Sex on the side

[elaine567]

This makes sense, except we have no idea why she isn't interested in having sex with him. Unless she is willing to come on here and explain it, we'll never know.

 

op, if you feel comfortable sharing, what were the reasons she gave?

 

This is not a sexless marriage, she is interested in having sex once a month with the OP.

Maybe that is indeed a huge compromise already... maybe she would be open to increasing the frequency, who knows?

 

The OP appears to be a man of few words as per his postings on here anyway. I would guess perhaps no emotional connection with his wife, may be the problem here.

 

Also

 

of course the frustration caused other issues that were addressed also.

- it may be helpful to the discussion if we learned what the "other issues" were.

[Furious]

Me and my wife get along well, we have kids together and everything is fine, with the exception of her not wanting/having sex enough, she is looking to do it once a month, I am looking for 2 to 3 times a week (at least).

 

I have been paying a woman that I met online to have sex once a week.

 

The alternative would be to start a relationship with someone and have sex with them. With me paying, its no feelings and no relationships....am I wrong?

 

 

^^^^^^^

 

There's your answer.

 

It may be your wife's subconscious is on alert as to your character.

 

The irony is you're not trustworthy and putting her heath at risk without her knowledge.

 

What person would want to have sex with someone who is deceitful such as you are.

 

You're paying for sex with someone you met online, odds are you're not her only customer.

 

STD alert: condoms do not protect you from herpes or genital warts.

 

 

Seems as though you're the problem and you're a sneaky lying jerk who is putting your wife's Heath at risk.

Edited June 18, 2017 by Furious

[Furious]

You're right. It is ultimately HIS decision and HIS conscious he has to deal with, however, if he didn't feel like it was 'wrong' then why not just tell his wife about the paid sex he's getting on the side and let the chips fall where they may?

 

Withholding something like an affair from a partner you vowed to be faithful to until death do they part IS inherently 'wrong' otherwise why marry at all?

 

Feeling justified isn't the same as feeling like it's the right thing to do.

 

I think the OP knows on some level he's doing something 'wrong' or else why bother asking the question in the first place?

 

^^^^^^^

 

This is what character is about.

 

Michelle ma Belle you're amazing!!!

[dichotomy]

This is not a sexless marriage, she is interested in having sex once a month with the OP.

.

 

Technically you are right. Ten times a year or less is considered a sexless marriage by the experts. But its darn close to sexless.

 

 

Also the one time a month she has sex we have no idea if she is "interested" or simply gives in and lays there.

 

 

I still think its best for now to simply say "no thanks" to the once a month starvation diet of sex she offers. Then think some more about the moral implications of a escort ...and the happiness of all involved. His wife may truly not care or be happy if the sex becomes truly 100% gone. In that case I see the moral compass changing more in his favor

 

 

Or she may get panicky when she sees he remains happy and without a care - with no sex - perhaps prompting a new perspective discussion on their sexless marriage. At which time he can get tested, stop the escort and see if the marriage can compromise to maybe 1-2 times a week.

 

 

Just thinking outside the box so to speak.

[SammySammy]

By definition it IS a sexless marriage.

 

As far as I'm concerned, she's cheating him.

[knabe]

By definition it IS a sexless marriage.

 

As far as I'm concerned, she's cheating him.

 

I find validity in this perspective. My background is one of faith, and the same Bible that says not to commit adultery also says not to deprive your spouse. Funny how people forget that.

 

Even with religion aside, if you have common sense, any social awareness at all, and an IQ even approaching average, you KNOW that when you marry sex IS GOING to be expected to be part of the equation. And if you married a normal man, it's going to be a pretty important and regular part.

 

If you can't handle that, don't get married, or find someone asexual.

[Overtaxed]

I find validity in this perspective. My background is one of faith, and the same Bible that says not to commit adultery also says not to deprive your spouse. Funny how people forget that.

 

Even with religion aside, if you have common sense, any social awareness at all, and an IQ even approaching average, you KNOW that when you marry sex IS GOING to be expected to be part of the equation. And if you married a normal man, it's going to be a pretty important and regular part.

 

If you can't handle that, don't get married, or find someone asexual.

 

Funny? Nope, sad. People pick and choose from the Bible like it's a self help book and you're only supposed to read the things that apply to you. That's not how it works. Women and men are commanded, throughout the Bible, to love/honor/worship their spouse. And yes, also commanded to to have sex with them. Everyone focuses on the "Shall not commit A", and loses focus on the things that are commanded to be done to help follow that commandment.

 

Denying sex in a marriage for "no reason" isn't as bad as an A, but, over time, it will have the same effect. A blown apart marriage without love. Which has become, in many ways, the "status quo" for marriage in most countries today. It's so sad, but it's also no wonder that more and more people are walking away from marriage or marrying so much later.

[knabe]

Funny? Nope, sad. People pick and choose from the Bible like it's a self help book and you're only supposed to read the things that apply to you. That's not how it works. Women and men are commanded, throughout the Bible, to love/honor/worship their spouse. And yes, also commanded to to have sex with them. Everyone focuses on the "Shall not commit A", and loses focus on the things that are commanded to be done to help follow that commandment.

 

Denying sex in a marriage for "no reason" isn't as bad as an A, but, over time, it will have the same effect. A blown apart marriage without love. Which has become, in many ways, the "status quo" for marriage in most countries today. It's so sad, but it's also no wonder that more and more people are walking away from marriage or marrying so much later.

 

It's debating whether you are more dead if you get shot or if you starve.

[wmacbride]

By definition it IS a sexless marriage.

 

As far as I'm concerned, she's cheating him.

 

 

I might, but it would depend on why she didn't want to have sex.

 

Just for the sake of argument, assume that she didn't want to have sex with him because ( and this is just hypothetical, and i have no idea what is actually the issue) , what would you say if she told her story, and it was along the lines of he wasn't that great when it comes to sex, she tried talking to him over and over, and he didn't listen. What if he's one of those " two minute charlies" who has little to no interest in her enjoyment, and he just rolls off of her, and fall asleep in ten seconds, snoring loudly.

 

Then he wonders why once a month is her limit?

 

ask him, he's a great sex partner, ask her, and she'd probably rather have a glass of wine and a hot bath.

 

( again, op, I am not saying this describes you- it's just a hypothetical)

 

This is why it's so hard to assess a situation like this based on only hearing one side. Everyone on here can speculate about it, but without hearing her side, it's hard to tell what's really going on.