Too insecure to enjoy my new relationship

[Hopelessromantic04]

I started dating this guy recently.

 

After we started dating, I remember asking some of our mutual friends about him. And he said "he is such a sweet guy, he just hasn't had much luck with women." He told me about a girl that pretty much used him for free meals and attention. And some other girl that broke his heart because she didn't want anything serious.

 

I felt bad for him and his experiences, but I couldn't help but think is there something about him that girls don't like about him?

 

The other two girls had nice bodies but average. I wouldn't say either of them were extraordinary beautiful. They were just averagely pretty in my opinion.

 

From what I have gathered so far, it seems that he doesn't get a lot of girls. He told me the only person he has had sex with was his high school girlfriend which he dated throughout high school and college. Isn't that strange for a man in his mid/late 20's? Obviously, being a player is not attractive but I feel shallow for feeling that I want a guy that has the ability to pull girls. I think this is my own insecurities talking.

 

I find myself going back and forth on if I find him attractive or not. He definitely has an awkward vibe about him. He was born and raised in Asia so there are cultural differences in how he interacts with people. For instance, some of the clothes he wears do not look good on him. And the way he styles his hair doesn't look good.

 

Interestingly, the night I met him I thought he was attractive. Or attractive enough plus his confidence was attractive. But after learning about his dating history, he seems so awkward and at times unattractive.

 

He is rail thin and has zero muscle definition. It is starting to turn me off a bit. Whenever I show my friends his picture, they laugh. One even told me: "maybe you will find him more attractive with time." Yet I never told her I wasn't attracted to him. I showed a picture of him to my aunt and she was silent. Her response was "I like the background of his picture." I think she was trying not to hurt my feelings by calling him ugly.

Truth is, he isn't ugly. I think he is a 7.5/10. He could be an 8-9 if he worked out and dressed better.

 

Now that I've explained everything: I'll get to me-the problem. He really likes me. I like him too. I want to like him more but I force myself to stop liking him because I am not sure how I feel about him sometimes. We get along great. He is so romantic. But I'm shallow because I'm insecure.

 

I am overweight. I've been told several times that I have a beautiful face. But most men (at least in America) aren't attracted to overweight women. I've accepted it. I'm in the process of losing weight again. I lost 60 lbs but I gained some back. Now I'm back to losing again.

 

I've been treated so terribly by men that I can't help but wonder why does he treat me so well? Is he dating me because I'm the only girl that would accept him?

 

I can't help but wonder if our insecurities attracted to us to eachother? Is be tired of being single and lowered his standards just to get anyone? I also wonder if I'm lowering my standards? But then I was attracted to him initially. I have a lot of insecurities. I should probably break up because I'm too insecure to date. But I do actually like him. It's just that my insecurities are telling me not to like him because he doesn't validate my self-worth.

[whichwayisup]

He treats you well because he's nice/sweet guy and has respect for women.

 

Stop being so hung up on his looks and body type, you should have compassion for him and not put a number on how attractive he is. Tell your friends to back off and support you and stop saying negative things about him.

 

He likes you, you like him! Just go with the flow and get to know him. be honest and tell him your own insecurities and fears then maybe he'll open up about his.

 

He unfortunately chose the wrong types of women in his past, ones that took advantage of his kindness and used him.

 

People are flawed and aren't perfect so if you're hoping for that in him or anybody else you're gonna be sadly disappointed. Have an open mind, don't be judgemental and most of all just accept him for who he is by how he treats you and his actions.

[Purepony]

He treats you well because he's nice/sweet guy and has respect for women.

 

Stop being so hung up on his looks and body type, you should have compassion for him and not put a number on how attractive he is. Tell your friends to back off and support you and stop saying negative things about him.

 

He likes you, you like him! Just go with the flow and get to know him. be honest and tell him your own insecurities and fears then maybe he'll open up about his.

 

He unfortunately chose the wrong types of women in his past, ones that took advantage of his kindness and used him.

 

People are flawed and aren't perfect so if you're hoping for that in him or anybody else you're gonna be sadly disappointed. Have an open mind, don't be judgemental and most of all just accept him for who he is by how he treats you and his actions.

 

 

 

Well said

Couldn't have put it better !

[swenann991]

The only thing you need to do is to relax and enjoy it relationship without overthinking!

[Superchicken]

Hi Hope.....,

 

 

Don't continue any further.

If your already having doubts, and especially, you don't find him attractive anymore, then don't carry it any further.

 

 

Its like buying a car that you thought looked good.

However, over the next few weeks/months, you grew to hate it.

Then you don't enjoy driving it, and drive it less and less.

 

 

Importantly, every time you see a HOT car, your eyes wander, and just get depressed, that you have a plain car (Asian made too ) .

 

 

You need a sports car, with a phallic symbol ..

 

 

Test drive a few, and remember its not how many cylinders it has, but how its used !.

 

 

 

 

Ted.