How do you find living alone ?

[penelopeanne]

i love living alone and have been for the last couple years, even through my last relationship. i did it once before for almost a year.

i appreciate being able to and think its a good thing for everyone to try at least once in their lives if they can make it work.

[Chilli]

That's been my experience as well. I'm amazed that we survived as a race thus far considering how different men and women are. It so tiresome to work a woman out of an emotional tizzy as there is no logic that will work. I've learned it's just part of the game and you have to play - but I don't have to like it

 

 

Ah , same. and on that side of the coin there are lots of things l don't miss about being married and gf was even far worse in that way.

Gotta admit , it is amazing how mentally freed up you are living alone so at least that's something.

l sort of laugh at it now from a distance at just what a whole pain in the ass it can all be.

[Chilli]

I actually love living alone. I did live alone before for 4-5 years, then few years with roommates first, and later boyfriends, and now I live alone again.

 

I bought my own house and all people ask me 'Aren't you lonely?' Well... I work full time, I have a pet, I have 2 spare bedrooms for visitors... If I really feel THAT lonely I can get a housemate. But for now I just feel... great, free. MUCH better than living with my restrictive ex-boyfriend or former crazy roommates.

 

Wonder how you'll feel in 20yrs time !

l could have people stay over , mainly a few family , l'm 3hrs away from most of them , thank God , no accident .

l often say l'm busy if they wanna come up or hint at staying over.

 

while l was single a few yrs after my marriage fkd up l did meet a few girls could've had someone living in but no one l wanted to jump back into that fry pan with until l met gf.

But on the down side ,apart from being a bit of a pain in the ass personality wise , life was already getting turned inside out and upside down , talking in a major way , like selling the house l've just managed to buy and moving, again , and she hadn't even moved in yet.

 

l do miss the hell out of her but at the same time, l'm glad l won't have to do all the crap involved now.

l like my house , bit disappointed with the town , l've lived in far far better towns . But l must admit , l do get the feeling there is something here for me so hopefully that all falls into shape and works out.

 

l've moved and lived in so many places , l was getting that way l'd been thinking hell, just give me a nice house in a nice spot and l don't care anymore.

Well l've at least got that here,see what eventuates from here now l suppose.

There's plenty of room for more people or a new love should that come about. But it's also quite nice having this space all to myself too sometimes l must admit. wouldn't wanna live it alone here forever though.

be a great party house , shame l don't know anyone.

 

Dunno how really wealthy people live in great big mansions all alone though. That'd be way too much house for one person for me.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Don't get me wrong,there was lots and lots of incredible things with gf and why we were together . But the future , housing and how to find a living compromise where we'd both be happy because she didn't like it here , was looking like a real nightmare.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Don't get me wrong,there was lots and lots of incredible things with gf and why we were together . But the future , housing and how to find a living compromise where we'd both be happy because she didn't like it here , was looking like a real nightmare.

 

What do you mean by "here?" In your city? Were you long distance?

[grays]

Its been almost exactly two years since i got my own place after a 25 yr marriage. It felt really wrong at first. I was scared of being alone so I went out of my way to build a life where i didnt have to be. I really thought about what i needed to feel okay and made it happen.

 

My bottom line was I needed someone that I had enough of a relationship with to care about me and check in with me. I got a text penpal and it was awesome. He lives a few states away so no pressure, just a little interaction.

 

Best thing I did was learn how to salsa. Now I am part of a community and can go out alone any night of the week and see people I know and dance with a ton of people, so theres actually physical touch involved, which feeds my soul. I dont really feel like I need it the way i did at first but its a nice safety net.

 

I love having my own place and sometimes I even love having nights alone. But im not sure how id feel if it was every night. My kids are here half the time and I have probably had a guy friend spend the night at least half of my other nights. I think theres been lots of times when I didnt get more than one or two nights alone per month. Just recently ive been alone more and liking it. But if it was every night, I think itd be hard.

 

I think the gym idea is a good one, especially since you work at home. I like to be able to be among people without necessarily interacting with them. A cafe is good for that, too.

[No_Go]

Why would I be alone in 20 years time? I think the living alone is just good here and there, not constantly. When I wanted to get a live in BF,

I would get a live in BF. Same with roommates. For me personally now is just a time of rest of cohabitants and time to enjoy my new home:)

 

In your case, forgive me if I'm wrong, you sound a bit of a mess and maybe depressed as a consequence of past experiences.

 

It is a phase. You don't have to live alone forever unless you want to. Enjoy it while you can, and meet new people in the meanwhile.

 

Wonder how you'll feel in 20yrs time !

l could have people stay over , mainly a few family , l'm 3hrs away from most of them , thank God , no accident .

l often say l'm busy if they wanna come up or hint at staying over.

 

while l was single a few yrs after my marriage fkd up l did meet a few girls could've had someone living in but no one l wanted to jump back into that fry pan with until l met gf.

But on the down side ,apart from being a bit of a pain in the ass personality wise , life was already getting turned inside out and upside down , talking in a major way , like selling the house l've just managed to buy and moving, again , and she hadn't even moved in yet.

 

l do miss the hell out of her but at the same time, l'm glad l won't have to do all the crap involved now.

l like my house , bit disappointed with the town , l've lived in far far better towns . But l must admit , l do get the feeling there is something here for me so hopefully that all falls into shape and works out.

 

l've moved and lived in so many places , l was getting that way l'd been thinking hell, just give me a nice house in a nice spot and l don't care anymore.

Well l've at least got that here,see what eventuates from here now l suppose.

There's plenty of room for more people or a new love should that come about. But it's also quite nice having this space all to myself too sometimes l must admit. wouldn't wanna live it alone here forever though.

be a great party house , shame l don't know anyone.

 

Dunno how really wealthy people live in great big mansions all alone though. That'd be way too much house for one person for me.

[rushed]

Living alone had its perks, like the place staying as neat as I liked and me keeping whatever odd hours I was accustomed to. There were times I was as chipper as could be running around decorating however I liked. But for the most part, I HATED it.

 

I hated coming home to an empty dark apartment. I spent a lot of my time going over to my friend's house because I just felt lonely. I remember walking through my complex to get to my apartment after work and hearing people laughing in another apartment. I so wanted to knock on their door and ask to hang out with them.

 

Nights were the worst. Sometimes I would just lie in my bed and wonder if I died right then how long it would take for someone to notice I was missing and come find my dead body.

 

Of course, living with someone now there are a lot of times I miss living alone. But I definitely prefer not living alone.

[Chilli]

What do you mean by "here?" In your city? Were you long distance?

 

Yeah we were 2/3 long distance but she wanted to move over.

Here as in my town where l've just bought the house. she loved the house but didn't like the town.

 

and nope not a mess at all ,more together than most from what l've seen especially considering l've just gone through divorce and started over completely from scratch, then just recently splitting up with gf .

But yeah of course ,there's been many big things to decide over this last few yrs, huge things, as big as it gets and also many big changes in life.

Edited June 17, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

But , l could kick myself.

l've said here obviously just splitting up recently and l wasn't looking right now and so of course right now is when l trip over someone, today. If l was looking there'd be no one, should've asked her number, damn it.

 

bought some blinds in a shop and meanwhile spotted her , well her fine ass actually as she was bending down packing stuff.

She sensed it and glanced back, smiled . later she came over to help and we had to sort stuff in this little space. Don't think she minded at all while l admired her face and l leaned my head over a little and we brushed hair , l'm like that pretty bold testing waters sometimes and she leaned in a bit too, so nice, loved her face.

love that feeling of bumping into somebody and you mutually just enjoy being close to each other.

The wrong person and it's oh no , right person and there's such a peace and calm even if you don't know each other.

We joked looking for the parts and she come a go a few times from the store room and always came back nice and close each time.

 

l should've asked her , damn , damn , damn.

But , like l said, it's a little soon and l kept thinking about gf during all this and thinking l just can't right now.

And now of course , l could crack myself over the head with a brick.

 

Later l took the blinds out to the car , there was 7 of them so it was pretty bulky and took awhile to fit them in and she came out with someone else and we watched each other.

Fkkkkk.

l haven't seen her there before but it was saturday morng so at least that narrows it down a bit and it looks like l might be going back there sat'y's for awhile until l catch her next time to hell with the gf stuff , one must make hay while the sun shines , right.

Huh , she'll probably tell me she's with someone anyway haha.

Edited June 17, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

She knew a lot about blinds too , double damn, could've asked her over to help me fit them

[Chilli]

OUt from the front and to one side of my place , it's mostly open paddocks and some horses and nice stands of trees in the distance, lt can be quite a beautiful view to wake up too.

And then on the left side and behind is the back edge of the town and houses,also quite a nice view.

This last week we've had these fogs and icey frosty mornings floating across all the land out front. lt's my first yr here and waking up to it each morning has really been something early sun pouring through the new glass front door l've just fitted and the new deck l'm building, and through bedroom windows.

 

lt's also a very weird sensation too though, being only me here atm to see it and enjoy it.

That girl yesterday though has made me realize that l could be open to someone new again one day, which for awhile there l'd been thinking to hell with it, l've had enough of women.

So who knows now , what the future may hold.

Edited June 17, 2017 by Chilli

[InvisiBlonde]

Ahh , my daughters hot her own room here of course but then l've got a spare out the back end of the house as well.

The extra money would sure help but l dunno if l could handle sharing though.

 

Maybe you could rent out that room through Air BnB or some such and have the best of both worlds.

[carhill]

Heh, I was lost somewhere in Japan listening to beach music then clicked on this thread and reminded myself, nope, alone in the heat.

 

That underscores another aspect, what one is used to. Growing up alone, journeys of the mind and entertaining myself when not out with friends was normal so often when not working I forget that I am physically alone even though I might not feel that way spiritually. Maybe in that sense, the spiritual sense, none of us are alone. We just have this fun journey of life to discover it.

 

Anyway, back to the music......

[SammySammy]

I prefer living alone. I'm obsessive compulsive about my house, car, and so forth. I'm at peace when I'm alone because everything is as I want it.

 

Living with a woman was always distressing and nerve wracking for me. When my last committed relationship ended, I said I'd never do it again. That was ten years ago.

 

I'm not MGTOW though. I love sex and female companionship too much. Fortunately, I don't have to live with them for that. So far. I like women, I just don't like my environment out of order.

 

I don't have a pet. Rarely watch tv or listen to music. I'm just very comfortable in my own space.

[Chilli]

Loving hearing peoples thoughts and experience here btw , so thanks again for anything anyone has to say.

And one more little note, l decided not to go back and ask that girl out either btw.

l dunno ,something just didn't look right to me the day l went back and it stopped me so , l decided to leave it at that.

 

 

Back to life and living alone.

My gf , ex now , 48, just moved across the country, now totally alone, knows not one soul in the whole state.

And she's tiny, so whenever l think of her over there all totally alone, her tininess makes it seem like this little ant in the middle of 20 million other people, weird really, a bit sad too.

Not one soul knows who she is or cares, she works outa state and all.

Although she is pretty hot so a few will be noticing soon enough l guess.

 

 

Another weird thing is that l realize lately , if l stay here and finish this house, l could be living in such a beautiful place , yet all to myself.

well , apart from my daughter coming and going but that is less and less lately, bf and all , getting older.

 

Thanks for that too lblonde , will do.

 

And the thoughts that pass through your mind, ever notice that. ?

As your coming home to or waking up to or wondering around in your house alone doing whatever takes your fancy or whatever funny little habits you start to enjoy , just because you can.

Somebody could sneak in the back door , go into the spare room and go to sleep for the night, sneak out again in the morning and l wouldn't even know from up the other end of the house. Weird huh , l'll just have to hope she's good lookin , right.

 

l wonder if you could get too use to living like this. But of course you could , very easily.

[Chilli]

Well, today l was out working on a new fence , look up and here's this very , VERY, nice looking girl walking past.

She smiles and l smile and we chitter chatter as she walks and now, l feel a little bit better about all this today , Dying to find out if she's single or what now, she was nice. Maybe next week.

last week a cutey on a horse rode past and we talked for half hour.

 

l'm gonna be really disappointed when my new fence is all finished.

l better take my time l think , could be remarried by then if this keeps up..

Edited July 15, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

lt's quite a complex fence actually because it's gonna have 3 separate entrances and the gates for all that l'm building myself too.

 

It could all easily take a very long time, damn.

[Chilli]

Ha , women coming out of the woodwork everywhere this last few wks.

How odd. l'm still working through gf stuff.

 

Anyway ,another one, another shop one actually. Dunno what's going on with me and shops lately.

A place up the road l often grab lunch.

l've seen this one in there before but only just realized today, l think she might be being extra nice to me when she serves me.

No rings either.

 

She's quite nice looking but tall , , sh@t , not usually into tall girls.

She's really slim though which is a must, and she's brunette and l'm hooked on brunettes now.

 

But the biggest thing about her is , my God she has about the most gorgeous personality .

Might have lunch at the tables next time , see if she comes out from behind the counter so that l can ahhhhh , survey the situation in more detail.

[Chilli]

On other matters .

My new place has been a bit of a mental roller coaster .

Then again , been a helluva wk too but being a newly single man now, l worry.

Look the house itself, will be a magnificent place one day when it's finished. It's a bit big for one, well to my taste anyways, but more than one ,as a couple or when my daughters around , it's damn brilliant, roomy and fun, and very laid back.

The spot itself as l've said is also gorgeous, amazing beautiful peaceful views , gorgeous to wake up to if ya like your views or to look out and be reminded anytime actually.

But as a single person , l would worry about the town itself and spot a bit.

 

lf l was to meet someone especially local enough to come and go and share houses or if she moved in , it would be a fantastic place and a some very cool living too hopefully.

But living here as a single well , l just dunno, bit of a worry , if you don't much like the single life.

Edited July 21, 2017 by Chilli

[GemmaUK]

It sorta sounds from your last post as if you've isolated yourself in a great place which is peaceful and beautiful - yet actually not great for someone who isn't a lover of space and time alone.

[Chilli]

l do love my space and ex and l always lived on small acreage but here yeah it can be a little isolating alone. l'm literally the last house of the town.

Acreage on 2 sides yet l can still walk into town. Beautiful living but it would be nicer with two for sure.

[Chilli]

One thing don't think l'll ever get use to and tbh l hope l don't have too.

Switching stuff off and locking up at night, going up to bed and then just being there , on my own, only one in the house.

Strangest feeling and l still have trouble with it most nights.

Can't imagine so many people must've been doing that forever.

Also can't imagine wealthy people living alone in monster houses and doing that.

Even if l was wealthy l'd still need a small cosey house.

 

Another thing that hits me a lot because l'm renovating , is there's no one to share the excitement with when you finally finish something like the deck l'm doing or make some small addition like the cool new shower head l've just put on.

Choosing colors is a pain in the ass too , l'm not too good with house interiors.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

I've been following this thread as I searched for this exact question.

 

It is definitely an adjustment. I sometimes like it but sometimes it feels empty.

 

I think what helps me is that I remind myself that it is not permanent. I won't be alone forever so I should enjoy being single to the best of my ability while in this state. It is related to living in the now. Something I am struggling to learn.

 

Only comment I can give on sharing renovating joy, at least you get to make all your own decisions!

In my case he got to chose the flooring in the kitchen which is ok but not my first or second choice. And now every time I go into the kitchen I am reminded and annoyed... just saying...

[truthtripper]

Do you live alone , l have been 4yrs now since my divorce.

My daughter was staying quite a bit but of late not very much, bf and friends , teen , you know.

My gf was 2/3 LDR so she was only here part of the time and since we've split l'm mostly on my own.

lt's so strange to me , l've only lived alone here and there in early 20s,then l lived with a gf and later l got married and we were together 19yrs.

l've only just bought my first house after financially and mentally recovering after divorce and it's pretty bizarre being here alone.

 

lt has a spare room and l've thought of sharing but l'd rather have the place free for when my daughter comes and goes and not crazy about sharing a house again now with basically a stranger.

It was only ever a gf or w in the past .

 

How do you do it , what do you think of it . Seems such a bizarre existence to me now days now.

wake up alone , come home alone , do work on the house and no one to show it to , making a meal , you name it , it's all very weird.

l've always needed my space and even that caused problems when l was married because l probably needed more alone time than a married person should , but holy hell , not this much.

 

Strange , l've known people that have always lived along , 40s , 50s , the odd unsuccessful relationship here and there bit basically mostly alone.

New town ,don't really know anyone , well two mates here but both happily married but , l'm not really the friend type anyway, not in a hanging out sense or too much of them

my brothers half hour over and we both drop in on each other but it's only a few hours here and there.

But in al honesty , l've always been a couples person , l've nearly always been in a couple since about 16 mostly actually come to think of it , with just the odd gap here or there and then later l got married.

 

l don;t really know wth to do with myself tbh , everything just seems a hollow victory with no one to do anything or share anything with.

 

Just how is it people live alone , l dunno ,suppose it's what they get use too.

l hope it's not for too much longer though myself but at the same time l also fear maybe my lucks finally ran out and the karma bus has come for me.

I moved out of home in my early twenties into sharehousing, did that for several years and then shifted out on my own. I'm an only child so am used to my own company for indefinite periods. Yes I do get lonely, but also don't like having to put up with other people's needs, compromising etc. I can do what I want whenever I want. I can decorate my house the way I like. I can cook whatever I like.I can play my music as loud as I like. I'm a musician so need the space to make noise. One of my housemates used to get frequent migraines so in the end I had to cart my drum kit back to my parents' house and practise there. I remember reading in another thread that you have lots of siblings. Perhaps this is a reason why you crave company at home.