I pushed her to her breaking point and she cheated on me

[arobk]

I think you are doing good. Keep up the 180 and don't let people chase you out of here for coming here and venting.

[aliveagain]

Every day that goes by a little bit more of her will fade from your memory, she did this, stay on your path. Nothing she does now really matters, she's already destroyed enough for you to decide whats best for you. Just forward her the Eamon YouTube video called F**k It. Sends the perfect message, just my opinion.

[road]

When the next time she reaches out to him the

OP needs to tell her: why does she want him back

when she is still spending 6 hours at a time with

the OM?

 

That if she regretted her cheating ways why has she

not stop acting like a cheater?

 

Just ask these two questions and if you do not know

by now do not reveal how you know that she is still

cheating.

 

Those two questions will make her ghost on you. If

that is your goal. NC.

[Marc878]

I suspect you don't want to confront her with the truth because you have a smal sliver of hope that magic will happen and she'll have a sudden ephiany and become the woman you've always wanted.

 

Fairy tales rarely happen.

 

Cut her completely off and free yourself from this unhealthy nightmare.

[Clay]

I think your right. There really is no point in confronting her. She will just lie or give some type of excuse why she is there. You already know what you need to know in order to move on. The more you ignore her the better off you will be.

 

It would be karma to show the OM the text but in the end who cares. I have the belief if they are together then let them be together. At least at that point they are not out screwing up other innocent peoples lives.

 

You deserve better and you know it.

 

C

[afoolto no end]

when the divorce goes through and she is still whining about her choices give her a print out of the times and dates she has been with him.....

that should finally free you of her, she will have nothing left to stand on.

the proof will be in the lies.

[JS84]

I suspect you don't want to confront her with the truth because you have a smal sliver of hope that magic will happen and she'll have a sudden ephiany and become the woman you've always wanted.

 

Fairy tales rarely happen.

 

Cut her completely off and free yourself from this unhealthy nightmare.

 

Actually my take on it is it just makes it easier for him to detach and maintain a feeling of indifference knowing that for all her words, tears, and drama she's lying. And she's lying pretty much every time she communicates with him. Hard to see a fairy tale on the horizon when the princess has **** falling out of her mouth every time she opens it.

[FloatingThroughLife]

My wife woke me up in the middle of the night to say that she would be sleeping in the bed tonight because she had an injection recently for back pain. I already told her to sleep in the guest room, and she has been for the last month or two. Rather than fight her, I just stormed out of the room and went into the guest room with my pillow. She followed me and kept saying "What is your problem?" over and over. I said nothing. She then took my pillow away and kept saying "What is your problem? Answer me before I ask louder and wake the kids!" I just told her to give me my pillow and leave the room. She refused.

 

She went on and on about everything. She thinks I'm selfish, she thinks I put myself before her and the kids, she thinks I'm disrespecting her by not talking to her about anything. She wants to tell me things but she can't trust me. She asked if we are still doing a mediated divorce, and I said yes. She said I would regret divorcing her someday and I'd see how much of a mistake I made.

 

She said she still wants to work things out. I said if that's true, when was the last time you saw the OM? She said why do I care if I don't want to reconcile anyway? I said that I don't. I said he loves you and you love him, so go be with him and be happy. She said she didn't want him, she wanted me, and she wishes I could see how she's reaching out to me, and how much pain she is in, and that she is hurting as much as I am. Actually she said she's hurting MORE because she never sees me cry.

 

She thinks I should have chased after her the night I read her my letter and she left for a "hotel" (OM's apartment). She said things would be different if I had. She said she hasn't cut contact with the OM because he's one of the only friends she has left. She said it's not what I think. I told her if she was serious about reconciling, she would have cut all contact with him in June. I told her that my letter had everything in it that she needed to do to reconcile and she did NONE of it.

 

She said she's so worried about the kids being taken care of properly when they are at my house after the divorce. She said that I did all the fun stuff and she did all the discipline, and the kids will get away with everything when they are with me. She said that she's the one that has raised them all this time, not me. I said I've raised them for 14 years, HOW DARE YOU!

 

One thing that she keeps saying over and over every time we talk is that no matter what she tells me, I won't believe her anyway. I was so tempted to tell her I know everything, but I refrained. All I said was that I want a divorce, and if we didn't have kids together I'd never want to see her again for the rest of my life, but since she is the mother to my children, I have to be respectful and have her in my life.

 

I don't know how many times I can keep saying the same thing to her. This is exhausting.

[Just a Guy]

Hi FTL, Sorry to see you on the horns of a dilemma. From what you've written is seems likely that your stbx wife is on the verge of a complete meltdown. She has lost all support and except for the OM she has no one to turn to. By badgering you she is hoping to revive some sympathy within you and is counting on the fact that you were her rock for so many years, someone she could depend on even though she never did appreciate your sterling qualities all those years. She could twist you the way she wanted and now all of a sudden you have turned into a stubborn mule and are not dancing to her tune. I think this one fact has her mind boggled. She cannot understand it and cannot accept it. She does not realize that your eyes have been opened to the deception she had been perpetrating on you for all those years and in your ignorance, you lapped it up no questions asked. You changed from an old teenager into a mature adult almost overnight and your eyes were opened to the reality of your situation.

 

As a rhetorical suggestion I would say that once your divorce is done and dusted, sit her down and explain everything to her. It may help her to come to terms with her reality and may stop her from bothering you in the future. My only concern is what I stated at the start of this post. She seems to be on the verge of a complete meltdown. Just keep an eye out for it. You wouldn't want her to hurt herself or you in any way. Warm wishes.

Edited October 13, 2017 by Just a Guy

[BluesPower]

Hi FTL, Sorry to see you on the horns of a dilemma. From what you've written is seems likely that your stbx wife is on the verge of a complete meltdown. She has lost all support and except for the OM she has no one to turn to. By badgering you she is hoping to revive some sympathy within you and is counting on the fact that you were her rock for so many years, someone she could depend on even though she never did appreciate your sterling qualities all those years. She could twist you the way she wanted and now all of a sudden you have turned into a stubborn mule and are not dancing to her tune. I think this one fact has her mind boggled. She cannot understand it and cannot accept it. She does not realize that your eyes have been opened to the deception she had been perpetrating on you for all those years and in your ignorance, you lapped it up no questions asked. You changed from an old teenager into a mature adult almost overnight and your eyes were opened to the reality of your situation.

 

As a rhetorical suggestion I would say that once your divorce is done and dusted, sit her down and explain everything to her. It may help her to come to terms with her reality and may stop her from bothering you in the future. My only concern is what I stated at the start of this post. She seems to be on the verge of a complete meltdown. Just keep an eye out for it. You wouldn't want her to hurt herself or you in any way. Warm wishes.

 

FTL, I do think that after you finish the divorce you may want to tell her that you do and have known everything. Maybe it will help her in the long run.

 

What you just heard her do it the typical "Rewriting of marital history".

 

They have to continue living in their own personal alternate reality in order to not face what they have actually done to you and your family.

 

You were so strong while she was pulling all of that, we are proud of you.

 

Just understand that she will continue to do this until you show her that you know everything and that you have known the whole time.

 

My ExW does not even acknowledge the fact that she was a drug addict for 20 years, and let's not talk about her affairs. And she wonders why I hate her guts.

 

You stay strong and keep moving forward with the divorce...

[road]

Float, you need to tell your WW that if she wanted

to save her marriage why is she still cheating with

her OM.

 

Then tell all the dates and times that you know

they have met up. Then be quiet and let her offer

her poor excuse.

 

Then follow that excuse with if you wanted me

you would not still be hooking up with the OM.

 

Then let her deny it with the OM and I just talk.

 

Then tell her do you think I was born yesterday,

no man would believe that you and the OM are

just talking.

 

She insists then give her the fine we will polygraph

you to get to the bottom.

 

Dollars to doughnuts the OM upon hearing that WW

is getting divorced does not want her or the kids

full time. Just some side action.

 

If you want your WW to leave you alone and to shut

up then you need to have this conversation. That is

if that is your goal.

[elaine567]

She said she's so worried about the kids being taken care of properly when they are at my house after the divorce. She said that I did all the fun stuff and she did all the discipline, and the kids will get away with everything when they are with me. She said that she's the one that has raised them all this time, not me. I said I've raised them for 14 years, HOW DARE YOU!

 

You appear to have a very short memory.

I suggest you read your first post here again.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/627189-i-pushed-her-her-breaking-point-she-cheated-me

[FloatingThroughLife]

You appear to have a very short memory.

I suggest you read your first post here again.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/627189-i-pushed-her-her-breaking-point-she-cheated-me

 

My first post was written at the lowest point I've ever been in my life. I was feeling sorry for myself and to be perfectly honest, it was my wife talking. Or rather, it was me saying what my wife has ingrained in me and my sense of self worth over the last 16 years.

 

The truth is we raised the kids together as equals until they were old enough to go to school. Once that happened, I spent way, way more time with the kids than my wife ever did. I woke them up in the morning and made breakfast. I made sure they brushed their teeth and got ready for school on time. I drove them to school. I volunteered at school. I took the kids to all the birthday parties and mingled with the other parents. I made them dinner when I got home from work. I got them ready for bed. I can count on one hand the number of times my wife gave me a "break" in the morning and got the kids ready so I could go into work early. I took the kids to museums. I volunteered in my son's Cub Scout pack. I was there every meeting. I can count on one hand the number of meetings my wife attended in the 6 years our son was a Cub. I took the kids camping. I took them to book fairs. I took them to the zoo. I took them to the library. I took them to school events. I took them to church every Sunday.

 

Every time my wife had a day off, she would send the kids away to my dad's so she could have a day to clean the house uninterrupted. It wasn't to spend time with the kids, or to teach them how to do chores. She had to do them because nobody else would do them correctly.

 

I have owned up to the fact that I may not have been a great husband, but I don't believe for one second that I haven't been the best father I can be since the birth of my first child.

[Mr Blunt]

Quote by FloatingThroughLife

She went on and on about everything. She thinks I'm selfish, she thinks I put myself before her and the kids, she thinks I'm disrespecting her by not talking to her about anything.

She said that I did all the fun stuff and she did all the discipline, and the kids will get away with everything when they are with me.

She said she hasn't cut contact with the OM because he's one of the only friends she has left

She is repeating what she has said to you in the past; the same message with different words. FloatingThroughLife, YOU are to blame for her betrayal, then she tries using the children for her benefit and says that you will be a bad parent. Finally she tops it all off with telling you that she is justified in STILL being with the OM because he is the only friend that she has.

 

FTL, your wife is emotional and desperate because she betrayed the whole family, refuses to accept responsibility, is trying to blame you, and is still thinking about herself and NOT YOU. She is also very desperate because you are not letting her treat you like a door mat. I see absolutely no remorse at all from your wife but I see a lot of ME, ME ,ME!

 

FTL, what are you doing to build yourself back up after your wife has torn you down?

[FloatingThroughLife]

I just had this stupid idea. She's at the OM's apartment right now and I was considering taking an 8x10 photo of us and ripping it down the middle, then driving over there and putting it in her car window so she sees it when she leaves. This is stupid, right? Too passive aggressive and would induce unnecessary drama...

 

EDIT: Yeah, this is stupid. I don't want to wake up by being stabbed by her. There was one night where I was awake but pretending to sleep and she stood over me for, probably 5-10 seconds, but it felt like an eternity. I'm just tired and annoyed right now.

Edited October 14, 2017 by FloatingThroughLife

[FloatingThroughLife]

Why not just get the divorce finalized quickly instead?

 

Who cares if she knows you know?

 

YOU know what she's doing -just make it end quickly!

 

You're absolutely right. I am just focused on getting the house ready to sell right now. At least when that's done I won't have to live with her anymore.

[road]

Float, you need to tell your WW that if she wanted

to save her marriage why is she still cheating with

her OM.

 

Then tell all the dates and times that you know

they have met up. Then be quiet and let her offer

her poor excuse.

 

Then follow that excuse with if you wanted me

you would not still be hooking up with the OM.

 

Then let her deny it with the OM and I just talk.

 

Then tell her do you think I was born yesterday,

no man would believe that you and the OM are

just talking.

 

She insists then give her the fine we will polygraph

you to get to the bottom.

 

Dollars to doughnuts the OM upon hearing that WW

is getting divorced does not want her or the kids

full time. Just some side action.

 

If you want your WW to leave you alone and to shut

up then you need to have this conversation. That is

if that is your goal.

 

I just had this stupid idea. She's at the OM's apartment right now and I was considering taking an 8x10 photo of us and ripping it down the middle, then driving over there and putting it in her car window so she sees it when she leaves. This is stupid, right? Too passive aggressive and would induce unnecessary drama...

 

EDIT: Yeah, this is stupid. I don't want to wake up by being stabbed by her. There was one night where I was awake but pretending to sleep and she stood over me for, probably 5-10 seconds, but it felt like an eternity. I'm just tired and annoyed right now.

 

Something not stupid to do is to follow the first quote.

[usa1ah]

I just had this stupid idea. She's at the OM's apartment right now and I was considering taking an 8x10 photo of us and ripping it down the middle, then driving over there and putting it in her car window so she sees it when she leaves. This is stupid, right? Too passive aggressive and would induce unnecessary drama...

 

EDIT: Yeah, this is stupid. I don't want to wake up by being stabbed by her. There was one night where I was awake but pretending to sleep and she stood over me for, probably 5-10 seconds, but it felt like an eternity. I'm just tired and annoyed right now.

 

I think I would actually do this.

 

But along with the torn photo I would add a list of the times she was at the OM’s house. With a note saying “No one would believe you have spent all this time with him JUST talking. If you would be so kind just move in with him already.”

[FloatingThroughLife]

I switched my direct deposit into a separate bank account last Friday. My wife noticed today when she was paying bills. She's super pissed. Should I have told her beforehand? I told her to give me a list of what bills need to be paid and I will pay them, but she's demanding I pay them with her tonight. She's saying I created a mess and she's not playing games. She's asking what else I am hiding. I'm scared about how tonight is going to go.

[hammyy2k]

i would avoid all the drama, but its just me, my personality

 

i think any drama is a waste of time and energy and unnecessary stress

 

i would just prepare for exist in the best way possible, as soon as possible

Edited October 19, 2017 by hammyy2k

[road]

I switched my direct deposit into a separate bank account last Friday. My wife noticed today when she was paying bills. She's super pissed. Should I have told her beforehand? I told her to give me a list of what bills need to be paid and I will pay them, but she's demanding I pay them with her tonight. She's saying I created a mess and she's not playing games. She's asking what else I am hiding. I'm scared about how tonight is going to go.

 

Stay calm dealing with the WW. She is trying

to make it hard for you to go through with the

divorce.

[Marc878]

You need to look at her as not your problem anymore.

 

After what she is and done why are you afraid of her.

 

Cut your codependency and move forward.

[Marc878]

I switched my direct deposit into a separate bank account last Friday. My wife noticed today when she was paying bills. She's super pissed. Should I have told her beforehand? I told her to give me a list of what bills need to be paid and I will pay them, but she's demanding I pay them with her tonight. She's saying I created a mess and she's not playing games. She's asking what else I am hiding. I'm scared about how tonight is going to go.

 

It's what you should have done. You have to protect yourself.

 

Why in the hell does it matter what she thinks?

[usa1ah]

I switched my direct deposit into a separate bank account last Friday. My wife noticed today when she was paying bills. She's super pissed. Should I have told her beforehand? I told her to give me a list of what bills need to be paid and I will pay them, but she's demanding I pay them with her tonight. She's saying I created a mess and she's not playing games. She's asking what else I am hiding. I'm scared about how tonight is going to go.

 

Why!

 

She can rant and rave all she wants. She is screwing someone else. Tell her that you are preventing your money from being used by her for the affair she is having.

[FloatingThroughLife]

I'm not worried what she thinks, I'm worried about what she will do... I will try to remain calm and not say much, but hold my ground.