AleroGurl Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 how long does it really take to break a habit...meaning...the dredded X Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 6 months to a year. SSRI's will knock that down to 3 months to a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AleroGurl Posted August 5, 2005 Author Share Posted August 5, 2005 SSRI? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by AleroGurl SSRI? Prozac-type drugs.......antidepressants. Link to post Share on other sites
sanne Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 it REALLY depends on both the individual and the relationship itself. there really is no science to this. the only thing I can tell you with any faith is that if you stick with NC you will heal much faster than if you still were in contact. Link to post Share on other sites
lostinmymind Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 I've been trying for 3 or 4 months now and things aren't really better yet. I'm experiencing different feelings, but they are only slightly less intense and consuming than what I felt at the beginning of the breakup. If you asked my ex though...I should be completely over it and willing to be her friend and even hang out with her and her new boyfriend. PHEW Amazing what people think when they've never been dumped themselves... Link to post Share on other sites
Meanie Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by lostinmymind I've been trying for 3 or 4 months now and things aren't really better yet. I'm experiencing different feelings, but they are only slightly less intense and consuming than what I felt at the beginning of the breakup. If you asked my ex though...I should be completely over it and willing to be her friend and even hang out with her and her new boyfriend. PHEW Amazing what people think when they've never been dumped themselves... That sucks. It's hard to get over someone when you didn't want to break up. I think two things that really help is no contact and getting a life. Go out, have some fun, and see other people. And when you think about your ex try to not focus on all the good times you had. Try to think of something else or think of why SHE wasn't right for you. Not why you weren't right for her. Link to post Share on other sites
ciara12step Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 yea bein dumped sucks , im on week 5 now , and i thought it would be fading away a lil bit, but it sticks to u like glue Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 In my past it normally takes me 3-6 months .. Only once did it take me a year Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by lostinmymind I've been trying for 3 or 4 months now and things aren't really better yet. I'm experiencing different feelings, but they are only slightly less intense and consuming than what I felt at the beginning of the breakup. surprisingly enough, this means you're on your way. good luck. it took me over a year to come to terms with a break-up that i decided on, and it was around the 3rd or fourth month that i thought "i can handle this." by six months, i was moving on. two years later, i don't miss him at all, and my life is just lovely. it gets better, it really does. i know your situation is a little different, but break-ups can be difficult for everyone, even the one that does the dumping. Link to post Share on other sites
ciara12step Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 as weird as it sounds ive always gotten over things faster when i dated someone shortly after, but those rebounds didnt last long Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by ciara12step as weird as it sounds ive always gotten over things faster when i dated someone shortly after, but those rebounds didnt last long i don't think that sounds weird. i think that "works" for very many people. it's because you have something else to focus on, to keep you from obsessing over a break-up. it's unfair to the "rebound" person, but you're not intentionally hurting their feelings; sometimes you really do like the person (or think you do...or convince yourself that you do ), and it just doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AleroGurl Posted August 5, 2005 Author Share Posted August 5, 2005 im on week 3 and he is still making me feel like crap... jsut the thought that he doesnt feel he did anything wrong makes me sick. he said he never lied to me(did for 2 years about girls), blames the reason he threw me into a door on me slapping him bc he was disrespecting me and putting me down in my own home...and blames the fact that im insecure about my looks and such on me...not on the fact that he lied to me about girls and stuff...just bugs me. this is the hardest part...realizing that he is basically blaming it all on me and hes SO much happier with out the 'crazy chick' anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 I agree with the six months to a year. It depends on the circumstances too. I think if you were really hurt by them then you must be proactive a bit in your healing. I think you've got to get therapy, read books and really try to get onto a new chapter in your life. I mean hurt by them as in if they left you for somebody else, cheated, tried with the best of their ability to hurt you. It can take longer than a year if there was a lot of damage. But I think you have to cut yourself off at about a year. Basically most of us are instilled with good and functional memories, but after a year you start to lose track a bit and start looking out for other things to fill your time. My ex, who I dated off and on and knew for four years plus (dated probably three of those), has been hard to get over. But he's one of those types of people who really gets under your skin. My actual break up was ten months ago and I still think about him, but mostly what I think about is what I wish he had been. I am leaving the country in about six weeks anyway, so I think that's going to be the last and final stage of my healing. I'll be onto new scenery and a different county. But it wasn't the first time my ex and I had broken up. We broke up another time for a year. I haven't dated anybody since my ex.........but I am ready to now. And I don't feel hurt anymore and I see my ex for who he is. That in itself is a miracle. I think time does that to you. It gives you a lot of perspective. You have to decide what you want in your life. You have to set those boundaries---even if they do come running back to you, which my ex did recently. But you can't expect them to change. With my ex it's just not possible, so although I still think about him, I don't wish to be in a relationship with him. You have to get that straight in your head. It really is about you, not them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AleroGurl Posted August 6, 2005 Author Share Posted August 6, 2005 i appreciate all the replies!! i think whats hurting me the most is he's telling me im fabricating everything he did in my head. and callingm e crazy and basically making me feel like i can never do better tehn him...hes making me believe all these things and i hate him for that! Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 actaully if it is just a habit that you think he was....a habit(ie biting nails, smoking, etc) takes 30 days to break. But relatiosnhips are more than habits. I do not feel I will ever get over mine fully. I guess it really took me meeting someone else to even begin to get over my first bf. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 1 full year...(for me) Habit?..good lord, it's more like an addiction IMO. Rosalind Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 i think whats hurting me the most is he's telling me im fabricating everything he did in my head. and callingm e crazy and basically making me feel like i can never do better tehn him...hes making me believe all these things and i hate him for that! It's like the oldest trick in the book for a selfish and arogant guy (or girl for that matter) to try to blame the other person in the relationship when they are the ones out cheating, lying.........whatever. It's all about trying to take the blame away from themselves. That's when you know you have a true psycho path. If they've done everything under the sun to hurt you and they are still trying to blame it on you. Stay away from this guy. He is very dangerous. Those type of people are. They're crazy....seriously sick in the head. True maniacs. Count yourself lucky to be away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AleroGurl Posted August 6, 2005 Author Share Posted August 6, 2005 moon, im starting to slowly see that as my friends remind me. sure i was a bitch during the relationship but it was bc i was so paranoid and tired of being lied to. he amde me sooo insecure about my looks, about who i am, about what i can do in ANY situation, and he says *I* did that to myself. he didnt do anything...cuz u kno...im mental. he literally told me that i should kiss hte ground he walks on for him chosing me...and that no one will ever put up with my 'unstable emotions' like he did. his last gf, adn the one before that(hes only had 3) they all went thru this and he blames it all on us. saying that its US that are mental, unstable, psycho, etc etc. but really...how can 3 ppl have the EXACT same problems?! it just seems to me that its him thats mental at times...but he calls me those names and he makes me believe it. and then tells me that im crazy and that everything i tell him(about how he hurt me) is all fabricated lies to make myself feel better that he left me...i dunno i would go further into this but its SUCH a long story that id be here all evening! Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 I have 2 words.....Scott Peterson.......that is who I thought of reading your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AleroGurl Posted August 7, 2005 Author Share Posted August 7, 2005 really??? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 Well.... maybe not that extreme, but he seems to do a lot of things that the typical socio path does and that cannot be good. I hope you know that you have done nothing wrong and him telling you that you will never find anyone like him is only to break you down and make you thikn that he is the best thing ever. Him blaming you is a defense mechanism and I hope that you know none of this is your fault. I did the same thing.....looking and saying"did I do something wrong?" and then I started to blame myself. Look at his past...he did it with them too, so you know these are his issues. I know it does not help since you love him, but I hope you see that staying with him would only get worse. And if you do NC -he will call when the 19 yr old becomes boring or he sees how much she is not you. Howold are you and him? I hope that when he does come back(since his ego is so high, trsut me he will as soon as he sees you do not need him) you are in a place that you can see him for what he is and tell him he is the crazy one! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AleroGurl Posted August 7, 2005 Author Share Posted August 7, 2005 ill be 25 next month and he'll be 23 in october... and another thing, he is blackamiling me with pics he took of me. saying that if he EVER hears that i put him down, he'll put them all over our city to make me humiliated adn so ill have to move away...he SAID he deleted them, but he said he deleted them a few months back wehn we were broken up for a week and magically they were still on his computer he said he is blackmailing me bc i blackmailed him last year(his ex charged him with assault*she said he pushed her and hit her* and he kept dumping me, ignoring me, throwing me away, so i got livid and said that he'll be f*^$#@ in couirt if she gets me on that stand bc earlier that year i slapped him in the face and he threw me into a door adn bruised my arm)...so im kidna at a loss right now. my dad is a retired cop for our city and i WOULD tell him but i dont wanna hrut my dad or my mom. Plus soem of my friends are telling me to just let it go and ignore him. see, i kno i shouldnt have said that and i kno i shouldnt have been a b*tch to him but when a person hears they should count their lucky stars that THEY chose you, and that ALL these girls want ur man, and hes the only one thatll put up with ur insane and unstable ways...u turn into a bitch... AND whenever i cried, or was upset over something to do with our relationship, hed tell me to shut up, call me annoying, stupid, crazy, tell me to get out, "don't start lindsay"... i took his cell once for like 10 mins after he kicked me out after him making me cry cuz i KNEW he was hiding somethng, and he was...and eh aclls me psycho for that. adn tells all his friends that im insane. i rear ended him once BY MISTAKE bc he was avoding me and ignoring me...as if im gonna mess my car up over HIM! and eh tells everyone i did it on purpose. i told him i wouldnt have been paranoid if i wasnt constantly reminded that EVERY girl wants him and find out that he's talking to this girl behidn my back and then defending his actions....i dunno... Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 ok this sounds scarier to me each time you post. Really....do you see that he has verbally, emotionally, and physically abused you. I have also been thru all three types(just not with the same guy). I know you think "No.....he is not abusing me" He is. He degrades you, hits you, insults you and puts you down. I would not have any contact with him ANYMORE. it is going to be tough for you to get over this, but NC is the only way to do it. There is nothing good to even go back to. He is a cocky a**. When was the last you talked to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AleroGurl Posted August 7, 2005 Author Share Posted August 7, 2005 well he only pushed me that one time...to move me oiuta the way he SAID it was self defense LOL! im 5'4 almost 110lbs and hes like 6'3 270ish...i kno i shouldnt have slapped him and i was wrong in that way. but i dont think he should pushed me the way he did...yes i aws screaming in his face, but still... last time i spoke with him without texting(meaning on the phone)...last friday. we were texting last night about his little 'friend' that he tells me has ALWAYS been important to him. and that seh actually trusts him unlike me. and he said she knows all about his past...so whatever i mean ive put him down too...he hurts me, pushes me away, lies to me, and yea...i did put him down. ive got nothing to hide! if i called him at work more then like 3 times a day(he pumps gas btw so its no office job) hed call me annoying and tell me if i call him again, tehn i wont be seeing him for a week...anotehr few times hes threatened to call the cops on me ... one time was bc i was bawling my eyes out in his room when he wouldnt talk to me about never touching me anymore stuff like that...IMPORTANT relationship isseus that i cant keep ina dn i wanna kno whats up..but eh always told me we'll talk about them when HE'S ready. and if i kept talking about stuff...im very stubborn that way. i NEED to talk about something thats bugging me then not later on so its making me sick from stress. and he always said 'u need to drop sh*t...if u bring it up one more time...' enter the *ur not seeing me for a week* i was so scared to bring how i felt up to him at times cuz i was afraid he was going to get mad at me. and it seemed every time i did anything, he was annoyed by it and called me that, annoying, stupid, crazy, paranoid... Link to post Share on other sites
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