Snapped

[Eclipse 2017]

Hi all

 

Just feeling so alone and overwhelmed... been split from 16 year marriage now (ExH had affair and left) Four & half years now. Been doing great after initial 18 months after split. Like many splits, it was pretty crappy and a lot of realisations.

 

I've been doing a lot of self work, been pretty busy... it's been full on really since. I've not actually dated, initially I was a train wreck! and decided that jumping into another relationship was not healthy and after being with someone for that amount of time and thinking you knew them... tbh I was in no real rush anyway. I've been finding 'Me' in the mean time. New job, trying to get my own business off the ground. Moving house few times, after the loss of my home.

 

Anyway I've basically hit a huge wall! And it's really emotionally set me back and confused me! I'm moving house, due to rent increase and I'm not actually coping all that well. I feel totally isolated, tired and overwhelmed! All my family, apart from my two teenage kids are in the UK, I live in AU. Don't get me wrong I've got great friends here but I literally feel so on my own. Think it's been building for few weeks now, I'm crying every day. I know it's obviously some sorta depression. I've done few sessions of counselling and trust me a lot of self work! I know what's what...

 

I just think the world can be such an isolated lonely place at times. Everyone so busy with their lives, so self focused. It's all work, bills and no play atm and think it's finally taken it toll.

 

Just needed to air this I suppose. Used to post here ages ago, but can't remember my log in.

 

Thx Eclipse x

[trailwolf]

hang in there u will be okay , start dating and getting out more i think would really change ur outlook . u dont have to get involved with anyone , just get out an have a good time !

[Eclipse 2017]

hang in there u will be okay , start dating and getting out more i think would really change ur outlook . u dont have to get involved with anyone , just get out an have a good time !

 

I've literally not been attracted to anyone, at all! I've tried couple of date sites and find them really grim!!!

 

But you right, need to have some fun that's for sure. Money is tight so it's tough at times.

 

It'll pass

[Chilli]

Yeah , it can be for sure.

l'm sorry about where your at though and everything that's happened,

mine was exactly 4 1/2 yrs ago too and yeah we basically lost everything selling the house too and didn't have very much before that anyway and l rented too for 3yrs .

lt's all such a heart breaking thing and l'm sorry your in it.

l've been a lot better the last yr or so and was with a new gf for awhile but that hasn't worked out. l was basically still a zombie when l met her though.

 

l dunno if l'd suggest the so called dating thing though unless you want to yourself. It can be even more of a downer especially after being married and might set you back. But l guess if you got lucky then it might actually help.

l never dated as such but did meet a few people and one day stumbled over gf,

l did try to get out a bit , just very simple stuff like walking the dog or shopping just to be among some people, like my canoeing too so l tried to keep doing that.

 

getting through is a real one day a time thing, then two , then 5 then wks and mths, you will get there. Baby steps for now and spoil yourself when you can , even if it's just sleeping in. Don't ask too much of yourself until you feel like you can cope.

Everyones different and with different ways of coping and time frames and stuff. Some are back in the saddle 6mths later , amazes me, some 10yrs, some never.

 

Do what you need for yourself .

Good luck and hang in there.

[Eclipse 2017]

Thank you Chilli

 

Sorry to hear your going through the same and think a relationship needs to be avoided until your/ my headspace is right... not only for us but for others too. For me I hate date sites, just find them very superficial and painfully time consuming. I live in hope that if I get myself out there, I'll meet someone the old fashioned way and being naturally attracted to that person.

 

Each time I move my home gets smaller, I'm selling or giving away things that I love as they won't fit any more. I know it's just stuff but it makes me sad. I feel like bit by bit it's all gradually falling apart, as how I'm used to living dwindles away. My kids are great but typically selfish, moan about financially helping out more... which causes arguments and distance, again making me feel like things are falling apart. All that I had, family unit, home and stability...gone. Trying my hardest to build my own life and foundations, but seem to keep coming up against walls!?! Just starting to take its toll.

 

I function much better in a team... which no longer exists. Don't get me wrong, I'm a strong and very independent person, but when you actually start to feel really alone... that strength dwindles.

 

I'm very sociable, I exercise, work in a very public place. I attend local meditation mix group. I also do expos and meeting new people whilst trying to get my business off the ground.

 

I think it is probably time to mix things up a bit from the normal routine, just not got the energy... as I've picked myself up and put myself out there before, to end up back in the same mental space again.

 

Just taking stuff back to simple basics again, sleep, eating right choices atm

[Chilli]

That's great your around people especially if you still don't mind it.

oh l'm pretty good these days , apart from gf hassles. Whole new life really, new world. Bought my first place on my own about 8mths back too , doin it up.

lt's been weird too because like you l'm not use to being a one person decision because it's always been two, especially as big as a house all my own, new town, new start.

My daughters been fantastic, l think she even likes it being just our house and our choices in a way. Even though she's not over that much lately, her social life and all you see haha.

,

But yeah l hate effg date site stuff too, l went on one once for awhile, met people but no one special and the whole thing was pretty off.

Don't wanna down any one elses spirits though but for me yeah , same , give me the old fashion way any day , bumped into gf and l dare say l'll bump into someone else to now that we haven't worked out.

As a matter of fact l did actually, last Saturday in the store, sooo, never know. Me's got plans haha.

 

But oh yeah , know all about the losing your stuff bit by bit and the past sort of disappearing with it, hell yeah, everything that was us except for photos and a couple of tiny things l've kept , all gone these days and in a similar reasons to moving and what not , no room .

Plenty of room again now so my daughter and me will be building our own new things and collecting again from here now l guess and the same will happen for you guys try not to worry.

 

But yeah you got the right idea there if it seems to much or to only set you back then yep you bet, just do what you feel, the rest will come when your up to it.

Take care eh.

Edited June 18, 2017 by Chilli