How do you find living alone ?

[Chilli]

Do you live alone , l have been 4yrs now since my divorce.

My daughter was staying quite a bit but of late not very much, bf and friends , teen , you know.

My gf was 2/3 LDR so she was only here part of the time and since we've split l'm mostly on my own.

lt's so strange to me , l've only lived alone here and there in early 20s,then l lived with a gf and later l got married and we were together 19yrs.

l've only just bought my first house after financially and mentally recovering after divorce and it's pretty bizarre being here alone.

 

lt has a spare room and l've thought of sharing but l'd rather have the place free for when my daughter comes and goes and not crazy about sharing a house again now with basically a stranger.

It was only ever a gf or w in the past .

 

How do you do it , what do you think of it . Seems such a bizarre existence to me now days now.

wake up alone , come home alone , do work on the house and no one to show it to , making a meal , you name it , it's all very weird.

l've always needed my space and even that caused problems when l was married because l probably needed more alone time than a married person should , but holy hell , not this much.

 

Strange , l've known people that have always lived along , 40s , 50s , the odd unsuccessful relationship here and there bit basically mostly alone.

New town ,don't really know anyone , well two mates here but both happily married but , l'm not really the friend type anyway, not in a hanging out sense or too much of them

my brothers half hour over and we both drop in on each other but it's only a few hours here and there.

But in al honesty , l've always been a couples person , l've nearly always been in a couple since about 16 mostly actually come to think of it , with just the odd gap here or there and then later l got married.

 

l don;t really know wth to do with myself tbh , everything just seems a hollow victory with no one to do anything or share anything with.

 

Just how is it people live alone , l dunno ,suppose it's what they get use too.

l hope it's not for too much longer though myself but at the same time l also fear maybe my lucks finally ran out and the karma bus has come for me.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Chilli

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I went from college, to home with parents, then to marriage, so living alone after divorce was the only time I'd done it either. And I love it. I mean, the kids are here half the time, really more than half the time, but I also love my alone time so I really do love it. I love not having to walk on eggshells, do what I want without fear of criticism. The only thing I do not love is not having someone to share the bills with.

 

I work from home and "being caught up" is not a thing in my work, so I am never, ever bored. And I also like TV, Netflix, etc. and have three pets. I just don't get lonely.

 

Do you have a dog?

[JFReyes]

I'm currently living alone and understand your feelings. Perhaps these suggestions might help (I practice them):

 

1. Get a dog or some other pet that will not only keep you company but also be a means to meet fellow owners.

 

2. Join a gym, which will allow you to be around people and even meet new friends, besides the obvious health benefits.

 

3. Keep the spare room free for your daughter and any other short term visitors you may have.

 

4. Find a girlfriend - I leave to you the way to accomplish it but it requires work; rarely does luck bring such opportunities. If you succeed, you don't have to live with her, at least for some time.

 

5. Volunteer for some worthy cause.

 

Good luck, friend.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

1. Get a dog or some other pet that will not only keep you company but also be a means to meet fellow owners.

 

 

One of the reasons I got a dog when I did was to meet people while walking the dog in my neighborhood. It worked. I've seen bought a home in another neighborhood and I have a large back yard for him, so I rarely walk him and I don't know nearly as many people here as I did in the old 'hood! (But I also don't feel like I need to at this point).

[Chilli]

Ahh , my daughters hot her own room here of course but then l've got a spare out the back end of the house as well.

The extra money would sure help but l dunno if l could handle sharing though.

 

Dogs are fantastic l know. But l've sort of given up tbh l've just never had any luck keeping them something always happens. Think l better try a different pet next time.

Last one got hit , one before disappeared.

But yeah when l was living over at the beach at the time and l was amazed at how many people l'd wind up talking too just taking the mut out.

 

The gf thing well, l've only just split with mine and l need some time. But yeah of course l know how to get one but , l wouldn't just want any one and that, now that's a different story.

See what happens later on l suppose in that department , l usually trip over and new gf somewhere or another but can't even think about that stuff right now.

[BryanSmiley]

I started living alone in my first own home a few months ago, house buying being stressful, but it coinciding with a break-up really amplified feelings of being alone.

 

It is strange you want space at times when living with people but I got that in my last house share. Fortunately I’ve had quite a sociable summer and have some house mates moving in soon (I’ll probably want more space then, can never win). But there was definitely points over the past few months whereby, I’d be driving home from work and it’d occur to me not only was it possible I wouldn’t interact with anyone else the rest of that day and evening and in person, but also by text/phone unless I made more of an effort. It forces you to maintain contact better.

 

I don’t understand people whom prefer living alone but then people become accustom to what they are used to I guess. If they are sociable enough I get it. But to be able to go 3-4 days with not too much contact with the outside world – I personally would find my already average social skills/feeling of being connected – would suffer greatly. To each their own I guess.

[Chilli]

Social life wise ,tbh as l was saying , l'm not really into just hanging out with friends too much, just doesn't cut it for me.

Although l do love some partying. Not much of that goin on though but if there was l may as well be , nothing else going on.

 

This damn house is too big for one person.

[carhill]

Except when married, have always lived alone. Love it. Also loved being married.

 

I liken it to being self-employed versus being an employee. Some people operate better and feel fulfilled alone and some operate better and feel fulfilled as part of a large group. Different paths.

 

OP, you have a whole world of people to share with, if you want. The difference is in expectations. We expect differently of intimates than the world at large. Once the expectations, something we can control completely, ratchet back, one is never truly alone. Give and share what you want freely, without expectation, and accept that as the gift of living. What others do with it is their path.

[amaysngrace]

Try practicing gratitude every morning as soon as you open your eyes. Do that for a minute every day and perhaps you'll discover you aren't actually alone at all.

 

I think maybe what you're describing is being lonely more than being alone anyway. Hopefully showing gratitude can help with that too.

[Chilli]

I went from college, to home with parents, then to marriage, so living alone after divorce was the only time I'd done it either. And I love it. I mean, the kids are here half the time, really more than half the time, but I also love my alone time so I really do love it. I love not having to walk on eggshells, do what I want without fear of criticism. The only thing I do not love is not having someone to share the bills with.

 

I work from home and "being caught up" is not a thing in my work, so I am never, ever bored. And I also like TV, Netflix, etc. and have three pets. I just don't get lonely.

 

Do you have a dog?

 

 

yeah l'm surprised how many people do love it.

does have it's benefits for sure especially as compared to being married , well in ways anyway.

not easy being married in many ways.

lt is damn nice to do what yoy want when you want and not have to explain or justify or feel guilty a damn thing, that is for sure.

 

l work at home too.

Got no back fence atm yet and pretty sire the neighbors watch me coming and going and in and out all day long right now.

[SevenCity]

I've been living alone for the past year since my gf of 7 years left. Before her I was married and living with my wife for 5 years.

 

It's good and bad. I like having my house to myself as I do like my alone time. Moreover, it seems no matter what girl I date / marry they are always making a mess. Be it in the kitchen, bathroom, or hair everywhere (aren't guys supposed to be the messy ones??? ). It's nice to see everything where you left it. Any mess I can only blame on myself.

 

I also find i listen to a lot more music (loudly) when I'm alone. I tend not to do it when I'm living with a girl. I lived alone for so many years in the past I was ready to remove the door off my bathroom and hang those beads like they did in the 70's...lol. There is something to be appreciated when you don't have to worry about another person sharing the same space.

 

The last year after my gf left it was excruciating to come home to an empty house where we had built our life together. As time went on it got more tolerable - and my dog has become the ray of hope in my life and my reason for wanting to come home. I got her 1 year prior to the breakup. Listening to your past experiences with dogs I would not get one ever again if I were you. They are not disposable objects and need to be cared for.

 

I'm dating a girl now who has moved herself into a Fri-Sat-Sun stay over pattern. It's nice having a woman in the house again (sans the hair everywhere - I mean WTH? How do they lose so much and not be bald??? ). It's a nice pattern as it gives me time alone during the week and company on the weekend. I'm sure at some point I'll live with a woman again (be it her or another) so I enjoy the time I have to myself. I suggest you enjoy it now as once you find a girl you'll miss the alone time you have now.

 

As stated above a girl is not going to fall in your lap. You have to put work into finding one as the older you get the fewer quality ones are available.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's nice having a woman in the house again (sans the hair everywhere - I mean WTH? How do they lose so much and not be bald??? ).

 

As a woman with a clogged sink drain waiting to be unclogged by the tools that just arrived from Amazon, it's a mystery to me too!!!

[Chilli]

Try practicing gratitude every morning as soon as you open your eyes. Do that for a minute every day and perhaps you'll discover you aren't actually alone at all.

 

I think maybe what you're describing is being lonely more than being alone anyway. Hopefully showing gratitude can help with that too.

 

 

Does it still work if l have a coffee first !

But yeah ,l do feel the loneliness for sure. l should be grateful that l actually have some free wkends now though with my daughter doing a lot of the friends things these days. Never had free wkends for 3 1/2 yrs so it's not all bad haha but l do miss her for sure.

 

But yeah the relationship intimacy thing and the fun of it and the sharing, people are talking about for sure too.

That's a much bigger thing to me and why friends and just people don't really cut it for me.

[Chilli]

As a woman with a clogged sink drain waiting to be unclogged by the tools that just arrived from Amazon, it's a mystery to me too!!!

 

Hell yeah , women and that hair . Have always wondered how they don't go bald

[Chilli]

I've been living alone for the past year since my gf of 7 years left. Before her I was married and living with my wife for 5 years.

 

It's good and bad. I like having my house to myself as I do like my alone time. Moreover, it seems no matter what girl I date / marry they are always making a mess. Be it in the kitchen, bathroom, or hair everywhere (aren't guys supposed to be the messy ones??? ). It's nice to see everything where you left it. Any mess I can only blame on myself.

 

I also find i listen to a lot more music (loudly) when I'm alone. I tend not to do it when I'm living with a girl. I lived alone for so many years in the past I was ready to remove the door off my bathroom and hang those beads like they did in the 70's...lol. There is something to be appreciated when you don't have to worry about another person sharing the same space.

 

The last year after my gf left it was excruciating to come home to an empty house where we had built our life together. As time went on it got more tolerable - and my dog has become the ray of hope in my life and my reason for wanting to come home. I got her 1 year prior to the breakup. Listening to your past experiences with dogs I would not get one ever again if I were you. They are not disposable objects and need to be cared for.

 

I'm dating a girl now who has moved herself into a Fri-Sat-Sun stay over pattern. It's nice having a woman in the house again (sans the hair everywhere - I mean WTH? How do they lose so much and not be bald??? ). It's a nice pattern as it gives me time alone during the week and company on the weekend. I'm sure at some point I'll live with a woman again (be it her or another) so I enjoy the time I have to myself. I suggest you enjoy it now as once you find a girl you'll miss the alone time you have now.

 

As stated above a girl is not going to fall in your lap. You have to put work into finding one as the older you get the fewer quality ones are available.

 

 

Yeah right , you got the perfect setup now then , for awhile anyway.

Not in a hurry as l said though myself right now but if l was to meet someone later on that wkend thing would probably suit me quite nicely , for awhile at least.

 

But yeah , it is nice to be able to do what you want for sure and it's funny , l can play music as loud as l want now but my ex always had it on softly in the back ground and l really miss that too.

lt doesn't work when l try to do it, dunno what she use to do but she'd just put stuff on and it'd just make the house really nice.

When l try it like that now though it annoys the crap outa me.

[d0nnivain]

Be active outside your home. get involved. Do more then go to work & come home every day.

 

 

Consider getting a pet. There's a joke meme that goes around -- It's not drinking alone if the dog is home.

 

 

Have friends 'round every few weeks so there is life in your house.

[SevenCity]

Does it still work if l have a coffee first !

But yeah ,l do feel the loneliness for sure. l should be grateful that l actually have some free wkends now though with my daughter doing a lot of the friends things these days. Never had free wkends for 3 1/2 yrs so it's not all bad haha but l do miss her for sure.

 

But yeah the relationship intimacy thing and the fun of it and the sharing, people are talking about for sure too.

That's a much bigger thing to me and why friends and just people don't really cut it for me.

 

Exactly. Not to get all philosophical but if you are fighting reality you will cause yourself pain. Live in the moment and make the best out of your situation as all situations do have good in them if you look hard enough.

 

I think about when I was laid off and out of work for 6 months. I was miserable and felt like a complete failure. I would look at a someone with facial piercings working somewhere and think "They have a job but I'm an unemployed loser???".

 

Although I continued to look for a job, I used the free time I had to complete some projects around the house and do things I didn't have time to do before. I was relieved when I started working, but missed the freedom that came without having a job (though not the lack of income).

 

Moreover, it made me appreciate having a job again and not to take it for granted and make sure I was saving enough money in the event I got laid off again (luckily I had already so I was ok the first round). You'll have a new appreciation for the next girl in your life and will think twice if you start getting complacent and taking her for granted (something most guys are guilty of at one point or another).

 

Enjoy this time as, I guarantee you, once you find a girl and she moves in you'll miss it.

[aurelius99]

It's good and bad. I like having my house to myself as I do like my alone time. Moreover, it seems no matter what girl I date / marry they are always making a mess. Be it in the kitchen, bathroom, or hair everywhere (aren't guys supposed to be the messy ones??? ). It's nice to see everything where you left it. Any mess I can only blame on myself.

 

I know! My ex wife was the messiest person I've ever seen! The house was constantly a pig sty. Plus she was a stay at home mom. The worst part is she would get mad when I didn't want to clean up HER mess. I'm not talking about messes which were clearly mutual. I'm talking about messes that were nothing but her doing. I think she was raised with parents who spoiled her and always cleaned up her messes. So she expected me to do the same.

 

The older I've gotten, the less I believe all the lies about women being the finer sex. Finer? We are ALL human. They aren't levitating above the rest of us. I haven't found women to be "better communicators". They mostly just get emotional and rarely exhibit the ability to be direct and logical--both requirements for good communication. I've also come to not belief that women are "more nurturing". If they are, it's not towards their husbands, but it's limited to their children. Actually women can be quite merciless on their husbands, especially when the man is sick and they call him a "baby".

 

So -1 for stereotypes.

[amaysngrace]

Does it still work if l have a coffee first !

 

Sure. Maybe you can throw Juan Valdez in there too when you're giving your thanks. And for the makers of Keurig while you're at it!

 

It's just the point of being grateful that counts!

[SevenCity]

I know! My ex wife was the messiest person I've ever seen! The house was constantly a pig sty. Plus she was a stay at home mom. The worst part is she would get mad when I didn't want to clean up HER mess. I'm not talking about messes which were clearly mutual. I'm talking about messes that were nothing but her doing. I think she was raised with parents who spoiled her and always cleaned up her messes. So she expected me to do the same.

 

The older I've gotten, the less I believe all the lies about women being the finer sex. Finer? We are ALL human. They aren't levitating above the rest of us. I haven't found women to be "better communicators". They mostly just get emotional and rarely exhibit the ability to be direct and logical--both requirements for good communication. I've also come to not belief that women are "more nurturing". If they are, it's not towards their husbands, but it's limited to their children. Actually women can be quite merciless on their husbands, especially when the man is sick and they call him a "baby".

 

So -1 for stereotypes.

 

That's been my experience as well. I'm amazed that we survived as a race thus far considering how different men and women are. It so tiresome to work a woman out of an emotional tizzy as there is no logic that will work. I've learned it's just part of the game and you have to play - but I don't have to like it

[No_Go]

I actually love living alone. I did live alone before for 4-5 years, then few years with roommates first, and later boyfriends, and now I live alone again.

 

I bought my own house and all people ask me 'Aren't you lonely?' Well... I work full time, I have a pet, I have 2 spare bedrooms for visitors... If I really feel THAT lonely I can get a housemate. But for now I just feel... great, free. MUCH better than living with my restrictive ex-boyfriend or former crazy roommates.

[Shanex]

I left the nest early and it felt great, not that I disliked my parents but jeez, more time to myself, eating whenever I felt like and stuff.

 

I'm pretty much acclimated to solitude, the downside of it is probably wondering now if I could live with someone again, so a woman. I've done it for a year and it had its moments, but yet again felt somehow 'liberated' when I was on my own again.

 

If anything, I don't get emotional for being lonely. I have some good friends and relatives I can easily set a dinner or party with. Live your own life how you like it.

[aurelius99]

That's been my experience as well. I'm amazed that we survived as a race thus far considering how different men and women are. It so tiresome to work a woman out of an emotional tizzy as there is no logic that will work. I've learned it's just part of the game and you have to play - but I don't have to like it

 

Yea well I'm done with tolerating it. I've had my children and truthfully have no biological drive for more. I'm also okay with remaining single from here on out. No woman in my opinion is worth tolerating crazymaking. None. And part of the reason women in America do it is because they know they can get away with it and have zero consequences.

 

MGTOW for life. If you don't know what MGTOW is, look it up. It's the future.

[Shanex]

Men going their own way.

 

We all know this Aurelius. I don't know if it's the future, but for guys with disappointing experience with women, sure it's a way of life in a way. Not if you're 20 though.

[aurelius99]

Men going their own way.

 

We all know this Aurelius. I don't know if it's the future, but for guys with disappointing experience with women, sure it's a way of life in a way. Not if you're 20 though.

 

MGTOW is already booming in Japan. So much in fact that it's affecting their economy. Men are refusing to get married and be packmules for women and are choosing to live self-sustaining, independent lives. Except in Japan they call it the "herbivore" or "grasseater" movement.

 

Feminism has run its course. Men are waking up in droves. It never was about true equality. Ironically, I'm actually in favor of equality. TRUE equality. But feminism wants all the privelages and perks, without the responsibility and accountability that men are stuck with. The show is up folks. If a woman wants all the perks of being a man, she needs to stop getting a free vajayjay pass through life.

Edited June 16, 2017 by aurelius99