Did I Cheat? I Think I Did

[Joga_31]

If you tell your boyfriend, the next thing you need to do is stop listening to the idiot that you are calling your girlfriend. My guess is your friends were probably all egging you on in your flirting.

 

If by some chance your. Boyfriend does not dump you, the next dumb decision you can make is to go out clubbing again with Therese same girlfriends. That will make him feel great

 

I totally agree

[guiltyandashamed]

I told him.... We were in bed a day he was telling me how much he loved me... He surprised me telling me he is taking me to Bali... I couldn't take it..I didnt give details, I did the make excuses... I told him. He was devastated.. I have never seen him cry before..

 

He kicked me out.. Im staying with my mom, I don't know what to do. He finally answered my texts and he simply replied calling me a slut and whore and that he'd contact me once he's ready. I feel so awful for all that I've done to him... I want him back desperately... What can I do to get him back? Or maybe I am just a slut and whore like he said and I dont deserve a man like him.

[Space Ritual]

I told him.... We were in bed a day he was telling me how much he loved me... He surprised me telling me he is taking me to Bali... I couldn't take it..I didnt give details, I did the make excuses... I told him. He was devastated.. I have never seen him cry before..

 

He kicked me out.. Im staying with my mom, I don't know what to do. He finally answered my texts and he simply replied calling me a slut and whore and that he'd contact me once he's ready. I feel so awful for all that I've done to him... I want him back desperately... What can I do to get him back? Or maybe I am just a slut and whore like he said and I dont deserve a man like him.

 

You have gotten a lot of heat from us, but now is not the time to flame you. Many people would rather go to their grave knowing what they did, but you didn't. And that actually is a good thing.

 

 

 

Well, I know it was hard for you to tell him, but really you totally did the right thing. Although it does not feel like it now it was better coming from you than eventually someone else.

 

BUT......

 

Please understand that the whole situation occurred because you made this all about you. And even in this post you're asking how you get him back, etc. That ship sailed, for now.

 

The fact is that the current relationship you had is DEAD.

 

You do have a chance to build an even better relationship with him or someone else in the future if you continue the journey of working on yourself and being able to identify and correct your character defects. It own't be easy, and you may never get him back, but the goal is that you really need to do this part for yourself. If you attempt it for someone else you will fail. Just like my drug addiction and alcoholism, I had to stop doing both for myself and no one else. every time I tried to quit "for someone else" I ended up in even a worse situation. I finally pulled my head out of my ass 23 years ago now, and I've been clean and sober ever since.

 

The best advice I can give you right now is to not contact him. You simply have to let go of the outcome. It will only delay his healing process if you insert yourself back into a conversation with him uninvited. If and when he wants to talk to you, graciously accept the invitation but don't go seeking it.

 

This is the fallout from infidelity. Sad as it is, it is not how it is portrayed in the movies where the credits roll and things are right with the world and all is forgiven in 2 hours.

 

The only thing you can do in the interim is to work on yourself, perhaps seek some counseling with a Psych that has experience in infidelity and or addiction issues. I say that because by your own admission you like the attention your looks get and that seems like it is the only definition of happiness you have. And that in and of itself is an addiction to attention.

 

You have the potential to come out of this a better person than you ever realized. But you have to do the hard work and look in the mirror in order to begin to face those demons.

 

You can become a safe person to be around, and you know that yourself. Concentrate on that for awhile and do the work and your self worth will rise exponentially. Now hat you have seen what infidelity can do, I hope you never want to put yourself in such a position again.

 

Good Luck

Edited July 9, 2017 by Space Ritual

[usa1ah]

I told him.... We were in bed a day he was telling me how much he loved me... He surprised me telling me he is taking me to Bali... I couldn't take it..I didnt give details, I did the make excuses... I told him. He was devastated.. I have never seen him cry before..

 

He kicked me out.. Im staying with my mom, I don't know what to do. He finally answered my texts and he simply replied calling me a slut and whore and that he'd contact me once he's ready. I feel so awful for all that I've done to him... I want him back desperately... What can I do to get him back? Or maybe I am just a slut and whore like he said and I dont deserve a man like him.

 

 

Now it's time to heal for the both of you. You put yourself in situation that hurt you. Try and avoid in the future.

 

With your BF, give him time. His anger has to cool off before you two can do any healing as a couple if he is willing to R. Stay true and stay out of any situation that might look bad on you in his eyes if you want to fix thing with him.

 

Heal yourself during this time and wait for him to make his decision. You have a good heart, a lot of women would have never felt any guilt for what you did. You telling what happened shows you are a beautiful person inside and out that made a mistake.

 

Wish you the best GA.

[Bastile]

I told him.... We were in bed a day he was telling me how much he loved me... He surprised me telling me he is taking me to Bali... I couldn't take it..I didnt give details, I did the make excuses... I told him. He was devastated.. I have never seen him cry before..

 

He kicked me out.. Im staying with my mom, I don't know what to do. He finally answered my texts and he simply replied calling me a slut and whore and that he'd contact me once he's ready. I feel so awful for all that I've done to him... I want him back desperately... What can I do to get him back? Or maybe I am just a slut and whore like he said and I dont deserve a man like him.

 

Here's a better way to look at it: would you stay with someone like you?

 

Actually think about that. Think about the poor boundaries, the constant need for male attention, the cheating, the constant attempts at distancing yourself from accountability, etc.

 

Would you give you another chance? If so, why?

[tough love]

I told him.... We were in bed a day he was telling me how much he loved me... He surprised me telling me he is taking me to Bali... I couldn't take it..I didnt give details, I did the make excuses... I told him. He was devastated.. I have never seen him cry before..

 

He kicked me out.. Im staying with my mom, I don't know what to do. He finally answered my texts and he simply replied calling me a slut and whore and that he'd contact me once he's ready. I feel so awful for all that I've done to him... I want him back desperately... What can I do to get him back? Or maybe I am just a slut and whore like he said and I dont deserve a man like him.

 

You did the right thing and I respect you for that. You owed it to him. Good luck to you going forward.

[Bastile]

Here's a better way to look at it: would you stay with someone like you?

 

Actually think about that. Think about the poor boundaries, the constant need for male attention, the cheating, the constant attempts at distancing yourself from accountability, etc.

 

Would you give you another chance? If so, why?

 

That probably came across as negative, but I'm putting you in his position.

 

The point is that you need to do serious work on yourself. Because right now there are enough red-flags to entertain every bull in Spain. And no real attempt to change anything.

 

If you want to carry on like that, you should stick to casual relationships, imo.

[Superchicken]

The fact you told him, is the best path to regaining some trust back in the future.

Don't expect anything but name calling, and put downs for a while yet.

You have a much better chance to get back together, and reconcile, then if he had found out himself.

The fact he's around calling you names, means he hasn't totally thrown you away.

 

 

Give it time, and do what ever he needs from you.

Especially details, as hiding that, will be worse than telling him.

 

 

You still have a shot at making something for the two of you.

 

 

I wont say what you are, as you summarized it yourself quite well.

The stigma, will wear away over time, if it's the first and last time it happens.

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[Chi townD]

I told him.... We were in bed a day he was telling me how much he loved me... He surprised me telling me he is taking me to Bali... I couldn't take it..I didnt give details, I did the make excuses... I told him. He was devastated.. I have never seen him cry before..

 

He kicked me out.. Im staying with my mom, I don't know what to do. He finally answered my texts and he simply replied calling me a slut and whore and that he'd contact me once he's ready. I feel so awful for all that I've done to him... I want him back desperately... What can I do to get him back? Or maybe I am just a slut and whore like he said and I dont deserve a man like him.

 

Give him the time and space that he's asking for. One thing you have to remember, you were in the driver seat when you decided to cheat on him. Now, he's in the drivers seat as to where this relationship goes. You have no control over that. But, you may have to start look towards a life without him. But, one thing I do know for certain, if he would have found out from anyone else but you? I guarantee you would have virtually no shot at getting him back.

[Imajerk17]

I told him.... We were in bed a day he was telling me how much he loved me... He surprised me telling me he is taking me to Bali... I couldn't take it..I didnt give details, I did the make excuses... I told him. He was devastated.. I have never seen him cry before..

 

He kicked me out.. Im staying with my mom, I don't know what to do. He finally answered my texts and he simply replied calling me a slut and whore and that he'd contact me once he's ready. I feel so awful for all that I've done to him... I want him back desperately... What can I do to get him back? Or maybe I am just a slut and whore like he said and I dont deserve a man like him.

 

I salute you for doing the right thing and telling him OP.

 

I think in the meanwhile what you need to work on going forward is your boundaries. You shouldn't be so susceptible to another guy's flattery in the first place, and even if you are flattered you shouldn't be letting yourself into compromising situations, and even if you find yourself flattered and in a compromising situation that you should have never been in, you need to learn to say no!

 

This guy may be gone from your life forever, and I wouldn't blame him. You were the one who made the decisions to end your relationship by accepting the other guy's advances step-by-step. I do hope that next time another guy tries to charm you, that you remember the way you are feeling right now and put a stop to that.

Edited July 10, 2017 by Imajerk17

[guiltyandashamed]

I'm really sad and lonely. He won't talk to me.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm really sad and lonely. He won't talk to me.

 

Imagine how he feels.

[SoulStorm]

I'm really sad and lonely. He won't talk to me.

 

Give him space to figure out what he wants to do. Text him three times a day, morning noon and evening just saying you are available to talk when he is ready.

 

When you say you are sorry, specify what you are sorry for.

 

You probably wouldn't want to talk right now either if you were him.

[Superchicken]

Text maybe Once a day. Three may be a little too much in this situation.

 

 

Morning is best, as it allows him to dwell on it ALL day.

 

 

Yes, loneliness is an empty feeling, and depressing to a point of not caring for ones own health.

So please make sure yours is maintained.

 

 

Add on :

 

 

One more thing.

Don't go out with your GF's to bars or what ever.

It would be a bad sign to him, that your going out during this period.

I cant tell you what to do, but, maybe stay away from these sort of events for a while.

Visiting friends, and movies with your GF's, i suppose is ok.

What you do now may be the deciding factor for him to allow some form of re contact with you.

 

 

You owe him at least that much.

Remember, he would be in a worse position than you are now, as he has only unpleasant memories to deal with now.

 

 

Ted.

 

Ted.

Edited July 17, 2017 by Superchicken

[doyathinkso]

By the way, did anyone mention that you need new GF's??

 

They watched as you threw your decency away.

 

They egged you on.

 

They most definitely did NOT have your back.

 

Not one of them.

[GoldenR]

You're very young. You're not married. You have no kids. This one is an easy one to move on from.

 

Work on your boundaries. Don't flirt with other men once you're in a new relationship.

 

And your were not raped or sexually assaulted. Not owning what you did will only hurt your healing.

[tough love]

I'm really sad and lonely. He won't talk to me.

 

You should seriously consider counseling to help with how you are feeling now and work on your boundaries. You are responsible for making sure you seek out the professional help you need. The last thing you want to do when talking with your ex is make it about you. Good luck

[2much4]

Maybe it's a bit late to adress that, but there's something from this post that struck me as pretty strange.

 

The way you describe your encounter with this guy : no kissing involved, you just gave him a blowjob.... Maybe you're really into that, but assuming you're not, why did you do that? Is this something you do regularly when single? Is this something considered normal in your friend circle?

 

Leaving aside the cheating part, you should probably re-think the way you think about sex. Maybe this will help you set better boundaries in the future.

[guiltyandashamed]

Maybe it's a bit late to adress that, but there's something from this post that struck me as pretty strange.

 

The way you describe your encounter with this guy : no kissing involved, you just gave him a blowjob.... Maybe you're really into that, but assuming you're not, why did you do that? Is this something you do regularly when single? Is this something considered normal in your friend circle?

 

Like I said.. I didn't want to do it. He took out his penis put my hand on it and demanded that I give him a BJ. It happed so fast, he was aggressive. It was my fault, I made him hard so I did what I had to do. But I absolutely didn't want to do it. I had to.

 

I wouldn't say that this is something that happens regularly when I'm single... But if I were single, and if that's something a man wanted from me, yes I would do it.

[KBob]

I had to.

 

No, you didn't.

Edited July 23, 2017 by KBob
Screwed up the quote.

[smackie9]

Like I said.. I didn't want to do it. He took out his penis put my hand on it and demanded that I give him a BJ. It happed so fast, he was aggressive. It was my fault, I made him hard so I did what I had to do. But I absolutely didn't want to do it. I had to.

 

I wouldn't say that this is something that happens regularly when I'm single... But if I were single, and if that's something a man wanted from me, yes I would do it.

 

 

You need help....there is no such thing as "you have to do it".

 

Aggressive? First thing they teach you in self defense....hit him in the nuts.

[2much4]

Like I said.. I didn't want to do it. He took out his penis put my hand on it and demanded that I give him a BJ. It happed so fast, he was aggressive. It was my fault, I made him hard so I did what I had to do. But I absolutely didn't want to do it. I had to.

 

I wouldn't say that this is something that happens regularly when I'm single... But if I were single, and if that's something a man wanted from me, yes I would do it.

 

This sounds like you think you owe a guy sex if you make him hard. The only reason you mention for not wanting to sleep with him is having a boyfriend...

 

I know I started making better choices the day I started saying no to sex because I didn't want to. No other reason needed. If you actually wanted to sleep with the guy but tried to say no because you had a boyfriend thats an entirely different story.

 

You can't change what happened, so start thinking about how you can improve for next time.

[BaileyB]

We sat on the bed and he started saying that we should have sex. I told him no and that he needs to leave the room. He said fine but the least I could do was get him off because I led him on and flirted with him all day and now i had him turned on. Before I could say anything his penis was out and he put my hand on it. He said I owed him this much. I dunno, maybe it was too much sun and alchohol but at the time what he said made sense and I felt bad for leading him on... so I did what he said... I have him oral sex.

 

It was a blur and happened so fast. When he as done .. I started crying. He said it was ok because I didn't really cheat because it wasn't real sex, we didn't kiss, and I was naked(my bikini was on but he was touching me under it) He said bye and left.

 

You didn't cheat, you were sexually assaulted. You NEVER have to do anything that you do not want to do. Educate yourself and get some counselling.

[whatnot]

From the 1st four pages of this thread....calling this a sexual assault is doing those who are truly sexually assaulted a disservice. It's this sort of behavior people believe happened when a woman is raped....

 

...it's no wonder rape victims do not get more credibility.

 

 

 

...the op's story develops over the course of the thread....after seeing what's called for.....depending on the reactions from the each reader....

 

 

You are not a bad person. You'll end up with one if you don't stop doing what you are enjoying doing

[whatnot]

If you can't find a more positive pastime.....in 2 years....you'll be back in here with you're own... "he done me wrong"... thread....