After 12 years ?

[AnneDylan]

Hi guys so I just need you to be brutally honest here, ok?

 

We met when I was 18 he was 24, we lasted 2 and a half years and I ended the relationship. The relationship wasn't good and it wasn't bad either. When I ended it I was sure about it and I never, ever looked back. And it ended because life happened, near the end we started to fight a lot and I guess I grew apart.

 

Time passed and I saw clearly we weren't a good match, we were radically different and I even wonder how we ended up together and even though he was my 'firsts' many things, I was sure the relationship was over and we were over as a couple, as friends, acquittances even.

 

Years passed and he added me on social media. He would send a message from time to time inviting me for a cup of coffee or light dinner and I would always say no because no. No resentments no anything, just no. Until two months ago I uploaded pictures to my Facebook and he sent a message, we started chatting and he asked for a cup of coffee since we haven't seen or talk to each other for 12 years. And I said ok, I don't know why, I said yes.

 

I wasn't looking forward to it and at some point I wanted to cancel because I wasn't that interested to be honest. He came to pick me up and when I opened the door and I saw him I felt my heart skip a beat and I was like

 

Heeey, easy there.

 

He came to pick me up at 6, we ended up talking until 2 am. And just talking about life, what we been up to and we ended up talking about our relationship. He remembers a lot about it, he told me how he felt about what happened with us, he felt disappointed when it ended since he felt our relationship could have grown into something more. He told me that because he knows me and knows the kind of person I am, he wants to be a part of my life even as a friend just to see who I'm becoming because it's worth it.

 

Date ended, came home, still had this heeyeasythere feeling, decided to sleep it over and when I woke up I had clarity of mind and the feeling wasn't there anymore.

 

Relieve.

 

Two weeks passed and found myself thinking of him again, texted him, went on another date and boom! electricity! sparks! fireworks! And I'm dead scared of this feeling because it totally caught me off-guard. And as of him, I felt he wanted to talk about us but the conversation went like this:

 

Him: Are you looking for a relationship? Because I'm not

Me: Ok, no big deal I get it.

H: But tell me what you want, do you want a relationship or no?

M: Oh yeah well...

H: Well let things flow

M: Sure ok, let things flow

H: ...Are you sure?

M: Yes

H: Well you're right we both have different plans

M: Yeah we do and I don't want to interfere with yours

H: ... But I don't have any plans

M: Hey btw this movie is coming out soon, wanna go see it?

H: This movie is out in two months and I don't want to wait two months to see you again

M: We can plan something else in the meantime

H: Sure ! Let's do a,b, c, d... Btw, remember this guy you told me about? It is already over with him?

M: What? Yeah it is over. Why does it worry you?

H: Just a question. You know I dated someone else as well

M: But I'm not asking about her

 

And we haven't text each other in a week. I want to see him but these feelings make me nervous and the fact that he's telling me all of these things after 12 years confuse me. Had he been feeling like this all of this time?. And this ambiguous behaviour of his... I'm not going to get scared if he only wants sex but why is he being so cautious of?

 

Strangely, I like the idea of being with him again but I have no idea what's going on and it scares me.

[Murmillo]

Hi guys so I just need you to be brutally honest here, ok?

 

We met when I was 18 he was 24, we lasted 2 and a half years and I ended the relationship. The relationship wasn't good and it wasn't bad either. When I ended it I was sure about it and I never, ever looked back. And it ended because life happened, near the end we started to fight a lot and I guess I grew apart.

 

Time passed and I saw clearly we weren't a good match, we were radically different and I even wonder how we ended up together and even though he was my 'firsts' many things, I was sure the relationship was over and we were over as a couple, as friends, acquittances even.

 

Years passed and he added me on social media. He would send a message from time to time inviting me for a cup of coffee or light dinner and I would always say no because no. No resentments no anything, just no. Until two months ago I uploaded pictures to my Facebook and he sent a message, we started chatting and he asked for a cup of coffee since we haven't seen or talk to each other for 12 years. And I said ok, I don't know why, I said yes.

 

I wasn't looking forward to it and at some point I wanted to cancel because I wasn't that interested to be honest. He came to pick me up and when I opened the door and I saw him I felt my heart skip a beat and I was like

 

Heeey, easy there.

 

He came to pick me up at 6, we ended up talking until 2 am. And just talking about life, what we been up to and we ended up talking about our relationship. He remembers a lot about it, he told me how he felt about what happened with us, he felt disappointed when it ended since he felt our relationship could have grown into something more. He told me that because he knows me and knows the kind of person I am, he wants to be a part of my life even as a friend just to see who I'm becoming because it's worth it.

 

Date ended, came home, still had this heeyeasythere feeling, decided to sleep it over and when I woke up I had clarity of mind and the feeling wasn't there anymore.

 

Relieve.

 

Two weeks passed and found myself thinking of him again, texted him, went on another date and boom! electricity! sparks! fireworks! And I'm dead scared of this feeling because it totally caught me off-guard. And as of him, I felt he wanted to talk about us but the conversation went like this:

 

Him: Are you looking for a relationship? Because I'm not

Me: Ok, no big deal I get it.

H: But tell me what you want, do you want a relationship or no?

M: Oh yeah well...

H: Well let things flow

M: Sure ok, let things flow

H: ...Are you sure?

M: Yes

H: Well you're right we both have different plans

M: Yeah we do and I don't want to interfere with yours

H: ... But I don't have any plans

M: Hey btw this movie is coming out soon, wanna go see it?

H: This movie is out in two months and I don't want to wait two months to see you again

M: We can plan something else in the meantime

H: Sure ! Let's do a,b, c, d... Btw, remember this guy you told me about? It is already over with him?

M: What? Yeah it is over. Why does it worry you?

H: Just a question. You know I dated someone else as well

M: But I'm not asking about her

 

And we haven't text each other in a week. I want to see him but these feelings make me nervous and the fact that he's telling me all of these things after 12 years confuse me. Had he been feeling like this all of this time?. And this ambiguous behaviour of his... I'm not going to get scared if he only wants sex but why is he being so cautious of?

 

Strangely, I like the idea of being with him again but I have no idea what's going on and it scares me.

 

 

Try not to overthink and let it flow naturally. Time will tell.

[elaine567]

Seems to me he looked up some old gfs/exes looking to see if he could rekindle something and get some sex. It is not uncommon, social media makes it a lot easier.

 

He has told you he does not want a relationship and you have to believe him and I thought you were cool with that and thinking rationally until you said this...

 

"Had he been feeling like this all of this time?" and that is the hook that will most likely be your downfall here.

[kortz]

This will only end in tears...he just wants to hook up. We all have an ex or two who we will always have some attraction to even after years pass, but no desire to date seriously again. He has however made that clear to you by saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship.

[preraph]

You need to be careful. Yes, he wants to try it again because you broke up with him not the other way around. But you broke up with him for a reason. My guess is he's going to try not to make whatever missteps he made before to impress you, but of course, that won't last forever. It's too much strain.

 

It is hard to tell from his questions what he wants and i just think he is being ambiguous because he wants to say what he thinks you want to hear. And you broke up with him, so he's thinking can we be friends with benefits or is she only looking for serious or what? And no idea what he wants but he's grasping for something and since he said not serious, then we have to go with that because he verbalized it.

 

He has no plan. What on earth does that mean? Does he work? Is he living independently like an adult or just drifting?

 

He's tippytoeing around you because you already dumped him once. And my guess is you'll end up needing to dump him again because what has changed?

[Maggie4]

He seems to be playing games with you, the way he talks to you, purposely messing with your head. That's my first impression reading that conversation. But I am thinking, you were with him for 2.5 years, you would know. Is he that kind of person?

 

Keep in mind there is a difference in maturity between an 18 y.o. and a 24 y.o. but not so much between 30 and 36.