jasonj09 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I love my wife with all my heart, but I've failed in my responsibilities to her and my family. Having a good heart isn't enough to keep her, but I've failed so many times that I don't know where to begin. My heart aches and I want desperately for this feeling of hopelessness to go away. All I want is my family. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I love my wife with all my heart, but I've failed in my responsibilities to her and my family. Having a good heart isn't enough to keep her, but I've failed so many times that I don't know where to begin. My heart aches and I want desperately for this feeling of hopelessness to go away. All I want is my family. No one can give you any advice without background info. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Read this for starters http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce Never cry, beg, plead or write stupid letters pouring your heart out. If you chase it always pushed then farther away. You'll need to provide details if you want help. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 What did you do ? Maybe it's salvageable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jasonj09 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 It's what haven't done that is our biggest problem. I moved her to Norman, Oklahoma and we were in a good place. I moved to be closer to my kids, but finances soon became a problem. She was working as a nurse, and at the time I was staying home to take care of our son and her two girls. She had enrolled in school and was working, but we were forced to sell my car to pay rent. I got a job with a juvenile detention center, but having one car soon became a problem. I was forced to quit because of her schedule and then she quits school. Jobs aren't easy for me to get these days, I.allowed my fear of change and pride keep me from.getting out there and doing what I needed to do. She became pregnant, and her health forced her to not be able to work much. This is my second marriage,.and in my first one, I.always had a great job. I.worked on an air force base for years, but after my divorce, everything fell apart and I.lost my job of ten years. My wife and I are great together when money is flowing, but times got tough and I failed to take care of my responsibilities. This was the main issue, me depending on her for my well being, even though I made sure everything was done around the house,.including taking good care of her. Anger and resentment for moving her away from her family caused a lot of strain. Her oldest daughter decided to live with her dad, and ever since it's been hell. I.love her dearly and want to show her I can provide. We've had no real issues other than money. Now, she's set on divorce. She brought my son to stay last night, and stayed in the guest bedroom because she had to work. So, she isn't dead set on not being around me, just doesn't want to stay married. We are expecting a new baby in November too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jasonj09 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 Marc, I agree. I've poured my heart out in he past and it definitely had no effect. It hurts to be without her,.and I know that my words are meaningless without action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jasonj09 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 I read the article on separation and divorce, and have pretty much done everything it said not to. My first step is following the advice it gave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 A lot come here get sound advice totally ignore it and do what they've been doing and will end up with the same results. I got news man stay at home fathers tend to lose respect and end up getting dumped. Look at this from your wife's point of view. What is she getting out of this marriage? At this time do not roll over and act like a whipped puppy. Women are attracted to strength not weakness. Become what she married again. It maybe to late but you don't have many options left. Get a job and start taking care of business. You can't undo what you've done but you've gotten some good info. Apply it!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 After you married your first priority was your new wife. Society will tell you to be sensitive and understanding, etc. it's total BS. Women look for and want A MAN. You can keep the house spotless, cook the meals, etc but she didn't marry or want a wife did she? Stop looking for your vagina. I promise you don't have one. Your words at time time mean nothing. Actions will mean everything. It maybe too late it may not. Better wake up and get moving. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Under no circumstances do you leave your home. She can't legally make you. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 It's what haven't done that is our biggest problem. I moved her to Norman, Oklahoma and we were in a good place. I moved to be closer to my kids, but finances soon became a problem. She was working as a nurse, and at the time I was staying home to take care of our son and her two girls. She had enrolled in school and was working, but we were forced to sell my car to pay rent. I got a job with a juvenile detention center, but having one car soon became a problem. I was forced to quit because of her schedule and then she quits school. Jobs aren't easy for me to get these days, I.allowed my fear of change and pride keep me from.getting out there and doing what I needed to do. She became pregnant, and her health forced her to not be able to work much. This is my second marriage,.and in my first one, I.always had a great job. I.worked on an air force base for years, but after my divorce, everything fell apart and I.lost my job of ten years. My wife and I are great together when money is flowing, but times got tough and I failed to take care of my responsibilities. This was the main issue, me depending on her for my well being, even though I made sure everything was done around the house,.including taking good care of her. Anger and resentment for moving her away from her family caused a lot of strain. Her oldest daughter decided to live with her dad, and ever since it's been hell. I.love her dearly and want to show her I can provide. We've had no real issues other than money. Now, she's set on divorce. She brought my son to stay last night, and stayed in the guest bedroom because she had to work. So, she isn't dead set on not being around me, just doesn't want to stay married. We are expecting a new baby in November too. What is it, do you feel, that makes you unable to keep a good and steady job? Is there substance abuse involved? Or depression/mental illness? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 A lot come here get sound advice totally ignore it and do what they've been doing and will end up with the same results. I got news man stay at home fathers tend to lose respect and end up getting dumped. Same thing happens to stay-at-home mothers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Why do you want to save a marriage where your significance is based on cash flow. If she wants a divorce give it to her. and btw: never ever sell the one thing that brings you money.. Your car. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I agree with Marc. What she is rejecting is your perceived weakness. Women want men who are strong, who can provide, who can protect them. That does not typically come in the form of taking care of the kids, the meals, the household. Yes, we do appreciate help in this area, but if we don't see an identity in our men that comes from achievements in their domain, we can lose respect. I know that there are some arrangements that work for people where the husbands stay home and the women go to work. But I would say it's unusual. In your words I see a lot of, "I lost" and "I couldn't" and "I used to". You seem very broken. From her perspective, you moved her to another city/state and then one by one, all the things that make a woman feel safe, fell away. As Marc said, you cannot chase her and beg her to stay. That is more evidence of weakness and neediness in her mind. Your best bet is to work on yourself. Go find that job. Get to work. Get to feeling good about yourself again. Become a provider again. Take care of your mental and physical health. Think about who you were when she was attracted to you in the early days. Work on that man and do NOT CHASE. It may well pull her back in, but ONLY as she sees that you do not need her. Wanting her, desiring her, from a place of strength...that is fine. Needing her is not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jasonj09 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I provided for the first three years we were married, holding two jobs and doing the chores around the house. I am definitely not weak, and the problems begun in the last year. I'm working now, and will never give that part of myself up again, the independence. It's not too late to save my marriage. I know that I will. I had a weak moment yesterday and posted on here. Everything can't be known from a single conversation. I have never been without a job or vehicle, and have both again now. My wife is actually asleep for the second night here at my house. She's in separate room, but here as is my son. But, to see a man as weak for staying home with the kids and taking care of the daily responsibilities is ignorant. I'll take care of my wife and children, and get my family back. No substance abuse or mental instability either. Her daughter leaving made it difficult for her to stay, and honestly, I understand how a mother longs to be near her children. The vagina comment was good. I'm definitely not one, and I'm doing what I need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jasonj09 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I provided for the first three years we were married, holding two jobs and doing the chores around the house. I am definitely not weak, and the problems begun in the last year. I'm working now, and will never give that part of myself up again, the independence. It's not too late to save my marriage. I know that I will. I had a weak moment yesterday and posted on here. Everything can't be known from a single conversation. I have never been without a job or vehicle, and have both again now. My wife is actually asleep for the second night here at my house. She's in separate room, but here as is my son. But, to see a man as weak for staying home with the kids and taking care of the daily responsibilities is ignorant. I'll take care of my wife and children, and get my family back. No substance abuse or mental instability either. Her daughter leaving made it difficult for her to stay, and honestly, I understand how a mother longs to be near her children. The vagina comment was good. I'm definitely not one, and I'm doing what I can by my actions to save my marriage. The post above was for a span of six months,.which also resulted because I broke my ankle and couldn't work. I had a moment of pity yesterday,.and the few comments on here helped. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jasonj09 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 We've been married for three years and about 8 months. The problem has been corrected on my end, just have to take care of business and quit bitching about what I don't have, and be grateful for the things that I do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 It doesn't matter what all women think (there is nothing that all women think the same about) or even what most women think - what matters is what YOUR WIFE thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Same thing happens to stay-at-home mothers. And much more often sadly. Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 maybe just give her space to let her know where she really is at. pushing her wont work Link to post Share on other sites
aurelius99 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 You say your heart isn't enough fulfill your wife's needs. I'll ask you what does SHE bring to the table? Link to post Share on other sites
froggymom Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 A strong man is not one that just goes to work and provides financial support. A strong man is one who can enter into a partnership and take on many roles of support and stability.Staying home and taking good care of the children when necessary is a wonderful thing. Only a strong man ( emotionally) could do it and allow his wife to work for the financial support. A partnership is give and take and each person should be able to shift roles depending on the circumstances. One big key of a good relationship is communication, honest but loving communication. Sit down and talk to her. I will be praying for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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