She left with more than my heart

[Zul]

Good afternoon, everyone.

 

I previously had an account a few years ago where I was very active, but; I have not been back on because things were going so well, I felt that I didn't need to be on here anymore.

 

 

I'm posting here because the past few days it has been very difficult for me, it has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride with my emotions and I just am out of options.

 

 

I'm not going to use her real name, I'll use Emily in place of her actual name. I will refer to myself as Zul as well, since that is my username.

 

I want to say, I'll try to keep this short, sweet and to the point.

 

 

Preface - Emily and I hadn't talked in a while, we were never really close, but I always knew she had a crush on me. We had talked during the summer, while she was dating this guy in a long distance relationship and yet she was extremely flirtatious with me and we hit it off. I even bought her a bracelet on my vacation I took that year with her name on it. She was all I could think about that summer. Around August, I stopped texting her as school started back up (my first semester of college) and things just generally got busy. So in October she messaged me out of the blue, but I never messaged her back. We didn't talk again until December.

 

December, 2011 - I messaged her late one night telling her we should hangout soon, and that it would be fun to see each other. She messaged me the next day and we text nearly all day. Then that afternoon she messaged me that "I've always had a crush on you, and I'm super nervous to tell you this". I was flattered, I told her that I had liked her, too. That we should hangout and see where things go. She agreed. So a few days later, we went to a park and just talked on the swings and got to know each other and catch up. A few days after that, we made out in the parking lot of the park, and a few days after that we slept together for the first time. We both lost our V-cards to each other that night. It was special, and we were very passionate. Then two days later she said her parents didn't want us dating and we couldn't see each other anymore (she was a few years younger than I). It broke my heart, but we got past it... It wasn't really a huge deal.

 

January 2012 - October 2012 - Her ex-boyfriend, let's call him Milroy lived a few states away and was verbally abusive to her and she was verbally abusive back... It was a give and take sort of deal for their issues. Well, her parents blocked Milroy's number and one day he called her and said he missed her and that he was sorry. So for a while she was going behind my back talking to him all gooey and lovey until I found out. She promised to stop after. It was a lot of craziness during these months.

 

November 2012 - She went with her family back to her home state to visit some family members and during that time she text her Ex to see her. Without me knowing, while she was out there, they met up and made out and I don't really know if they slept together or not, I'd assume not because they wouldn't have been able to very easily and I know for a fact that making out was about as far as they could go. It would take me hours to explain how I know. But I suppose they could have slept together. Regardless, she text and called me one night while she was out there and said that she met up with him and she wanted to break up and not be together anymore. I was devastated (that's when I made my first account on here).

 

December 2012 - We were broken up, but funny enough on Christmas eve we met up and went to Church together and we wound up sleeping together that night. She was talking to her ex the entire time and was sending inappropriate photos to him multiple times through this month while talking to me like we were going to get back together - but I didn't find out about the photos until 6 months later.

 

January 2013 - May 2013 - We were dating on and off again, and she broke up with me in March because her ex threatened to kill himself because he missed her so she broke up with me and sent him naughty movies and photos to cheer him up, he was super manipulative and she always fell for it. In May 2012, we started dating again fully.

 

June 2013 - November 2013 - In June, we went to Florida together to Disney World and I found out while she was in the shower that she was texting him behind my back things like "I love you so much, Milroy", "Baby, I can't wait for this week to be over so that I can come and see you". Terrible... Terrible... Things. I lit into her like fire. She promised no more messaging him. I would secretly go through her phone and noticed he would message her, but she never replied. She went out there and that's when I found over 2,000 naughty things she had taken/videod for him while they were together and while we were together. It broke my heart again... I told her what I found and she was so embarrassed and sorry. I forgave her... Again...

 

December 2013 - July 2016 - We stayed dating through this entire time. We had a lot of arguments, if something didn't go her way, she'd get pissed. If she got upset, she'd have meltdowns. She wanted me to change myself in so many ways. Everything had to be her way. All along, I found that she messaged a few guys some weird things that seemed a little more than friendly, but she never met up with these guys because we both went everywhere together and we were never apart long enough for her to be able to meet up with them... Again I know that for a fact. She stopped talking to her ex pretty much permanently in 2014, and only sporadically after that. I'm not sure when/how often she messaged him after that but I can say it was a huge decrease. Then in 2016, she started acting different. She got really into tattoos, piercings and a different lifestyle. Made lots of friends that weren't her type and changed a lot. In July, we broke up for good. We have been broken up ever since. I wasn't terribly sad after that breakup, it only took a few weeks to really get over it. She wanted to remain "friends" but I was pissed at her all the time so I really pushed her away. We will never get back together, and I don't know how I feel. It seems easy to say that she sucks, was abusive and a liar and be over her... But She was my first love, and Girlfriend ZERO which means she has ruined girls for me for a while. I have talked to 4 girls, 1 of which I went on a few dates with. I'm just not interested. I can't take the pain anymore. I can't take the chance to be hurt. I also loved how she looked, how she felt with her body against mine, her and I were meant to be... so I thought. We shared 1 day apart on our birthdays, we loved everything alike, her and I were like PB&J except when she started to change in 2016 and back when she was talking to her ex. If it wasn't for her Ex, I feel like we would have been perfect together. Realistically he ruined her, she ruined me.

 

 

I know this was long, and it wasn't even fully exhaustive. I'm sad, I'm depressed, I'm lonely. I work full time now in a great career but I'm missing that feeling we had together. No other girls have been able to give it to me and honestly, I have no interest in ever dating again.

 

[Jagged100]

She cheated on you multiple times and you still took her back? Sorry mate but you were in love with someone who didn't love you back. Her behavior was ridiculous, you know that right? It's for three best that you broke up. Yes it absolutely sucks the first time you get your heart broken, but please take some time to better yourself, and ask why you stayed for so long in a toxic relationship. Don't date until you are ready, even if that takes 5 years.