What did i get myself into!

[hushed3014]

I am sorry for the pain and stress you are under. Don't let the OW control your emotions or how you should be thinking about things. If you are truly done with the relationship you need to make it clear, cut and dry to OW. Her threatening to tell wife goes to show her love wasn't Real. If her love was Real she would have never made any of those threats. AP that truly love each other respect one another, don't make threats, and know that negative attributes in an A are all apart of it and choose to except it, Not verbally attack one another.

Honestly, I know many may say tell W you cheated. But personally, I don't think that is a solution. I would Not tell W. It would break her heart and you know yourself you don't want to cause your W any pain. You want things better in your marriage. As an outside I say Work on your marriage. And cut ties with your AP. And if she happens to say anything to your wife don't panic. Just deny anything she says up and down back and forth side to side. Know how important your marriage is and Fight for it! Believe in it!

[somanymistakes]

I am sorry for the pain and stress you are under. Don't let the OW control your emotions or how you should be thinking about things. If you are truly done with the relationship you need to make it clear, cut and dry to OW. Her threatening to tell wife goes to show her love wasn't Real. If her love was Real she would have never made any of those threats. AP that truly love each other respect one another, don't make threats, and know that negative attributes in an A are all apart of it and choose to except it, Not verbally attack one another.

 

If an AP goes away quietly people will also say "see, that proves the love was not Real or they would never have given up"

[pheonixrisen]

We made the agreement that if either of us got caught it would end. Of course I love her, want to be with her, but the toxicity and games of relationship has become too much. She even ended it with me so many times because she says there no future for us.But then she will continue contacting me to see if I still want her, so you do not think she is acting cowardly when she is doing these things. Even if I left my wife for her it would not last because we are just too incompatible at this point.

 

 

Seriously, how can she still sleep with me if she knows about my wife already having suspicions. The lies that revolve around our relationship has unfortunately creating an environment of toxicity, games, and deception and I just want out even to the point that I may actually have to tell my wife.

 

You should leave your wife. period.

She deserves better than you period.

 

Not leaving your wife ...jusy because you are not sure AP is stable is messed up .

 

Your wife deserves a better partner than you.

[Poppy47]

YOu are placing a lot of blame on OW.

 

Man up and blame yourself.

 

If you really wanted to end it with this woman you would.

 

Your wife deserves better than you. It's all about you and NOTHING about your wife.

 

Poppy.

[Hip Pocket]

Hi fortlear.

 

You say the deception must come to an end. Does this mean that you will be completely honest and tell your wife that you're in love with an OW? Not sure I believe you'll do that especially given that you've admitted to lying to someone you say you love, the OW. If I were your OW I'd end it here and now for the lie because nothing turns me off more than a lying partner.

 

There's nothing wrong with her trying to keep the R going if she still loves you especially if you keep allowing the contact. If you're seriously done with her send her the typical NC letter and let the cards fall where they may but if you're not going to do that the look in your eye, the softness in your voice, and the bulging excitement in your pants will tell her all she reds to know about where your heart is...despite your concerns that your W may find out.

 

And what do you mean exactly when you say she went behind your back and left her H? Did she need your permission to do that? When two MPs start an affair there is the implied assurance of Mutually Assured Destruction, and now that she's left her H you're the only sitting duck and I presume that THAT'S why you're afraid of her. How sad.

 

You're making me feel very secure in my R with MM who stuck by my side during my D over 10 years ago.

[Hip Pocket]

Hi fortlear.

 

You say the deception must come to an end. Does this mean that you will be completely honest and tell your wife that you're in love with an OW? Not sure I believe you'll do that especially given that you've admitted to lying to someone you say you love, the OW. If I were your OW I'd end it here and now for the lie because nothing turns me off more than a lying partner.

 

There's nothing wrong with her trying to keep the R going if she still loves you especially if you keep allowing the contact. If you're seriously done with her send her the typical NC letter and let the cards fall where they may but if you're not going to do that the look in your eye, the softness in your voice, and the bulging excitement in your pants will tell her all she reds to know about where your heart is...despite your concerns that your W may find out.

 

And what do you mean exactly when you say she went behind your back and left her H? Did she need your permission to do that? When two MPs start an affair there is the implied assurance of Mutually Assured Destruction, and now that she's left her H you're the only sitting duck and I presume that THAT'S why you're afraid of her. How sad.

 

You're making me feel very secure in my R with MM who stuck by my side during my D over 10 years ago.

 

That in bold was meant to say "needs".

[stixx]

I have been involved in an extra marital affair for 2 years now, and it has come to a point where she's possessive and monitoring me. The main reason is she fears I will end up cheating on her. Ive never done that to her though she threatened me before that she will start dating other people since she believes our relationship is not fair to her. There was a chance she may end up leaving me for someone else and I respect that. The problem I have is that we are not getting along, the reason is because of the circumstances of our relationship. It has put huge strain on me and her and as much as she has every right to move on dating other people, she also knows I would not leave my family. We always agreed from beginning that if I get caught by my wife it would definitely be over between us. There was an incident in the past where she was ready to leave me when we thought my wife was getting suspicious. Well that turned out to not be what we thought it was.

 

 

Our relationship has become so toxic that I had to make a hard decision. Since she is possessive and monitored me before, I just told her that my wife found out and I tried convincing my wife we were just friends, but she's suspicious, I told her we cannot talk anymore. Though I lied I figured she would leave because of the embarrassment and fear of her family finding out. She was devastated because that would mean we cannot even be friends, text or call each other. She wanted to keep contact with me through messenger and emails because she claims to be concerned for my well being. I agreed because I did feel bad for ending it like this.

 

 

Since the breakup, we have kept in contact now for almost 1 month but now she's saying that my wife suspicions will go away thinking we are just friends. Considering there are no phone calls in my recent phone bills, she thinks my wife will forget about this. Now she's proposing we just meet up for sex because she misses that the most of our relationship. I was like what the heck did I get myself into. Granted sex's a temptation and I thought about it and Im like we cannot do this if my wife is suspicious.

 

 

I guess I am just wondering, what are her intentions? Does she not know we have already crossed the line by being involved with each other but now that she thinks my wife knows would this not be a sign for her that we need to just end this? Just before we ended this she even threatened and ready to start dating other people so why does she not just start dating? Now I am scared she may confront my wife. What did I get myself into!

 

I am not married. Never did. BUT i have dated married women(for long periods of time). I would not joke with you or pull your leg in any manner. I talk to every female in the past year and I actually look for "the ring".

 

I have had two wonderful short-term relationships with married women and got to know BOTH of the husbands. I would not in any way make this up.

 

One was guy that fell off a roof and could not have sex. He knew I was safe and a good guy. He cant have sex so I slept with his wife on occasion.

 

The other was a guy that went gay but was man enough to stay married for family. I respect that. He kept his thing away from the house, and let his wife sleep with me.

 

Both of these men knew me. They knew I had morals and I was not in any way abusive. Heck, I even went to baseball games with one of the husbands. Its not funny/goofy in any manner,,its being a man and making family first.

 

If I broke my back and could not have sex with my wife I would let her have fun with a trusted man.

 

If I went gay at mid-life but wanted to hold my family together because it was moral.....I would do anything. Divorce is wrong and you have to look out for the kids. Overall family matters in these situations, and I was not some scumbag.

 

I respected these women more than anything and the husband for what they could not provide.

 

If this may seem wrong in any manner then you need to understand that a man in a certain situation will do anything to keep family together. Its not odd overall. I felt strange a first I admit, but Its not bad.

 

BTW..One of those woman has died of cancer. She was a wonderful and a fantastic woman and we became great friends. I was not just a sleep buddy. She told me things she never told her family and I hold that sacred and I think about her all the time. She was such a wonderful woman to be with it would take a novella for me to describe how a joy it was to be with her, hold her hand, or walk the beach with the sand under our toes.

[Starswillshine]

I am sorry for the pain and stress you are under. Don't let the OW control your emotions or how you should be thinking about things. If you are truly done with the relationship you need to make it clear, cut and dry to OW. Her threatening to tell wife goes to show her love wasn't Real. If her love was Real she would have never made any of those threats. AP that truly love each other respect one another, don't make threats, and know that negative attributes in an A are all apart of it and choose to except it, Not verbally attack one another.

Honestly, I know many may say tell W you cheated. But personally, I don't think that is a solution. I would Not tell W. It would break her heart and you know yourself you don't want to cause your W any pain. You want things better in your marriage. As an outside I say Work on your marriage. And cut ties with your AP. And if she happens to say anything to your wife don't panic. Just deny anything she says up and down back and forth side to side. Know how important your marriage is and Fight for it! Believe in it!

No, no, no... just NO!

 

Whether you tell your W about the A is up for debate and pluses and minuses. But if it comes out, if there is a DDAY, be truthful. Don't deny. Admit it. You may think you have all tracks covered, but trust me there is always something left behind to give proof. Don't lie if it comes out... just tell your wife the truth. If you dont, you will cause so much damage and THAT may be what kills the marriage and not the affair.

[stillafool]

I cant do this, I don't want to break her down, I'm not that type of person. If she is taking this systematic apppraoch I may just have to actually tell my wife and get this over with.

 

Better her than you wife. You can't hurt your OW but had no problem being that type of person to your wife. Your wife is the innocent victim here and your OW knew what she was doing by getting involved with a MM. If you love your OW so much then tell your wife the truth and ask for a divorce.

[Moonlight_coffee]

OP, why did your OW suspect you of cheating on her?

[freengreen]

There are kinds of permutations in the affair:

 

Both stupid :.. atleast they are not playing

Both Selfish: .. atleast they know that they are in a game

 

One stupid, one selfish : the WORST...its like the deer is in love with the lights of the car on the road... it comes for them only to get hit by the car..I really really feel sad for these deers.

 

Tell her the truth that you dont want her anymore. Tell her that you are afraid that she will part you and your wife. She will cry her lungs out but she will leave you alone. Sigh man.