am greatful i left this man described in the thread. He would not marry me nor give me children so i left him (even though i loved him). I'm very happy to report i found a beautiful, Christian, family orientated, sensitive, successful, emotionally available 39 year old man and we are to be married in exactly 5 weeks today. He is a surgeon and wants to share his life with me and prioritises me. God willig we will have two children. I am 33 soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Congrats! I remember your story. You're moving a little fast but I know the now or never feeling for 30+ year old women when it comes to having children... And truth is, after 30 we don't have much time left to get pregnant naturally. Hope it all works well for you! Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Hi! So very excited for you! Yes we just have to keep trusting in God and he will provide. Thank you for sharing. Have a beautiful day my friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amas5750 Posted July 4, 2022 Author Share Posted July 4, 2022 Second baby due in 5 weeks. I remember these awful painful days I wrote about. They are a past life now. my days are easy now. Not happy 100% of the time but vast majority of the time people in pain can have unbelievable ease again in time/ we must try to share this message 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 Good for you that you got to have your babies. Are you now in a happy relationship too? Link to post Share on other sites
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