I pushed her to her breaking point and she cheated on me

[Marc878]

My friend. This should not be s surprise or shock to you by now.

 

Do you really think she’s going to have an epiphany and magically turn into the woman you want her to be?

 

Cmon man.

 

Have you filed yet?

 

If you can’t apply the 180 now you never will

[Cephalopod]

Forward the letter to her parents and siblings. Let them read for themselves what a winner she is.

[aliveagain]

Forward the letter to your lawyer and get the trash out of your house. Give her what she wants, her freedom to go be with her boyfriend. Have you exposed everything to the other betrayed spouse yet? If you haven't do it immediately. Doing nothing gets you nothing but the same.

[deadsoul]

The limerence is strong with that one....

 

Of course you can't compete with that. She will go be with him and discover that it isn't all sunshine and rainbows on the other side... you have to find your own happiness. Sorry to say I don't think that includes her. Seriously? She saw a rainbow after making love with him and leaving the house and that's a sign? If she sees one after taking a dump, what is that a sign of?

 

Focus on you and your kids.

[merrmeade]

My wife wrote the OM a letter. I am absolutely, positively, without a doubt, PLAN B. I have included some choice excerpts below. I wish I could say I am surprised by what she said to him, but instead it just makes me feel like a worthless piece of garbage. It makes me realize just how little I have meant to her all these years and that hurts even more than her lying and betrayal.

 

People have told me I need to let go and let God show me the way. But God hasn't given me the answers. I still have to make choices. Sometimes I think he shows me signs, like the time when I left your place after making love, and saw that beautiful rainbow.

 

I made the choice to follow my heart when we started seeing each other. My brain kept saying "What the hell are you doing???" But my heart took over. It didn't say anything, it just felt. It overwhelmed me. You and your love for me entered my heart, my soul, and my body. I don't have any regrets about you.

 

My love for you is so ****ing intense!!! I hate to use that word but can't define it with another! Of all the years I've been with FTL I've loved him with my heart but I love you in the deepest depths of my soul!!! The passion is beyond reality! When we make love I feel we are truly one soul! I've never felt that way about anyone ever!!!!

Ewww. FTL, what week is this post d-day? You've been here since JULY and you're sharing with us a letter from your wife to OM like THIS??

 

I feel sure there were pages of this thread devoted to the No-Contact letter. THAT is the only letter she should have written to the OM - like 4 months ago - and you should have mailed it. What the hell, FTL? I'm really disappointed that you're STILL putting up with this bullshyte from her. She's still in a quandary about whether to "let go" for pete's sake? And you're standing by, what, observing??? You actually read that "we are truly one soul" line and are still asking questions??

 

Honey, I'm in a quandary, too. Completely stumped about what to say or how to help you. I thought I was slow, but you are not even moving. This is beyond the pale and just not okay for you and your personal value, sense of self, manhood, self-respect and general happiness.

 

Maybe you're not asking the right questions because I don't think we're getting through at all. Someone needs to convince you that you are worth much more and deserve to start over. You are losing more and more of yourself every day by tolerating her callous disregard and abusive treatment.

 

It starts there - by picking yourself up, looking at the facts, and ACTING on YOUR behalf with conviction and purpose. If you can't do it yourself (and no one is blaming you), get some professional help because you needed out of there a couple of months ago. You need a PLAN.

[usa1ah]

I would forward the letter to her asking if she wrote it. Say it was sent to you with no return address.

 

Or hand it to her saying it was sent to you at your office.

Edited October 24, 2017 by usa1ah

[merrmeade]

Do you have anyone you're talking to in real time about this?

 

You know what I think you should do? Write a speech in which you tell her everything she's done to you and that it's over. Memorize it and practice with someone that can play the role effectively. Make that person act like your gaslighting wife, trying to interrupt, put you down, retort, mutter wisecracks or whatever else she does. It'll help you get fired up just to list all her abusive behaviors.

 

This will not have any reference to who did what over the years so start out with that caveat. This will not be a heart to heart or give and take. This will be a declaration of the bottom line because

(1) nothing else matters or counts in the face of infidelity, nothing excuses it, nothing else has any relevance and

(2) she has abused you deplorably, unpardonably. Then, you list the ways.

 

I understand your diffidence in standing up to her, not knowing what to say. I was gaslighted for years and dared not tell anyone that maybe my husband was less than perfect. So with your history of vulnerability to your wife, I think the only way is steel your mind and close your senses. You cannot listen to her or look at her, or you'll lose your nerve. She may be trying all her ploys, but you will be completely impervious, blind and deaf to those ways of shutting you down. Just throw heart and soul into - letting her have it. Oh, and don't swear or use obscenities. It will be much more powerful. The facts are quite sufficient.

 

Only thing is if she walks out, have a line ready, like, "My lawyer will be in touch. We're done here." But otherwise, you don't acknowledge anything she says or does.

 

Just remember: It's essential that you role play with someone several times. If you write and memorize it ahead of time, then try to simulate the circumstances and practice, I think you can do it.

 

Then, you move 100% in the direction of ending this nightmare and beginning

your hopeful new life as quickly as your lawyer can make it happen.

 

You're doing this, by the way, to capture some shred of personal dignity and closure for yourself.

 

Otherwise, your lawyer could handle everything and you could already be moving on with your children and your new life, but I think you'll stay in inertia if you don't do something like this.

 

That's my script for you.

 

I'm just dreaming, right?

[Just a Guy]

Hi FTL, why are you fixated on your stbx wife? Your house is about to be sold and you will be moving somewhere else so why worry about what she is doing or not doing? Why and how did you get hold of that letter from her to the OM? Why did she ever write it ? She could have told him all that in person as, after all, she is sleeping with him. Why are you not detaching from her?

 

I think some people like to inflict pain on themselves and FTL, you are one of them. No amount of advice given to you here seems to make a difference. It all seems to fall on deaf ears. Well if that be the case then go ahead enjoy your masochist pleasures as it seems that is important to you. Best wishes.

[FloatingThroughLife]

It's been a bad week. Please cut me some slack. Yes, my wife is a monster. Yes, I need to stop caring about what she says and does. Yes, I need to detach from her and live my life. I know all these things.

 

I'm sorry but reading her say to OM "Of all the years I've been with FTL I've loved him with my heart but I love you in the deepest depths of my soul!!!" hurts. I don't care who you are, you can't tell me not to hurt when I read that. You can argue that I shouldn't have read it in the first place. I know I shouldn't have. But I did.

 

A realtor came to our home this weekend to take pictures. The entire house is spotless and I have already removed everything I own from the home. There are no family pictures up on the walls anymore and nothing personal to be found. This is the house where our kids grew up, and we have to leave it soon. It's no longer our home, it's just a house now. Can I look at it as a new beginning? Sure, but it still hurts to see the last 22 years of our lives coming to an end.

 

I appreciate all of your advice. I really do. Some of you gave up on me long ago. Those who keep reading and stay to help, thank you. I've been using this thread more or less as an open journal to share my feelings and state of affairs (literally!) with all of you, but maybe I shouldn't do that anymore. Maybe you only want status updates from me that are matter-of-fact and don't show any emotion. I don't know.

[Cullenbohannon]

The letter means nothing.

 

She is monkeybranching. The writing is on the wall. The house is being sold. Her previous "doormat" husband said enough and is gone.

 

She will say whatever she has to say to hold on to something, anything to justify why she did this. The chances of the OM hanging around after she is 100% free is nil. She cheated on her husband and this will enter his thought process when she is with him 24/7 and when she starts wanting to "talk" to you about things.

 

You have lost nothing. She has lost everything. And she will soon find that out....the hard way.

 

Soldier on. Do it your way, but get it done.

[usa1ah]

It's been a bad week. Please cut me some slack. Yes, my wife is a monster. Yes, I need to stop caring about what she says and does. Yes, I need to detach from her and live my life. I know all these things.

 

I'm sorry but reading her say to OM "Of all the years I've been with FTL I've loved him with my heart but I love you in the deepest depths of my soul!!!" hurts. I don't care who you are, you can't tell me not to hurt when I read that. You can argue that I shouldn't have read it in the first place. I know I shouldn't have. But I did.

 

A realtor came to our home this weekend to take pictures. The entire house is spotless and I have already removed everything I own from the home. There are no family pictures up on the walls anymore and nothing personal to be found. This is the house where our kids grew up, and we have to leave it soon. It's no longer our home, it's just a house now. Can I look at it as a new beginning? Sure, but it still hurts to see the last 22 years of our lives coming to an end.

 

I appreciate all of your advice. I really do. Some of you gave up on me long ago. Those who keep reading and stay to help, thank you. I've been using this thread more or less as an open journal to share my feelings and state of affairs (literally!) with all of you, but maybe I shouldn't do that anymore. Maybe you only want status updates from me that are matter-of-fact and don't show any emotion. I don't know.

 

Everything you have said is true.

 

I can’t imagine how this has hurt you. But right now you have to be strong and clear headed for your kids.

[Clay]

I think your struggling on letting go. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you keep it internal and on these sites. You don't want to show that to her. One way a person can see this is your still following her and keeping tabs on her. You still have access to all her accounts. In order to really let go you have to stop watching her. Stop engaging her on anything relationship related. There is nothing wrong with defending yourself if she pulls the "Why wont you give us another chance speech?" This would be a great opportunity to lay it all out for her. You could show her the letter. You could show her you know where she is going. You could take the 15 minutes and lay it all out for her that you know she is still a lying cheating xxxxx.

 

To some degree this might actually help you feel better. It might not. Everyone handles this different. I showed my xW once. That was it for me that last time. After that I shut down. I didn't show her nothing. Anytime she opened her mouth I just told her I didn't believe anything she had to say and she will always be the person I know she is now. Amazingly enough it helped me sever ties to shut down. It helped me to deal with raising my four kids on my own. She never lifted a finger other than sending 50 a month for support.

 

You are going to have to find your own balance of what works for you. The first thing I think you need to is to separate yourself from her as much as you can. Like really where are you at on your divorce? If its not filed then move forward with a separation agreement. At least get that in place so you can leave the house for now. I hate to say this but sell that house as fast as you can. Everyday she is still in it give her a chance to suck more life out of you.

 

Split your accounts. Don't give her anything but the bare minimum to live on money wise. Go to the store and buy the food yourself if you need to. Don't allow her to have access to anything she doesn't need as your stbxw.

 

This is not easy for any of us. It just seems that way since we are all out of infidelity now. You need to take a deep breath and understand we are here for you. So if you need a break then take it. We will still be here.

 

 

C

[usa1ah]

It's been a bad week. Please cut me some slack. Yes, my wife is a monster. Yes, I need to stop caring about what she says and does. Yes, I need to detach from her and live my life. I know all these things.

 

I'm sorry but reading her say to OM "Of all the years I've been with FTL I've loved him with my heart but I love you in the deepest depths of my soul!!!" hurts. I don't care who you are, you can't tell me not to hurt when I read that. You can argue that I shouldn't have read it in the first place. I know I shouldn't have. But I did.

 

A realtor came to our home this weekend to take pictures. The entire house is spotless and I have already removed everything I own from the home. There are no family pictures up on the walls anymore and nothing personal to be found. This is the house where our kids grew up, and we have to leave it soon. It's no longer our home, it's just a house now. Can I look at it as a new beginning? Sure, but it still hurts to see the last 22 years of our lives coming to an end.

 

I appreciate all of your advice. I really do. Some of you gave up on me long ago. Those who keep reading and stay to help, thank you. I've been using this thread more or less as an open journal to share my feelings and state of affairs (literally!) with all of you, but maybe I shouldn't do that anymore. Maybe you only want status updates from me that are matter-of-fact and don't show any emotion. I don't know.

 

This is a place for you to share whatever you need to. Keep doing what you have been. The only thing is you have to start taking care of things at the same time. That is what a man does, he puts his hurts a cares aside to do what has to be done for his family. In your case, your kids. There will be time to greave over your lost marriage later. Now is the time for action before she buries you in court.

[DKT3]

It's been a bad week. Please cut me some slack. Yes, my wife is a monster. Yes, I need to stop caring about what she says and does. Yes, I need to detach from her and live my life. I know all these things.

 

I'm sorry but reading her say to OM "Of all the years I've been with FTL I've loved him with my heart but I love you in the deepest depths of my soul!!!" hurts. I don't care who you are, you can't tell me not to hurt when I read that. You can argue that I shouldn't have read it in the first place. I know I shouldn't have. But I did.

 

A realtor came to our home this weekend to take pictures. The entire house is spotless and I have already removed everything I own from the home. There are no family pictures up on the walls anymore and nothing personal to be found. This is the house where our kids grew up, and we have to leave it soon. It's no longer our home, it's just a house now. Can I look at it as a new beginning? Sure, but it still hurts to see the last 22 years of our lives coming to an end.

 

I appreciate all of your advice. I really do. Some of you gave up on me long ago. Those who keep reading and stay to help, thank you. I've been using this thread more or less as an open journal to share my feelings and state of affairs (literally!) with all of you, but maybe I shouldn't do that anymore. Maybe you only want status updates from me that are matter-of-fact and don't show any emotion. I don't know.

 

My wife told me if I had heard some of the things she said during her affair it would have broke my heart. She says most of it was like reading a script and the whole thing was like play acting.

 

I'm blow blowing smoke up your back side to make you real better, the truth is most affairs are fantasy, escapes from reality where the APs have to play thier role. Many of the former WWs can confirm that most of what they said and did wasn't really what the truly felt, and did and said things that confuses then now.

 

As far as being harsh...well those of us who have walked this path now understand that the best way is to detach, in order to do that you have to start letting go. It's won't be easy, but not doing so will only extend your agony and pain. You have to accept it for what it is and not try to reconcile what she did/is doing with who you thought she was. The she that you know doesn't live there at the moment. Protect yourself, you know all you need to know.

[BluesPower]

It's been a bad week. Please cut me some slack. Yes, my wife is a monster. Yes, I need to stop caring about what she says and does. Yes, I need to detach from her and live my life. I know all these things.

 

I'm sorry but reading her say to OM "Of all the years I've been with FTL I've loved him with my heart but I love you in the deepest depths of my soul!!!" hurts. I don't care who you are, you can't tell me not to hurt when I read that. You can argue that I shouldn't have read it in the first place. I know I shouldn't have. But I did.

 

A realtor came to our home this weekend to take pictures. The entire house is spotless and I have already removed everything I own from the home. There are no family pictures up on the walls anymore and nothing personal to be found. This is the house where our kids grew up, and we have to leave it soon. It's no longer our home, it's just a house now. Can I look at it as a new beginning? Sure, but it still hurts to see the last 22 years of our lives coming to an end.

 

I appreciate all of your advice. I really do. Some of you gave up on me long ago. Those who keep reading and stay to help, thank you. I've been using this thread more or less as an open journal to share my feelings and state of affairs (literally!) with all of you, but maybe I shouldn't do that anymore. Maybe you only want status updates from me that are matter-of-fact and don't show any emotion. I don't know.

 

You post whatever you need to FTL... And be sure that we are here for you and everything you are going through.

 

You have come a long way and I for one am proud of you. And yes you should read everything she writes and says. It will help in the long run to detach from her the way that you need too.

 

I have some questions though to clear up some details for everyone.

1) have you filed for divorce yet and if not why not?

2) What is the reason the you won't tell her that you know everything and tell her to shut the hell up.

3) What type of custody plans do you have, are you going for full custody?

 

Now, I really hope that you are listening to what I am telling you now.

 

I know that you are hurting, trust me I do. And just understand the some of the hurt you are feeling will be with you for a long time. That is just the way that it is.

 

Yes your wife is an absolute monster and I do not use that word carelessly. She really is.

 

But the thing about it is that her being a monster is beyond your control and really you can do nothing about it. I know that some of the advice you will get sounds so tired, but it really is what you have to do.

 

You look back over the last 20 years and you will feel like a fool for staying with her, and that is natural. You will wonder what you were thinking, also natural.

 

And the fact is that it hurt worse than anything you have ever felt in your life. And it is not just that she is having an affair, or how many she has had, it is the fact that she never really loved you the way that you loved her. Trust me I UNDERSTAND. The reality is that this stuff just hurts. And it is nothing that you did wrong, it really is her. It is hard to understand, and you really can't. It is something that you have to accept and move on with your life, never really understanding it.

 

Example: When I finally understood that what was actually "Wrong" with me STBXW was not that she was sick or even mentally ill. When I finally understood that she was a drug addict and that she had been lying to me for 20 years. I just really could not accept it. I literally processed it for almost 2 years. I was just a Zombie. Thinking things like, if she would have just told me what was going on with her, I would have tried to help. I would have put her in rehab, I would have done anything for her to help her get better.

 

But, she never did that, she just lied and put our family in a state of chaos all of that time. And do you know that even now, she really does not understand why everyone is pissed off at her. She does not have the emotional ability to even realize what she did to her family during all that time.

 

Now, when I also figured out that she never loved me, well that was the end of it all. I literally almost killed myself, (had a stroke) trying to care and love that woman. When I realized that she strung me along for 26 years, well, now I hate her more than any person in the entire world.

 

There is no coming back from that.

 

And for you, there is no way back to the love that you had. You think you still love her, but as you see her true colors more and more, that love will die the death that it should have years ago. Some will always survive, but it is just a memory of love...

 

FTL, through all of your pain and anguish, you have grown.

 

Keep moving forward. And post whatever you want to here. We will listen...

[Mr Blunt]

reading her say to OM "Of all the years I've been with FTL I've loved him with my heart but I love you in the deepest depths of my soul!!!" hurts.

 

 

My wife is a narcissist and I truly believe she has been emotionally abusing me our entire marriage.

 

FTL, you have stated numerous times that your wife is a narcissist. If that is the case then your wife is INCAPABLE of true love. Her history is that she cheated on her boyfriend in Arizona with you; then she cheated on you with her current OM. She blames you for her betrayal, claims she loves the OM but is still trying to keep you and claims to love you. The foundations of love include loyalty, faithfulness, self-sacrificing for the one loved and your wife has none of those.

 

 

 

Based on your posts your wife does not love you or the OM!...We empathize with your hurts but also want you to get her out of your life as soon as you can, build yourself up, and become much more self-sufficient. It all starts with you taking actions to improve yourself and your situation.

 

 

 

 

 

The narcissist never loves or falls in love (though they claim to) and doesn't really love anyone or anything

Susan J Elliott JD, M.Ed. Getting Back Out There

Is It Narcissism? Or Why Some People Can't Love

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/getting-back-out-there/201708/is-it-narcissism-or-why-some-people-cant-love

[FloatingThroughLife]

This evening, someone from my wife's work called me and said someone needed to come and pick her up. They didn't say why but stressed it was important. My father agreed to do it, but when he got there, she said she was fine and not to worry (though she was crying in her car at the time).

 

She did drive herself home early and has now locked herself in the master closet. It's a keyed lock because we keep medicine in there away from the kids so I have no way of getting in other than removing the door hinges or breaking it down.

 

The kids and I tried to get her to answer by banging on the door repeatedly, and after about 5 minutes she finally answered "Leave me alone." The kids are freaked out. I don't know if she's suicidal or not. I don't think she is, and I pray to God I'm not wrong.

 

EDIT: I said in a loud voice "The kids are worried about you. I am leaving the room but please open the door and talk to them." She let my son in and afterward I asked if she's okay and he said that she told him "You don't need to worry about me, daddy is the one that should be worried." Well I am, sooo, mission accomplished? I was seconds away from calling 911. I think she's having a nervous breakdown. I've never dealt with anything like this my entire life. What the hell is she doing?!

Edited October 25, 2017 by FloatingThroughLife

[Mr Blunt]

I said in a loud voice "The kids are worried about you. I am leaving the room but please open the door and talk to them." She let my son in and afterward I asked if she's okay and he said that she told him "You don't need to worry about me, daddy is the one that should be worried." Well I am, sooo, mission accomplished? I was seconds away from calling 911. I think she's having a nervous breakdown. I've never dealt with anything like this my entire life. What the hell is she doing?!

 

She is trying to manipulate you because she is thinking only about herself. She is starting to reap some of the consequences of her willful and continued actions. You are in a tough spot because you think she may really be in deep trouble or she may hurt herself. Hopefully some poster, that has lots of experience in this issue, will give you some more information about your tough spot. However, her threat is directed at you “daddy is the one that should be worried” and not at herself. In fact she told your son"You don't need to worry about me”

 

 

She refuses to take any responsibility for the damage to the family even after willfully taking actions, as listed below, that severely damage the marriage and family!

 

 

 

 

I've also seen the dick pics she was sent last night and how she told the OM what she would do to him and his dick in explicit detail. She's scared that her life is about to change in a big way and she's trying to claw her way back to me so she can have her cake and eat it too. I can't see it any other way.

 

 

Yesterday she was at OM's apartment for about 6 hours, and then later in the evening she sent me this text:

 

 

She said she hasn't cut contact with the OM because he's one of the only friends she has left.

 

 

She's at the OM's apartment right now and I was considering taking an 8x10 photo of us and ripping it down the middle

 

 

When I got home she wasn't here. She's at the OM's apartment.

Of all the years I've been with FTL I've loved him with my heart but I love you in the deepest depths of my soul!!! The passion is beyond reality! When we make love I feel we are truly one soul! I've never felt that way about anyone ever!!!!

 

 

[JS84]

Manipulation at it's most desperate is pretty much what you're seeing. The fact that she's pulling this crap in front of your kids however should be worrying. Make sure you're documenting all of this and updating your lawyer.

[FloatingThroughLife]

She came out of the closet (literally--I do not mean she is gay!) at about 1:40 am after which I was finally able to get a little sleep. I was in a panic when I posted last so I didn't get a chance to say why this (probably) happened.

 

My wife sent me a text yesterday saying that she wanted to go to marriage counseling. She asked me not to reply to her because she was getting ready for work and "can't handle it" if I reply. I told her that I was sorry but I had to reply. I told her that she and the OM are in love with each other and she should go be with him so she can be happy. I told her she wouldn't be happy if she stayed with me and she knows it. I asked her to let me go.

 

She didn't say anything else and then all this stuff I said in my last post went down a few hours later.

[wmacbride]

This evening, someone from my wife's work called me and said someone needed to come and pick her up. They didn't say why but stressed it was important. My father agreed to do it, but when he got there, she said she was fine and not to worry (though she was crying in her car at the time).

 

She did drive herself home early and has now locked herself in the master closet. It's a keyed lock because we keep medicine in there away from the kids so I have no way of getting in other than removing the door hinges or breaking it down.

 

The kids and I tried to get her to answer by banging on the door repeatedly, and after about 5 minutes she finally answered "Leave me alone." The kids are freaked out. I don't know if she's suicidal or not. I don't think she is, and I pray to God I'm not wrong.

 

EDIT: I said in a loud voice "The kids are worried about you. I am leaving the room but please open the door and talk to them." She let my son in and afterward I asked if she's okay and he said that she told him "You don't need to worry about me, daddy is the one that should be worried." Well I am, sooo, mission accomplished? I was seconds away from calling 911. I think she's having a nervous breakdown. I've never dealt with anything like this my entire life. What the hell is she doing?!

 

Are kidding me? She is the one who started this whole crapstorm, and she is now dragging your kids in to it?

 

Here's a few suggestions for you. I hope they help.

 

First, if she pulls this type of crap again, and you really believe that she will self harm, call 911. That may upset your kids, but it's better than having them see how she hurt herself. Worst case here is that she gets taken in for an evaluation, and they find the issue and get her help. That could be a good thing for all of you.

 

If you feel she engaging in histrionics, call her own it. Tell her it's not going to work and she needs to stop acting a like a child and smarten up.

 

Also, any time you have to be around her, record all the conversations ( check the legality of that first though), as if she feels backed into a corner, she may well lash out and become your worst enemy.

 

Another suggetsion for you is to document all of her behavior. It may come in handy to have those notes at some point.

[BluesPower]

Are kidding me? She is the one who started this whole crapstorm, and she is now dragging your kids in to it?

 

Here's a few suggestions for you. I hope they help.

 

First, if she pulls this type of crap again, and you really believe that she will self harm, call 911. That may upset your kids, but it's better than having them see how she hurt herself. Worst case here is that she gets taken in for an evaluation, and they find the issue and get her help. That could be a good thing for all of you.

 

If you feel she engaging in histrionics, call her own it. Tell her it's not going to work and she needs to stop acting a like a child and smarten up.

 

Also, any time you have to be around her, record all the conversations ( check the legality of that first though), as if she feels backed into a corner, she may well lash out and become your worst enemy.

 

Another suggetsion for you is to document all of her behavior. It may come in handy to have those notes at some point.

 

This is good advice...

 

What is happening is she is trying to manipulate you into taking her back while she is still screwing the other man.

 

I'll say this, she has balls. She is also completely bat shi* crazy.

 

Do not fall for this in any way. Further, if she pulls this crap again, call 911 and have her taken for a 3 day psychiatric evaluation.

 

And seriously, document and record every interaction that you have with her. It will absolutely make a difference in the divorce.

 

DO NOT TAKE HER BACK NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES...

[Cephalopod]

FTL I think you are doing fine. Keep going the way you are going. Don't give in to her nonsense or play her games. Everything she is doing is about control. She needs to feel like she is in control because right now her life is out of control. It has nothing to do with any kind of love for you because right now she does not love you.

 

 

Refuse marriage counseling. Tell her that ship sailed long ago and there is no reason for it now. You will be taking that otherwise wasted money and spending it on a lawyer.

 

 

And tell her the next time she pulls a stunt like she did last night you will be calling the police. She is not a child and you will not treat her like a child.

 

 

The point is FTL, you have to stop treating her or even considering her as a wife anymore. She is toxic and not in her right mind. You, as the responsible adult, have a greater responsibility to your children and yourself.

[Timshel]

Floating, the other man, he won't have her. He does not want to be with her in a 'real' relationship, full time.

 

I'm sorry, her tears and histrionics are not for you or family. They are the times that the other man tells her that he can't give her what she wants. She would be with him already if he did.

 

Agree with other's advice, stay the course and get yourself to individual counseling.

[aliveagain]

All this craziness stops when you say it does. The sooner you detach the sooner normality will return to your life. What is normal, normal is you not being in infidelity. You can not control her so your only other option is to do the things you do have control over and that is you. My ex attempted suicide in her attempt to keep me from leaving her. Being held hostage is not marriage, you stay in a marriage for the right reasons. You can't escape the pain that infidelity brings, you can only take yourself out of the situation that is causing you the pain. Being married to a cheating wife has nothing to do with being a great father.

 

Your already in the pain, your goal now is to remove yourself from the source and start the process of healing. That takes time and the only way to recover is to go through it. Regardless if you re conciliate or you divorce your going to go through pain. One way allows you to keep your dignity the other will leave you wondering if you made the right choice. No one wins, do what is best for you.